This Complex Life

Have you ever wondered when the right time is to try couples therapy? Or if you even need a major issue to start? Many people hesitate to seek support for their relationship, often waiting years before getting help—sometimes even separating without exploring their options.

Today, we’re tackling the most common questions about couples therapy, from how to know if it’s right for you to what actually happens in a session. Joining me is Anne, my practice manager and the person who keeps everything running smoothly behind the scenes. Anne has gathered real questions from clients, friends, and people curious about what happens in couples therapy.

We’re covering everything from whether you need to forgive past mistakes to what to do if your partner refuses to come. And yes, we even get into the weirdest things couples have fought about in my sessions (spoiler: toilet paper placement can be a deal-breaker for some!).

Key Takeaways:

• When to seek therapy: You don’t need a crisis to start—therapy can help at any stage, including as a preventative step.

• How couples therapy works: From assessments to interventions, we break down what actually happens in a session.

• What if my partner won’t go? Tips for approaching the conversation and increasing the chances they’ll say yes.

• Affairs, open relationships, and trust: Can couples therapy help rebuild after betrayal or navigate non-traditional relationships?

• The Gottman Method: Why I use it, and how science-backed assessments help guide therapy.

• Traditional vs. Marathon Therapy: The difference between weekly sessions and intensive two- or three-day programs.

• How long does it take? Realistic expectations for therapy length and why a “quick fix” isn’t always the best approach.

• Ground rules for therapy: What’s acceptable (venting frustrations) and what’s not (secret-keeping, name-calling).

• Handling conflict: How understanding your partner’s background can completely shift a heated debate.

• Secrets in relationships: What’s okay to keep private and what could be damaging to your connection.

Resources Mentioned:

📖 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – John & Julie Gottman

📖 Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love – John & Julie Gottman

📖 Hold Me Tight – Sue Johnson

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. And if you have a question about couples therapy that we didn’t answer, send it in—we might tackle it in a future episode!

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Many people expect grief to follow a straight path, something to "move on" from after a set amount of time. The reality is far more complex. In this episode, I sit down with psychologist and grief researcher Liam Spicer to explore what grief is, the myths that surround it, and how we can better support ourselves and others through loss.

Grief is a universal human experience, yet so many of us struggle to talk about it openly. In this conversation, Liam shares insights from his work and personal experiences, breaking down common misconceptions about grief and bereavement. We discuss how grief extends beyond the loss of a loved one, why there’s no "right way" to grieve, and the role of connection in healing.

• Grief isn’t something you "get over"—it changes shape, but it doesn’t disappear.
• There’s no single timeline or correct way to grieve. Everyone’s experience is unique.
• Grief isn’t just about death—it can be triggered by life changes, lost opportunities, or even a shift in identity.
• Societal expectations can make grief harder by pressuring people to “move on” too quickly.
• Supporting someone who is grieving doesn’t mean having the perfect words—sometimes, just showing up is enough.
• Guilt about feeling happy again is common, but it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your loved one.
• There are ways to maintain a connection with someone you’ve lost, which can help with healing.

• Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement – Fact sheets, resources, and support for grief.
• The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances O'Connor – A science-based look at how grief affects us.
• It's OK That You're Not OK by Megan Devine – A compassionate guide for navigating grief.
• Liam Spicer’s Website- Find out more about Liam's work and research Liam’s Instagram https://www.instagram.com/liamspicer_/  [email protected]  

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Why do certain situations trigger such strong emotions? Katheryn Eberly, a mental health social worker and family therapist, joins me to explore how early experiences shape our beliefs, why past wounds still affect us, and how we can start to shift unhelpful patterns.

• Trauma affects how we see ourselves and respond to stress.
• "Big T" trauma stems from major events, while "little t" trauma comes from repeated distressing experiences.
• Core beliefs like "I'm not good enough" often develop in childhood.
• Emotional reactions in daily life can signal deeper unresolved experiences.
• Recognising patterns can help shift automatic responses.

• What Happened to You? – Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey
• Self-compassion work by Kristin Neff
• Previous episode: “I’m Not Good Enough

Connect with Kathryn

https://restoringfamilies.com.au/

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Have you ever wondered if your goals truly reflect what’s most important to you? In this episode, clinical psychologist Patch Callahan joins me to break down the difference between values and goals and why living by your values is the key to a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

We explore how to uncover your core values, navigate challenges in defining them, and integrate them into your everyday decisions. Whether you’re reevaluating your priorities for the new year or seeking deeper alignment in life, this episode offers practical insights to help you connect with what truly matters.

Patch Callahan shares the transformative power of values, particularly in the context of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). We discuss how values differ from goals, why they matter, and actionable steps to define and live by them. Tune in to discover how aligning your life with your values can lead to greater purpose and authenticity.

Key Takeaways

• Values vs. Goals: Values guide your actions and choices, providing meaning, while goals are specific targets or achievements.

• Why Values Matter: Living according to your values fosters authenticity and a sense of purpose.

Defining Your Values:

• Reflect on key life domains: family, relationships, work, health, and leisure.

• Identify what’s deeply important to you within each domain.

• Narrow your focus to 5–6 core values that resonate most.

• Challenges in Identifying Values: Overcoming confusion or uncertainty requires reflection, experimentation, and sometimes professional support.

• Practical Tips for Value-Based Living:

• Use discomfort as a guide—it often points to what matters most.

• Prioritise decisions that align with your core principles.

• Build psychological flexibility to stay committed to your values even when faced with challenges.

Resources

• Bullseye Activity: A practical tool for clarifying and connecting with your values. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FOEsnX87Ho
• Learn More About Patch Callahan: Patch’s Bio and Services

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone reflecting on their priorities this year! Don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and join the conversation about living with purpose.

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Have you ever found yourself questioning your drinking habits or wondering why alcohol feels so deeply woven into our social lives? This episode will inspire you to take a closer look at addiction, coping strategies, and the pressures around drinking.

In this episode, I sit down with psychologist Tara Hurster, an expert in addiction and substance use, to challenge the myths surrounding addiction and explore how we can make healthier, more intentional choices. From practical tools like the HALT method to navigating sober dating, Tara offers invaluable insights for anyone looking to change their relationship with alcohol.

What We Cover in This Episode

Understanding Addiction Beyond the Myths

Addiction isn’t about weakness or moral failure; it’s a learned way to cope with life’s stresses and traumas.

Tara shares her journey from supporting peers in high school to becoming an addiction specialist.

Addiction Isn’t a Disease

Addiction is not a disease or a moral failing—it’s a behavioural response to stress and emotions.

Tara recounts her experiences working in an inpatient psychiatric hospital and how they shaped her views.

Practical Strategies for Managing Substance Use

The HALT method: Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? Tara adds “Hydrated” and “Health” to the mix for a more holistic approach.

Tara explains how checking in with these needs can prevent mindless behaviours, like reaching for a drink.

Navigating Social Pressures Around Alcohol

Simple strategies for declining a drink, from “I’m not drinking today” to a white lie like “I’m on antibiotics.”

Setting boundaries is okay and can help you maintain your goals.

Sober Dating: Building Authentic Connections

Tips for enjoying dates without alcohol and focusing on meaningful connections.

Tara introduces the FRIES acronym: Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific, to help with decision-making in dating and intimacy.

The Sober Curious Movement

A growing trend encouraging people to question their relationship with alcohol. Younger generations are leading the charge by embracing life without booze.

Resources Mentioned

Alcohol and Drug Information Service: Call 1800 250 015 or visit ADIS Website

Connect with Tara Hurster:

Website: Tara Clinic

Instagram: @TaraHurster

Enjoyed the Episode?

If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review on your favourite podcast platform. It helps others discover the show and keeps me inspired to create more conversations like this. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this episode with someone who might benefit!

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Holidays are meant to be magical, but let’s be honest – they can also be a whirlwind of stress, unmet expectations, and arguments over things like... ham on napkins. Ever found yourself mid-fight during the holiday season, wondering, “What are we even fighting about?” This episode is for you.

As a therapist, I see this all the time in my sessions: couples bickering over seemingly small things that often hold deeper meaning. Today, I’m unpacking what’s really behind those seemingly silly holiday fights and sharing practical ways to handle them with curiosity and connection.

We’ll explore why the conflict isn’t really about the napkins or the ham, but what they represent – memories, traditions, or unmet needs. So, whether you’re dealing with family chaos, mismatched holiday vibes, or just the general holiday rush, I’ve got you covered.

• Why holiday fights are rarely about what they seem – and how to figure out what’s really going on.
• The importance of understanding your partner’s holiday traditions and what they mean to them.
• How to approach disagreements with curiosity rather than conflict.
• Tips for validating your partner’s feelings (even if you don’t agree!).
• Why compromise is healthy – and how to do it without dismissing each other’s needs.
• How to start meaningful conversations about celebrating holidays together.
• The power of acknowledging sadness when things don’t go as planned.

• Well, Hello Anxiety Podcast: My conversation with Jodi Richardson where we chatted about mismatched holiday vibes, setting boundaries, and handling family chaos. Listen here.
• Christmas holiday boundaries blog   – Additional tips and articles on holiday stress and relationship dynamics.

If you’ve enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to leave a review and subscribe for more conversations on navigating life and relationships. Let’s keep the conversation going on social media – I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Ready to hit reset on your relationship? Join me for a workshop packed with practical tools and guided prompts to help you and your partner communicate better, tackle tricky topics like money, and create a clear plan for the year ahead. 

-- JOIN ME LIVE--

https://marievakakis.com.au/events/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Does the holiday season leave you feeling stressed and overcommitted? With endless parties, gift exchanges, and family gatherings, it’s easy to say yes to everything and forget about your own needs. In this episode, I’m sharing how to set boundaries that protect your energy, time, and budget, so you can truly enjoy the festive season without the burnout.

I’ll explore why setting boundaries matters and how to communicate them clearly, even when it’s hard. From managing tricky family dynamics to sticking to a budget for gifts and dinners, this episode is packed with practical strategies to help you navigate the holidays with more ease and confidence.

• How to recognise your limits and avoid overcommitting during the holidays
• Why boundaries are about your actions, not controlling others
• Tips for setting clear financial limits without guilt
• How to manage social and family pressures with calm and confidence
• The power of saying no and following through on your boundaries
• Practical ways to offer alternatives that work better for you

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

If you’ve ever wondered why your teen seems on edge or overwhelmed, you’re not alone. Anxiety in teens can feel daunting to understand and even harder to navigate. In this episode, I break down the basics of anxiety, what might be going on with your teen, and how you can truly support them. Whether it’s about recognising the signs, fostering empathy, or knowing when to seek help, this episode is packed with practical advice you can put into action today.

• Understanding the difference between stress and anxiety: Stress is often tied to specific events and can dissipate once the issue resolves. Anxiety, however, can linger and feel harder to manage.
• Why teens are more prone to anxiety: During adolescence, critical brain development and life pressures make teens more vulnerable to intense emotions.
• Common triggers for anxiety in teens: These can include schoolwork, social pressures, family dynamics, and even global issues like climate change.
• The importance of empathy: Listening without dismissing your teen’s feelings is key. Simple phrases like, "That sounds really hard," can go a long way in showing support.
• Helping teens build resilience: Letting them face challenges and problem-solve on their own, while ensuring their safety, can foster confidence.
• Recognising when professional help is needed: If anxiety disrupts daily life, it might be time to seek support from a mental health professional.
• Normalising therapy and self-care: Sharing your own experiences with therapy or coping strategies can help teens feel comfortable seeking help.

• Connected Teens Course: Learn how to strengthen your connection with your teen while respecting their individuality. 
• Book Recommendation: Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté – A helpful guide on supporting your teen’s emotional development.
• Related Episode: Why Does My Teen Feel Overwhelmed and What Can I Do to Support Them– Discover how to identify and address overwhelm in teens.

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Ever wondered why your teen sometimes seems to be on an emotional rollercoaster? In this episode, I tackle a question that’s close to home for many parents: Why does my teen seem so moody? Instead of brushing it off as "just a phase," I explore what’s really going on for teens emotionally and mentally, from hormonal changes to the social pressures they face every day. If you've ever been met with a slammed door or an eye-roll, this episode will help you understand the bigger picture and respond in ways that support them.

I share insights into brain development, social dynamics, and how to create a supportive environment at home. This is all about building connections and helping teens feel understood rather than dismissed.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding that teen moodiness isn’t just “acting out”; it’s a response to many factors, including brain development and social pressures.
• The impact of fluctuating hormones on emotions and behaviour, and how this is a natural part of growing up.
• Recognising signs of overwhelm in teens and the importance of timing and tone when discussing sensitive topics.
• Why criticism or constant reminders can feel like “nagging” to teens and might lead to defensiveness.
• Balancing giving teens independence while staying available for support and guidance.
• The importance of modelling emotional regulation as a parent, as teens learn by observing how we handle our emotions.
• Simple, actionable steps to connect with your teen without pushing them away, like avoiding overloading them with questions.
• Ways to validate your teen’s feelings, even if you may not agree, and how to create a safe space for them to express themselves.

Resources:

• Connected Teens™ Course – My on-demand course designed to help parents connect with their teens.
• Episode on “Why Won’t My Teen Talk to Me After School?” – For more tips on how to handle after-school conversations.

If you have a question you’d like me to answer in a future episode, reach out via the link in the show notes. I’d love to hear from you and explore the topics that matter most to you and your family.

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Ever wondered why your teenager suddenly seems to prefer hanging out with friends over family dinners or weekend outings? In this episode, I’ll be talking through some of the key reasons teens begin to pull away from family time, focusing on the natural shifts in social priorities and independence that come with adolescence. It’s not about rejection, though it might feel that way; it’s a complex stage of growing up where friendships often take centre stage. I’ll explore why this happens and share some tips on how you can maintain a meaningful connection without pushing them away.

So, if you’re finding family time with your teen to be a bit of a tug-of-war, this episode is for you!

• Teens often prioritise friendships over family as they develop their own identities and social lives.
• FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) plays a big role, making them want to stay closely connected with their friends.
• The shift towards friendships is part of natural differentiation—teens exploring their sense of self outside of the family.
• Parents can feel rejected, but understanding this phase helps in responding supportively.
• Handling feelings of rejection with awareness can prevent tension and create a more positive environment for connection.
• Encouraging shorter, meaningful family interactions can help without making them feel forced.
• Finding a balance between family traditions and their developing independence allows teens space to grow while staying connected.
• Recognise and respect their need for autonomy; focus on quality time rather than quantity. 

Episodes to link to  

https://marievakakis.com.au/parents-feeling-rejected-by-their-teens/

Connected teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset