This Complex Life

In this episode of This Complex Life, I chat with Simon Rinne, a lived experience therapist who specialises in men's mental health. Simon shares his personal story with obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, anxiety, and burnout, offering a unique perspective on the challenges men face when dealing with mental health issues. Simon and I explore how depression differs between men and women, societal and cultural factors, and the importance of supportive environments.

Key Topics Discussed:

1. Simon's personal journey with mental health and his passion for helping others.

2. Differences in how depression manifests in men and women.

3. Societal and cultural influences on men's mental health.

4. Common signs and symptoms of depression in men.

5. Barriers men face in seeking help and how to encourage them to seek support.

6. The impact of depression on daily life, relationships, and family dynamics.

7. Practical strategies for couples to support each other through mental health challenges.

1.      Simon on societal expectations for men:      

   - "Thinking back to those days, the keywords that come up for me, particularly for guys, is the suck it up, you know, culture in Australia."

2.      Simon on the role of anger in men's depression:     

   - "Anger is the one that comes to mind and, you know, whether it's family, domestic violence, or it's just, they just feel angry with the world. Maybe they're having workplace issues or relationship issues and anger is, is, is the culturally accepted way that guys know how to deal with this stuff."

3.      Simon on the importance of finding the right therapist:     

   - "Whenever I speak to someone, I say interview your therapist or do some research on your therapist before you go in there. Because if you go in there, oh, there's a psychologist, or they're a mental health social worker or counsellor, whoever, and they're not interested in male depression, why are you in there?"

Follow Simon Rinne:

- Website: https://mindful-men.com.au)

- Mindful Men Podcast: Available on all major podcast platforms.

Get the full show notes and transcript here

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

If you've ever wondered about the real reasons behind addiction or how to navigate social pressures around alcohol, this episode is for you. In this episode, I chat with Tara Herster, a psychologist specialising in addiction and substance use. Tara breaks down common myths about addiction and offers practical strategies for managing substance use, dealing with social pressures, and exploring sober dating. Her insights challenge the traditional views on addiction and provide a fresh perspective on coping mechanisms and building authentic connections without relying on substances.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

• Understanding Addiction Beyond the Myths
• Addiction isn't about weakness or moral failure; it's often a coping mechanism.
• Tara's path from high school to addiction specialist.
• Addiction Isn't a Disease
• Addiction as a learned behaviour for dealing with stress.
• Tara's experiences in an inpatient psychiatric hospital.
• Practical Strategies for Managing Substance Use
• The HALT method: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (plus Hydrated and Health).
• “Anytime we are engaging in something that we don’t necessarily want to do though we just find ourselves doing it in a mindless way it’s because of HALT.”
• Navigating Social Pressures Around Alcohol
• Strategies for handling social pressures.
• “I appreciate, I’m just not drinking today,” or “I’ve got antibiotics.”
• Sober Dating: Building Authentic Connections
• Tips for dating without alcohol.
• The FRIES acronym: Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific.
• “You attract what you put out,” and “Building connections without substances can lead to more authentic relationships.”
• The Sober Curious Movement
• Exploring life without alcohol.
• The trend among younger generations.

Quotes from the Episode:

• Tara Hurster:
• “Anytime we are engaging in something that we don’t necessarily want to do though we just find ourselves doing it in a mindless way it’s because of HALT.”
• “Addiction is not an illness. It's not a weakness. It's not a disease. It is something that people have learned how to most effectively and most efficiently solve the problem of their experience.”

Resources Mentioned:

• Alcohol and Drug Information Service: 1800 250 015, ADIS Website

Connect with Tara Hurster:

• Website: Tara Clinic
• Instagram: @taraHurster

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share it with your friends. Don't forget to subscribe for more insightful conversations on This Complex Life.

Get the full transcript here

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In this episode, I address a heartfelt question from a listener, a 62-year-old father who feels disconnected from his teenage daughters. He is eager to understand their changing interests and how to maintain a meaningful relationship despite feeling sidelined. I provide insights into adolescent development, effective communication strategies without emotional pressure, and the importance of evolving from a managerial to a consultant role in parenting.

• Adolescent Development: Understanding the normal shifts in behaviour and interests as teenagers seek independence and form their own identities.
• Effective Communication: Strategies for engaging teenagers in a way that fosters connection rather than conflict, including the use of open-ended questions and avoiding criticism.
• Parental Role Adaptation: Transitioning from manager to consultant

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding Adolescence: It's normal for teenagers to seek more peer interaction and explore personal interests as part of their development.
• Communication Techniques: Utilising less critical and more curious approaches can help maintain a connection with teenage children.
• Role Adjustment: Parents can adapt their roles and approaches as their children grow, moving towards a consultative role that respects the child's growing autonomy.

"As parents, your job shifts from being a manager to a consultant as your child grows." — Marie

"Effective communication is about curiosity, not criticism." — Marie

SIGN up for Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/courses/connected-teens/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In this episode of "This Complex Life," I speak with Dr Lucy, We delve into the profound relationship between our mindset, eating habits, and overall well-being. Dr. Lucy, a dedicated medical practitioner and co-founder of Real Life Medicine, sheds light on the importance of understanding the psychology behind our eating patterns and moving beyond diet-centric approaches to foster a life filled with joy, energy, and health.

Whether you're struggling with diet culture, seeking sustainable health solutions, or curious about the psychological aspects of eating, this conversation might be just what you need

Themes:

• The Psychology of Eating: Exploring the impact of mindset on our eating habits and how societal pressures and diet culture contribute to our food choices.
• Beyond Dieting: A discussion on why focusing solely on weight loss is not the answer and how Real Life Medicine approaches health and well-being.
• Empowerment Through Knowledge: Understanding the role of processed foods, stress, and emotional well-being in our health journey.

Key Takeaways:

• Mindset Matters: Our psychological state plays a significant role in our eating habits, influencing both our food choices and our relationship with food.
• The Fallacy of Diet Culture: Dr. Lucy highlights the limitations of dieting and the importance of focusing on overall health rather than just weight loss.
• Navigating Stress and Emotions: The conversation uncovers practical strategies for managing stress and emotional triggers that affect our eating patterns.

Featured Quotes:

• "When you understand why you eat, that's the biggest piece of the puzzle." – Dr. Lucy
• "Processed food steals the joy of real food." – Dr. Lucy
• "Eating is not a team sport; it's an individual pursuit." – Dr. Lucy

About your guest

Dr Lucy is passionate about health. She helps women who have tried every diet under the sun optimise their health and achieve long lasting weight loss by improving metabolism and managing mindset so they can reduce the effects of chronic disease, have more energy and confidence and stop living life on the sidelines.

She was an “expert dieter” and an “expert emotional eater”. She developed obesity, fatty liver and pre-diabetes. As a medical doctor, this was mortifying.  She has completely abandoned traditional dieting and embraces a real food lifestyle.

Dr Lucy is a medical doctor, a lifestyle medicine physician, and is trained in many facets of psychological medicine including hypnotherapy.

She runs online holistic health and weight programs with her colleague Dr Mary Barson. They have now helped thousands of women reclaim their health. They are both very real and relatable and embody their company name - Real Life Medicine

Read the full transcript here

Mentioned Links and Resources:

Website https://www.rlmedicine.com/

The 12 week Mind Body Rebalancejoin the  wait list

https://www.rlmedicine.com/12WMBR

Free Ebook Weight Loss is all about Hormones

https://www.rlmedicine.com/weightloss-ebook

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/reallifemedicine

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/real_life_medicine/

@real_life_medicine

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In this episode, I address a listener's question on how to support a daughter through the trauma of sexual assault with sensitivity and without adding to her burden. 

Themes:

• Responding to Sexual Assault: Understanding the significance of a supportive response and how it can influence a survivor's recovery journey.
• Practical Tips for Support: I discuss tangible steps and strategies for supporting survivors, emphasising autonomy, safe spaces, and the importance of consent even in familial interactions.
• Navigating the Healing Process: Insights into the healing journey, acknowledging the uniqueness of each survivor's experience and the importance of patience and personal care in recovery.

Key Takeaways:

• Believe and Support: The paramount importance of believing the survivor and offering unconditional support, understanding, and empathy.
• Empowering Autonomy: Strategies to empower survivors by offering choices and respecting their autonomy in the healing process.
• Self-care for Supporters: The necessity for supporters to seek their own support, recognising the impact of secondary trauma and ensuring they are well-equipped to provide sustained assistance.

Featured Quotes:

• "Your support is crucial, and you can support them by believing them, being a good listener, and never blaming them." – Marie Vakakis
• "Approach with care and allow as much autonomy and choice as you can." – Marie Vakakis
• "Listen actively and with empathy, allowing her to express thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment." – Marie Vakakis

Mentioned Links and Resources:

• 1-800-RESPECT: A national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service for Australians.
• https://aifs.gov.au/resources/resource-sheets/mandatory-reporting-child-abuse-and-neglect
• https://fullstop.org.au/get-help/our-services

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In today’s episode, I dive deep into the heart of self-growth and relationships with the return of esteemed guest, Dr. Jenny Brown. 

Join us as we explore her work on emotional maturity, based on her book, "Growing Yourself Up. How to Bring Your Best to All of Life's Relationships"

Together, we uncover the nuanced ways our personal development influences and is influenced by our relationships. Dr. Brown shares enlightening insights into achieving autonomy while fostering meaningful connections, grounding her discussion in both personal experiences and Bowen Family Systems Theory. This conversation is a 

must-listen for anyone seeking to navigate the complexities of self and relationships with grace and wisdom.

Themes:

• Self-Growth and Relationships: We delve into the symbiotic relationship between individual growth and our interactions with others, shedding light on the crucial role of self-awareness.
• Bowen Family Systems Theory: Dr. Brown demystifies this theory, making it accessible and highlighting its significance across the various stages of adult life.
• Navigating Autonomy and Connection: A closer look at finding balance between independence and relational ties, and the continuous journey towards maturity.

Key Takeaways:

• The Journey of Self-Reflection: Understanding our impact within relationships is key to our personal and relational growth.
• Lifelong Maturity: Dr. Brown reminds us that maturity is not a destination but a journey, offering growth opportunities at every life stage.
• Strategies for Family Dynamics: Practical advice on maintaining one’s self in the midst of family pressures, particularly during festive seasons.

Mentioned Links and Resources:

• Growing Yourself Up by Dr. Jenny Brown – A key resource for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of themselves and their relationships through the lens of family systems theory.
• Past interview with Dr Jenny Brown - Episode 78 https://marievakakis.com.au/building-stronger-parent-child-relationships-a-conversation-with-jenny-brown/ 

Dr Jenny Brown has been working in the field of child and family mental health and family therapy since the 1980’s. She has been a trainer and supervisor in the field in Australia and internationally for over 20 years. Jenny is Emeritus Executive Director of the Family Systems Institute Sydney, which she co-founded in 2004. She currently directs the Family Systems Practice and the Parent Hope Project (manualized interventions in child mental health). She is a clinical member and supervisor for the Australian Association of Family Therapy and, in 2018, received the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy award for distinguished contribution to family therapy in Australia. In 2022 she received the annual research award from Bowen Centre for the Study of the Family in Washington DC.

parenthopeproject.com.au; 

thefsi.com.au

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In today's episode, the tables have turned as Jodi Green interviews me, discussing some of the differences between coaching and therapy.

Key Insights:

• Coaching vs. Therapy: We discuss the distinctions between coaching and therapy in supporting folk with ADHD. We explore the differences and similarities
• Impact on Relationships: Addressing the ripple effects of ADHD on personal connections. From executive functioning challenges to time blindness and rejection sensitivity, we explore how these factors can influence the dynamics of relationships.
• Trial and Error in Therapy: Embracing the journey of self-discovery and experimentation. Highlighting the importance of building trust, recognising individual needs, and fostering a supportive environment for clients to voice their preferences.

About your guest

Jodi Green

''I believe in people with ADHD. I am here to be your coach and cheerleader as you find the sweet spot in your life, with ADHD in the mix. I am a certified ADHD Life Coach, and over the last 6 years I've helped hundreds of people living with ADHD. Personal and professional experience mean I know it's not easy, but I think I've figured out the perfect mix of support and coaching (IMHO!). If you are willing to believe in yourself, and want a partner to walk with you along the weekly ups and downs towards your goals, I'm your girl.''

https://www.adhd-id.com.au/adhd-coach-melbourne/

Connect with Marie

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In this episode of This Complex Life, I talk with Jodi Green, an ADHD coach about ADHD, the impact it can have on relationships and strategies for managing it.

Key Takeaways:

• Jodi Green emphasises that ADHD coaching is not about forcing someone into doing hard things; it's more about making tasks achievable and finding strategies to make them more interesting or easier.
• Tipping points in life, such as transitions from high school to university or entering the workforce, can trigger a need for new strategies to cope with changing structures.
• Many women get diagnosed later in life, often due to shifting structures like motherhood, we discuss the importance of being open to exploring how tasks can be made more manageable.
• ADHD affects executive functions, such as planning, organising, and time management, which can lead to various challenges in daily life. These challenges are unique to each individual with ADHD.
• The impact of undiagnosed ADHD can lead to feelings of shame, self-doubt, and internalised negative beliefs. Diagnosis can provide clarity and understanding, allowing individuals to reframe their experiences.
• Rejection sensitivity is common in people with ADHD, and it can affect relationships. Understanding that emotional reactions are often related to ADHD symptoms can help partners provide support and empathy.
• Effective communication in relationships involves recognising the root causes of behaviours related to ADHD. It's important to avoid the parent-child dynamic and instead focus on collaborative problem-solving.
• ADHD can lead to hyperfixation on certain tasks or interests. While some tasks may be less enjoyable, Jodi suggests finding ways to make them more engaging or outsourcing them.
• Jodi recommends that adults who suspect they have ADHD seek a diagnosis through a psychologist or psychiatrist. Don't hesitate to seek a second opinion.
• The transition from high school to college or the workforce can be a tipping point for individuals with ADHD, as structures change, and new challenges emerge.
• Coaching can be a valuable resource for adults with ADHD, helping them identify strategies and solutions tailored to their unique challenges.
• In seeking a coach, it's essential to look for professionals who have received specific ADHD coaching training and, if possible, are members of the International Coach Federation (ICF) to ensure ethical standards.

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

Connect with Jodi

https://www.adhd-id.com.au/adhd-coach-melbourne/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

When was the last time you felt like your teen just wasn't listening to you? It can be incredibly frustrating, especially when you're trying to help or guide them. In this episode, I’m tackling one of the most common questions parents ask: Why doesn’t my teen listen to me anymore?

We’ll explore three common reasons this happens and how you can shift your approach to improve communication. From offering advice at the right time, to balancing feedback with encouragement, and understanding how their brain is wired differently as they grow, I share some practical tips you can use to foster a better connection with your teen.

Key Takeaways:

• Advice overload: Teens often resist advice if they haven’t been heard first. Phrases like “you should” or “if you just” can shut down communication before it starts.
• Empathy first: Acknowledge their emotions and give them space to explore solutions before jumping in with your own suggestions.
• Balancing feedback: If your conversations are mainly requests or corrections (like chores), your teen may feel unseen or criticised. Be mindful to balance this with recognising their efforts and strengths.
• Brain changes: As teens grow, their brains respond more to external voices and new stimuli. It’s not personal, but it does mean you might need to adjust how you grab their attention.
• Positive reinforcement: Compliments on things outside of chores, like their loyalty to friends or efforts in school, can make everyday requests feel less critical.
• Timing matters: Suggesting a break or circling back to a conversation later can give your teen the space they need to process without feeling overwhelmed.

Resources:

• If you missed it, check out yesterday’s episode on Why won’t my teen talk to me after school? for more insights on teen communication.

Join me tomorrow as I answer the question: Why doesn’t my teen want to spend time with the family?

It’s an important one, so stay tuned!

connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset