We can come up with plenty of reasons to convince someone we’re right and they’re wrong. None of them matter, however, and it has nothing to do with them.

We feel compelled to convince people when WE feel insecure. “Look at it from my side so I can feel better about my position.” The problem is, it doesn’t change their opinion, even if they say it does. How willing are you to listen to someone who says you’re wrong or what you believe is wrong? You are automatically on the defense.

This is different from healthy discourse, which is the sharing of ideas. It’s when your goal is to change the other person’s opinion in order to validate your own.

Deeper than the interaction with others is what you convince yourself of first. Why? Look at where you place meaning, your own and the values you hold outside of you. Question them and you will see is the truth about your motivation.

So what’s the antidote? Being vulnerable and trusting yourself. It’s not a zero-sum-game with a winner and a loser. If you look at it that way, you both lose. I’ve got 5 tips for when you find yourself trying to convince someone of your position. Download here for free: http://bit.ly/1NHyWfs