If you have checked every box, the career, the family, the systems, the health protocols, and you are still waking up exhausted, still carrying the mental load, still the one tracking everything for everyone, this episode is going to name something you have been living but couldn't find the words for.

Chanie Wilschanski is a leadership consultant, author, and the woman behind This Can't Be Normal: What to Do When Success Starts to Feel Like Survival. She joins me to talk about the invisible weight high-achieving women carry, the mental load that never turns off, the over-functioning that quietly extracts our vitality, and why all the right solutions keep running out of road.

We get into why women with high-achieving personalities and super traits end up as the shock absorbers for every relationship and system in their lives. Why burnout in high-performing women isn't about doing too much, it's about never being restored. What it costs us to keep carrying the mental load: first our time, then our invisible labor, then our health, and finally our aliveness itself. How to stop over-functioning without blowing up your relationships or your business. And the rhythms of return, the pre-decided, mood-proof practices that actually restore you from the inside out.

If you are a high-achieving woman who is over-functioning, carrying the mental load, and wondering why success still feels like survival, this one will meet you exactly where you are.

Find Chanie Wilschanski and her book This Can't Be Normal at https://schoolsofexcellence.com/

Connect with Dr. Jordin:

2 spots remain for summer private coaching. Apply HERE

If you want to go deeper on super traits, over-functioning, and building a pleasure-centered relationship and life, the Pleasure-Centered Society on Substack is where that work lives. Join HERE

And if you want to understand the specific dynamic you're inside, the Pleasure Path Assessment is a private one-on-one deep dive. BOOK NOW.

Three clients in two weeks. Same conversation each time. And each time they heard it, it took their breath away.

You are overcompensating for a problem that you didn't create. And not only that, it's gonna cost you your sleep, your health, your pleasure.

There's an awakening happening right now, and our bodies are not letting us fake it anymore. Not in career, not in the bedroom, not in relationships, not in friendships. And if you are a high-achieving woman who cannot figure out why your pleasure has gone offline, this one is for you.

Your low libido is not a defect. Your pelvic pain is not a defect. The recoil, the ick, the quiet dread you feel when you climb into bed at night because you don't want him to want to have intimacy with you, none of this is a malfunction. It's data.

Female arousal is context dependent, full stop, and the pleasure centers in your brain go offline when you are dysregulated and managing too much, and you don't feel safe. That is not a character flaw. It is biology.

We also get into quiet quitting in relationships, what it actually looks like, why women have been doing it for generations, and why letting go of the rope might be the first real step toward healing. And the question that cuts through all of it: whom are you healing for?

2 spots remain for summer private coaching. Apply HERE

If you want to go deeper on super traits, over-functioning, and building a pleasure-centered relationship and life, the Pleasure-Centered Society on Substack is where that work lives. Join HERE

And if you want to understand the specific dynamic you're inside, the Pleasure Path Assessment is a private one-on-one deep dive. BOOK NOW.

CHAPTERS

0:00 You are overcompensating for problems you didn't create

2:15 The superwoman pattern and the trap of not being enough

5:10 Centering male desire vs centering your own pleasure

8:25 Why your low libido is actually data, not a defect

11:40 How domesticity and power dynamics impact desire

14:50 Quiet quitting in relationships and letting go of the rope

17:35 What happens when you stop overfunctioning

19:45 Distinguishing your work from their responsibility

20:05 How to reclaim your pleasure-centered life

We were taught how to avoid pregnancy and how to avoid STDs. That was it. Nobody taught us about pleasure, desire, or what intimacy is actually supposed to feel like.

Nobody taught us what coercion looks like inside a long-term relationship, or that consent is something ongoing and not something you say once and forfeit forever. Nobody told us that the clitoris is literally a pleasure organ, the only organ in the human body that exists purely for pleasure, and that we are allowed to treat it that way.

Andrew Phipps is the host of The Intimacy Inquiry podcast and a PhD candidate researching the ethics of AI relationships. He spent years in corporate real estate before deciding he wanted to make something his teenage kids could actually learn from.

What started as a podcast about intimacy became a deep excavation of power, pleasure, and everything society has deliberately left out of the conversation.

We talk about AI companions and whether a relationship with an AI is necessarily worse than a painful or coercive human one. We talk about the freeze response, and why so many women go to their trauma place and let whatever happens happen rather than risk making a situation worse by saying no. We talk about the one percent conviction rate for sexual assault and what that means for who actually holds power

What shifts, in relationships, in bodies, in entire lives, when pleasure stops being the last thing on the list and becomes the point?

If you have ever endured instead of wanted, performed instead of felt, or given more than you ever received, this episode is going to land.

Connect with Andrew: The Intimacy Inquiry Podcast

Connect with JORDIN

Subscribe to The Pleasure Path on Substack for deeper frameworks, case studies, and diagnostic tools that accompany this work.

And if you want to map out exactly where you are and where things are going wrong, book a Pleasure Path Assessment.

If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz.

-Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.

If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching.

1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins

Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE.

Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

CHAPTER

3:15 Andrew Phipps and the Intimacy Inquiry

6:40 The Ethics of AI Relationships

10:25 AI vs Human Connection Risks

14:50 Sex Work and Societal Perspectives

18:35 Why Pleasure is Vital for Health

22:10 Modern Sex Education for Teens

26:45 Women's Rights and Bodily Autonomy

31:15 Understanding Consent vs Coercion

35:40 The Reality of Power Dynamics

40:20 Ongoing Consent in Relationships

42:55 Redefining Sex and Pleasure

You have been told it is low libido. Maybe HSDD. Maybe perimenopause or a hormone problem. But what if your body is working perfectly? What if it is doing exactly what it is designed to do, and the system is the one that is failing you?

This is a reintroduction to The Pleasure Principles and to the work. Over the last decade of helping hundreds of women reconnect to their relationships and heal their sexuality, the same pattern kept showing up.

The high achievers, the over-givers, the people pleasers, they would do the work. They would regulate their nervous system, balance their hormones, and eat clean. And then something would happen, and it would all go to hell. Because no one was asking the right questions.

Questions like:

Do you like the sex you are having?

Do you orgasm?

What happens in your relationship when you say no?

Because if saying no costs you something, that is not a desire disorder. That is coercion. And of course, your body is shutting down. That is exactly what a healthy body does.

The desire is not lost. It is in there.

Your body is refusing to participate in something that is costing you, something that is pressure, something that gives very little in return.

This podcast is expanding. We are not just naming the symptom anymore. We are naming the system. And we are building pleasure-centered lives and relationships inside a world that keeps trying to extract from us.

Want to go even deeper and hang out with the community. Head to the Pleasure Path on Substack for the seven-day pleasure challenge and deeper resources. JOIN HERE

Connect with JORDIN

Subscribe to The Pleasure Path on Substack for deeper frameworks, case studies, and diagnostic tools that accompany this work.

And if you want to map out exactly where you are and where things are going wrong, book a Pleasure Path Assessment.

If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz.

-Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.

If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching.

1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins

Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE.

Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

Most of us are just surviving. Getting through the day. And we know that is not a condition for great sex, intimacy, and pleasure.

Kayla Moore is a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified sex therapist, and feminine liberation coach who left the clinical model for the same reason so many of us hit a wall. The system wasn't built to support humans, and trying to treat anxiety, depression, and intimacy issues inside a structure that extracts and exhausts just wasn't working.

In this conversation, Kayla and I talk about what it actually takes to come back to your body, your pleasure, and your rage. We get into why high-achieving women have zero access to their grief, why, if you are not angry right now about what is going on, that's a problem, and what it looks like to alchemize those feelings into something that can actually fuel you.

We also go deep on beauty standards, who created them and why, the patriarchal ladder we're all climbing without realizing it, and what it means to finally get off it.

Kayla is currently building the Sacred Fire Circle, a space to name what you're feeling, move it through your body, and turn grief and rage into joy and pleasure. Circles are among the most sacred ways people have come together for much of our existence. We've kind of lost that. This is about getting it back.

Connect with Kayla:

https://sacredfirecircle.carrd.co/

Find Kayla on Instagram at @‌priestessKaylaMoore

Connect with JORDIN

Subscribe to The Pleasure Path on Substack for deeper frameworks, case studies, and diagnostic tools that accompany this work.

And if you want to map out exactly where you are and where things are going wrong, book a Pleasure Path Assessment.

If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz.

-Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.

If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching.

1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins

Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE.

Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

JOIN: HOLD YOUR CENTER: For Women Who Are Done Losing Themselves to Overfunctioning April 29th, 2026

You have asked him to do it 17 times. It is still not done. That is not forgetfulness. That is not ADHD. That is weaponized incompetence, and it is the number one hidden brake on female desire that no one is naming correctly.

Weaponized incompetence is when a person performs helplessly in a specific domain so consistently and convincingly that the competent, over-functioning person stops expecting anything from them and permanently absorbs the task. He can't fold laundry, but he can manage a fantasy football team. He's helpless in the kitchen on a Tuesday, but when it comes to coordinating a boys' trip, they eat like kings. That is not a skill deficit. That is a choice.

And your body knows. Your brake does not switch off because the children are asleep, and he has indicated interest at 9:35 PM. Resentment is a brake. Carrying the full cognitive load of the household is a brake. Watching somebody be on their phone while you manage a meltdown, pack lunches, and coordinate tomorrow's logistics is a brake. That is not low libido. It is your body accurately responding to its environment.

We break down what weaponized incompetence actually is, why couples therapy misses it, how to spot it in your relationship, and why mismatched libidos and desire discrepancy are a power problem, not a communication problem.

Your pleasure centers do not care about how much you love him. They respond to felt safety, pleasure-centered equality, and actual partnership.

HOLD YOUR CENTER: For Women Who Are Done Losing Themselves to Overfunctioning is a three-hour experience for women who lose themselves to over-functioning. You will identify your patterns, interrupt them in real time, and learn how to hold someone else's discomfort without collapsing or trying to manage it.

*If you are a past client, DM for your discount code.

Subscribe to The Pleasure Path on Substack for deeper frameworks, case studies, and diagnostic tools that accompany this work.

And if you want to map out exactly where you are and where things are going wrong, book a Pleasure Path Assessment.

If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz.

-Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.

If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching.

1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins

Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE.

Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

Chapters

0:00 Intro and the gap in female health research

3:15 Defining pleasure-centered relationships

6:40 The dual control model: accelerators and brakes

9:50 What is weaponized incompetence?

13:10 The leisure time gap and domestic labor stats

16:25 How performance of helplessness creates a libido brake

19:45 Selective incompetence and DARVO explained

23:15 Why standard therapy fails to address power imbalances

26:30 The physical and emotional cost of overfunctioning

28:10 How to reclaim your power

JOIN: HOLD YOUR CENTER: For Women Who Are Done Losing Themselves to Overfunctioning April 29th, 2026

The same traits that make you exceptional at your career make you exquisitely sensitive to context in sex and relationships. You do not have low desire. You are not inherently bad at relationships.

As a high achiever, you are hypervigilant, not high maintenance.

Libido is not a fixed biological drive. It is dynamic and context-dependent, shaped by your nervous system, relational context, and psychological safety. That feeling of being unfulfilled is your body signaling that something is out of balance, but treating the wrong problem keeps you stuck.

Sexual coercion is any pattern that overrides your ability to freely choose intimacy. It becomes a chronic brake, and pressing the gas while that brake is engaged leads to exhaustion.

Safety is a physiological requirement. When you are tracking moods, calculating the cost of your no, or having sex out of obligation, your pleasure centers are off. Your body is doing its job.

The question to ask is simple. The last three times you had sex, what was the actual reason that you did? Not the story. The felt reason.

HOLD YOUR CENTER: For Women Who Are Done Losing Themselves to Overfunctioning is a three-hour experience for women who lose themselves to over-functioning. You will identify your patterns, interrupt them in real time, and learn how to hold someone else's discomfort without collapsing or trying to manage it.

*If you are a past client, DM for your discount code.

Subscribe to The Pleasure Path on Substack for deeper frameworks, case studies, and diagnostic tools that accompany this work.

And if you want to map out exactly where you are and where things are going wrong, book a Pleasure Path Assessment.

If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz.

-Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.

If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching.

1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins

Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE.

Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

Chapters 0:00 High achievers and the sensitivity to context 2:45 Why success doesn't translate to relationship ease 5:12 Defining the missing piece: Sexual coercion 8:30 The three levels of coercive beliefs 11:15 Accelerators vs. brakes in your nervous system 14:00 Identifying subtle coercion and obligation in sex 17:45 Why safety is a requirement for arousal 19:50 Overcoming the over-functioning pattern

Something very interesting is happening right now. The women I work with are splitting into two camps. One group is more connected than ever, having better sex than ever. The other group is burning it all down, choosing separation, choosing themselves.

Women with super traits do not have a lower capacity for desire. We have a higher sensitivity to everything surrounding it. We are exceptional at taking the temperature of the room, managing the emotional climate, and anticipating what is needed before it is asked. These are not weaknesses. They are survival strategies that make us extraordinary in every domain of life except one: erotic experience and intimate relationships.

What actually creates desire for a woman with super traits is not lingerie, a scheduled date night, or a glass of wine. It is feeling unseen versus seen. Unsafe versus safe. Carrying everything versus having someone handle something without being asked. His attention landed on her fully. Her own attention finally landed on herself. Attention given fully is foreplay. Safety, desire, turn on. They are all the same thing.

This is your map for what is actually working and what to bring to your partner.

Subscribe to The Pleasure Path on Substack for deeper frameworks, case studies, and diagnostic tools that accompany this work.

And if you want to map out exactly where you are and where things are going wrong, book a Pleasure Path Assessment.

If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz.

-Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.

If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching.

1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins

Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE.

Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

Are you the higher drive partner, wondering why your husband never wants sex as much as you do? Do you feel rejected, undesirable, or like something is wrong with you? You are not broken, and you are not alone.

I am answering your most pressing questions about mismatched libidos, how to close the desire gap in your relationship, the best vibrators for women's pleasure, and why a self-pleasure practice is one of the most powerful things you can do for your health, hormones, and relationships.

We cover everything from expanding your definition of sex beyond penis and vagina, to mutual masturbation, to how to stop thinking about your to-do list and actually be present during sex. Yes, we are going there.

Whether you want to know which vibrator to start with, how to communicate your desires to a lower drive partner, or how to get out of your head and into your body, this Q&A has the answers you have been waiting for.

Because good sex requires pleasure, presence, and connection, and you deserve all three.

If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching.

1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins

Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE.

If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz.

-Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.

Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

If you are honest with yourself, most high-functioning women already know the answer. Needs are the basics, the foundation. But desire is different. It is where intimacy, connection, and pleasure actually live, and it is the first thing to go when you are overfunctioning.

This is what I see every day. Women who are successful, capable, and holding everything together, but feel disconnected in their relationships. Not because something is wrong with them, but because they have lost access to their own desires.

When you are living in your head, planning, managing, and carrying the emotional load, your body shifts into survival mode. Low libido, lack of arousal, and feeling disconnected are not just hormone issues. They reflect your nervous system and the dynamics in your relationship.

Over time, this creates relationships where you are great teammates but not lovers. You ask for less than you need, or stop asking altogether. You default to your partner and lose connection to yourself.

There are three patterns driving this. Being cut off from your desires, living in your head instead of your body, and beliefs that keep you overfunctioning while your needs go unmet. From the outside, everything looks fine. On the inside, you feel exhausted and disconnected, unsure why it is so hard to feel fulfilled.

If your needs and your desires are not being met, your body already knows. This does not change by trying harder. It changes when you reconnect to your body, your desires, and what allows you to experience intimacy again.

If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching.

1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins

Want to go deeper? Join me over on Substack for The Pleasure Path, HERE.

If you want to understand your patterns first, take the Super Trait Quiz.

-Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.

Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]