This Complex Life

Not every uncomfortable feeling in a relationship is a warning sign. Sometimes it’s about growth, not danger.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I explore how to tell the difference between genuine red flags and the emotional discomfort that comes with learning, stretching, and getting close to someone. From conflict to communication styles to how we ask for space, not everything unfamiliar is unsafe.

We talk about the moments that feel uncertain and how to pause before labelling something as toxic or dangerous. This episode is for anyone who’s been unsure whether to lean in or walk away.

Key takeaways

• Disagreements aren’t always gaslighting
• Shutting down isn’t always manipulation
• Conflict is normal, repair matters more than perfection
• Forgetfulness and time-blindness aren’t proof someone doesn’t care
• Some people regulate through space, that doesn’t mean disconnection
• Emotional awkwardness may be about past conditioning, not coldness
• Differences in pace or processing styles aren’t red flags
• Discomfort is not always danger, sometimes it’s growth

Resources

• marievakakis.com.au

Want to rebuild connection in your relationship?

Check out Relationship Refresh: https://marievakakis.com.au/courses/relationship-refresh/

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Not all red flags are loud or obvious. Some show up in small, repeated moments that leave you feeling uneasy.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I unpack 10 relationship red flags you shouldn’t ignore. These aren’t just the dramatic ones like cheating or lying, they’re the quieter patterns that can slowly wear you down over time.

I talk about how to tell the difference between a red flag and a misunderstanding, what emotional safety really means, and how to use discomfort as a signal to reflect, not overreact.

Key takeaways:

• Why red flags aren’t always a reason to leave (but still matter)
• How disrespect, sarcasm or subtle put-downs can erode safety
• The importance of accountability and emotional maturity
• Why repeated boundary-pushing isn’t just annoying, it’s a warning
• What to look for when it comes to emotional manipulation
• Signs of poor frustration tolerance and conditional kindness
• How to use red flags as prompts for reflection, not panic

Resources:

• Listen to the previous episode on trust: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-love-isnt-enough-when-trust-is-missing/ 
• Relationship Refresh course: https://www.marievakakis.com.au/courses

If this episode stirred something for you, you’re not alone. These conversations are hard but they matter.

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Love matters, but without trust, relationships can’t feel safe.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I will share what happens when couples love each other deeply but still feel disconnected. We often think love will carry us through anything, but when trust is missing, the relationship can start to erode.

I share why trust breaks down (even without betrayal), how to recognise the small moments that matter, and what you can do to start rebuilding.

Using the BRAVING framework, this episode gives you a clear way to understand what trust really looks like, and practical steps to reconnect with care, not criticism.

Key takeaways:

• Trust erodes slowly, often in silence, not always through big betrayals
• Why emotional safety is just as important as love
• How boundaries, reliability and integrity build trust
• Using BRAVING to talk about trust without blame
• How to repair trust when someone feels let down
• Why love alone isn’t enough if your partner doesn’t feel safe
• The power of small, repeated actions over grand gestures

Resources:

• Relationship Refresh Course
• The Therapy Hub
• Brené Brown’s BRAVING Inventory

If you found this episode helpful, I’d love for you to share it with someone supporting their relationship. You can find more episodes and tools at marievakakis.com.au

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

It’s hard to watch your child struggle to make friends. You might feel stuck between wanting to help and not wanting to push too hard.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I answer a listener’s question "Hi Marie. My daughter has trouble making friends. We really pinned all our hopes and things changing when she started high school this year, but it has come around to the school holidays again and she is feeling sad and lonely. I don't know how best to support her. Should I fill her days with activities that I think might be fun?" I explore why some teens feel lonely even when they’re surrounded by peers, why pushing activities can backfire, and what parents can do to stay connected without adding pressure.

This conversation is for anyone wondering how to support young people who are navigating social struggles and feeling left out.

Key Takeaways:

• Why friendship struggles can follow teens even in a fresh school environment
• The difference between loneliness and healthy solitude
• Why pushing activities and giving too much advice can backfire
• The self-fulfilling cycle of social anxiety and avoidance
• Why some teens connect better with adults or younger children, not their peers
• How to ask gentle, open-ended questions without creating pressure
• How to stay emotionally available and supportive without trying to fix it
• Practical ways to explore screen use with curiosity instead of shame

Resources:

• The Therapy Hub
• Relationship Refresh Course
• Moving from Manager to Consultant

If you found this episode helpful, I’d love for you to share it with other parents, carers, or anyone supporting teens through friendship challenges. You can find more episodes, resources, and workshops on the website.

You might also like other episodes that explore parenting, connection, and supporting young people through life’s challenges.

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Why We Avoid Talking About S3x (And How to Start)

Conversations about sex often feel awkward, avoidant or emotionally loaded. I talk about what’s happening underneath the surface, how gender myths and pressure shape desire, and what couples can do to reconnect with honesty and care.

In this episode, I share :

• How emotional safety shapes intimacy
• What’s really behind avoidance in long-term relationships
• Gender myths and pressure in sexual desire
• Why non-sexual connection matters
• How to talk about sex without shame or fear
• When therapy might help

Resources

• Gottman Love Deck App: gottman.com/couples/apps
• Relationship Refresh Course: https://marievakakis.com.au/courses/relationship-refresh/ 
• Therapy Hub: thetherapyhub.com.au
• Not Having Enough Sex in Your Relationship?https://marievakakis.com.au/not-having-enough-sex-in-your-relationship/  
• FREE  resource to help you talk about sex, desire and connection https://marie-vakakis.mykajabi.com/pl/2148681133 

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

What if your therapist just gets it and you don’t have to explain everything from scratch?

That’s what this episode is all about. I sat down with Tham Fuyana, Social Worker  family Therapist and Educator, to talk about what it’s like navigating therapy as a BIPOC client. 

BIPOC stands for Black, Indigenous, and people/ person of colour 

In this episode, Tham shares his reflections growing up as a Black migrant, navigating services that didn’t always see him, and why representation in therapy matters.

• What people mean when they talk about “finding a BIPOC therapist”
• Why it’s not just about matching identities but understanding lived experience
• How intersectionality shows up in the therapy room
• The emotional cost of constantly having to explain your background
• What makes some clients feel safer and more understood
• The layers of distrust that come from experiences with police, migration and health systems
• How a sense of collective identity can offer comfort and where it can be complex
• The importance of cultural humility and curiosity in therapeutic work

If this conversation sparked something for you, whether you’re a client looking for support or a professional thinking about your own practice, keep the momentum going. Share it with someone who needs to hear it, have the hard chats and take a look at who’s in the room with you. Because who we sit with matters.

The Therapy Hub

www.thetherapyhub.com.au

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Do you ever feel like you're just not good enough, even when you're doing all the right things? In this conversation with psychologist Belinda Gibson, we explore the roots of that persistent feeling of inadequacy. We unpack how perfectionism, people-pleasing and harsh self-talk can sneak into our lives and affect our relationships, even when we don’t realise it.

We talk about where these beliefs start, how they show up, and what you can do to respond differently. If you’ve ever struggled with feeling like you’re not enough, this episode offers insight, reflection and a reminder that you’re not alone.

What We Cover:

• Why feelings of not being good enough are more common than you think
• How perfectionism can mask deeper self-doubt
• Ways to recognise when harsh self-criticism is running the show
• How these patterns show up in relationships
• Practical ways to respond with more curiosity and compassion

Resources Mentioned

https://self-compassion.org/   

Books

Brene Brown The Gifts of Imperfection

About Belinda

Belinda is a registered Psychologist and Gestalt Psychotherapist, and is the founder and director of Footscray Counselling Centre, where she provides individual, couples and groups with relationally orientated psychotherapy supervision and therapy.

Belinda also works as a consultant to various academic and medical organisations, facilitating reflective group practice, training workshops and supervision.

https://footscraycounsellingcentre.com.au/

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Do you overthink everything? Lie awake, running through worst-case scenarios?

Worry can be exhausting. It often shows up as planning, perfectionism, or a loop of “what if” thoughts that are hard to switch off. In this episode, I’m joined by clinical psychologist Dr Lillian Nejad to talk about what worry really is, how it differs from anxiety, and why some people find it so difficult to stop.

We explore how worry can sometimes be helpful, when it becomes unhelpful, and what it looks like in everyday life. Lillian shares simple tools to reduce the impact of worry and explains how her app, Contain Your Brain, can support clearer thinking and greater emotional control.

About my guest

Dr Lillian Nejad is a clinical psychologist who supports people to manage anxiety, stress, and sleep. She is the creator of the Contain Your Brain app and founder of Skills for Life, an online hub offering practical mental health resources.

In this episode, we cover

• What worry is and how it differs from anxiety

• Why we worry and how to recognise when it becomes unhelpful

• The three types of worry: solvable, unsolvable, and self-resolving

• How worry can impact sleep, concentration, and relationships

• Why some people confuse worrying with caring

• Tools to manage worry without suppressing emotion

• Signs it might be time to seek professional support

Resources

Contain Your Brain app is available on iOS and Android

Find out more at containyourbrain.com and drlilliannejad.com 

Insta

@containyourbrain

@drlilliannejad

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

What happens when society changes faster than young people can adapt?

I’m joined by psychologist Jamie Maserow to explore the hidden impacts of lockdowns, remote learning and technology on young people’s wellbeing. We unpack how the disruptions of recent years have shaped mental health, learning, and relationships, and why connection needs to come before correction.

We also talk about why many traditional parenting approaches might not meet the needs of young people today, and what it looks like to build resilience through strong, consistent relationships.

Key takeaways:

• How early learning gaps during lockdowns created lasting impacts
• The rise of ADHD and autism diagnoses post-pandemic
• Why online connection doesn’t replace real-world relationships
• The risks of mislabelling distress as a mental illness
• Why healthy boundaries and parental consistency are critical
• How social media affects young people's sleep, stress and self-esteem
• When therapy helps and why forcing it can backfire
• Practical ways parents and carers can reconnect meaningfully

Resources:

• 📚10 Things I Wish You Knew About Your Child's Mental Health by Bill Garvey
• 🎧Pop Culture Parenting Podcast
• The Therapist in Therapy - Jamie Maserow

Contact Jamie Maserow, Psychologist, Author, Yoga Teacher

Website: jamiemaserow.com 

IG: @the.therapist.in.therapy

Email: [email protected]

If you’re a parent, educator, or anyone supporting young people and you're wondering why things feel harder than they used to, this episode is for you. It’s not about getting everything right, it’s about showing up, staying connected, and being willing to have the conversations that matter.

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

What if one partner wants to work on the relationship and the other isn’t sure they want to stay?

In this episode, I talk with therapist Anne Carter about discernment counselling, a structured and supportive process for couples where one or both partners are ambivalent about staying together.

We explore what makes this approach different from traditional couples therapy and how it helps couples make intentional, informed decisions,with whether that’s to repair the relationship or separate with clarity and respect.

Key takeaways:

• What discernment counselling is and who it’s for
• The difference between traditional couples therapy and discernment counselling
• What often brings couples to this crossroads
• The three pathways couples might take after discernment counselling
• How to recognise if discernment counselling is right for your relationship
• Why ambivalence needs space, not pressure to shift
• What therapists should consider when working with mixed agenda couples

If you’re feeling stuck in your relationship or navigating mixed intentions about staying or leaving, check out this episode. Whether you’re the one leaning out or leaning in, this conversation offers thoughtful insight into what comes next and how to move forward with clarity.

Resources:

• https://www.gottman.com/

Contact Anne Carter, Certified Gottman Therapist and Certified Discernment Counsellor.

Email: [email protected]

Website: http://www.welloflife.com.au

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset