The Importance of Gains:

What is a gain?  It is a positive outcome we receive through a choice we make or a choice we do not make.  

An example:  I gained my peace of mind by not going back to the dysfunctional person.

Why does this matter?  Gains are the benefits we receive with a positive, healthy change.  If we let ourselves recognize and magnify the gain, it helps our body adapt and adjust quickly to the new state of affairs rather than linger in the yearning, seeking, or rumination on the positives of the other situation.

Gains can be determined by identifying:

1) What you gained with the choice

2) What you avoided with the choice


You can amplify them by:

1) Adding significance to the gain.  "Wow, I really did avoid more pain there.  That's really, really important to me and my well-being."

2) Adding praise to yourself: "Wow, I really did avoid more pain there. I am so proud of myself for doing that for me."

3) Allowing them to take up more emotional space in your body and experience than you normally would. Allow them to be bigger


The key to gains working for you is believing their inherent importance and worth and letting yourself FEEL them.

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Join my monthly workshops where we explore a specific element of healing codependency and put into practice a solution for that element.  Click here to learn this month's topic and enroll:  https://workshop.freetheself.com

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Course Links:

FOUNDATION: To exit the survival phase of codependency and enter real healing and creation, you must develop emotional safety, social belonging, and independent self worth. I call these the Three Necessities, and they are what causes your body to start advocating instead of functioning from codependency.  You cannot have peace, freedom, healthy relationships with these solidly in place.

Foundation guides you step-by-step in creating real emotional safety, belonging, and self-worth over 15 weeks.  If you're ready to be done with the pain, shame, and chaos codependency brings to your life, start here.  

Get details and your seat here: https://foundation.freetheself.com