This Complex Life

If you keep having the same argument with your partner, it might not be about the topic at all. Often, it is not about the dishes, the plans for the weekend, or who forgot to call back. How you fight, well, that could be based on your attachment style. In this episode, I’ll explore how anxious and avoidant attachment styles show up during conflict and why they can create painful cycles that feel impossible to escape.I’ll share what I see as a couples therapist and what you can do about it.

Conflict with a partner activates something deep in our nervous system. Suddenly, we are not calm, rational adults. We are reacting to old attachment wounds. One person escalates, the other withdraws, and before long, the original issue is forgotten while the emotional storm takes over.

In this episode I’ll explain how these patterns form, why they make sense from an attachment perspective, and most importantly, how couples can begin to break the cycle.

In this episode you will learn:

• Why couples repeat the same arguments over and over

• How anxious and avoidant attachment styles trigger each other

• What happens in the nervous system during relationship conflict

• Why silence can feel dangerous for one partner and safe for the other

• The difference between taking a break and stonewalling

• How to communicate needs clearly during heated moments

• Practical scripts to help repair after conflict

• Why repair is more important than getting it right

Resources mentioned:

1. Working with conflict course: https://marievakakis.com.au/working-with-conflict-in-couples-therapy/
2. Download guide: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/
3. Couples therapy sessions at The Therapy Hub

If this episode resonates, share it with your partner or a friend and start the conversation.

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026

https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Connect with Marie

1. https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
2. https://marievakakis.com.au/
3. https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

So many couples say the same thing when they come to therapy. We probably should have talked about this earlier. Not because of one big issue, but because of all the small conversations that got pushed aside.

In this episode, I’m sharing five relationship topics that come up again and again in my therapy sessions. Things like how to talk about personal goals, navigating money and shared responsibilities, defining sex and intimacy, managing expectations as life changes, and naming the fears that quietly shape how we show up with each other.

What we cover

1. The conversations couples often avoid that lead to disconnection
2. What to talk about before starting study or changing routines
3. Why money triggers old patterns, and how to talk about them together
4. How to define sex and intimacy in a way that works for both of you
5. Expectations around parenting, roles and who does what
6. How fear shows up in silence, frustration or resentment

Mentioned in this episode

1. Relationship Refresh Workshop (on demand)
2. Sex and Intimacy Conversation Starter Guide
3. Therapy sessions at The Therapy Hub

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026

https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Sharing good news with your partner should feel connecting. Yet for many people, moments of success can quickly turn into hurt or tension when the response feels flat, awkward, or dismissive.

In this episode, I respond to a listener question about getting a promotion and feeling unsupported by their partner. I unpack three common reasons this happens and what is often going on underneath the surface.

This is not about someone being uncaring or selfish. It is about different emotional languages, family histories, and unspoken fears colliding in the same moment.

What this episode explores

1. Why celebrations matter differently to different people
2. How family culture shapes responses to success
3. Why promotions can trigger shame, fear, or disconnection
4. How money and identity influence reactions
5. What to say when a moment goes wrong and how to slow the conversation down

When good news turns into conflict, it is rarely about the achievement itself. It is about meaning, expectations, and what has not yet been said.

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026

https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Why won’t my partner communicate with me

It’s one of the most common questions I hear in the therapy room and it’s usually coming from someone who feels shut out, unheard or like they’re carrying the emotional load on their own.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I’ll share what’s often really going on when communication feels blocked, when you keep fighting or arguing. Because most of the time, it’s not about a lack of words. It’s about emotional safety, overwhelm and patterns that quietly shut conversations down.

I talk about emotional flooding, the communication patterns that make things worse instead of better, and how the way conversations start can set them up to fail before they even begin. I also explore how what we learned about conflict growing up still shapes how we show up in our relationships today.

You’ll also hear practical questions you can ask that invite reflection instead of defensiveness, and small shifts that can help you feel more connected without escalating into another fight.

In this episode, we explore

1. Why communication problems are rarely just about talking
2. Emotional flooding and shutdown and why it feels impossible to stay present
3. The Gottman Four Horsemen and how they show up in everyday conversations
4. How criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling block connection
5. Why timing and tone matter more than being right
6. How family of origin shapes your comfort with conflict
7. Questions that help you understand each other instead of escalating

If you’ve ever thought we just don’t communicate anymore, this episode is for you.

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026

https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Do you want to feel closer to your partner, but feel unsure how to bring it up?

Many couples care deeply about each other and still drift apart. Life gets busy. Conversations become practical. Emotional connection fades quietly. Not because people stop trying, but because the harder conversations get avoided.

In this episode, I talk about why relationships drift even when there is love and good intention. I explore why low conflict is often mistaken for connection, and why avoiding check ins can slowly create distance.

I also share three simple questions I use with couples that help change the tone of conversations. These questions focus on understanding rather than blame and can be used straight away.

If you are feeling disconnected and do not know where to start, this episode offers a calm and practical place to begin.

1. Why couples drift without realising it
2. Why love alone is not enough to stay connected
3. How avoidance shows up in well intentioned relationships
4. Three questions that help couples check in and reconnect

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026

https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Have you ever found yourself thinking my partner is not the same person I fell in love with.

Maybe you still care deeply but something feels off.

Conversations go in circles.

You keep fighting about the same things

Or you feel lonely even though you are still together.

This is a pattern I see often in my work as a couples therapist. Most couples want the same things. Connection. Safety. Feeling valued. Where they get stuck is in how they try to get there.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I walk you through five common patterns that show up when couples feel disconnected over time. 

This is not about fixing your partner. It is about understanding what is actually happening underneath the surface when two people who care start missing each other.

Feeling disconnected does not automatically mean you have outgrown each other or chosen the wrong person. Often it means the relationship has not been updated to match how life and people have changed.

In this episode, I share the 5 common mistakes I see people make. 

• Why relationships can feel harder as life gets fuller

• How unmet expectations quietly create distance

• What happens when both people are trying but still missing each other

• Why assuming they should just know leads to resentment

• How criticism and contempt creep in without you noticing

If you are feeling stuck, confused, or wondering what happened to the closeness you once had, you are not alone in this. Some of this is uncomfortable and that is okay. 

Understanding the pattern is often the first step towards repair.

Tired of going round in circles with your partner?

Relationship Refresh is a practical couples program that helps you stop the blame game, communicate better and feel like a team again.

👉 marievakakis.com.au/for-couples

If things feel more stuck and you need deeper support, you can book an Intensive Couples Therapy session with me through The Therapy Hub

👉 thetherapyhub.com.au

Struggling to talk about sex, desire or intimacy without it getting weird or shutting down?

Download my free guide How to talk about sex, desire and connection: https://mailchi.mp/marievakakis/a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacy

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Anxiety can feel confusing and overwhelming, especially when your brain reacts faster than you can make sense of it. In this episode, I talk with Dr Jodi Richardson about the difference between everyday stress, overwhelming worry and anxiety that needs more support.

We explore why anxiety shows up in the body, why discomfort often feels unsafe and how childhood patterns can affect the way we manage emotions as adults. Jodi shares practical, compassionate ways to understand your anxiety and feel more grounded when your mind starts spiralling.

In this episode we cover:

• The difference between stress, overwhelm and anxiety

• Why anxiety activates the stress response

• How childhood emotional patterns shape anxiety

• Why discomfort often feels dangerous

• What helps when anxiety feels big

• How to support someone with anxiety without fixing

• When to seek professional help

Your brain is not broken. It is responding to something that feels uncertain or overwhelming, and you can support it in ways that actually work.

Connect with Dr Jodi Richardson:

https://drjodirichardson.com.au/ 

Resources:

📕Daily Stoic

Well Hello Anxiety Podcast

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

Breakups can be hard on all of us, they can shake our sense of self in ways we don't expect. For men, the emotional impact is not something that's often spoken about. They’re taught to suck it up and get on with it. 

In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with  Michael Wilson, a Research Fellow focused on men’s mental health and suicide prevention to talk about why men often struggle silently during breakups and how society’s ideas about masculinity shape the way they cope.

We explore how shame, identity loss and isolation can build after a relationship ends, and why many men do not seek help until they reach a crisis point. There is another way to move through it. Understanding, connection and emotional honesty can help men rebuild their sense of self with more clarity and confidence.

In this conversation, we talk about

• Why breakups can shake men’s identity

• How conditioning around masculinity affects emotional expression

• The role shame plays in silence

• What men wish they could say but feel they cannot

• How to support men without jumping into solutions

• Ways to rebuild confidence after a relationship ends

If you are working through a breakup or navigating a season of change, you do not have to do it alone.

Connect with Michael Wilson: 

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-wilson-4b2090164/ 

Michael Wilson is a Research Fellow focused on men’s mental health and suicide prevention, based with Orygen at the University of Melbourne.

Since 2018, Michael has published and presented research both nationally and internationally across a range of subjects, including healthy masculinities and mental health in young men, improving training for mental health practitioners around engaging and responding to help-seeking men, and understanding risk and protective factors associated with suicidal thoughts and behaviours in men.

His research currently focuses on men's mental health and suicide risk in the context of intimate partner relationship breakdown.

Resources: 

• Main paper: https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2026-40673-001.html 
• Other research: https://scholar.google.com.au/citations?hl=en&user=avSkawsAAAAJ&view_op=list_works&authuser=1&sortby=pubdate 
• Mental Health Academy course on understanding men's suicide risk post breakup: https://www.mentalhealthacademy.com.au/catalogue/courses/breaking-up-breaking-down-understanding-and-addressing-mens-suicide-risk-in-the-context-of-intimate-relationship-breakdown

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

People often imagine that parenthood clicks into place the moment a baby arrives. For many, the emotional changes, the exhaustion and the adjustment to a new sense of self are far more complex than expected.

In this episode, I speak with Accredited Mental Health Social Worker Bronte Taylor about what it really feels like to lose and rebuild parts of yourself after becoming a parent.

We talk about how motherhood can bring joy and pride while also bringing grief, disorientation and a sense of invisibility. Bronte shares her own experience, the concept of matrescence, and why mums often feel guilty when they try to meet their own needs.

We explore:

• What matrescence is and why more people need to know about it
• Why motherhood can shake your sense of identity
• How childhood and family patterns show up in parenting
• Why mums struggle to put themselves first
• How to start setting boundaries without drowning in guilt
• The power of being seen, heard and validated instead of being fixed

Connect with Bronte

• Instagram: @bronte_heartfelttherapy
• Centre Self Collective
• Heartfelt Therapy

Resources mentioned

• If Women Rose Rooted by Sharon Blackie
• Dr Sophie Brock’s Motherhood Studies
• Motherkind  Book by Zoe Blaskey
• https://www.heartfelttherapy.com.au/
• https://centreself.com.au/ 
• Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood Book by Lucy Jones
• https://self-compassion.org/

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset

ADHD is often misunderstood, especially in therapy. In this episode of This Complex Life, I talk with ADHD coach Ron Souers about what happens when therapy meets the realities of living with ADHD.

We explore what it means to understand ADHD beyond the label, how it impacts emotions, relationships, and self-worth, and why self-compassion and curiosity make all the difference.

You’ll hear about:

• The emotional side of ADHD (and how grief can show up after diagnosis)
• Common misconceptions in therapy and how to address them
• The importance of validation, empathy, and communication
• How to support emotional regulation and connection
• Why therapy needs to focus on skills, not just medication

Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.

Resources:

Listen to previous ADHD episode:

Turning ADHD Struggles into Strengths:  How understanding your ADHD brain and practicing self-compassion can help you thrive.

Connect with Ron Souers:

Don’t Mind Me, I Just Have ADHD Podcast

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset