A Codependent Mind

In this episode we discuss the importance of self knowledge in relationships - what it is, what happens in its absence, how to get it and how it functions. 

00:02:22 Codependency as self erasure

You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 

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If lying forms the basis of codependency then the antidote must be telling the truth. Unfortunately it is not that simple (or that easy!) In this episode we discuss the powerful tool that is the truth and how to learn to wield it safely and effectively. 

Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us. 

Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 

00:04:09 Lying vs Truth Telling

Building on the last episode's discussion of lying, we talk about how to act less like a lawyer and more like a detective when trying to answer the question "am I being codependent?"

00:00:28 Am I Being Codependent?

Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 

Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us. 

In honor of Brian's birthday, get the e-book FREE on Amazon from Nov. 14 - Nov. 18. https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency-ebook/dp/B0CYB1K31V

Relationship tools are neither good nor bad on their own. In this episode we talk about three tools that are pervasive in relationships marked by codependency - lying, resentment and defensiveness. These were Brian's go-to tools in Brian's relationship toolbox. He learned how to use them very early in childhood in order to neutralize relationship threats. As an adult, however, they have not served him well and using them in our relationship caused a lot of damage. 

Mentioned in this episode:

Season 4, episode 4: Trust (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6db6d080/s4-4-codependency-and-relationships-trust)

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 

00:02:46 Lying as a Core Codependent Behavior

Curiosity is an important tool for doing the relationship work of fostering understanding and deepening connection. In this episode we discuss  the transformative power of curiosity, drawing on philosophical insights and evolutionary psychology. We explore how Brian's curiosity was stifled—both by external influences, like critical relationships, and internal struggles, such as fear and disassociation. By recognizing these patterns, he has learned to shift from a defensive posture to an active pursuit of knowledge and emotional exploration which has been critical for our relationship.

In this episode:

00:01:44 What is Curiosity and Where Does it Come From?

Season 4 -#13 Codependency and Relationships: You, Me, Us (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6e1bf1f4/s4-13-codependency-and-relationships-you-me-us)

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 

Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]

Have you've been told or have you told yourself that 'relationships take work' as a reason to accept behaviours or a relationship that is not serving your needs? This season is about relationship tools, but we shouldn't use these tools to make a relationship work that isn't serving us. So what does 'work' mean in the to the context of a loving, healthy relationship? Brian and Stephanie discuss in the to the context of their relationship. 

In this episode:

00:01:56 Relationship Work in Childhood

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 

Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]

Experiencing relational trauma and subsequent relationship disorders, whether codependency, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, BPD can make empathy challenging. Not that the feelings aren't there, but often the empathetic system is so wounded that it is difficult to stay in a place of empathetic responsiveness. But empathy is a critical tool in forming and maintaining intimate relationships. In this episode we discuss the role of empathy in our relationship, Brian's experience with empathetic woundedness and how he overcame them. 

00:00:37 What are we calling 'empathy'

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 

In Season 7, we return to the theme of Season 4 with episodes that focus on relationships. What are some of the tools, concepts and practices that we feel keep our connection strong and loving? In this episode, we discuss a tool that is not generally applied to relationships - the Lean Startup Methodology (https://theleanstartup.com/principles). People with codependent habits often get in to relationships very quickly and then spend an enormous amount of time and energy 'making the relationship work.' Applying Lean Startup encourages us to redirect that energy into answering the question - 'should this relationship exist?' We discuss how to start your relationships in a Lean way and how we use the methodology in our lives.

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 

00:04:03 The Lean Startup Methodology

Thank you for listening!

Brian and Stephanie discuss what they learned in writing the book including the role of Brian's mother, the similarities between narcissism and codependency, the power of re-writing stories and the intrangency of the codependent habits. 

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

Thank you for listening, reading and reviewing!

**The audiobook will only be available from the podcast until August 8, 2024. It will still be on Amazon, Spotify and other platforms for purchase.

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

In this chapter, Brian describes tackling the core codependent behaviors—feeling responsible for others' emotions, compliance, caretaking, people pleasing, compromising boundaries—that had been his default since childhood. Even after healing from the trauma and emotional wounds, he needed a new way of relating to people, seeing and valuing himself as an individual, and embracing an active role in his life. Identifying these codependent behaviors and their underlying motivations, like people pleasing out of fear rather than empathy, was essential. Recognizing signs of powerlessness, such as resentment, defensiveness, and dishonesty, helped him shift to personal agency. Awareness of his emotional responses and practicing being okay with disappointing others was also key to breaking free from these patterns. Healing from codependency has been about cultivating honest, authentic, and connected relationships.

00:02:05 Getting to Know Myself

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 

If you are enjoying listening to the book, please leave a review on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review/?ie=UTF8&channel=glance-detail&asin=B0CYH7TMZ1