The Good Mood Clinic Podcast

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Exciting Announcement - Join Our New Group Coaching Program

Exciting News: Join Our New Group Coaching Program for Women –
Date Differently - Secure your place now - SIGN UP BY 26TH OCT AND SAVE!  

Come and join us live for six 90-min group sessions designed to revamp your approach to dating and get you feeling hopeful & confident again!  Plus added bonuses. 

Summary - Introducing our new 6-week online group coaching program for women called Date Differently.  If you're navigating the complexities of dating, struggling with emotionally unavailable partners, or feeling triggered by past patterns, this supportive group coaching experience is designed for you.

The Date Differently program will draw from material in our signature course, The Red Flag Project, which has recently been revamped with new content. This course, hosted on wearebesties.com, covers essential topics like schemas, red flags, and how to avoid emotionally unavailable partners. For anyone joining the Date Differently program, we highly recommends completing the course beforehand (or alongside the group coaching) to get the most out of the sessions.

Key Takeaways:

• Date Differently is a 6-week program starting 6th November, created to help women navigate the dating world with more confidence and self-trust.
• The group sessions will focus on schemas that affect relationship choices, identifying red flags, and making healthier decisions when dating.
• The Red Flag Project course is an essential companion to the coaching program, providing deeper insights into emotional unavailability and dating patterns.

How to Join:

• Date Differently - Group Coaching Program: For more information or to sign up for Date Differently.   SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!

• The Red Flag Project Course: Access the newly revamped course on wearebesties.com/courses. A special discount code is available for a limited time (coupon is HERBESTLIFE).

• Instagram: theredflagprojectofficial

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Special Announcements:

• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

How to Connect for relationship & dating content:

• Website: The Red Flag Project
• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: theredflagprojectofficial

Summary: In this episode, Gemma and Justine explore how the Abandonment Schema impacts dating and relationships. They discuss the core beliefs tied to this schema, such as the fear of being left or replaced, and how it can cause anxiety and insecurity even in the early stages of dating. They dive into how the schema is often triggered by ambiguity in communication, delayed responses, or inconsistent behavior from partners, and how these triggers can lead to overthinking and self-doubt.

They also share practical tips for dating more mindfully with an Abandonment Schema, including identifying red flags early, managing emotional triggers, and setting healthy boundaries to avoid staying in unfulfilling relationships for too long.

Key Takeaways:

• The Abandonment Schema can make dating feel unstable and trigger fears of rejection or being left behind, even when it's not warranted.
• It’s essential to recognize early signs of emotional unavailability and avoid getting stuck in relationships that reinforce old patterns.
• Learn to manage triggers and address abandonment fears through self-awareness, setting boundaries, and focusing on your own needs and well-being.

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Special Announcements:

• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

How to Connect for relationship & dating content:

• Website: The Red Flag Project
• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: theredflagprojectofficial

Summary: In this replay of a popular episode, Gemma and Justine discuss the often-exhausting experience of dating fatigue. They explore why dating can feel so draining, particularly when navigating dating apps, dealing with rejection, or repeatedly encountering emotionally unavailable partners. Whether you're re-entering the dating world after a long-term relationship or have faced a series of short-term connections that haven’t worked out, this episode offers helpful insights into handling the ups and downs of dating.

Gemma and Justine emphasize the importance of social support and authenticity in dating, encouraging listeners to remain grounded and true to themselves. They also dive into common dating mistakes, such as ignoring red flags or putting on personas to appear "perfect" or easygoing. They remind listeners that staying true to yourself is key to building lasting, meaningful connections.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding Dating Fatigue: It's normal to feel exhausted or discouraged when dating, especially after repeated disappointments or endless swiping on apps. Acknowledge that dating can be a "numbers game," but also treat it as an experiment to learn about yourself and others.
• Be Yourself: Avoid putting on a persona or hiding your needs to please someone else. Authenticity is essential, as it leads to attracting partners who value the real you.
• Recognizing Red Flags Early: Pay attention to early signs of emotional unavailability, such as inconsistent communication or avoidance of meeting in person. Spotting these red flags early can help you avoid wasting time on people who aren't right for you.
• Self-Reflection: When dating, reflect on how you're feeling in each interaction. Are you being yourself, or are you trying to mold yourself to fit someone else’s expectations? Trust your instincts and set healthy boundaries.
• The Importance of Social Support: Dating can be challenging, but having a supportive community makes a big difference. Gemma and Justine announce their upcoming 6-week group coaching program, Date Differently, which brings together women navigating similar dating challenges to share experiences and build self-confidence.

Course mentioned:

• Masterclass – Breaking Free from Love-Traps: Understanding the Science of Schema Chemistry: Learn how to break the cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns. Sign up for this self-paced course here.

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Special Announcements:

• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP NOW FOR BIG DISCOUNT
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

How to Connect for relationship & dating content:

• Website: The Red Flag Project
• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: theredflagprojectofficial

Episode Summary:

In this episode, we explore the challenges of navigating casual sex culture and hookup culture, particularly for individuals with abandonment schemas, emotional deprivation schemas, or anxious attachment styles. Join us as we discuss common scenarios, the emotional impacts of casual encounters, and strategies for those seeking meaningful relationships.

Key Discussion Points:

• The Rise of Casual Sex Culture:
  We delve into how dating apps and societal expectations have normalized casual encounters, particularly for women who may feel pressured to conform.
• Understanding Your Emotional Triggers:
  We discuss how casual sex can activate abandonment schemas and emotional wounds, often leading to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety post-encounter.
• Common Scenarios in Dating:
  We share stories of women who experience heartache after one-night stands, leaving them questioning their worth and what went wrong.
• Reframing the Narrative:
  We emphasize the importance of recognizing that there is nothing inherently wrong with you if a casual encounter doesn’t lead to a desired relationship. It's often more about the other person's readiness for commitment.
• Strategies for Healing:
  Practical advice on how to approach dating intentionally and slowly, allowing for emotional healing and self-discovery.
• The Importance of Healthy Boundaries:
  We discuss how setting boundaries can help in finding the right partner and avoiding the pitfalls of casual relationships when seeking something deeper.
• Understanding Male Perspectives:
  Insights into how men may approach relationships differently and how this can affect women's emotional experiences in casual encounters.

Takeaway Messages:

• If you identify with having an abandonment schema, it’s crucial to question whether casual sex aligns with your emotional needs and goals in relationships.
• Building a new narrative around self-worth can lead to healthier dating practices and more fulfilling connections.
• Healing from emotional wounds requires active engagement and sometimes means saying no to casual encounters.

Navigating relationships in today's casual sex culture isn't easy, especially for those with emotional wounds. A conscious approach to dating—taking things slow and understanding your needs—is essential for fostering healthy relationships.

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New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!

In this thoughtful Mailbox episode, Justine and Gemma respond to a listener’s heartfelt question about navigating the confusion between green flags and subtle red flags in a relationship. 'Laura', the listener, describes her experience dating a man who seemed like a wonderful partner—kind, attentive, successful, and emotionally vulnerable. However, despite these positive qualities, Laura noticed subtle signs of emotional detachment and avoidance that left her questioning whether she was overreacting or misinterpreting the situation.

Gemma and Justine guide 'Laura' through the process of recognizing that what she saw as subtle red flags were, in fact, pretty significant signs of deeper issues. They discuss how behaviors like rushing into intimacy, oversharing trauma early on, and withdrawing during difficult conversations are often clear markers of emotional unavailability. These red flags can be easily overlooked when our schemas—particularly abandonment or anxious attachment schemas—get in the way, making us doubt our instincts or take too much responsibility for relationship challenges.

Gemma and Justine emphasize that Laura’s experience is a common one, especially for those whose schemas may cloud their ability to accurately assess a partner’s behavior. They offer practical advice on how to trust your instincts, stay attuned to how you feel in a relationship, and avoid the trap of self-blame when things don’t seem to add up.

Topics discussed:

• Emotional vulnerability vs. trauma bonding: Understanding when vulnerability feels meaningful versus when it’s used to create a quick emotional connection that isn’t sustainable.
• Rushing intimacy: Why too much attention or time too quickly can signal unmet emotional needs in the other person, rather than a healthy, steady connection.
• Emotional withdrawal: How detachment during sex, lack of affection, or avoidance of difficult topics are often red flags for emotional unavailability—even when a partner seems attentive in other areas.
• The role of schemas: How an abandonment schema can lead to self-doubt, causing us to overlook or minimize important warning signs.
• Balancing green and red flags: Why even a relationship filled with positive traits can be problematic if subtle, but significant, red flags are undermining emotional intimacy and trust.

This episode is essential listening for anyone navigating the complexities of dating, especially if you're finding it difficult to interpret mixed signals. Justine and Gemma remind us that trusting your gut and recognizing your schemas can help you make clearer, more empowered decisions in relationships.

Information about private coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine email us: [email protected]

The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook

Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredf

Support the show

Hi, Do you have a question for us? Ask away!

Special Announcements:

• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

In this episode, Gemma & Justine dive into a listener's question that touches on the emotional impact of casual sex, particularly for those who struggle with an abandonment schema. Using a listener’s experience with one-night stands and emotional triggers, we explore how unresolved attachment wounds can complicate what is often thought of as a carefree encounter. They discuss why casual sex may not feel so casual for individuals with abandonment wounds and offer insights into why emotional responses can be heightened in these situations.

Key Takeaways:

• Emotional Attachment During Casual Sex: Even if the intent is to keep things casual, those with an abandonment schema often experience deep emotional responses, which can make casual sex far more complicated.
• The Role of Childhood Trauma: Unmet emotional needs from childhood, such as parental abandonment or lack of care, can resurface during intimate encounters, leading to feelings of vulnerability or sadness.
• Understanding the Schema’s Influence: Individuals with an abandonment schema may unconsciously seek emotional connection and validation during casual encounters, despite knowing logically that the interaction is meant to be non-committal.
• Navigating "Situationships": Long-term casual sexual relationships may develop emotional attachments, further reinforcing feelings of rejection and abandonment when the other partner doesn’t reciprocate deeper connection.
• Healing and Moving Forward: Gemma and Justine encourage setting boundaries and communicating needs clearly, while also doing the inner work to heal the wounded child. This helps avoid reinforcing harmful emotional patterns and promotes healthier relationships.

Tips for Listeners:

• Recognize Your Emotional Needs: If casual sex leaves you feeling hurt or triggered, it’s essential to acknowledge the role your abandonment schema may be playing.
• Be Honest With Yourself: Are you hoping for something more from your partner? It’s crucial to recognize when you’re longing for a deeper emotional connection that the other person may not be able to provide.
• Set Clear Boundaries: If casual sex is not working for you emotionally, it might be time to reassess your boundaries and be upfront about what you want from your relationships.
• Focus on Healing: Work on healing your core abandonment wounds through therapy or self-reflection to reduce vulnerability in intimate situations.

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In this episode, we unpack the complexities of the entitlement schema—a schema that's often linked to narcissistic traits and one that rarely brings individuals to therapy. Unlike schemas like abandonment or self-sacrifice, those with an entitlement schema often believe their way of thinking is justified, which makes it hard to seek change. We explore how this schema is formed, how it manifests in relationships, and what it takes for someone to recognize and work on it. This episode is particularly useful for those in relationships with someone exhibiting entitlement or for parents wanting to avoid fostering this trait in their children.

Key Points Discussed:

1. Entitlement Schema Basics:
   • Entitlement schema involves a belief that one’s needs and desires trump others, often without consideration for reciprocity.
   • Unlike other schemas, those with entitlement often don’t recognize it as a problem, making it difficult for them to seek help.
2. Connection to Narcissism:
   • The entitlement schema is closely linked to narcissism, with individuals often displaying a lack of empathy, grandiosity, and demanding behavior.
   • People with this schema rarely self-reflect and are usually satisfied with their approach to life, making therapy engagement rare.
3. Two Main Origins of Entitlement:
   • Overindulgence in Childhood: Children who grow up without learning limits or consequences may develop a sense of entitlement.
   • Overcompensation for Emotional Deprivation: Those who felt unseen or neglected may overcompensate by developing an entitlement schema to meet their unmet needs in adulthood.
4. Entitlement in Relationships:
   • Entitlement can cause significant strain in relationships, often pairing with someone who feels under-entitled or self-sacrificing.
   • These dynamics lead to an imbalance, with the entitled partner often making decisions unilaterally and disregarding the needs of others.
5. Challenges in Therapy:
   • People with an entitlement schema may only seek therapy when their relationships are on the rocks or they are losing important connections.
   • Therapy focuses on building rapport and slowly confronting the entitlement through empathic confrontation, helping the person recognize the impact of their behavior.
6. How to Recognize Entitlement in a Partner:
   • Lack of empathy or curiosity about your needs.
   • Always prioritizing their own desires and making decisions without consultation.
   • Low tolerance for frustration, impulsivity, or demanding behavior.
7. Managing Entitlement in Relationships:
   • Establishing clear boundaries is key, but can lead to pushback or anger from the entitled partner.
   • Partners often feel like they need to subjugate their own needs, which can lead to long-term resentment and emotional exhaustion.

Takeaway Message: Recognizing and addressing entitlement in relationships is challenging but necessary. It requires both partners to work on understanding schemas and finding healthier ways to communicate and meet each other’s needs. For those with an entitlement schema, change is possible, but it takes time, empathy, and a willingness to confront deep-seated patterns.

Information about private therapy/coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine email us: [email protected]

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Episode Summary:
Dr Gemma Gladstone and Justine Corry dive into the Failure Schema, a schema that is often overlooked but can be profoundly impactful in many areas of life, particularly in achievement and work-related contexts. They explore how this schema manifests, its origins, and how it often intertwines with other schemas such as defectiveness, dependence, and even unrelenting standards.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding the Failure Schema: The Failure Schema is a pervasive belief that one is destined to fail or is inherently inadequate, especially when compared to others. It often surfaces in academic, career, and achievement-related areas.
• Origins and Development: This schema may develop from childhood experiences such as being labeled as "slow," having learning difficulties, or growing up with unrealistic expectations from parents. It can also be linked to feeling inadequate compared to siblings or peers.
• Coping Styles: The failure schema can lead to various coping behaviors, including avoidance (not trying new things due to fear of failure), surrender (believing fully in the schema and setting low standards for oneself), and overcompensation (attempting to prove the schema wrong by setting unrealistic goals).
• Self-Sabotage: One of the most significant ways the failure schema manifests is through self-sabotage, where individuals might avoid challenges, procrastinate, or engage in behaviors that ensure they fail, thus reinforcing the schema.
• Interrelation with Other Schemas: The failure schema often does not exist in isolation. It may be accompanied by schemas like defectiveness (feeling inherently flawed) or unrelenting standards (setting impossibly high standards to avoid failure).

Practical Advice:

• Challenge the Schema: Start by identifying the origins of your failure schema. Reflect on past experiences that may have contributed to its development and consider alternative explanations for these experiences.
• Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Overcoming the failure schema requires pushing through the fear of failure and taking risks. Setting achievable goals and gradually exposing yourself to new challenges can help shift this deep-seated belief.
• Break the Cycle: Recognize the coping behaviors that reinforce the failure schema and actively work to change them. Whether it's avoidance, surrender, or overcompensation, addressing these patterns is key to overcoming the schema.

CONNECT WITH US

The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook

Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.

Instagram
Facebook

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

Information about private therapy/coaching with Gemma or Justine email us: [email protected]

Support the show

Hi, Do you have a question for us? Ask away!

Special Announcements:

• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

Episode Summary: In this episode, Gemma Gladstone tackles a listener's question about break-up recovery and the elusive concept of closure.  Drawing from her extensive experience as a therapist over the last 25 years, she provides practical advice on healing after a painful breakup, what to do and what not to do as well as managing lingering feelings.

Key Points:

1. Introduction to Listener's Question:
   • A listener, referred to as "Lisa," shares her experience of a difficult breakup with a partner who exhibited love-bombing behavior.
   • Lisa is conflicted about seeking closure by expressing her feelings to her ex versus moving on without further contact.
2. Understanding Love Bombing:
   • Gemma explains the dynamics of love bombing and its association with narcissistic traits.
   • The importance of recognizing red flags early in relationships.
3. Healing Tips Post-Breakup:
   • No Contact Rule: Avoid all forms of contact with the ex-partner, including social media, to facilitate healing.
   • Avoid Rumination: Recognize and interrupt patterns of overthinking and counterfactual thinking to prevent emotional stagnation.
   • Validate Your Emotions: Acknowledge and accept your feelings of grief and sadness as a natural part of the healing process.
4. Mindfulness and Self-Compassion:
   • Techniques to become aware of and manage unhelpful thoughts.
   • The role of self-compassion in validating and soothing your emotional pain.
5. Avoiding Rebound Relationships:
   • The dangers of jumping into new relationships or casual encounters too soon.
   • The importance of self-reflection and understanding personal patterns before starting a new relationship.
6. The Concept of Closure:
   • Differentiating between seeking resolution and seeking closure.
   • Understanding that closure often involves needing something from the other person, which may not always be possible.
   • The importance of finding closure within oneself rather than relying on external validation or apologies.

CONNECT WITH US

The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook

Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

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Information about private therapy/coaching with Gemma or Justine email us: [email protected]

 In today's episode, Gemma explores the impact of Defensiveness on relationships, its root causes, and practical steps to overcome it.

Key Points:

1. Defensive Phrases:
   • Common examples: "It's not my fault," "You always," "You never," "You're overreacting."
   • Recognize these as signs of defensiveness.
2. Impact on Relationships:
   • Defensiveness is a relationship killer, identified by John and Julie Gottman as one of the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse."
   • High levels of defensiveness can predict relationship breakup and divorce.
3. Triggers and Responses:
   • Often triggered by low to medium-level criticisms or requests from a partner.
   • Immediate emotional responses include feelings of threat, anger, and injustice.
4. Behavioral Patterns:
   • Refusing to acknowledge wrongdoing.
   • Redirecting blame or overly justifying actions.
   • Counterattacking or withdrawing.
5. Underlying Causes:
   • Common schemas involved: defectiveness, emotional deprivation, mistrust, subjugation.
   • Often stems from childhood experiences with critical or narcissistic parents.
6. Steps to Overcome Defensiveness:
   • Reflect on defensive incidents when calm.
   • Identify triggers and feelings.
   • Recognize the part of yourself you're defending.
   • Acknowledge and validate your vulnerable inner child.
   • Reassure the defensive part of you that you're now an adult and safe.
   • Practice responding calmly and reasonably.
7. Practical Exercise:
   • Sit quietly and recall a recent defensive episode.
   • Identify your reaction and underlying feelings.
   • Visualize a conversation with your inner child and defender.
   • Reassure them and imagine a healthier response in future interactions.

Conclusion: Defensiveness is common but can be managed with self-awareness and compassionate inner dialogue. Reflect, identify triggers, and practice calm responses to improve relationship dynamics.

CONNECT WITH US

The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook

Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.

Instagram
Facebook

Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

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