The Overwhelmed Brain

The emotional healing journey consists of many ups and downs. A listener asks me how I managed to get through my journey and what I can share with others on what to expect. Whether you're starting your healing journey from scratch or still on a hot path of learning, healing and growing, there's always more to learn. I talk about what it takes to honor your boundaries in a healthy way (instead of waiting until you blow up), and recognizing patterns in yourself that may point back to emotional wounds from the past. What are your results over and over again? Are you succeeding in life or failing miserably? I think it's important to look at where you were, where you're going and what you keep ending up with to determine your level of emotional health. When you start succeeding, however you define it, it is most likely because you've processed and released some old negativity that's been around a long time. I also talk about depression and how it is devoid of emotions. When I was depressed, it was like having no feelings at all. Though, I did feel something because I didn't like how I felt! It was like I was a sponge of negative emotions but I couldn't squeeze them out. Healing can begin the day you start observing your own behavior asking yourself why you do the things you do. It soon feels like you are two different people: The one experiencing the emotion and the other observing your behavior. This is when true healing can begin. Awareness is a major step forward because you are no long on autopilot. You will still have challenges, but you'll also have your observation of how you handle those challenges. And it's not always comfortable. In segment two, I talk about the need to express something to someone but being afraid it will ruin the relationship or ruin their life somehow. Sometimes you walk around holding on to unfinished business and feel like it's important to share how someone else made you feel by something they did a long time ago (or even yesterday). Forgiving and moving on is a step you can take, or perhaps healing within you (self-forgiveness) which doesn't even involve the other person. Either way, you can carry it with you or you choose to process and hopefully release whatever it is. If you are carrying the burden of upset from something someone did to you, it's time to address it in some way. You may have to express to them what you're feeling. Or, maybe it's better to keep to yourself. I kept a family secret for many years and chose to bear the burden of it instead of spill the beans and tell the people I really wanted to tell. I was sworn to secrecy so I had to come to a place of acceptance of that burden in myself. It wasn't easy, but it is possible - and sometimes the best choice considering what might happen if you chose to share what you were told not to. During the conclusion of the show, I read a paragraph from The Overwhelmed Brain book and talk about focusing on yourself for healing and not others, unless they want you too. When I was married, I used to focus on what my wife needed to do to change so that I would be happier. Turns out after seven years of focusing on her, I did little healing in myself. Not only that, I used to be terribly judgmental. She didn't ask for me to "fix" her, but I tried. And the marriage ended. Focusing on others without their consent or desire, even if your intentions are good, can sometimes be what causes them to want to be away from you. Good intentions aren't always motivated by noble thoughts. Sometimes good intentions derive from selfish needs. Healing begins within you, even when it appears that others need to change. Trying to help someone change who didn't ask for it is not honoring their happiness or supporting their path. Keep your focus on yourself and as you grow through your challenges and you might just be able to grow with those you love instead of away from them. Today's episode of TOB is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Real attorneys at established law firms for only $20 a month.

What do you do when your partner wants to spend more time away from home than with you? Is that a sign that there's something wrong in the relationship? Is there a more serious issue, perhaps they don't feel safe with you? In the first segment, I read a letter from a man who missed his fiance'. She would go out drinking with friends and family and he would be home alone trying not to be offended or hurt. As she spent less time at home, he got more concerned but also gave her the space she asked for. Soon, the wedding was called off and she was moving out. What went wrong? What could he have done differently? Healing needs to take place for sure, but is he focusing on the wrong person during his healing process? In segment 2, Mary honors her boundaries around her boss and friends, but is a people pleaser who to her husband. She's afraid to say no to him but doesn't know why. I ask a lot of questions in this segment, so if you're in a similar situation, you may get the guidance you need. During the closing, I talk about the present moment and some things you can do to be present and even bring meditation into the external world. Today's episode is brought to you by storyworth.com/brain. Get $20 off by following this link!

Toxic relationships - friends, family, coworkers, and more. What can you do if you can't get away from them? Do you even know how to get away from them? How can you continue the relationship when you have no choice but to be with a toxic person? This episode gets into toxic people, including what one reviewer said about my show: Stay Away! I read that review on the air, and also read a couple letters from people that deal with toxic people in their life. Today's episode is brought to you by Casper. Get $50 off a mattress when you use the promo code "brain" during checkout at casper.com/brain.

There's a spiritual or philosophical correlation between an event that happened to you in your past and what is happening to you today. You may not recognize the significance of your behavior today, but when you are able to make the connection between present behavior and prior emotional events, it's like plugging a lamp into a socket and watching the light fill the room. The circuit between the past and the present is completed and negative emotions can diminish or disappear. It sounds a bit "out there" but there is a process to go through if you want to try it out yourself. In segment two, I read a letter from a woman who doesn't know when to let go of family members that seem to be struggling but really aren't doing anything to get out of their struggles. At what point do you let them hit rock bottom? Is it okay to stop trying to help and just let them be until they are ready to make changes on their own? My answer may be a little controversial but it will help you move forward and become a better, healthier you. In the final segment at the end of the show, I talk about what you might be able to do if you're not looking forward to being alone on the holidays. You may or may not want to be alone, but what can you do to feel connection? If you're not a fan of alone time, maybe this will help. Today's episode is brought to you by http://getoutofthemess.com. Contact Asha to learn how you may be able to get out of the legal mess you're in.

Giving can feel so good, but receiving can too so why do so many people have trouble receiving? Do you reject gifts or other offers? If so, why would you take the honor to give away from the giver? If you've not thought about it like that before, this segment is for you. In segment two, I read a letter from a woman who feels like she's wasted three years of her life with her emotionally abusive boyfriend. She is no longer in that abusive relationship, but still feels the pain of the loss and the regret of the decisions she made. I highlight just what there is to be grateful for in this situation and talk about the process of self love and compassion. In segment three, a woman holds a secret from her boyfriend. She kissed another man and doesn't want to tell him because he is "blissfully unaware" a woman kissed someone outside of her relationship and now holds on to the fact that she cheated on him because she doesn't want to make him feel bad. Who she'll be in the relationship will be who she is until she gets over it or expresses it. If you decide to not tell, can you live with the guilt. And do you want him to live with a continuous liar. Whatever your values tell you to do is what you should end up doing otherwise you won't be happy. Thanks to Away for sponsoring today's episode. Go to awaytravel.com/brain and use the promo code "brain" for a cool smart case today!

What is acceptable to you and what is not? What is considered self-sustaining and what is selfish? I read an email from someone who's in constant battle in his mind, unsure if he's honoring his personal boundaries or just being completely self serving. He also gets into a debate in his mind and over analyzes to the point of indecision. There's a way to decide, and it involves the question: What what you do if you were completely fearless or not afraid of the consequences? That will usually give you the right answer that honors your boundaries. In segment two, I read a message from a woman who's mom never stepped in to help her kids when they were being abused. She's forgiven her abuser, but not her mom. In fact, she feel abused by her mom even today because of the narcissistic tendencies she has. She's not sure how to honor herself with her mom. Her emotional pendulum is stuck on one side and she hasn't let it swing to the other side to find out what would happen if she truly honored herself with her mom. When dealing with difficult parents, it's best to come from a place of "I love you, but this is a problem". It's honoring from love. For segment three, I talk about obsessing over your partner's history, whether it's all the great sex your partner had (and you feel insecure about it) or even the abuse they experienced (and you are overly empathic and depressed about it). Obsessing over your partner's past keeps you in the past and keeps you from improving yourself to be the best person you can be in the relationship. Today's episode sponsored by harrys.com. Get your free trial kit and use the promo code OVERWHELMED during checkout for your post shave balm.

Sexual abuse should not be taboo. Survivors carry the shame, pain, and guilt when the reality is that the perpetrators should be the one carrying those things. The pain of past abuse is real and it doesn't go away without acceptance, letting it come up, processing (in many ways), healing (in many more ways), and finally releasing. This episode is focused on what to do to begin healing and where to go for resources if you want to learn more. Go to thefionaproject.org to watch the powerful music video by Asha Lightbearer. The video itself is moving, revealing, and a step into healing.

What you say isn't always what they hear. What they understand isn't always what you conveyed. Who is responsible for the communication, you? Them? Both? Neither? It's time to explore this topic. On Ask Paul part 1, I read a message from someone who got out of a manipulative, abusive relationship with a malignant narcissist. It was a crazy time for her and she is healing, but she shares a lesson for us all. On Ask Paul part 2, I read a letter from someone still obsessing over his ex. They were together a short time but he's still grieving over the death of their relationship. What can you do when you're in that state? Thank you to harrys.com for sponsoring today's episode. Go to harrys.com and use the promo code OVERWHELMED to get your free post shave balm.

With General Anxiety Disorder, is there a chance of getting free of the consistent feelings of anxiety and panic? Is there a remote chance of feeling better or even making it go away completely? Maybe... Also, I get a letter from a girl whose boyfriend gets jealous so she gets angry which causes him to insult her which causes her to react, and so on... is there a solution? I talk a little on jealousy and more on anger and the fact that we often direct our anger at the wrong people.

Can you laugh at criticism? Do you believe in yourself enough so that when someone calls you anything less than you really are, you can shrug it off without those sometimes hard to avoid feelings? When you get to a place inside where you are proud of yourself no matter what, then you'll find yourself genuinely laughing instead of reacting when someone is being critical of you. Children can seem to do awful things, but they are a result of the programming adults have fed into them since birth. Is it really their fault they are acting in the way they were nurtured and influenced? Finally, is it possible to change manipulative, toxic behavior, and repair the damage to your relationships because of it? Both can be achieved but they require serious introspection. Heal yourself and both situations can improve and evolve. Thank you to harrys.com/trial for sponsoring today's episode. Use promo code "brain" when you're ready for a free shave kit.