This Complex Life

Therapy is often described as a safe and healing space, but that’s not always the reality. In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with Carrie Wiita, adjunct professor, consultant, and creator of Interpersonal Branding, to explore what bad therapy can teach us about being better therapists and more empowered clients.

We talked about what happens when therapy misses the mark, why repair skills are crucial, and how both therapists and clients can work together to build a safe, supportive relationship.

Whether you’re a therapist wanting to grow your skills or someone navigating therapy, this conversation highlights why honesty, transparency, and fit are at the heart of meaningful therapeutic work.

We explore:

• How defensiveness can damage the client–therapist relationship

• Why rupture and repair is one of the most important therapeutic skills

• The role of client expectations in therapy outcomes

• How deliberate practice builds confidence and skill

• Why talking about therapy’s side effects matters

• How marketing and branding can help clients find the right fit

• Practical advice for clients to ask the right questions

• Why mistakes in therapy are inevitable but repair is possible

Resources:

• Santio Counselling Centre

• Inside Social Work Podcast

• Get Ready for Therapy Guide

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Lessons learned from Very Bad Therapy. The Very Bad Therapy podcast has changed the way I think about therapy and the stories we do and do not tell. This episode is a replay from Inside Social Work with hosts Ben and Carrie.

I loved this podcast and I learned so much from listening to it. It speaks to both therapists and non therapists, and it fits perfectly with the theme of This Complex Life. Therapy is difficult, messy, and complicated. 

I had the absolute pleasure of interviewing the hosts of the Very Bad Therapy Podcast, Ben and Carrie. We explore what therapists get wrong, how bad therapy can look different for every client, and why people so often blame themselves when therapy does not help. Ben and Carrie share what they have learned from hundreds of client stories and how those stories have changed the way they practise. We also talk about the side effects of therapy, what to do with feelings of defensiveness or imposter syndrome, the importance of asking about expectations in the first session, and how to repair when ruptures happen.

• Bad therapy cannot be reduced to a checklist. It depends on the individual client experience

• Many clients internalise bad therapy and believe they are at fault

• Therapy can have side effects and sometimes people feel worse afterwards

• Mistakes will happen. Repair and humility matter more than perfection

• Asking about expectations is just as important as setting goals

• Therapists will feel defensive. The work is to notice it and respond with openness

• Deliberate practice builds skills by focusing on one area at a time

• Administrative details like fees, scheduling, and emails are part of the relationship and need care

Very Bad Therapy podcast with Ben Feinman and Carrie Wiita

Modern Therapist Survival Guide with Kurt and Katie

Sentio Counselling Centre in California

Learn Psychotherapy podcast with Ben and Carrie

Inside Social Work with Marie Vakakis

If this episode resonated with you please follow and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Sharing the episode helps more people join these honest conversations about mental health and relationships.

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Have you ever had a fight with your partner that started over something small but somehow turned into a huge blow up? It’s rarely about the dishes, the bills, or who walked the dog. The way we argue matters more than the content of the fight.

In this solo episode, I talk about the four relationship habits that John and Julie Gottman call the “Four Horsemen”  patterns of conflict that predict relationship distress and even separation. More importantly, I share the antidotes: what to do instead.

We’ll explore:

• Why conflict isn’t a bad sign and it’s how you handle it that matters
• The three main conflict styles couples use
• The four habits that harm relationships: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling
• Practical antidotes for each of these habits
• Why repair and accountability are more powerful than getting it right every time

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or just want to understand communication better, this episode will help you notice patterns and make small but meaningful shifts.

Resources:

• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – John and Julie Gottman
• Fight Right – Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman

Listen now and start shifting the way you think about conflict.

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

It doesn’t usually happen with one big fight. Most couples who find themselves feeling distant say it crept up slowly. Busy schedules, kids, work, distractions and one day you realise you’re living more like housemates than partners.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I talk about why couples drift apart, what research tells us about disconnection, and the small everyday actions that keep love alive.

I share:

• Why disconnection often happens without us noticing
• How emotional bids shape the strength of your bond
• What Gottman research shows about drifting vs closeness
• Simple practices to rebuild connection and stop feeling like housemates
• Why small moments of presence matter more than big gestures

🎧 Listen now to explore why drifting happens and what you can do to bring closeness back into your relationship.

Resources:

• The Gottman Institute
• Relationship Refresh
• AI Affairs, Clinic Closures, and the Mental Health Cost of Early Smartphones

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Have you ever tried to explain what’s wrong in your relationship, only to be told you’re overreacting, imagining it, or making it up?

In this episode of This Complex Life, I’m talking about Cassandra Syndrome,  the experience of feeling unheard, dismissed, or invisible in your own reality. While it’s often linked to partners of people with autism, ADHD, or other neurodivergence, the truth is it can show up in any relationship dynamic where your experiences are minimised.

We’ll explore how Cassandra Syndrome develops, why it’s so damaging to your sense of self, and what helps you break the cycle. This is not about blame,  it’s about understanding, naming your experience, and finding ways to feel seen again.

In this episode I talk about:

• What Cassandra Syndrome actually is (and isn’t)
• How being repeatedly dismissed affects your mental health
• Why some partners shut down instead of responding
• The role of emotional labour in relationships
• How to set boundaries without falling into the rescuer role
• Steps to reclaim your voice and sense of reality
• How therapy can help couples rebuild connection and mutual understanding

Resources:

• The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling
• The Four Horsemen: The Antidotes

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/



Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

What if your dream job stopped feeling like a dream? What if suicide prevention strategies missed the voices of those who know it best? And what if modern masculinity was being reshaped right in front of us?

In this Weekly Wrap, I explore three powerful stories making headlines in mental health and relationships. From rethinking passion at work, to placing lived experience at the heart of suicide prevention, to conversations about male role models and expectations, these stories reveal the deeper issues beneath the news.

Listen in for context, reflections, and why these stories matter more than you might think.

Resources 

https://www.mentalhealthcommission.gov.au/national-suicide-prevention-strategy

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-08-02/national-suicide-strategy-samantha-mcintosh-anton-isaacs/105601504

https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/this-working-life/is-your-dream-job-still-dreamy-/105541268

https://www.sbs.com.au/on

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

What emotional relationships with chatbots reveal about loneliness, safety, and the fear of real intimacy

Someone recently said their AI companion understands them more than their actual partner. That it listens, responds with care, and never judges. For them, it felt like love. But is it?

In this episode of This Complex Life, I’m looking at the growing number of people forming emotional connections with chatbots. Some call it companionship. Some call it cheating. I think it tells a much bigger story about how scared many of us are to be vulnerable with real people.

AI chatbots are designed to soothe, to validate, to agree. But real connection requires challenge, discomfort, and the ability to sit with mess. When that becomes too hard, some people turn to machines for comfort. I want to explore what that means for relationships, what we might be avoiding, and what we risk losing in the process.

• Why AI chatbots feel emotionally safer than real people
• What people say they get from their AI companion
• The emotional cost of comfort without challenge
• Why some AI interactions start to feel like betrayal
• How emotional growth comes from conflict, not ease
• What the Psychology Today article reveals about identity, empathy, and false connection
• Why relying on AI might feel good but leave us more disconnected in the long run

Resources

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/relationships/ai-chatbot-relationships

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_d08BZmdZu8 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/code-conscience/202506/the-emotional-cost-of-ai-intimacy

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

AI affairs, vanishing therapy clinics, and phones before age 13

Cheating with a chatbot. Therapy clinics shutting almost overnight. And new research on what smartphones are doing to young people’s mental health. These stories aren’t just news headlines. They are real issues showing up in therapy sessions and kitchen table conversations.

Here’s what stood out this week:

Chatbots and cheating

More people are forming emotional bonds with AI bots. Some are even calling it an affair. It might seem far-fetched but it’s happening. These connections feel safe, non-judgemental and easy. But they also raise real questions about trust, emotional safety and what it means to be in a relationship.

Thousands left without mental health care

Ramsay Health Care is closing 17 of its 20 psychology clinics across Australia. This decision is leaving thousands of clients, including children and high-risk individuals, without access to care. Many will end up on waitlists or lose support completely. It is another reminder that our mental health system is not working.

Phones before 13 linked to poor mental health

A global study found that young people who got a smartphone before age 13 were more likely to experience suicidal thoughts, aggression and disconnection from reality. Teens in the study said this matched their own experiences. They feel tired, stressed and stuck between wanting to unplug and fearing being left out.

Need something lighter?

I’ve been watching Teenage Boss on ABC. It’s a great series showing what happens when teens manage the family budget. Entertaining, a bit surprising, and worth a watch.

https://iview.abc.net.au/show/teenage-boss 

Resources

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-08-01/smartphones-impact-on-mental-health-some-teens-choose-dumbphones/105589326

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/19452829.2025.2518313?src=exp-la#abstract 

https://iview.abc.net.au/show/compass/series/39/video/RN2411H016S00

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Affairs grab our attention. Whether it’s someone in the news or a friend of a friend, we tune in, pass judgement, or quietly reflect on our own relationships. But what is it that makes cheating stories so captivating?

In this episode, I talk about why we care so much about other people’s affairs. I explore how unmet needs, identity, and longing can show up in relationships. I unpack what betrayal can do to a person’s sense of self, why fantasy can feel easier than reality, and why some couples do try to rebuild after infidelity.

This is not about sensationalism or blame. It’s a real conversation about what I see in the therapy room and what can help people make sense of something painful and complicated.

What I cover in this episode

• Why cheating stories hook us, even when they’re not ours
• How social referencing plays into our opinions on infidelity
• What betrayal can do to trust, identity, and mental health
• The messiness of defining cheating in relationships
• How unmet needs and longing can fuel emotional or physical affairs
• What it can look like to recover as an individual
• What’s involved in repairing a relationship after an affair
• Why not all couples stay together
• What happens when a relationship starts as an affair
• The impact of perpetual problems in relationships (Gottman research: 69 percent of issues are ongoing)
• Why switching partners doesn’t always solve core differences
• What couples need to rebuild trust and connection

Referenced in this episode

 📚 The State of Affairs by Esther Perel

• Gottman Method couples therapy model
• Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment framework
• 69 percent of relationship problems are perpetual and unsolvable

Therapy helps manage rather than eliminate these recurring issues

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

When a breakup becomes life-threatening, why the Coldplay affair is stirring up fears about trust and betrayal, and what teens are really saying about how technology is affecting their mental health.

This week:

Men, separation and suicide risk

New research from Orygen shows separated men are up to nine times more likely to die by suicide. We explore why this matters and what support is available.

→ Orygen summary

→ Full paper

The Coldplay affair

It is more than celebrity gossip. Infidelity brings up shame, fear and emotional vulnerability.

→ Recommended book: The State of Affairs by Esther Perel

Teen mental health and tech

The ABC Compass episode Hijacking Adolescence captures what teens are really saying about screens and stress.

→ Watch on ABC iview

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset