The Feminist Dating Show

We are back with another listener Q&A episode. This week, Lily answers a question about feeling anxious and embarrassed about being "late to the dating party." The listener's question went something like this:

"I'm 37 and have no dating experience. I haven't even had a first kiss yet. It's been an area of great stress for me. How do I break out of this unhelpful mindset and cycle of inaction and start the process of dating while also protecting my well-being?"

This is such a juicy and common question! Lily offers coaching and advice on overcoming hard feelings about being late to the party, explains how to practice self-compassion, and shares steps to creating a clear and courageous path forward.

Hot-takes and how-tos covered in this episode include:

• What if your no-dating experience didn't mean anything about you?

• A reminder that thoughts are not facts

• How to take care of your nervous system and feel your feelings effectively

Links: The Brazen BreakthroughFollow Date Brazen on InstagramFollow Date Brazen on TikTokHow to make dating feel like an act of self-careEpisode 145: Liz's courageous journey to finding love Episode 135: How to create your essence-based preferences Episode 136: Where do I even START? Burnout, Emily Nagoski

Show notes: http://datebrazen.com/blog/am-i-too-late

Have we got a show for you this week?! Lily welcomes former Brazen Breakthrough client Liz to share the building blocks she used to attract the love of her life. In this episode, Liz opens up about the importance of using essence-based preferences, learning to ask for what she wants, and how she did courageous things in her dating life. The episode promises many "aha" moments and includes a powerful statement from Liz, which we hope resonates with you!

Featured topics include:

• Liz describes what it was like to be stalled in her dating life and why she decided to go to Lily for help

• How qualifying and disqualifying questions helped Liz define what she actually wanted

• Liz describes what it was like to believe in herself

• We hear how Liz navigated her experience of coming out as bisexual and sharing her love story with others

Links:

The Brazen Breakthrough

Follow Date Brazen on Instagram

Follow Date Brazen on TikTok

Show notes:

http://datebrazen.com/blog/liz-courageous-journey-to-finding-love

This week, Lily is joined by dating coach B. Marie Sanders, LCPC, to chat about the experience of being a single mom in the dating world, as well as, dating as a highly sensitive person (HSP). This conversation offers a valuable perspective on navigating the complexities of dating during single motherhood and/or as an HSP; and provides useful insights into finding acceptance and understanding of yourself and your deepest desires.

Hot-takes and How-tos:

• Some of the harmful narratives single moms hold about dating and ways to work through them

• B. has some insightful advice on how to handle mom guilt about dating

• Why it is important to do the inner work to trust yourself and be aligned with your wants and needs

• Tools and tips for dating as a highly sensitive person

• You can find safety in dating - notice where there is sensitivity and what you can do to create safety while still putting yourself out there

Links: B. Marie Sanders on Instagram 103. Why we choose situationships (and how to get out of this pattern) with therapist Dontea' Mitchell-Hunter 137. Why you don't need to be "chill" in your dating life Follow Date Brazen on Instagram Follow Date Brazen on TikTok

Show notes: http://datebrazen.com/blog/dating-as-a-single-mom-and-hsp-dating-with-b-marie-sanders

Have you ever wondered whether casual sex detracts from finding a partner? This week we delve into another listener question: "Is looking for casual sex and serious dating at the same time distracting from finding true love?" In this episode, Lily discusses her take on the topic. She answers whether or not searching for both casual sex and a serious relationship on separate dating apps is a distraction or not. This episode also explores becoming the CEO of your dating life, where you can decide what works best for you and your deepest desires.

Hot-takes and how-tos:

• Casual sex and its relation to the search for love

• Taking a dating app detox and becoming the CEO of your dating life

• How to run a high-quality experiment that helps you to examine thoughts and beliefs about dating and hookup apps

• There is no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to sex, dating, and your love lif

Links: The Brazen BreakthroughDate Brazen on TikTokDate Brazen on Instagram

Show notes: http://datebrazen.com/blog/does-casual-sex-distract-from-finding-partnership

This week, we are addressing how to move through the feeling of hopelessness in your dating life. Lily answers this listener's question related to feelings after being rejected or ghosted by someone, "Where do I go from here? What advice do you have around staying hopeful?"

It sucks to feel hard feelings, to be ghosted, or rejected. Both, and, it is important to feel your feelings. This episode helps you to identify your emotions, move through them, and come out to the other side with a little more caring and self-compassion for yourself. Plus, Lily shares three steps to take that will lead you to feel hopeful and inspired for your, "What's next?"

Links: The Brazen BreakthroughDate Brazen on TikTokDate Brazen on Instagram127. My response to the question, "Will I just die alone?" 128. The questions you don't say out loud.. 139. Body image and your dating life with Bri Campos140. My bless and release strategy for letting go Kristen Neff, SelfCompassion.org Simone Seol's Joyful Marketing Podcast

Show notes: http://datebrazen.com/blog/move-through-hopelessness

Have you ever wondered if you should sign up for a matchmaking database? This week Lily is answering a listener's question about matchmaking databases and what to consider when thinking about what is the right choice for you. She gives her hot takes from being a professional matchmaker, what questions to ask a matchmaker if you're considering signing up for a service, and more. Whether matchmaking is the direction you take or not, this episode gets to the heart of how to make the BEST, most powerful decision for you.

Links: The Brazen BreakthroughDate Brazen on TikTokDate Brazen on InstagramEpisode 135: How to create your essence-based preferencesEpisode 91: Envision your future partner meditation Episode 131: how your coupled friends can help you

This week Lily brings you an episode about the concept of blessing and releasing. It's a strategy you can use when you are having a hard time letting go of something or someone.

This episode was inspired by a question that was DM'd: How can I let go of someone that I thought was right for me?

In this episode, you'll hear all about how, when, and why to bless and release something. You also can use this method in any facet of life, as a way to bless and release an idea, a boundary, or even a hard decision.

Blessing and releasing is a practice that helps you believe in yourself, choose yourself, and choose your next chapter.

Hot-takes and how-tos:

• When blessing and releasing - don't expect it to be perfect. Expect some complications.
• Trust your inner knowing and make space for complexity.
• WTF to say when you want to bless and release someone

Links: The Brazen BreakthroughDate Brazen on TikTokDate Brazen on Instagram Episode 133: Asking Someone to be Exclusive

Show notes: http://datebrazen.com/blog/bless-and-release

We are talking about a tender topic this week and exploring how to move through hard thoughts and feelings about body image. Joining Lily to discuss things like body grief and perception of self is Body Image Coach and Educator, Bri Campos. Bri offers Body Image Coaching + Education for people who are tired of hating their bodies. She is an LPC, Body Image Coach & Educator, and host of The Body Grievers Club Podcast. Bri is passionate about using the Health at Every Size (HAES) paradigm when it comes to helping clients find freedom with food and peace with their current bodies. We hope you enjoy this episode.

Hot-takes and How-tos:

• "Whatever I feel about my acne or my body jiggling, it does not impact the beliefs I have about myself."

• Bri shares the four aspects of body image

• How fat phobia or ant-fat bias is rooted in racism

• Why when we are talking about body positivity we also must talk about body privilege

• What is "Body Grief" and how to move through it using Bri's Body Grief Formula

Links:Bri's website Bri's Podcast Bri on InstagramDate Brazen on InstagramDate Brazen on TikTok The Body is Not An Apology, Sonya Renee Taylor Fearing the Black Body, Sabrina Strings The Harvard Bias TestsThe Body Liberation Project, Chrissy King

Show notes: http://datebrazen.com/blog/body-image-and-your-dating-life-with-bri-campos

Our brains are good at focusing on the worst-case scenario when it comes to love and life. Well, this week you are invited to believe that the best-case scenario in your dating life is possible! In this episode, Lily explores some best-case scenarios that could happen. And as you listen, we encourage you to let these ideas in. As you acclimate yourself to the potential for things going well, the more ease you will feel engaging with courageous acts.

The best-case scenario is possible right now. Both/and, it's complicated. You are also human. As you listen in, think about how you can indulge in the best-case scenario, today.

Hot-takes from this episode:

• The goal is, "How can I acknowledge what I want and open up a little space to let it in?"

• Ask yourself: What if you get what you want?

• You have your own back so fiercely AND you are the best possible decision-maker for yourself

• Hold yourself in compassion and get all your needs met

Episode links:

The Brazen Breakthrough Coaching Party + Info Session The Brazen Breakthrough Follow Date Brazen on Instagram Follow Date Brazen on TikTokTherapy Jeff on TikTok Kara Lowentheil

We are talking about the concept of what it means to be "chill," in your dating life, how being "chill," might be impacting you negatively, and how to embrace your intensity to find the right partner for you.

In this episode, Lily explores how you might be making yourself feel wrong for being human and encourages you to shed old stories that no longer serve you. Don't be chill because when you are your biggest self, you will attract the right people to you.

Hot-takes from this episode:

• Notice where you are judging yourself for being human.
• Look at where you are intense and how might that be a gift to people in your life. Celebrate your intensity!
• Take up space! Being chill can be a function of trying to belong in a world that would rather you not be too much.
• What it means when someone wants "laidback" - red flag! 🚩

Episode links:

The Brazen Breakthrough Coaching Party + Info SessionThe Brazen Breakthrough Las Culturistas Follow Date Brazen on Instagram Follow Date Brazen on TikTok

Show notes: http://datebrazen.com/blog/dont-be-chill