The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins

95% of men in a recent study admitted to using at least one coercive strategy to get a woman to have sex she did not want or was not consenting to. Asking repeatedly. Using alcohol. Using force. Telling her what she wants to hear, the most used one of all.

Your body knows when this is happening to you, even if you do not have the language for it. Even if your therapist cannot pick up on it. She is smarter than that.

This is part 3 of the summer series.

We talked about slowness. PART 1 LISTEN HERE

We talked about letting go. PART 2 LISTEN HERE

We talked about being RAVISHED. PART 3 LISTEN HERE

Now we are talking about the third thing high-achieving women crave in the bedroom. Not a technique. Not a position. Being ravished. Being chosen to receive pleasure that has nothing to do with your output, your achievement, or your effort. Just because you are.

You cannot be ravished by somebody you manage. You cannot be ravished by somebody you parent. If you are tracking his appointments and reminding him what he said he would do, he cannot ravish you. Caregiving puts the brakes on desire.

Four conditions for being ravished. A yes and a no that are both free and real. Getting out of the CEO seat. An agenda of nothing but feeling good. And knowing an under-functioner can never ravish an over-functioner.

You spent your whole life earning. Now it is time to be ravished.

Book a Pleasure Path assessment and let's find out where you are on this journey. Let's get on a call and talk about the support you need.

Ready to stop putting yourself on the back burner? Fill out an application to work with me privately HERE.

Head over to The Pleasure Path on Substack and subscribe for more tools on how to become a receiver, HERE.

Connect with me on Instagram @drjordinwiggins

Slowing down was the first step. Letting go is the next.

LISTEN TO EPISODE 1 HERE (Slowness)

LISTEN TO EPISODE 2 HERE

LISTEN TO EPISODE 3 HERE (Being Ravished)

You've spent your entire life in control. In the OR, in the boardroom, with your clients, in your home, in your relationships. Control keeps you competent; it makes you feel useful; it's your identity. And the way we do one thing is the way we do everything, so what shows up in the bedroom clearly mirrors how you handle things outside of it.

Here's the thing, though: this isn't really a libido problem. It shows up as a libido problem. Sometimes it shows up as depression or anxiety, weight that can't come off, chronic migraines, heavy periods. Your body is speaking to you.

Letting go requires trust, self-trust, trust of the other person, but mostly self-trust. And trust requires safety. Safety is something most high-achieving women have never been given permission to need. We're creating the safety for everyone else, but no one's creating it for us.

So what does safety actually sound like? Here's an example of clear communication that makes the nervous system relax: "Tonight is about you. You don't have to do anything. I've got you." That decompresses the nervous system. You're preparing to receive.

Pleasure is your birthright. You don't have to earn it.

If this is speaking to you, you can book a Pleasure Path Assessment; we'll go through this, see exactly where you're stuck, and you'll get a map for the way forward.

Or fill out an application for private coaching; there's one spot left in the next two or three months, so don't sleep on it.

Book a Pleasure Path assessment and let's find out where you are on this journey.

I've worked with thousands of women over the last 11 years in sexual health, women's health, hormones, and what underlies it all is pleasure. I'm decoding the top three things I've found most women are craving more of in the bedroom.

Sexless marriages are on the rise. More women are staying single than ever. We don't know how to relate anymore, how to fight, how to fuck, how to repair. If you're the high achiever, the overgiver, the one who thought if she just did more it would finally pay off, this one's for you.

Your high achiever identity doesn't stay at work. That same fast, efficient, controlling operating system runs your sex life too, and it's shutting down your pleasure centers. It's not a libido problem. It's a speed problem.

This is PART 1 of the 3 things high-achievers with low libido are craving that is blocking pleasure. I'm breaking down why high achievers can't slow down, what's actually killing your desire, and how slowness, real presence without an agenda, is the first act of receiving.

LISTEN TO EPISODE 1 HERE (Slowness)

LISTEN TO EPISODE 2 HERE (Letting Go)

LISTEN TO EPISODE 3 HERE (Being Ravished)

Book a Pleasure Path assessment and let's find out where you are on this journey. Let's get on a call and talk about the support you need.

Ready to stop putting yourself on the back burner? Fill out an application to work with me privately HERE.

Head over to The Pleasure Path on Substack and subscribe for more tools on how to become a receiver, HERE.

Connect with me on Instagram @drjordinwiggins

CHAPTERS

00:00 The High Achiever to Receiver Journey

2:30 Why Success Does Not Equal Fulfillment

5:15 Understanding the High Achiever Identity

8:45 Cortisol: The Ultimate Desire Killer

12:00 Why Slowness Feels Like Losing Control

15:30 The Science of Responsive Desire

18:50 Practical Exercises for Slowing Down

21:15 Choosing Yourself and Setting Boundaries

If you have a responsive desire and feel like your turn-on has gone missing under stress, work, and people-pleasing, this one's for you. Superwomen, receivers are turned on. That's the whole secret. When we're in our high-achieving, fix-it, crusty mode, the pleasure centers in our brain are off. But receivers have walked the pleasure path, and we know our super traits and our people-pleasing habits make us successful; they're just not that useful in sex and love.

This is your feral girl summer tips episode. Not the bath and massage kind of tips, the real ones. Stop making decisions for how it will look and start making decisions for the fuck yes. Disappear when things feel off, stay when it's delightful. Speak your mind and stop over-explaining. Be turned on when you're turned on instead of playing the same note every day. Take yourself out on your own. Wear the thing that makes you a little uncomfortable.

Turning on is part of the work, not an outward job.

Ready to stop putting yourself on the back burner? Fill out an application to work with me privately HERE.

Head over to The Pleasure Path on Substack and subscribe for more tools on how to become a receiver, HERE.

I want to share something a friend sent me. We've known each other for sixteen years now, and she wrote that I would have compliments injected into my veins if I could. I blushed reading it, because that has not always been true for me.

There was a version of me that deflected every compliment, minimized it, denied it, said something like "oh, I'm just doing my job." That version had desire, but it came from a need for validation. I always felt like I had to earn it.

After 11 years of this work, here is what I know. If you are a high-achiever, if you had emotionally unavailable or abusive parents, one of the fundamental wounds we carry is not knowing how to receive pleasure and joy. We know how to earn, we know how to give until we're empty, but receiving without justifying it feels dangerous, almost greedy. We're addicted to the struggle.

And you have to recognize how this shows up in the bedroom, through praise kink, the experience of being aroused by verbal affirmation. For the high-achiever who has spent her life performing for approval, it hits differently. I break down what it sounds like in practice, how to respond to it, why the more good sex a woman has, the more good sex she wants, and a practice I use with clients called feeling love to start building the capacity to actually receive.

If you are at the point where something needs to change, apply to work with me. I read every application personally. You didn't build this life by waiting until conditions were perfect. This is your sign. 2 spots remain for private coaching. Apply HERE

If you want to go deeper on super traits, over-functioning, and building a pleasure-centered relationship and life, the Pleasure-Centered Society on Substack is where that work lives. Join HERE

And if you want to understand the specific dynamic you're in, the Pleasure Path Assessment is a private, one-on-one deep dive. BOOK NOW.

You have a very full life, yet a very empty feeling.

You're competent. You're reliable. You're the person everyone calls. And somewhere underneath all of the planning, the executing, the managing, the performing, you've lost your spark, your desire, your turn-on.

When I sit across from a woman and ask what she does for fun, what turns you on, what she desires, a lot of times she hasn't thought about those things in years. Maybe ever. Ask her about the next quarter in her business, and she's got that down. Planning and controlling, check. Desiring and receiving need some work.

Here's what I want you to understand about high-achieving women and control: this is not a character flaw. It is a learned strategy. The exact skills that make us successful in our careers are the ones keeping us from the intimacy and connection we desire.

Control is the opposite of intimacy. We cannot manage an experience and be in it simultaneously. The hypervigilant, people-pleasing woman who has learned to read the room and preempt every conflict will generally have a lot of career success. But if we bring that same skill set into our most intimate relationships and into the bedroom, it kills desire.

Intimacy requires presence. Pleasure requires actually receiving the good feelings. Connection requires being with what is, without editing it.

Understanding the uncertainty conceptually does not automatically make us better at tolerating it. This is a body-based skill. Small, deliberate, repeated doses of tolerating the unknown is a practice, and it is how the nervous system learns that uncertainty is not the same thing as actual danger.

If you want to go deeper on super traits, over-functioning, and building a pleasure-centered relationship and life, the Pleasure-Centered Society on Substack is where that work lives. Join HERE

And if you want to understand the specific dynamic you're in, the Pleasure Path Assessment is a private, one-on-one deep dive. BOOK NOW.

If you are at the point where something needs to change, apply to work with me. I read every application personally. You didn't build this life by waiting until conditions were perfect. This is your sign. 2 spots remain for private coaching. Apply HERE

2 spots remain for private coaching. Apply HERE

I had a call with a private coaching client the other day, and she had no libido. We've been here before. We worked together for years, and she was back at a point with no desire. One thing I had to impress upon her: you do not need to want sex to start wanting sex.

That's the part no one is talking to us high-achieving women about, and it keeps us stuck, and it keeps us having less sex.

Your desire isn't broken, it's buried. When we are running businesses, managing homes, single parenting, managing everyone else's emotions, our nervous system doesn't have the bandwidth for pleasure. Our pleasure centers are turned off. This isn't a willpower problem.

This is a biological reality.

I'm sharing 5 ways to increase desire when you have none, the exact things I share with my private clients.

• Remove the brake before you add the accelerator.
• Reclaim alone time.
• Use a 15-minute timer.
• Feed your brain what it recognizes as desire.
• Skin-on-skin contact without the expectation of sex.

We cannot access desire in a relationship where we do not feel safe, and this is the part that most sex education, intimacy coaching, and therapy skip entirely. Desire is not a light switch. It's a temperature, and we can turn up the heat.

Connect with Dr. Jordin:

2 spots remain for summer private coaching. Apply HERE

If you want to go deeper on super traits, over-functioning, and building a pleasure-centered relationship and life, the Pleasure-Centered Society on Substack is where that work lives. Join HERE

And if you want to understand the specific dynamic you're inside, the Pleasure Path Assessment is a private one-on-one deep dive. BOOK NOW.

TRIGGER WARNING

Most women who come to me with low libido, disconnection from their bodies, and no desire for intimacy are carrying something they have never said out loud. Childhood sexual assault. Adult assault. A relationship that slowly stripped them of themselves. A body that checked out because it knew something was wrong before their mind would let them admit it.

Gwen Levey is a viral Nashville rocker, survivor, and co-founder of the Rise Above Justice Movement. She told her story publicly for the first time at a press conference at the Tennessee State Capitol, and she brings that same honesty here.

We talk about minimizing. The way you tell yourself it did not count because it was not what you were taught assault looks like. The way your body disconnects during intimacy and sends you somewhere else entirely. The way healing does not happen in a straight line, and the way brainspotting and therapy can literally repair the part of the brain that trauma damaged.

We also get into the Epstein files, child marriage, Roe v. Wade, a justice system that protects perpetrators, and what it means to try to report abuse and be told it is not enough.

This is the conversation I wish more people were having.

Join the Rise Above Justice Movement

Instagram

Connect with Gwen

Barefoot and Pregnant (Listen Here)

https://www.gwenleveyandthebreakdown.com/

Connect with Dr. Jordin:

2 spots remain for summer private coaching. Apply HERE

If you want to go deeper on super traits, over-functioning, and building a pleasure-centered relationship and life, the Pleasure-Centered Society on Substack is where that work lives. Join HERE

And if you want to understand the specific dynamic you're inside, the Pleasure Path Assessment is a private one-on-one deep dive. BOOK NOW.

00:36 Rise Above Justice Movement 01:27 Sharing Abuse Survivor Stories 03:55 Healing and Friendship Breakups 06:26 Trauma and Body Signals 09:32 Trauma Intimacy Impacts 15:30 Epstein Files 18:44 From Abuse to Systems 20:22 Women in Politics and Rights 21:54 Healthcare and Leave Gaps 22:56 Abortion Ban Reality 24:41 Pro Life Or Cruelty 26:13 Accountability And Denial 27:43 Roe Overturned Fallout 33:18 Colonization And Racism 36:06 Matriarchy And Feminism 38:08 Erased Women In History

What actually has to exist before initiation means anything, and why most of what we have been taught about desire skips the most important step entirely.

The three conditions of safety in a pleasure-centered relationship: physiological safety, clean and continuous consent, and autonomy over your own pleasure. What happens in your nervous system when those conditions are missing?

Why do women go numb mid-encounter? Why can a woman orgasm on her own but not with her partner? Why have so many women been faking it for years while their partner genuinely believes everything is great?

Why do heterosexual men say they want more sex and then refuse to do a single thing that would actually make their partner want to have sex with them, like stepping up at home, figuring out how to get her off, or making it about her pleasure for once? And why your turn-on is yours before it belongs to anyone else, and always has been.

If you are healing from trauma, leaving a coercive relationship, or trying to find your way back to desire, the conditions we talk about here are exactly what we build together.

Connect with Dr. Jordin:

2 spots remain for summer private coaching. Apply HERE

If you want to go deeper on super traits, over-functioning, and building a pleasure-centered relationship and life, the Pleasure-Centered Society on Substack is where that work lives. Join HERE

And if you want to understand the specific dynamic you're inside, the Pleasure Path Assessment is a private one-on-one deep dive. BOOK NOW.

Something is missing. You can't quite put your finger on it. You have so much to be grateful for, and yet you feel lonely, undesired, and like you're going through the motions. The sex is a checkbox sex. The texts are efficient, not flirtatious. Nobody's planning dates anymore. And the same fights keep happening on repeat, no matter how hard you try.

I'm breaking down one of the biggest reasons high-achieving women feel unfulfilled in their relationships: uncommunicated desires. Not because you're not trying, but because most of us don't actually know what we want, and the ones who do have no idea how to ask for it in a way that creates connection instead of more distance.

I talk about the difference between desires and goals, why superwomen go blank when asked what they want, why what works in the boardroom destroys the bedroom, and I share the applesauce story from my own weekend that perfectly illustrates how this plays out in real life.

If you're sick of the expectations, the disappointments, the resentment, and sweeping things under the rug until the next time someone trips over it, this one is for you.

Connect with Dr. Jordin:

2 spots remain for summer private coaching. Apply HERE

If you want to go deeper on super traits, over-functioning, and building a pleasure-centered relationship and life, the Pleasure-Centered Society on Substack is where that work lives. Join HERE

And if you want to understand the specific dynamic you're inside, the Pleasure Path Assessment is a private one-on-one deep dive. BOOK NOW.