This Complex Life

Wondering if your relationship should involve more sex or comparing yourself to what you think is normal? You're not alone. Many couples quietly struggle with mismatched desire, emotional disconnection or unclear expectations about what intimacy should look like.

In this episode, I talk about what it really means to not be having enough sex, how responsive desire plays a role in long-term relationships, and why connection doesn’t always come from frequency.

This one is honest, awkward in all the right ways and full of practical ways to start talking about sex in a way that brings you closer, not further apart.

Key takeaways:

• Why mismatched desire is more common than you think
• What the difference is between spontaneous and responsive desire
• How shame, stress, and resentment affect libido
• Why “not enough sex” often isn't about sex at all
• How to talk about desire and initiate without pressure
• The myth of “normal” frequency in relationships
• The dual control model: brakes, accelerators, and context
• What couples can learn from Emily Nagoski’s work?

If this episode sounds like something you or your partner need to hear, share it with them. Sex is just one way we connect but the conversation around it can be the most meaningful part.

Resources:

Emily Nagoski – Come As You Are

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

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Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

What happens when love meets change? In this episode we explore the unique challenges and strengths of queer and gender diverse relationships, especially when one partner is transitioning. Therapist Jani Forest Wyatt joins me to unpack the myths, the moments of growth, and the importance of inclusive and affirming couples therapy.

Jani shares insights from both professional and personal experience, from working with Gottman informed couples therapy to challenging stigma in broader social systems. This one’s thoughtful, grounding and full of truth bombs that might change how you think about love, identity and connection.

• How Jani’s early experiences shaped her path to supporting transgender clients
• What Gottman informed therapy looks like when working with queer couples
• The unique stressors queer and trans couples face in therapy
• Myths about relationships “not lasting” after a partner transitions
• The impact of societal judgement on trans individuals and their relationships
• Why acceptance and emotional safety are key to relationship success
• How clinicians can better support trans clients in intimate relationships
• The power of personal motivation in shaping professional practice

• The Gottman Institute
• Australian Association of Social Workers
• Rainbow Health Australia

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you.

Contact Jani Forest-Wyatt - Learn more about her work:

www.brilliancecounselling.com.au 

[email protected] 

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

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Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

There’s a lot of advice about what to do to build a strong relationship. But what about the things emotionally healthy couples don’t do?

Join me, Marie Vakakis, a therapist, mental health, and relationships educator. In this episode, I explore six common habits that can damage trust, connection, and communication—and why avoiding them can make a big difference.

Key takeaways:

• Sarcasm, eye-rolling, and small put-downs erode trust over time.
• Name-calling and labelling create emotional distance.
• Venting to friends instead of addressing issues can reinforce resentment.
• The silent treatment damages trust and communication.
• Forgetting milestones isn’t about the big gestures—it’s about showing care.
• Expecting one person to meet all emotional needs puts too much pressure on a relationship.

If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone—and it’s never too late to shift unhelpful patterns.

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you!

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Ever caught yourself thinking, "They should just know what I need"? Unspoken expectations are one of the biggest sources of frustration in relationships. When our partners don’t automatically meet our needs, it can leave us feeling unheard, unloved, or even resentful. But here’s the thing—expecting someone to read your mind rarely works.

Join me, Marie Vakakis, and my guest, psychotherapist Tracy Proud, as we explore why we struggle to express our needs, how childhood experiences shape our relationship patterns, and what happens when we expect our partners to "just know."

Key Takeaways:

• Many of our expectations in relationships are shaped by early experiences, often without us realising it.
• Assuming our partners should "just know" what we need can lead to frustration and resentment.
• Open, honest communication is essential for expressing needs and strengthening connection.
• Conflict isn’t usually about the surface issue—there’s often a deeper meaning behind it.
• Understanding each other’s perspectives helps break unhealthy patterns and fosters emotional intimacy.

Resources:

• The Gottman Institute – Research-backed insights into relationship dynamics.
• Growing Yourself Up by Dr. Jenny Brown – A key resource for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of themselves and their relationships through the lens of family systems theory.

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you!

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

In tough times, joy can feel out of reach. But sometimes, a single shared laugh has the power to lift the weight of the world—even in a hospital room, a funeral, or a difficult conversation.

In this special episode, I’m adding my voice to Podcasthon , a global movement of over 1,600 shows across 47 countries. Instead of just mentioning a charity at the end, I wanted to go deeper and dedicate this episode to the incredible work of Clown Doctors—specially trained performers who bring laughter into hospitals to ease anxiety and pain.

Together, we’ll explore what laughter does to our bodies and our relationships, why it matters so much in hard moments, and how we can all make space for more playfulness in everyday life.

Episode Summary

This episode is a warm and science-backed reflection on the power of laughter—how it supports our mental health, deepens connection, and even has physical benefits. I talk about the inspiring work of Clown Doctors in Australia, how humour can be a tool for emotional repair, and why laughter belongs in even the most serious spaces.

Key Takeaways

• Laughter triggers feel-good chemicals like endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin, reducing pain and improving connection
• Scientific research shows laughter can reduce cortisol (our stress hormone) by up to 32%
• Humour can strengthen relationships, ease conflict, and build trust, especially with teens and in families
• Clown Doctors Australia use laughter as a tool in hospitals to reduce anxiety and support healing
• Laughter helps us regulate our emotions and reconnect with others, especially in high-stress moments
• Sharing a laugh can shift the tone in difficult conversations and promote closeness
• We can intentionally create more opportunities for laughter in everyday life
• Playful moments—even small ones—can offer relief, connection, and a sense of hope

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37220157/

https://humourfoundation.org.au/clown-doctors/

https://www.podcasthon.org/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Ever feel like you and your partner are just co-existing rather than truly connecting? Maybe your conversations revolve around schedules, bills, and logistics, rather than shared experiences and meaningful moments.

Join me, Marie Vakakis, therapist, mental health and relationships educator, as I share why friendship is the foundation of a strong relationship, how couples drift apart over time, and most importantly, how to rebuild connection and intimacy when you feel like housemates rather than partners.

• Friendship in a relationship creates trust, emotional safety, and longevity.
• Couples often drift apart due to stress, routine, and lack of prioritisation.
• Rebuilding connection starts with curiosity, shared activities, and appreciation.
• Conflict is inevitable, but handling it as teammates rather than opponents strengthens relationships.
• Small moments of connection—like humour, deep conversations, and prioritising fun—can reignite friendship.

If your relationship feels more like a routine than a partnership, this episode is for you. Tune in to learn how to shift from housemates back to best friends.

Resources:

• Bids for Connection – Recognising and responding to bids for connection in relationships.
• The Gottman Institute – Research-based insights on building strong relationships.

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you!

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Couples therapy isn’t just about fixing relationship problems—it can also play a huge role in improving mental health. Many people think of therapy as a last resort when things are falling apart, but research shows that relationship support can also help with anxiety, depression, trauma, and emotional regulation.

I’m joined by Trish Purnell-Webb, a clinical psychologist, certified Gottman therapist, and trainer for the Gottman Institute, to discuss how couples therapy strengthens connection and supports mental well-being.

• Couples therapy can lead to better mental health outcomes than individual therapy in some cases.
• A strong, supportive relationship can help regulate emotions and ease stress.
• Many people with mental health struggles feel isolated—even in relationships.
• Learning skills like emotional attunement and validation can reduce distress.
• Therapy teaches couples how to navigate challenges together rather than suffering alone.

• The Gottman Institute’s research on couples therapy effectiveness – www.gottman.com
• Emotionally Focused Therapy by Sue Johnson

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you.

Contact Trish Purnell-Webb:

www.trishpurnell-webb.com.au 

www.relationshipinstitute.com.au

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Ever had a small disagreement spiral into a huge argument? Maybe it started with an eye-roll, a forgotten text, or a messy kitchen bench. Suddenly, it’s not about the dishes—it’s about feeling unheard, unappreciated, or disconnected.

Join me, Marie Vakakis, a therapist, mental health, and relationships educator. In this episode, I unpack why small fights often mask deeper issues, how to tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict, and ways to handle disagreements that strengthen connection rather than push you apart.

• Conflict isn’t just about the argument—it’s about the deeper needs and emotions underneath it.
• Small issues left unresolved can build into resentment and disconnection.
• Healthy conflict strengthens trust, while unhealthy conflict creates emotional distance.
• The Four Horsemen—criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling—can erode trust if left unchecked.
• Repairing after a disagreement is more important than avoiding conflict altogether.
• The way we handle fights can bring us closer or push us further apart.

If you’re interested in how to approach conflict in a way that builds connection rather than breaks it down, check out Episode 52 – It’s Not About the Fight—It’s How You Fight.

• The Gottman Institute – www.gottman.com

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you!

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Many couples only seek therapy when their relationship is already in serious trouble. But by the time they reach out, years of unresolved issues, built-up resentment, and unhealthy patterns can make it harder to repair their connection. So, what happens when couples wait too long to get support, and why is early intervention so important?

Join me Marie Vakakis, a therapist, and mental health and relationships educator and Michelle Janssen as we discuss why couples therapy isn’t just for relationships in crisis, how waiting too long can make healing more difficult, and how seeking support earlier can lead to better outcomes.

• Couples often wait an average of six years before seeking therapy, allowing issues to worsen.
• Therapy is most effective when couples seek support before problems escalate.
• Unresolved conflicts, resentment, and miscommunication can become deeply ingrained over time.
• Many couples don’t seek therapy due to stigma, fear, or the belief that things will improve on their own.
• Small issues left unaddressed can turn into significant relationship challenges.
• The earlier couples get support, the more tools they have to strengthen their relationship.
• Therapy isn’t about fixing a broken relationship—it’s about learning better ways to connect and communicate.

• The Gottman Institute’s research on couples therapy effectiveness – www.gottman.com 
• Four horseman 
• Art and science of love workshops

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you.

Contact Michelle Janssen

https://www.brisbanecouplescounselling.com/

[email protected] 

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Why do we keep having the same fight?

It can feel frustrating when the same arguments keep coming up. But conflict is not the problem. It is how we handle it that makes the difference. Research shows that most relationship conflicts are ongoing, yet avoiding them only builds resentment. The good news is that conflict, when managed well, can actually strengthen trust and connection.

I am Marie Vakakis, a therapist, mental health and relationships educator. In this episode, I explore why conflict is normal, how small miscommunications can turn into bigger issues, and how curiosity, empathy and repair can help you navigate difficult conversations with your partner.

• Conflict is a normal and healthy part of relationships
• Avoiding difficult conversations does not make issues disappear
• Seventy percent of relationship conflicts are ongoing and unsolvable
• How you approach conflict shapes trust and connection
• Repairing after a disagreement is more important than never fighting
• Words, tone and active listening all play a role in resolving tension
• Some people argue to be right, others to connect or feel in control
• Asking questions with curiosity can lead to deeper understanding

• Gottman Institute research on conflict in relationships – www.gottman.com

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I would love to hear your thoughts, so reach out and let me know what stood out to you.

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset