You do not lose desire. For women with super traits, desire does not disappear. It goes offline when you override yourself one too many times, and your body adapts because it knows it is not safe.

We are taught that desire fades slowly. That it is stress, hormones, perimenopause, being busy, or having too much on your plate. In my clinical and coaching work, I see the opposite. Desire shuts down at very specific moments, but you are trained not to see them.

If you are the fixer, the anchor, the emotional glue, the one people rely on when things fall apart, those are not flaws. Those are super traits. The same qualities that make you capable, reliable, and successful. In relationships, these traits often place you in inequitable dynamics where you are the over-functioner. Over time, your body learns that wanting more creates more work, not more connection.

This is not a libido problem. It is not a hormone problem. It is a self-override problem. Desire shuts down when connection requires self-erasure. The body downregulates to conserve energy and stay safe.

If you do not know your super traits yet, take the Super Trait Quiz to understand exactly how this is showing up for you.

This work is being taught live and for FREE in a MASTERCLASS, Why Smart & Successful Women Lose Themselves In Relationships (And why over-functioning and fixing desire never works), on February 5th at 12 PM Eastern and 9 AM Pacific. Register for the free masterclass.

If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching.

1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins

Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

Over the Christmas break, I had several private clients reach out, and what I noticed was that the transformations had not been completed. The holidays brought up ruptures, disappointments, and old patterns at a time when most women were already running on fumes.

The holidays come with extra expectations and very little capacity. Many women even get sick once their bodies finally feel safe enough to stop. That is not a coincidence.

We hold an image of the holidays as cozy and connected. In reality, they often unearth everything we have been holding together all year.

I found myself repeating the same thing to my clients. Stop over-explaining. Stop people pleasing. Get grounded before you act.

If you are here, chances are you feel disconnected in your relationship. Some of you were disappointed by the holidays. Some of you went through separations. Some of you navigated the season alone. The common thread is being a woman with super traits who struggles to feel met, supported, and able to receive.

This is a familiar loop. Still explaining. Still repairing. Still choosing words carefully. Still believing that if you say it the right way, it will finally land.

That does not mean you are doing anything wrong. It means you have super traits.

Women with super traits were never taught discernment. We were taught to fix, soften, reassure, and carry emotional labor. Not every accusation deserves a response. Not every misunderstanding needs a conversation. When we lose connection to ourselves, we start efforting in ways that do not work.

Over time, desire shuts down. Health is affected. Intimacy becomes hollow. The traits that brought success elsewhere begin working against us in relationships.

There is a LIVE Masterclass on February 5 that goes deeper into why women with super traits overfunction in relationships and what actually restores clarity, desire, and connection. Sign up for FREE HERE, and let's make this the year we stop overgiving and start recieving.

PRIVATE COACHING- Success, intimacy, pleasure, you don't have to choose. Learn how to create a deeper connection and better sex without sacrificing who you are or what you've built. [APPLY HERE]

1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins

Take the free Super Trait Quiz to understand why these patterns show up so strongly during the holidays

Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

00:02:16 Understanding Super Traits and Relationship Dynamics 00:03:47 The Exhaustion of Over-Communicating 00:04:51 The Impact of Super Traits on Health and Desire 00:06:51 Navigating Emotional Labor and Intimacy 00:09:22 The Importance of Discernment in Relationships 00:12:02 Overexplaining in Relationships 00:16:37 Communication Problems

Most relationship advice says relationships are healthy when you communicate. Be open. Share your feelings. Explain your needs. Take responsibility for your emotions. And all of this is true. But it catastrophically fails women with Super Traits.

Not because they are bad communicators. Women with Super Traits are great communicators. But they communicate at the cost of themselves.

At the cost of their self-trust. Their clarity. Their desire. Their turn on. Their self-respect. They soften, explain, repair, and try again, and leave conversations feeling more confused than when they entered.

Women with Super Traits believe in connection. They believe in repair. They believe in hard work. So when something feels off, they communicate more. They clarify. They watch their tone. They adjust their ask. And instead of curiosity or validation, they get minimization, defensiveness, or the script flipped back onto them.

So at the beginning of healing, women with Super Traits actually need to say less. Communicating less is not withdrawal. It is discernment. We speak less because the information gets used against us. Our vulnerability is reframed. The clarity we thought we had leads to confusion. We feel worse after trying to connect than before.

This is why communication advice falls short. It does not work for women with Super Traits who over-function with under-functioners. A receiving woman lets silence do the work. Not sharper words. From that steadiness, clarity returns. Desire returns. Turn on returns. Trust in self returns.

Why Smart & Successful Women Lose Themselves In Relationships (And why over-functioning and fixing desire never works) FREE MASTERCLASS FEBUARY 5th, 2025 at 12PM ET / 9AM PT JOIN HERE

Take the free Super Trait Quiz to understand why these patterns show up so strongly during the holidays.

Book a Super Trait Audit for clarity on where overfunctioning is costing you energy, connection, and desire.

Apply for the Pleasure Centered Society if you are ready to stop carrying the emotional load and start being met.

00:00:00 The Communication Issue 00:00:37 The Iceberg of Communication 00:01:11 The Cost of Over-Communication 00:02:14 The Shift to Less Communication 00:03:02 The Journey to Self-Respect 00:03:50 Understanding Super Traits 00:06:33 The Pattern of Ovegiving 00:09:38 The Importance of Saying Less 100:1:34 The Pleasure Centered Society 00:15:55 From High Achiever to Receiver

Happy New Year. For women with super traits, there is often a quiet exhaustion underneath the hope and desire for more. You have done everything right, and something still is not working.

If pleasure, desire, and connection disappear the moment stress enters your relationships, this explains why. This is not a personal failure or lack of effort. It is a body-level adaptation.

Women with super traits were conditioned to maintain connection through over-giving, emotional labor, fixing, and absorbing discomfort so others did not have to. When tension appears, the nervous system shifts into management mode, and pleasure shuts down automatically.

This is the second part of my work, which offers clarity around why reconnecting to desire is not enough and why trying harder only deepens the pattern. The issue is not communication, effort, or commitment. The belief is that love must be earned through contribution.

It's time to introduce the RECEIVER IDENTITY.

A receiver can say no without guilt, allow disappointment, and stay connected to her desire even under pressure. Receiving is not passive or selfish. It is a regulated authority.

Transformation begins with deconditioning the reflex to overfunction. Identifying the patterns that tie connection to self-abandonment and learning how to stay present, grounded, and receptive when stress arises.

This is the year of doing less with intention. This is the year of receiving.

Take the free Super Trait Quiz to understand why these patterns show up so strongly during the holidays.

Book a Super Trait Audit for clarity on where overfunctioning is costing you energy, connection, and desire.

Apply for the Pleasure Centered Society if you are ready to stop carrying the emotional load and start being met.

00:00:00 Introduction and New Year Reflections 00:00:47 Transformations and Challenges 00:04:56 Understanding Super Traits 00:08:13 The Pleasure Problem 00:13:35 Receiver Identity 00:18:02 The Path to True Pleasure and Connection 00:24:47 Restoring Pleasure

Christmas has a way of showing us what we have been carrying all year.

For many women, this season brings more responsibility, more emotional labor, and more pressure to hold everything together while feeling unseen in their relationships and disconnected from themselves.

I spent years overfunctioning in relationships, believing that giving more and trying harder would create safety and connection. My identity was built around being capable, impressive, and indispensable.

A coach once asked me a question that changed everything. Who are you if it all goes away tomorrow?

When super traits are unhealed, brilliance becomes a survival strategy. Empathy turns into emotional labor. Loyalty turns into self-abandonment. Tolerance turns into endurance.

And when pleasure and desire disappear, we blame ourselves instead of the systems that taught us to survive this way. A client recently said something that named it perfectly.

I learned to be valuable so I could be safe. Being impressive became my armor. I want a relationship where my presence is enough.

My Christmas wish for you is that you know you are worthy of a relationship where you do not earn closeness through effort, and your nervous system can finally exhale.

If you are ready to stop managing intimacy and overfunctioning in your relationships, you can apply for the Pleasure Centered Society. Applications begin with a short call. Holiday bonuses include the Pleasure Centered Relationship Masterclass and a Super Trait Audit.

I will leave you with two questions.

-What underlying need of yours is it serving to keep overfunctioning?

-What truth do you need to accept about this situation or relationship for you to stop overfunctioning?

Merry Christmas.

Take the free Super Trait Quiz to understand why these patterns show up so strongly during the holidays.

Book a Super Trait Audit for clarity on where overfunctioning is costing you energy, connection, and desire.

Apply for the Pleasure Centered Society if you are ready to stop carrying the emotional load and start being met.

00:00:35 Unhealed Super Traits 00:02:32 Shedding Old Identities 00:04:30 Building Healthier Relationships 00:04:50 Overcoming Overgiving 00:06:57 Journal Prompts 00:12:32 Pleasure Centered Relationship 00:16:28 Christmas Wishes

The holiday season is a major trigger for women with super traits. There is more emotional labor, more pressure to keep the peace, more overgiving, and more shutdown. When you overfunction during the holidays, it leads to burnout, resentment, loneliness, and a sense of feeling unseen, even when you are surrounded by people.

I break down practical holiday survival tips to help you stop overgiving and set boundaries without guilt. This includes a holiday emotional load audit to identify invisible responsibilities, a simple rule to reduce burnout, a clear boundary tool for handling pressure in the moment, and a short pleasure-centered reset to regulate your nervous system when stress activates old survival patterns.

These tools are designed for high-achieving women who know their patterns but still collapse into overfunctioning when family dynamics, expectations, and emotional labor increase.

I share relationship and single check-ins to help you see where you feel supported, emotionally safe, and more like yourself, and where overfunctioning is still running the show. This creates clarity around what needs to change so the holidays no longer cost you your energy, desire, or sense of self.

Take the free Super Trait Quiz to understand why these patterns show up so strongly during the holidays.

Book a Super Trait Audit for clarity on where overfunctioning is costing you energy, connection, and desire.

Apply for the Pleasure Centered Society if you are ready to stop carrying the emotional load and start being met.

00:00:27 Understanding Super Traits 00:00:45 Challenges During the Holiday Season 00:02:48 Personal Experiences and Insights 00:03:36 Welcome to the Pleasure Principles Podcast 00:05:31 Holiday Survival Tips 00:06:29 Emotional Load Audit 00:08:20 15% Rule for Reducing Holiday Burnout 00:09:38 Three Second Boundary Tool 00:16:14 Pleasure Center Reset 00:18:14 Relationship and Single Superwoman Check-In

Financial infidelity is one of the most common yet least recognized forms of betrayal. It often begins subtly through missing information (like names not being on the title), restricted access to accounts, unexplained withdrawals, hidden accounts, or financial decisions made without consent. Many women overlook these signs because they appear inside relationships built on trust, love, and shared history.

GRAB YOUR The Super Trait Audit™ HERE

Forensic investigative accountant Dave Oswald brings to light the realities most people never see. His work uncovers partners who erase digital trails, hide income, move money into shell companies, falsify signatures, or quietly open loans in someone else's name. These patterns are deliberate. They are structured to stay hidden until the fallout is unavoidable.

High-achieving, intelligent women often internalize the blame when financial deception surfaces. They replay conversations. They question their intuition. They wonder how they missed it. But financial manipulation is engineered to exploit trust and emotional connection. It thrives because the other person is not just managing money. They are managing a narrative.

Recognizing the signs is essential.

Sudden secrecy around accounts. A financial picture that never quite makes sense. Being kept off titles or investments. Explanations that change. A partner who becomes irritated when asked reasonable questions. Income that does not match documented records. Access that slowly disappears. These are early indicators of financial control and financial abuse.

The impact extends far beyond money. When someone manipulates finances, they also erode emotional safety, intimacy, and a sense of groundedness in your own life. Financial infidelity affects your nervous system, your relationships, and your ability to trust yourself.

Understanding how financial control operates allows you to see the truth without shame. It offers the clarity to protect yourself, and the validation that being deceived does not mean you were foolish. It means someone else was intentional.

This is the knowledge every woman deserves before the damage begins, instead of after it has already been done.

CONNECT WITH DAVE

[email protected]

forensicrestitution.com

(416) 525-1510 - Oakville, Ontario, Canada

Decode the emotional and erotic patterns keeping you in over-functioning, shutdown, and inconsistent connection. The Super Trait Audit™ CLICK HERE

If you do not know your Super Traits, take the free Super Trait Quiz HERE.

If you want your world and relationships to respond to the woman you have already become, apply for The Super Trait Society HERE.

Connect with Dr. Jordin on INSTAGRAM HERE @drjordinwiggins

You have done the healing. You know your patterns and your attachment style. You set boundaries and stopped abandoning yourself. Yet when life gets hard, or someone is disappointed in you, you still end up doing the emotional labor.

You collapse or you over-function. Your relationships have not shifted as much as you have. Your sex life feels flatter than it should. Your aliveness and turn-on feel inconsistent. You have grown on the inside, but the world has not adjusted to meet you.

Pleasure requires presence, sensation, receiving, and truth. Super Traits demand scanning, fixing, anticipating, managing, and performing. Therapy, nervous system work, EMDR, trying to want sex, and communication tools were a good foundation, but not enough because Super Traits pull you out of the conditions required for pleasure and connection.

Super Traits pull you into your head, where hyper vigilance replaces feeling. They turn you into the emotional container who regulates everyone else. They reward performance rather than presence, and they create loneliness even when you want connection.

They train you to choose harmony over truth, and suppressed truth kills desire. They make receiving uncomfortable, so pleasure cannot land because it never reaches you.

This creates a pleasure-suppressed life. Flatness. Numbness. Only feeling pleasure when everything is perfect. Freezing or fawning when things are hard. Over-functioning under stress. Craving more but not knowing what you want. Carrying the emotional load and trying to fix the connection instead of influencing it.

Pleasure is intelligence. Pleasure tells you what is true, what you want, when you are abandoning yourself, and when someone is not meeting you. Super Traits drown out that internal guidance system. Insight does not create influence. Presence and pleasure do.

If you want your world and relationships to respond to the woman you have already become, apply for The Super Trait Society HERE.

If you do not know your Super Traits, take the free Super Trait Quiz HERE.

You are not frigid. You are fried. When you have super traits, empathy, loyalty, responsibility, and hard work, you end up building your entire relationship around him. You carry the emotional load, the logistical load, and even the erotic load.

You hold his stress, his moods, his comfort above your own, and then blame yourself when your desire shuts down.

You are not an impossible-to-please crusty wife. You are playing a game you were never taught the rules to. You were handed invisible contracts you never agreed to, and you have been trying to fix problems that were never yours to fix.

Your body has known the truth long before you had the language for it.

Women with super traits have been trained not to see the real dynamics happening in their relationships. We play checkers while our partners play chess. We sense disconnection and ask what is wrong with me instead of asking, "Am I safe?", "Am I being met?", "Am I being touched the way I like?"

Four hidden behaviors quietly erode intimacy for women with super traits. Emotional unavailability, where he offers logic instead of empathy, and your body learns it is not safe to feel. Weaponized incompetence where he forgets the groceries, the kids, and the plans, and you end up doing everything.

A male-centered relationship where everything revolves around his stress and comfort, while you shrink your needs smaller and smaller. Emotional withholding and punishment where any request for connection is met with defensiveness, silence, or blame.

Your desire did not disappear. Your body shut down because it had to protect you.

You do not need to work harder at love. You need a new relational blueprint rooted in pleasure power and nervous system safety so you can stop blaming yourself and finally understand the rules you were never taught.

If you are a woman with super traits and you feel unseen, unheard, and untouched, your body is telling the truth. It is time to stop blaming yourself and start understanding the game you were pushed into without the rules.

Start by taking the Super Trait Quiz so you can see the patterns that have shaped every relationship you have ever been in.

If you know you are ready to shift these dynamics rather than survive them, explore the Super Trait Society, where we train your body to lead with safety, clarity, and real power rather than exhaustion and self-blame.

I am recording this sitting on an ice pack with stitches in my vagina. After the delivery of my daughter, there was a tear. They tried to fix it. It didn't really fix. The doctor said to wait until the next baby, and we can repair it then. I thought that made sense. My daughter just turned five. I have been tolerating a tear in my labia that I didn't want to be there.

I decided I was done waiting.

I was done tolerating.

Hard work is the trait that builds success and destroys intimacy. We were taught that hard work will fix everything. The relationship. The libido. The career. But when hard work becomes your identity, intimacy starts to feel like effort. Relationships feel like effort, not ease.

Women with super traits carry a relentless sense of responsibility and a high tolerance for discomfort. We push through pain, confusion, and rejection. We take pride in holding everything together. We repair for two. We perform for safety. We perform in the bedroom and call that love.

Effort does not equal arousal. Desire needs safety, reciprocity, novelty, and space. Desire cannot live in a nervous system that never rests.

Hard work becomes survival. It keeps us in one-sided relationships. It keeps us trying to fix what is not ours to fix.

Healthy relationships require effort but not suffering. The work should feel mutual. Both people should be active participants in growth.

When you stop working for love and start working from love, everything changes.

-Apply for the Super Traits Society- Success, intimacy, pleasure, you don't have to choose. Learn how to take back your power and create a pleasure-filled life without sacrificing who you are or what you've built. [APPLY HERE]

Take the FREE Super Trait Quiz HERE to see how responsibility shows up in your relationships or apply for private coaching to start rebuilding your sense of safety, power, and desire.

Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]