Covert narcissists fly under the radar. It can be very difficult to identify them before they have psychologically ambushed you. Polite, humble, soft spoken, respectful in manner, the covert narcissist conceals his/her true nature with great skill. They are at your service, appear to be good listeners and are clever actors of pseudo empathy. In the first moves the covert narcissist appears to be very sincere. He/she has your best interests at heart. This is the bait and the trap. 

All the while the covert narcissist is sizing you up. These individuals have taken your measure and know that by romancing you and becoming an indispensable part of your life that they will own your feelings and possess you psychologically. 

Whether it is direct or covert, the narcissist is a user who only becomes involved with those whom he/she can use and increase his power and economic reach. 

Protect yourself. Narcissists are users and abusers. You can learn to identify the covert narcissist with great skill. 

Turn you attention to your self care: rest, sleep, hydration, nourishing food, expressive writing, beautiful music, sublime Nature.  Embrace your unique creative individuality. 

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Our hearts are drawn quickly and beat fiercely with someone who is irresistible. That often is a narcissistic man or woman.  They have our "numbers", are often very attractive and compelling. They give us so much attention in the beginning. The narcissist always wants something from us and it is not our welfare or peace of mind, or our creative, psychological or spiritual well being. 

There is a strong human tendency to repeat patterns of behavior, especially those that are hurtful to us. Many children of narcissistic parents marry narcissists. It is not unusual for them to step into a marriage with someone who has fooled them completely with a grandiose false self full of confidence and who appears to care deeply about them.

If you suspect that your intended man or woman is a narcissist, remember what you learned about the characteristics of the narcissistic personality:

Narcissists are clever actors who convince others that they truly care about them.

Narcissists are consumed with creating and maintaining with their perfect image.

Does this individual over promise? Is he or she very grandiose and could possibly be delusional?

Is he or she the Golden Boy or Golden Girl in the family?

Does this person lack true empathy? The capacity to put yourself emotionally and psychologically in another person's place.  Are they skilled at pseudo empathy?

How often are you catching him/her in lies? Narcissists are gifted liars. 

Narcissistic personalities are not inclined to change. After all, they believe they are perfect and live in a delusion of their own making. 

Prepare personally by putting the emphasis on taking vey good care of yourself. Take time to listen to music, spontaneous writing with a pen and your imagination, exercise in the way that works for you, good nutrition and hydration, a spiritual practice as you define it. Get the sleep and rest that you deserve. Seek anf find the beauty of Nature, our restorative, healing, transformational source. Ackowledge and feel deep inside an appreciation for who you really are: genuine, unique, talented, creative: a person of vision, empathy and integrity. 

I have great faith in you and know that you will prevail. Let your light shine!

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Daughters of narcissistic mothers have a particularly difficult pathway to travel. From childhood they have had to contend with mothers who were cold, distracted, self-absorbed, coercive, dismissive, manipulative and psychologically destructive. Their children are at their mercy and whim. Their daughters are an ongoing source of narcissistic supply to this non-mother.  

Adult daughters of narcissistic mothers have to contend with maternal deprivation, perpetrated by these mothers from hell. 

The daughter of a narcissistic mothers is very special...She is a survivor, a beautiful human being who has prevailed over the psychological gulags of childhood to emerge as a vibrant, loving, creative individual. 

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Psychological fusion represents the need to identify and merge with the high level narcissist.  This occurs as a result of emotional and psychological deficits and causes a sense of being incomplete as an individual. 

Those who experience this fusion seek the high level narcissist for validation and a sense of worth and purpose.

The causes of psychological fuson can be the result of childhood trauma, maternal deprivation and abandonment issues.

You feel emotionally damaged, less than, incomplete with feelings of worthlessness, guilt, lacking value and importance as an individual. 

Each time that you return to the high level narcissist you put yourself in the hands of this unempathic, controlling individual 

At a time of insight and deep understanding you decide to separate from the high level narcissist with the practice of self care: going at your own pace, sleep and rest that you deserve, healing and restoration through Nature, activating your unique creativity, movement and exercise that works for you.  

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Classic narcissists are bombastic and charismatic, running through their days in the fast lane---always moving to their next cascade of narcissistic supplies. If they are very successful they have more opportunities to be adored, praised and rewarded hnadsomely in this current world of rampant pathological narcissism. Those at the top of their game don't do the hard work. They have adoring followers, psychologically dependent individuals, hangers on, at their beck and call. 

If you have narcissists in your family, you are keenly aware of how they demean and/or ignore you or both. 

Since they have no internal psychological consciousness or a well developed conscience, they move swiftly and smoothly through their professional and personal lives with ruthless abandon. They choose partners whom they can dominate and control. They ignore their children or choose only those who will become their living ego supplies---little narcissists who will grow up to be just like them.

Narcissists are peripatetic---They always have their engines running. They go from one project to the next--one trip to the next---one acquisition to the next--one partner to the next---, etc. 

They jauntily move along in the conversation to tell you about how swimmingly their lives are going, how busy they are, what they are achieving and don't forget---"their successes." I am talking about their all out bragging when the other person is going through a very tough time and needs to be heard. I find this kind of interchange to be nauseating and cruel. 

Remind yourself that you are genuine and that having psychological ordeals is part of our authenticity with real feelings and deep caring for others as well as oneself. 

You are not deluded. You do not brag about yourself. You are highly empathic and care deeply about the feelings, the problems and the tough issues of others: family members, friends, spouses, etc. You are the opposite of the narcissist. 

Give yourself credit for being a true individual who is growing and evolving. Know that this is a process that takes time and effort and that you are moving toward developing a stronger, expanded true self. (The narcissist is a false self that leads his/her entire days in delusion.) 

Practice the self care each day: rest and get the sleep that you deserve, eat nourishing food--organic if you can, use your creative gifts, create a spiritual practice as you understand this. Spend time with Nature--beautiful, restorative, transformational!  

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Some grandiose narcissists are egomanical. Their bloated sense of self is without boundaries. They are delusional, believing that they are all powerful, omniscient, demi gods.

They are obsessed with obtaining and maintaining the highest levels of raw power and control over others in their orbits.

Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life: "The narcissist fabricates delusions that protect his/her belief in limitless power. The narcissist holds fast to his bloated self images...for him these are irrefutable and immutable truths. His core beliefs are unshakable: "There is nothing I can't do, I have no limits. I'm perfect---everyone else is mediocre and inferior. I will win at all costs."

Grandiose narcissist create thickets of lies. They lie automatically and take great pleasure in lying to you in a variety of ways. The focus is always on them and what they can get and take from you. 

Grandiose narcissists control you by manufactoring an empty promise that you will become part of their unique, golden circle of followers who are treated as special and unique.  

Shameless to the highest degree, the grandiose narcissist does not have a fully developed conscience. 

Highly exploitive, the grandiose narcissist treats others with disrespect and disdain.  

For them, you are expendable, like a used wrapper thrown to the winds.

Delirious with greed grandiose narcissists can't stop themselves from obsessive acquisition of  properties, money, trusts, investments. 

At a time of awakening you recognize that you need to separate from the delusional, psychopathollogical world of the grandiose narcissist. 

Practice self care each day: rest and sleep that you need and deserve, eat nourishing food, movement and exercise, quieting the mind or meditation for calming and focus. Listen to beautiful music that puts you in a restorative healing mode. 

Celebrate your essence---your unique individuality!

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From the time he/she was very young, the budding narcissist was convinced that he was brilliant, talented, resourceful, socially gifted at magnetizing people to him/her. Often the golden child, these individuals are exceedingly self entitled, overflowing with hubris. 

They are convinced that they are perfect--superior to others in every respect. These beliefs and convictions become an integral core of the budding narcissist, especially if they are the vaunted, glorious golden child who can never do anything wrong. In addition they don't develop a conscience and blame their dirty deeds on siblings, friends, family member, acquaintance, rivals. 

High levels are "climbers", determined to reach the highest summits of monetary and professional largesse, to ingratiate themselves to moneyed power brokers and social movers and shakers. With their gifts of persuasion and light seduction--- a kind of hypnotic trance---they work their way up to positions of great power and influence.

They get their lieutenants to do their dirty work. They come out of their misadventures without blemish or murmur. They are keen at playing above the fray, above reproach. They cheat, steal, lie, threaten, collude, betray, scheme---and never get caught. When questioned, the high level lies with great skill by omission and commission. His perfect persona convinces almost everyone that there is no way he could or would have done anything wrong.

Many fear that lying will bring the wrath of God down upon them. Not the high level narcissist. He or she takes pleasure in mendacity---this is a familiar game to them---like a grand chess master who knows he can win every play, blindfolded. Operating without conscience makes for an easier ride to the high level's goal. Carrying a conscience takes humility and a consideration of being just and righteous in the world and with oneself. Cruel misdeeds vanish in the ethers as the high level re-invents himself/herself countless times.

Learn to recognize these vipers quickly. Study your research, use your high intuition to follow the scent of the malevolent high level. You know how dark and malicious these individuals are. 

Separate yourself from them. Take your own pathway, that of the just, discerning, empathic. Your intellect is keen; your character is fine, your creative talents are many, you are fearless in the face of this dark human nature. You shine forth and chart your own course. The winds are at your back now and you see and feel the beauty and majesty of the blue waters of healing, restoration, transformation and creativity. Sail on!  

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Running a fever is a sign that we are fighting an infection. Your temperature rises; you are very hot. Your sweat glands activate and you cool down. Your fever has broken and you are in the process of recovering and getting well. You are moving toward healing.

The lust for money and power in the high level narcissist is a fever, a sickness, a perverse pursuit,  uncontained. Monetary acquisition captivates the high level narcissist.

High levels are always thinking about how much money they have, how to get more, how to keep it from others.

For the high level there is never enough money, investments, properties, financial holdings. Lusting after money is the singular preoccupation for many high level narcissists. Having lots of money makes them feel more entitled, superior to others, a consummate winner. In this obsessive pursuit the high level narcissist doesn't stop victimizing others, disrupting their lives, leaving them without monetary means, causing extreme duress, anxiety and worry.

Pay attention to your intuition about the high level narcissist. You sense their vileness, like a noxious odor in the air. 

Dis-entangle yourself from the lust fevered high level narcissist. Develop habits of self care: rest, sleep, nourishing food, good hydration, movement and exercise that works for you, spend time with Nature, bring Great Art into your days. Exercise your intuitive gifts. Honor your wisdom and fine character. Develop a spiritual practice specifically designed for you as an individual.

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The narcissistic personality leads his/her life in psychological delusion. Wearing a series of false self masks, the narcissist convinces so many that he/she is authentic. There are many stories of the extraordinary duress and psychological and emotional pain that are inflicted by them on their  spouses, children, partners, ex-spouses. 

In current society where highly successful narcissists are feted and rewarded for their worldly accomlishments---raw power, cultural influences---these individuals are not held accountable for the extreme psychological and emotional pain they inflict on others. 

The narcissist is without conscience, shame or mercy. He/she wouldn't be foolish enough to outwardly harm another and get caught and have to deal with the circumstances of their dark deeds. 

These individuals are unacquainted with their damaged real selves. From the time they were very young, narcissists, especially golden children, glide through life, supremely entitled, believing that they are perfect and others are inferior. They are unfamiliar with the truth. What they think and believe is the only truth. High level narcissists, powerful in the world, they convince those in their inner charmed circles that they are extraordinary, gifted, accomplished and entitled to be treated with extraordinary deference. 

Devoted followers of the narcissist willingly surrender their identities and their morality to be a part of this special club. 

At a point of awakening, your research and insight, you make the decision to separate from the narcissist. After leaving the narcissist, you are freer to speak and manifest the truth each day with your words, attitudes, actions, creative gifts. 

Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: "Knowing and speaking the truth about human nature is part of your destiny if you are to evolve as an individual."

With clarity, discernment, strength, stamina and the truth, you are moving forward along the pathway of the authentic, original, creative self.

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"The shadow personifies everything that the subject (person) refuses to acknowledge about himself." CG Jung

"Those who have no conscious acquaintance with their shadow project forgotten, forbidden and disowned parts of themselves on to others in destructive ways." Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D., LMFT, Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist

Are you trapped in a marriage or partnership with a pernicious high level narcissist, an individual obsessed with self and public image, with extreme self-entitlement, very low conscience capacity, n an infant terrible, with a dreadful temper that is projected out onto you behind closed doors. This is horrifying to the spouse of the high level narcissist. There are severe criticisms, humiliations, exhausting over the top demands, blatant hyoocrisy, incessant lying. More lying to cover other lies.

The high level narcissist carries from within a primitive, seething Shadow that ejects venom in various forms on to you: false accusations, recriminations, incessant criticisms, withering projections that send you into the dark reaches of the fight or flight nervous system, the sympathetic mode. 

You are at the mercy of the narcissist's rampant regressed Shadow. The high level vehemently blames you for these traits, deeds and words he/she is incessantly using. The narcissist never owns his/her wrongdoings since he/she believes that he/she is perfect. It is in private that you shudder and cower and take the full brunt of the narcissistic partner's disowned Shadow.

How much longer can you tolerate the scream fits, volleys of temper, scathing glances, belittling snipes that leave you psychologically and emotionally weakened. You don't deserve to be treated this way.

You are making a stand now for yourself. You make the decision to separate from the toxic high level narcissist and move along your pathways of self care, healing, restoration, transformation and the reawakening of your true, authentic, creative self.

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