The Overwhelmed Brain

Self-esteem stems from the level of self-worth you have about yourself. That's great to know, but how do you raise either or both so that you can walk through life confidently and assert yourself when needed? Later in the episode, I read a message from a jealous husband who doesn't like when other people look at his wife. He can't figure out how to get past these feelings.

The silent treatment is like an acid that disintegrates trust and love because of the withdrawal of emotions (emotional withdrawal). I can't trust you with my emotions because when you withdraw, I feel betrayed and abandoned. I also talk about the drawbacks of non-confrontational behavior and how choosing not to confront disintegrates love and bonding. When you choose to be non-confrontational, it's like telling the other person "I don't want to tell you the whole truth". And what about hate? Are you allowed to feel hate? Should you? I think it's important to acknowledge and accept every part of you and every thought instead of resisting your thoughts. Otherwise, you go around holding on to a lot of negativity which you eventually unleash on those you love.

Permanent decisions are not always permanent, we just think they are. Even marriage nowadays isn't permanent, as much as we want it to be. And even when everything is going great, "stuff" happens and makes things not so great anymore which forces us to change or fall. There's a great quote I read about flat squirrels and indecisions (if you think hard enough, you'll understand that right away) and it makes for a great topic to talk about. In segment 2, I read an email from someone who sees every red flag in a new marriage yet doesn't walk away. Her values and boundaries are being violated and she finds nothing to love about a man she's already married to on paper. Then she asks if there is any hope. Hmm... In segment 3 I talk about how music is a great mood changer but shouldn't necessarily replace deeper reflection and processing of buried emotions Make sure to visit awaytravel.com/brain and use promo code brain to get $20 off your order!

Nurturing yourself while you're in a relationship decreases the impact breaking up has if and when it happens. The more you keep the connection with yourself and don't lose a part of you in the relationship, the healthier you stay. You lose your identity in a relationship when you don't nurture yourself. When family doesn't honor you and see your worth, sometimes you just have to distance yourself from them so that you reconnect with the brilliant, worthy you. Not everyone is capable of seeing what you are, so it's important to continue nurturing and supporting yourself as if you were your own child or best friend. When your partner has a friend who is also an ex, how do you feel about that? Do they talk all the time? Do they have to communicate because of shared custody of children? Do they communicate more than you'd like? It's important to understand where your line is and when your partner is crossing it, otherwise, their ex becomes a part of your relationship, which can be damaging if you're not all good friends to begin with.

Making a bad first impression is not necessarily your fault. You could be well dressed, have a great hair day, good breath, and even the best personality, but that mole behind your ear makes them think of their mean uncle and suddenly their first impression of you is that you aren't trustworthy and will hurt them. Quite a jump, but this happens quite a bit. I talk about a first impression a listener got with this show and how he criticized over 170 episodes by listening to one 15 minute segment. What do you do when that one person criticizes you? How do you not feel the emotional pain behind such a thing? In the second segment, I answer a message from a woman who is experiencing debilitating pain and is fighting her way to feeling better. She used to be active and on stage, and now she is jobless and lives with her father. Not only is there physical pain, but also suffering through embarrassment of her circumstances. She lies to friends just so they don't know her situation. Finally, I respond to a letter from someone who feels almost ashamed for staying with a toxic person, and she's afraid to leave because "what if I can't find a good man?" I think her focus needs to change. Depending on where you focus, you'll either stay where you are or make the changes you need to get out of the rut you're in. The Overwhelmed Brain is much more enjoyable when you tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and so on and so on, and so on. Today's sponsor: http://getoutofthemess.com bhzpkynz

Ever have a friend that said "Yeah But..." to every good suggestion you made? How about when they actually ask for your advice, you give it, but they don't do it because their excuse machine activates? There are two types of people I talk about in the first segment: Yeah But people, and Okay I'll Try It people. Sure, there are millions of other types of people out there, but it's a good start. Also, I receive a letter from a woman who decided to remove toxic family members from her life and get away from abuse. She took massive first steps, but what's next? How can you recover from a life of abuse? How can you get to a place beyond where you can relax and feel good again? Finally, I read another letting about what it might take to reject people in your life. How about those sensitive people that might be hurt by rejection? Is there a way to get away from those who keep showing up when you don't want them to? Sounds like a great thing to talk about. Today's sponsor wants you to get your free will. Go to getoutofthemess.com and sign up today!

Should you receive for everything you give? You bet, but maybe not in the way you're thinking. You can build an emotional deficit by giving and giving and not receiving in the way you'd like. Resentment can build and you can get very tired of being a people pleaser. Also I receive a letter from someone who feels socially inept. He can't make or keep friends, and he feels awkward on dates. Sometimes being yourself is the best solution, but who are you really being during those awkward silences? Finally I talk about woman who is deeply in love with her husband yet and has a great sex life, yet still cheated anyway. She can't figure out why so I explore why even a good marriage or relationship experiences infidelity. Episode 150 today... let's celebrate! I talk about TOB's progression throughout the years at the beginning of this episode.

I talk a little more on manipulative people and share with you what might make them that way in the first place. Association and dissociation may play a role in their behavior. If you're not familiar with those terms, you will be after this episode. And, what if you do all this healing and growth but you realize that your partner doesn't want to change? In fact, they are happy just where they are, dysfunction and all. But instead of leaving, you decide to create accountability and tell them if they don't shape up, you're shipping out! Then finally, after two years of hard work, they finally grow into the person you can appreciate and respect. But... are you still in love with them? Is it too late now? I get a letter that addresses that very question. How about guilt for thinking about leaving your abusive spouse? Yes, people can actually develop guilty feelings for thinking about leaving someone that disrespects and even abuses them. That's an important topic to discuss, so let's dive into that too. Today's episode is brought to you by casper.com/brain. Get $50 off using the promo code "brain" during checkout and get an awesome mattress to boot (free shipping in the US and Canada).

Has dysfunction become the new normal for you? Are you in a relationship where your toleration for bad behavior is so high that you don't even recognize what's bad for you anymore? That sounds like a topic for discussion if you ask me! Also, I read a letter from someone who wants to know how to deal with defensive people. There is a path to working with those types and becoming aggressive or offensive back is not typically the best way to handle their behavior. You may have to become a bit of a sleuth. Find out more in today's episode!

Vulnerability is the final step into your strength. Your emotional core contains all of your emotions, your shame, fear, guilt embarrassments, sadness and also your joy, happiness, peace and lot of other good feelings. But in childhood, we learn to close off that core and only let in and out so much because we've been emotionally wounded. Letting those defensive walls come down lets both the bad and the good out, but only the good sticks around when you do it right. Also, I read a letter from a woman who doesn't want anything to change except maybe her marriage, but that means a lot of other things have to change as well. So she's not sure if getting a divorce is the right decision. Finally, I read a second email from a 24 year old who has chosen a career path that he is unhappy with. On top of that, his girlfriend left him and he is not happy unless someone else is in his life. Lots to talk about today. Thanks for listening!