This Complex Life

As a parent or guardian, talking to kids and teens about sex, consent, and relationships can feel overwhelming, especially if these topics were never discussed in your own upbringing. In this solo episode, I delve into the common questions I receive from parents about how to navigate these essential conversations.

From the basics of when to start talking about sex to the importance of consent and respect, I share practical tips and insights to help you feel more confident and prepared. Whether you're raising little ones or navigating the teenage years, it's never too late to start these discussions and create a safe space for open communication.

• Start Early: Begin conversations about bodies, privacy, and consent from a young age, gradually building on these topics as your child grows.
• Be Honest and Age-Appropriate: Answer questions truthfully while keeping the information suitable for your child’s developmental stage.
• Normalise the Conversation: Use everyday moments, like TV shows or real-life situations, to naturally introduce topics related to sex and relationships.
• Respect Boundaries: Teach your children about the importance of personal boundaries and consent, and model this behaviour in your daily interactions.
• Lead by Example: Show your kids what healthy communication and respect look like by practising these values yourself.
• Stay Calm and Open: Approach these conversations without judgement or criticism, and encourage your child to ask questions whenever they need to.
• Use Reputable Resources: Direct your children to trustworthy sources of information if they’re hesitant to talk directly with you, and ensure they understand how to evaluate the reliability of what they find online.

Other relevant episodes 

https://marievakakis.com.au/why-doesnt-my-teen-listen-to-me-anymore/ 

• Raising Children Network: Trusted advice on talking to kids about sex and relationships.
• Scarleteen: Inclusive and comprehensive resources for teens on sex, sexuality, and relationships.

Feel free to reach out with your questions or share your thoughts with me about this episode—I’m here to help you navigate this important part of parenting!

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In today's episode, I chat with Dr. Sarah Ashton, a psychologist with over 15 years of experience and the founder of Sexual Health and Intimacy Psychological Services (SHIPS). I'm excited about this guest because of her unique approach to addressing sexual health through a psychological lens. I like her work because it doesn't shy away from the topics that often make us uncomfortable but are essential for our wellbeing. We dive into the common misconceptions about sex and relationships, and why it's so important to talk openly about these issues. Dr. Ashton shares insights into the "sexual scripts" we've all internalised, often without realising it, and how they shape our intimate lives.

• Sexual Scripts: We discuss how these learned patterns influence our expectations and behaviours in sexual relationships.
• Misconceptions About Sex: Dr. Ashton talks about the rigid beliefs around sex, such as the notion that it must end in orgasm, and how these ideas can lead to anxiety and dissatisfaction.
• The Role of Culture in Sexual Beliefs: An exploration of how cultural background impacts our views on sex and relationships.
• Mindfulness and Sensation in Sex: Practical tips on how to reconnect with your body and improve intimacy through mindfulness.
• The Challenge of Finding the Right Therapist: Guidance on how to navigate the search for a therapist who is a good fit for discussing sexual health.

Dr. Sarah Ashton is a psychologist and the founder of Sexual Health and Intimacy Psychological Services (SHIPS), the first practice in Australia focused on sexual health from a psychological perspective. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Ashton has been instrumental in creating spaces for open discussions about sex and relationships, offering evidence-based therapies and training.

• Book: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski – A highly recommended read for understanding sexual function with easy-to-understand language and practical exercises.
• Website: https://www.shipspsychology.com.au/ – Visit for blogs, resources, and information on sexual health and intimacy.
• https://sexual-health-intimacy-psychological-training.teachable.com/p/sexual-health-and-intimacy-training-community.  
• Instagram: – Follow for regular insights and information on sexual health topics.

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Do you ever feel like your teen tunes you out the moment you start talking? Or maybe every conversation seems to end in a heated argument? It’s frustrating, right? In this episode, I’m diving deep into the reasons why your teen might not be listening to you anymore and what you can do to change that. As a therapist and relationships educator, I’ve seen these patterns in so many families, and today, I’m sharing practical insights to help you reconnect with your teen.

In this episode, we’ll explore how the natural shift in your teen’s need for independence can lead to communication breakdowns, and I’ll offer some strategies to help you transition from being the “manager” of their life to a more supportive “consultant” role. Let’s dig into how you can model the behaviours you want to see in your teen, focus on building trust, and ultimately, foster a stronger connection with them.

As your child grows into their teenage years, their desire for independence increases. This can often result in them appearing to ignore you when you ask them to do something. It’s not always about defiance—sometimes, they’re asserting their growing autonomy.

If you feel like your child is no longer listening to you, it might be time to examine the way you’re communicating. Are you still acting as a “manager” in their life, or have you shifted to a “consultant” role? Teens respond better when they feel respected and heard, rather than managed.

Constant correction and criticism can make your teen feel undervalued, leading to frequent arguments. Prioritising connection over correction can help reduce these conflicts and make conversations more constructive.

Losing connection with your teen can be distressing. Building trust through consistent, respectful, and empathetic communication is key to maintaining that important bond.

Connected Teens Program: A six-module, on-demand training for parents of teens designed to help you build stronger, more connected relationships with your children.

• Is Your Teen Changing Overnight? Here's What’s Happening
• My teens aren't interested in me. What do I do?
• Watch on YouTube
• Full notes and transcript can be found here.

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In today's episode, I chat with Amal, a dedicated counsellor and passionate advocate for young men's mental health. I'm excited by this guest because Amal has a unique perspective, transitioning from engineering to counselling, which gives him a fascinating approach to understanding and supporting young men's emotional lives. I admire his ability to explain complex mental health concepts in relatable ways, making it easier for parents and educators to support the young men in their lives.

• Young Men's Emotional Expression: Amal highlights the misconception that young men are not in touch with their emotions, explaining how societal expectations often hinder their ability to express feelings.
• Role of Male Figures: We discuss the vital role of fathers and male role models in fostering emotional openness and how their involvement can positively impact young men.
• Challenges in Diverse Communities: Amal shares insights into the unique challenges faced by young men from migrant and refugee backgrounds, emphasising the importance of understanding cultural stigmas around mental health.
• Practical Advice for Parents: Amal provides actionable advice for parents on how to create an environment where young men feel comfortable discussing their emotions.
• Analogies and Personal Stories: Using powerful analogies and personal experiences, Amal illustrates the importance of community and vulnerability in supporting mental health.

Amal Saleh-Zada is a registered counsellor with over ten years of experience working with adolescents, young adults, and adults. He considers the role of a counsellor to be a privilege and believes that humour is his biggest strength in the counselling space.

Amal is particularly interested in men’s mental health and is dedicated to creating a safe space for open discussions about feelings, emotions, and the challenges that men face. He understands that the quality of the working relationship significantly impacts the counselling process. Amal works collaboratively with his clients to help increase their self-awareness and explore any obstacles preventing them from living their best lives. He aims to develop the necessary skills for his clients to achieve their goals.

Amal works at a local highschool and at The Therpay Hub

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Hey everyone, it’s Marie Vakakis here, your host of This Complex Life. In today’s episode, I’m flying solo to chat about a topic that’s often a mystery to many – understanding the whirlwind of changes teens go through. If you’ve ever felt bewildered, stressed, or even a little left out by your teenager’s sudden transformation, you’re not alone. Today, we’ll delve into what’s happening for them and how we can better support them through these turbulent years.

Being a parent of a teenager can feel like navigating uncharted waters. One day they’re your sweet, cuddly child, and the next, they’re cranky, secretive, and shutting you out. In this episode, I break down the various changes teens experience – from physical and hormonal shifts to the emotional rollercoaster they’re on. We’ll discuss how to handle these changes, maintain open communication, and support your teen while they discover who they are. It’s all about patience, empathy, and understanding their world.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding Adolescent Development: Learn about the significant physical and emotional changes that occur during adolescence, akin to the rapid growth seen from birth to three years old.
• Communicating with Empathy: Discover the importance of listening without judgment and validating your teen’s experiences to build a stronger connection.
• Negotiating Boundaries: Tips on setting boundaries through negotiation rather than dictation, helping teens feel included and respected.
• Allowing Safe Risk-Taking: The value of letting teens take risks in a safe environment to foster independence and problem-solving skills.
• Talking About Sex: Why it’s crucial to have ongoing, open conversations about sex, consent, and safe relationships with your teen.
• Keeping Communication Open: Strategies for letting your teen know you’re there for them without feeling suffocated or interrogated.
• Recognising When to Seek Help: Signs that indicate it might be time to seek professional support for your teen’s mental health.

Resources:

• Free eBook: Why Won’t My Talk to Me? – Download my free eBook for more detailed insights and exercises to help you connect with your teen.

https://marievakakis.com.au/my-teen-wont-talk-to-me/

• Connected Teens Program: Learn more about my program, which is designed to support families through the adolescent years.

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Join me in this episode as we navigate the complexities of teenage development together. Remember, you’re not alone in this -

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In today's episode, I chat with Michael, a family therapist and accredited mental health social worker, about the crucial topic of men's mental health. We delve into the often uncomfortable but essential discussion around shame and stigma, and how addressing these can lead to healing and stronger connections. I'm excited by this guest because Michael has a wealth of experience and insight into the unique challenges men face when seeking support. I particularly appreciate his perspective on emotional expression and the importance of sitting with our feelings.

• Men and Emotional Expression: Michael discusses how men often prefer solutions and the importance of encouraging them to sit with their emotions.
• Impact of Shame: We explore how shame influences men's mental health and their willingness to seek help.
• Overcoming Stigma: Michael shares strategies for addressing the stigma around men's mental health.
• Building Healthy Relationships: Practical tips on how men can build deeper and more meaningful connections.
• Finding the Right Therapist: Advice on what to look for in a therapist to ensure a good fit.
• Support Systems: The role of support systems in helping men manage their mental health.
• Personal Stories: Michael shares insightful stories from his professional experience that highlight the impact of addressing shame.

Michael is a family therapist and accredited mental health social worker with extensive experience in men's mental health. His work focuses on helping men navigate their emotions and overcome the stigma associated with seeking mental health support.

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In today's solo episode, I'm excited to share a powerful tool that can help transform your relationship in just one hour a week—the State of the Union meeting. Created by the renowned John and Julie Gottman, this technique is all about building stronger, more empathetic relationships.

In this episode, I discuss how dedicating just one hour a week to a structured conversation with your partner can make a huge difference. I'll guide you through the steps of these meetings, from starting with appreciation to tackling issues constructively. This is one of my favourite techniques to teach couples, and I'm thrilled to share it with you.

Key Takeaways:

• The importance of setting aside one hour a week for your relationship.
• How to start your State of the Union meeting with appreciation.
• Tips for discussing issues with a focus on personal feelings, not blame.
• Understanding and validating your partner's perspective.
• The ATTUNE acronym: Awareness, Tolerance, Turning Towards, Understanding, Non-defensive listening, Empathy.
• Making repair attempts and discussing missed or overlooked issues.
• How to end the meeting by asking what you can do to make your partner feel more loved next week.

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In today's episode, I chatted with a leading expert in positive psychology who has dedicated his life to promoting mental health and well-being. I'm excited by this guest because he not only shares valuable insights but also speaks openly about his own experiences with mental illness, aiming to destigmatise these important issues. I like his book because it provides practical strategies for building happiness and resilience, making these concepts accessible to everyone.

Episode Content

• Destigmatising Mental Illness: We discuss how sharing personal stories can help reduce the stigma around mental health issues.
• Practical Mental Health Strategies: Learn techniques for improving mental health, similar to building physical strength at the gym.
• Debunking Happiness Myths: We tackle common misconceptions about happiness, including the idea that it should come naturally or that we should be happy all the time.
• Positive Psychology: Explore how shifting from traditional clinical psychology to positive psychology can enhance well-being.
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Understand the balance between accepting our emotions and committing to positive actions.
• Toxic Positivity: Discuss the dangers of unrealistic positivity and the importance of acknowledging all emotions.
• Men's Mental Health: Highlight the unique challenges men face regarding mental health, including how depression can present differently in men and women.
• Supportive Relationships: Tips on how to be there for someone struggling with mental health without trying to "fix" them.

About

Dr. Tim Sharp 

Chief Happiness Officer – The Happiness Institute 

An internationally renowned leader in the field of Positive Psychology Dr. Tim Sharp (aka Dr. Happy) is a sought after Speaker and Facilitator, Consultant and Coach, Writer and Podcaster, Spokesperson and Brand Ambassador.

www.drhappy.com.au

https://www.linkedin.com/in/drtimsharp

https://www.instagram.com/thehappinessinstitute

https://twitter.com/drhappy

https://www.facebook.com/TheHappinessInstitute

@thehappinessinstutue IG and FB 

Resources

• R U OK? Day
• Beyond Blue
• Black Dog Institute

For the full transcript and show notes, please visit the website.

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In today’s episode, I chat with Shannon Molloy, a journalist and author whose latest book, You Made Me This Way, delves into the impact of childhood trauma and the resilience needed to overcome it. I'm excited by this guest because Shannon's insights into trauma and resilience are both profound and relatable. I like his book because it provides a raw and courageous exploration of personal and societal issues, making this conversation both enlightening and inspiring. This episode covers a deeply moving topic that's often hidden behind closed doors and only shared with a therapist or a trusted loved one. By sharing Shannon's story, I'm hoping to destigmatise this often taboo and difficult subject.

In this episode, we discuss

Shannon explains how storytelling can humanise and address difficult topics. He believes that "when you put humanity back into a topic like child sexual abuse or mental health, you bring the community along with you, and that's when you can affect real change."

Shannon shares his journey in confronting and writing about his trauma. He candidly discusses the challenges he faced and the realisation that he is not alone in his struggles. "The suppression of it, I mean, and then, you know, the more I spoke to him, the more I looked into the topic, the more I realised that I'm not unique."

Shannon highlights the injustices faced by men who carry the burden of untold stories. "There’s a real injustice in that, and I don’t think it’s an accident that, this is the way things are. It enraged me that there’s a not insignificant number of men walking around with this enormous burden on their shoulders, and they, for so many reasons, feel like they can never tell anyone."

Quotes

- "You're not broken. You're not a deviant or in some way defective. This is a scientific reaction to the most unspeakable hurt inflicted on you as a child. This isn't your fault." - Shannon Molloy

- "There’s a real injustice in that, and I don’t think it’s an accident that that is the way things are. It enraged me that there’s a not insignificant number of men walking around with this enormous burden on their shoulders, and they, for so many reasons, feel like they can never tell anyone." - Shannon Molloy

About Shannon Molloy

Shannon Molloy is an award-winning journalist and author with more than fifteen years' experience working for major media outlets spanning print, digital and publishing. He began his career at Fairfax in Brisbane as an award-winning news reporter and has since covered property, business, entertainment and human interest. He spent seven years working for News Corp as an entertainment reporter and feature writer, then as News Editor of news.com.au. He is currently the News Editor at realestate.com.au.

Shannon was the 2020 recipient of Journalist of the Year at the Mumbrella Publish Awards. His debut book, Fourteen, a memoir about growing up gay in regional Queensland, is a critically acclaimed bestseller that was turned into a sell-out hit stage production and is now being adapted for the screen.

Shannon also contributes to various charity organisations and founded the annual Clare Atkinson Memorial Scholarship for journalism at The University of Queensland.

Resources Mentioned

📖 You Made Me This Way by Shannon Molloy 

✉️ https://www.shannonmolloy.com.au/ 

Information for support services related to childhood trauma and sexual abuse

Lifeline Australia

• Website: www.lifeline.org.au
• Phone: 13 11 14

1800RESPECT

• Website: www.1800respect.org.au
• Phone: 1800 737 732

Blue Knot Foundation

• Website: www.blueknot.org.au
• Phone: 1300 657 380

Kids Helpline

• Website: www.kidshelpline.com.au
• Phone: 1800 55 1800

Headspace

• Website: www.headspace.org.au
• Phone: 1800 650 890

Men's Line Australia

• Website: www.mensline.org.au
• Phone: 1300 78 99 78

For the full transcript and show notes please visit the website

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Navigating Conflict and Embracing Vulnerability

In this special Mens Health Month episode, I’m joined by John Flanagan, an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and certified Gottman therapist. Today, we’re focusing on important aspects of men's mental health.

We break down myths about men and emotional expression, explore the importance of creating supportive environments, and share practical advice on how to talk about feelings. We also explore how conflict can strengthen relationships and why validation is key to effective communication.

Debunking Myths about Men’s Emotions

• John challenges the idea that men struggle to talk about their feelings: "I think men are very capable of engaging in conversations about what's going on in their world and inside them. It's not about a genetic flaw; it's about creating environments that encourage such conversations."

Creating Supportive Environments

• We discuss how to foster spaces that encourage men to share their emotions and feel safe doing so.

The Role of Validation

• Understanding how to validate someone’s feelings without agreeing with them: "You can validate and be connected or be right and be alone. Validation is about acknowledging the person's experience."

Conflict as a Tool

• Discover how conflict can help you understand your partner better and strengthen your relationship.

Practical Advice

• Get actionable tips on fostering better communication and emotional expression, including the use of open-ended questions and creating safe spaces for emotional conversations.

Repairing Relationships

• Learn why making repairs after conflicts is crucial and how to do it effectively.

Community Support

• Explore ways to find support in your community, even outside of therapy.

• "I think men are very capable of engaging in conversations about what's going on in their world and inside them. It's not about a genetic flaw; it's about creating environments that encourage such conversations."

John  Flanagan

• "You can validate and be connected or be right and be alone. Validation is about acknowledging the person's experience."

About your guest 

John has an extensive history working with and supporting individuals and couples since completing his Bachelor of Social Work in 1988 and later a Masters in Gestalt Therapy and certification in Gottman Couples Therapy.

John is one of the first two Certified Gottman Couple Therapists in Australia - 

and only two Australians to hold the title of Certified Gottman Couple Therapist, Advanced Clinical Trainer and Consultant. 

Not only does John provide the accredited training for all of the Gottman Levels in Australia, he also facilitates many other trainings to professionals, key note speaking to groups as well as being a co author of '365 Simple Ideas to Improve your Relationship'

John regularly has clients seek his services from all around the world.

Resources

Gottman card deck app - on smartphone

Books 

7 principles to make marriage work by John Gottman

8 Dates book

John Gottman, PhD and Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD. Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life  Emily Nagoski

Fight Right How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman and Dr. John Gottman  

 https://www.youtube.com/@TheGottmanInstitute 

Contact 

https://www.burleighheadspsychology.com.au/ 

https://relationshipinstitute.com.au/

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset