This Complex Life

In this episode I’ll be talking about Bids for Connection, those small gestures that can make or break a relationship. From couples to parents and teenagers, we'll explore the importance of responding positively to these bids with kindness and love to create stronger connections and build trust.

Research has shown that a healthy relationship can have significant positive effects on our mental and physical health, while unhealthy relationships can have a negative impact on our mental and physical health.

One to build strong connections in intimate relationships is by using bids for connection.

Bids for Connection are little actions or communications used by someone to establish or maintain a connection with another person. They can be obvious or subtle, spoken or unspoken.

I share the three common ways people respond to bids 

Turning Towards, Turning Away, and Turning Towards Unkindly 

 and why it's essential to be mindful of our reactions.

Key Takeaways:

• Recognising bids for connection fosters emotional intimacy and trust.
• Responding positively to bids creates a nurturing and supportive relationship environment.
• Missed bids can lead to emotional distance, conflict, and feelings of loneliness.
• Repairing missed bids involves acknowledging the oversight and making an effort to reconnect.
• Building strong relationships with teenagers involves turning towards their bids, even when they seem negative or hostile.

Remember, the quality of our relationships greatly influences our overall wellbeing. So let's start paying attention

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with psychologist Belinda Gibson for a candid conversation about the pressures of perfectionism and the pervasive feeling of not being good enough. We share insights from our client work and personal experiences, discussing how this belief can impact relationships and self-esteem without us even realising it. Join us as we explore ways to recognise and address these feelings, and learn how to engage in meaningful conversations with friends and family. 

• Where do our feelings of "Not Feeling Good Enough" come from? We discuss how this belief is learned over time and becomes a strong, almost inherent feeling.
• Unpacking Shoulds: We talk about how the use of "shoulds" in language can indicate feelings of failure and not being good enough. We delve into how these internal judgments manifest in day-to-day life.
• The Pressure to Be Perfect: We discuss the societal expectation that we must excel in something to enjoy it fully, and how this belief stifles exploration and playfulness.
• Shame and Growth: We explore how shame can hinder our growth mindset, making it difficult to embrace vulnerability and learn new skills.
• Seeking Support: We talk about the importance of self-compassion and finding safe spaces and people to share our vulnerabilities and growth journeys.

Key Takeaways:

• The "not good enough" feeling can appear in various aspects of life, affecting our choices and behaviours.
• Societal expectations of perfectionism can hinder our enjoyment of activities we might otherwise find pleasurable.
• Shame linked to inadequacy can impede personal growth and learning new skills.
• Fear of rejection may lead to avoiding tough conversations, affecting genuine connections.
• Seeking support and finding safe spaces for self-exploration can be instrumental in untangling the "not good enough" feeling.

Belinda is a registered Psychologist and Gestalt Psychotherapist, and is the founder and director of Footscray Counselling Centre, where she provides individual, couples and groups with relationally orientated psychotherapy supervision and therapy.

Belinda also works as a consultant to various academic and medical organisations, facilitating reflective group practice, training workshops and supervision.

https://footscraycounsellingcentre.com.au/

Further reading or resources

• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown: A book on embracing vulnerability and self-compassion.
• Kristin Neff's Self-Compassion Resources: Guided meditations and self-compassion checklist to foster self-compassion https://self-compassion.org/
• Inside Out (Movie): Check out this animated film that offers a creative depiction of emotions and inner struggles.

Full show notes link

https://marievakakis.com.au/episode70/

connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In this episode, we dive into the topic of worry with Dr. Lillian Nejad, a clinical psychologist with extensive experience in helping people manage anxiety and stress.

We explore the definition of worry, its relationship with anxiety, and common misconceptions about it. Lillian sheds light on the purpose and function of worry, highlighting situations where it can be helpful and when it becomes unproductive.

Join us as we discuss the impact of excessive worry on daily life and relationships, and explore strategies for managing worry effectively.

Key Talking Points:

·     Worry is the cognitive expression of anxiety, characterised by thoughts that often start with "what if" and focus on anticipating negative outcomes

·     Worry can also be centred around past behaviour and regrets, known as rumination, where individuals constantly replay events they wish had gone differently

·     While anxiety is a feeling, worry is a thought process triggered by anxiety

·     Worry serves a purpose by alerting us to potential problems, allowing us to take preventive measures, solve issues, or be better prepared

·     Dysfunctional worry occurs when it fails to lead to problem-solving or resolution, becomes uncontrollable, and significantly impacts daily functioning.

·     Excessive worry can affect concentration, sleep patterns, productivity, and overall wellbeing

·     Worry can also impact relationships, as anxious energy can be sensed by others, even if not explicitly expressed

Key Takeaways:

·    Worry is the cognitive aspect of anxiety, involving thoughts focused on potential negative outcomes.

·    Understanding the purpose of worry helps differentiate between productive and unproductive worry.

·    Dysfunctional worry hinders problem-solving and resolution, and can have a significant impact on daily functioning.

·    Excessive worry affects concentration, sleep, productivity, and relationships.

·    Recognising what can and can't be controlled helps shift focus to actionable steps and reduces worry.

·    Developing strategies to manage and regulate worry is essential for overall wellbeing.

Resources:

•  Skills for Life: Dr. Lillian Nejad's online portal for mental health resources and programs - website

•  Contain Your Brain: An app designed by Dr. Lillian Nejad to help reduce worry and improve worry management.

Books by Dr. Lillian Nejad can be found here https://www.drlilliannejad.com/books

Life blockers

Treating stress and anxiety

Relaxation techniques

Life Skills for Leaders: Dr. Lillian Nejad's podcast discussing mental health in the workplace

About Lillian

Dr. Lillian Nejad is a clinical psychologist with 25 years experience helping people with anxiety and stress. In addition to her private practice, she has founded ‘Skills for Life’, an online portal for mental health resources and programs that helps people build skills to manage anxiety, stress less and get some rest. Lillian has recently launched the app, Contain Your Brain, to help people worry less and worry better! She is also the author of two books about stress & anxiety and insomnia, she has recorded three collections of mindfulness and relaxation exercises and hosts the podcast, 'Life Skills for Leaders' about mental health in the workplace. Lillian is also an Australian Open superfan, sports photographer wannabe & a passionate supporter of the arts.

Websites

www.containyourbrain.com 
For info and resources to help you with worry

www.drlilliannejad.com 
Skills for Life programs & resources to help you manage anxiety & stress, and get some rest  

Insta

@containyourbrain

@drlilliannejad

connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Introducing This Complex Life

Workplace bullying, burnout, and work-related stress are significant issues that can have detrimental effects on individuals in various professions. It's essential to recognise the signs of workplace bullying, take action early, and prioritise self-care to prevent long-term negative effects on mental and physical health.

In this episode, our guest, Frances Caile shares her experiences and insights on workplace bullying, burnout, and work-related stress. She explains how she was drawn to social work and her transition to private practice to have more time to do good work without the politics of organisations and paperwork. She discusses her motivation for setting up her private practice and her specialisations in workplace bullying, burnout, and workplace stress.

• Key Takeaways:
• 
  
• Workplace bullying is defined as repeated and unreasonable behaviour directed towards a worker or group of workers that creates a risk to health and safety
• 
  
• Examples of workplace bullying include spreading rumours, excluding or isolating someone socially, intimidation, threatening a person's role or performance, undermining or impeding a person's work, and withholding necessary information
• 
  
• Workplace bullying can have serious consequences on the mental and physical health of the victims, and it's important to seek assistance and support early to prevent long-term negative effects
• 
  
• Work-related stress and burnout are common in high-stress roles such as social work, teaching, and healthcare, as well as in resource-constrained environments with high turnover and competition for promotion
• 
  
• It's crucial to prioritise self-care, set boundaries, and seek support when experiencing work-related stress and burnout to prevent long-term physical and mental health issues.

Contact details for Frances

https://www.stresssupport.com.au/

Promo code for working ISW2023 for 20% off

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Helping women recover from interpersonal trauma and violence

Liz is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker who runs her own private practice called Breathe therapy. She's a mindful trauma therapist and is really passionate about supporting women to heal from childhood and adult experiences of interpersonal violence and abuse.

Liz has done some really incredible work and we talk about some of her social work journey, and how she incorporates various techniques such as act DBT, and mindfulness into working with women to recover from some of those experiences and diagnosis such as PTSD, anxiety, OCD, and other sorts of things that can really stem from those early experiences that women face. I hope you enjoy this episode with Liz.

Contact Liz

Ashton talks us through some steps you can take to work towards your accreditation. 

She shares some of the resources that she's developed, including her accredited Mental Health Social Worker roadmap, which is part of an ebook series, private Facebook group that she has, as well as her consultation and training

We talk about supervision and what we wish we knew when we were first starting out and the importance of that. 

Guest bio

Ashton is a an accredited mental health social worker with a background of working in human services and mental health settings. 

She has over a decade of experience in child protection, housing, forensic and mental health settings.  She currently provides supervision to human services and mental health professionals across Australia.  She is also the owner and director of Willowtree Wellbeing, a counselling clinic in Western Sydney, NSW. 

Ashton is passionate about providing a safe and collaborative environment for supervision for social workers, caseworkers, team leaders and anyone who works in human services.  

Contact guest

https://ashtonhayesconsulting.com.au/

Previous episode with Ashton

Episode 26 : From Paralegal to Social Worker. Working with children and trauma all while staying passionate about the work you do with Ashton Hayes 

Supervision series

 Part 1 Supervision

Part 2 - The benefits of Group Supervision

Part 3 Supervision - Understanding learning preferences

Inside Social Work Podcast

Website / Facebook/ Be on the Podcast

Subscribe to the podcast wherever you get your podcasts!

This is the second episode of a multi-part series examining gender and sexuality. In this episode we look at implicit bias.

About your guest Lachlan Slade

Lachlan, (he/they) is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker. He has worked in the space for about 12 years now in various spaces with LGBTIQA+ and trauma work.

Lachlan Slade grew up in Shepparton studying in Albury Wodonga, and Bendigo to complete their Social Work degree. Lachlan cofounded the Out in the Open Festival, Shepparton's first LGBTIQ+ Community Festival. Lachlan has dabbled in Community Radio, and Politics.

Work with Lachlan

Upcoming events Neutralising Queerphobia workshop, in Kannygoopna (Shepparton) as part of Out in the Open Festival, tix at outintheopen.org.au. The workshop explores implicit bias, ambient trauma and Allyship.

Lachlan's LGBTIQA+ focused Group Supervision sessions: https://events.humanitix.com/group-supe#organiserInfoBox

https://sladeconsulting.services

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: @lachlan_listens

Inside Social Work Podcast: Website / Facebook/ Be on the Podcast/ Support the show

Subscribe to the podcast wherever you get your podcasts!

This is the first episode of a multi-part series examining gender and sexuality. How we as social workers can be more inclusive in our language and how we can work more emphatically with individuals and families. 

About your guest Lachlan Slade

Lachlan, (he/they) is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker. He has worked in the space for about 12 years now in various spaces with LGBTIQA+ and trauma work.

Lachlan Slade grew up in Shepparton studying in Albury Wodonga, and Bendigo to complete their Social Work degree. Lachlan cofounded the Out in the Open Festival, Shepparton's first LGBTIQ+ Community Festival. Lachlan has dabbled in Community Radio, and Politics.

Work with Lachlan

Upcoming events Neutralising Queerphobia workshop, in Kannygoopna (Shepparton) as part of Out in the Open Festival, tix at outintheopen.org.au. The workshop explores implicit bias, ambient trauma and Allyship.

Lachlan's LGBTIQA+ focused Group Supervision sessions: https://events.humanitix.com/group-supe#organiserInfoBox

https://sladeconsulting.services

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: @lachlan_listens

Inside Social Work Podcast: Website / Facebook/ Be on the Podcast/ Support the show

Subscribe to the podcast wherever you get your podcasts!

I hate baths. Reimagining self care with Yasmine McKee-Wright

Yasmine McKee- Wright is a social worker and podcaster.

She has learned a lot from some of the guests on her podcast, Social Work Spotlight. We talk about her journey, having students on placement and a bit of time on self-care. Jasmine shares some of the things that she does for self-care and some of the things that sustain social workers in their careers.

Connect with Yasmine

swspotlightpodcast@gmail

https://anchor.fm/socialworkspotlight

https://www.facebook.com/socialworkspotlight

https://twitter.com/SWSpotlightPod

https://www.instagram.com/socialworkspotlight_podcast/