Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationship

Part 1 on how to heal from a trauma bond. The episode is divided into two parts, so please listen to both for full info! 

In part 1 of this podcast episode, I delve into the topic of healing from a trauma bond. 
Have you ever thought of "why am I hooked into this painful relationship of a trauma bond but other people aren't? Or that other people seem to have the confidence to walk away from a relationship where they don't feel they're treated well (and yet I stay and justify it?)"

This is because the relationship is often holding a mirror to you, reflecting a part of yourself. When speaking about this, I draw upon my clinical expertise as an expert clinical psychologist and coach specialising in trauma bonding and refer to scientific evidence and research.

Individuals susceptible to trauma bonding often possess traits of high empathy and an anxious attachment style. They tend to seek validation and worry about their self-worth. The trauma bond becomes a mirror reflecting their internal beliefs of not being good enough or worthy of love and respect. This belief triggers a cycle of striving to please their narcissistic partner, who constantly criticizes them. Ultimately what this means is - that core hidden fear you have about 'not being good enough' is activated by the partner who is constantly criticising you, and so you want to "solve" this issue and find a way to feel good enough, but in the place where you are most likely to feel the opposite. 

Remember, you do not need to give your partner control over how 'good enough' you are. Because you are infinitely worthy. Watch out for part 2 to try out 5 different exercises on healing from trauma bonds. 

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

In this podcast episode, I discuss the key to having a happy and healthy relationship, which is based on three pillars: my personal happiness, my partner's happiness, and the happiness of the relationship itself. The challenge lies in committing to these pillars and not falling into the trap of idealizing the relationship. Often, I may prioritize the relationship over my own well-being, sacrificing my happiness for the sake of maintaining it. Another issue is the lack of consistency and undefined boundaries in the relationship, making it difficult to understand where I stand with my partner. Furthermore, I explore how childhood experiences shape my relationship patterns and beliefs about myself and relationships. To work towards a healthy relationship, I share ten tips: becoming aware of my relationship patterns, practicing assertive communication, expressing my emotions, setting and upholding boundaries, avoiding self-betrayal, being emotionally aware, acknowledging red flags, continuously learning about my partner, sharing myself gradually, and maintaining personal activities and independence. I invite listeners to share their thoughts and experiences in maintaining happy and healthy relationships while emphasizing the importance of the three pillars.

You can find more resources and contact me on www.healtoxicrelationships.com

You can also find me on instagram @dr.sarahalsawy

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

Have you ever felt really anxious about "if you're any good in bed"? Well, navigating sexual intimacy with a narcissist in a relationship can be challenging. Many individuals struggle with trying to satisfy their partner who is never content and always demands more. This understandably creates anxiety and performance pressure - you fall into a spiral of questioning yourself and your ability from a sexual perspective, but then this expands to you questioning yourself as a whole.

The issues faced in such relationships include:
1.  Shaming, blaming, and constant criticism from the narcissistic partner. They may make you feel inadequate or pressurize you into performing acts you're uncomfortable with. 

2. Grandiosity and over-inflated esteem. Narcissists often present themselves as sexually superior and expect constant praise while being hypersensitive to criticism.

3. Imbalance of priorities. They prioritize their own needs, neglecting yours.

4. Aggression or violence, crossing boundaries without consent, coercing you into things that you're not really ok with or even threatening to share intimate details with others in order to maintain control in the relationship.

5. Entitlement is another problem, where they demand specific sexual frequencies or expect you to tolerate infidelity. 

These dynamics pose serious risks, such as the threat of blackmail or emotional vulnerability affecting self-worth. People on the receiving end of this may feel the need to change themselves or undergo cosmetic procedures to please their narcissistic partners, but they can never meet their unrealistic standards. 

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

In this episode, we delve into the dynamics of difficult relationships where constant difficulties prevail - because here's the truth. There is always someone who is a rescuer, someone who is a victim, and someone who is a persecutor.  Chances are you have been a rescuer for a long time trying to save and fix people because they position themselves as a "victim". And if you don't save them - they persecute you.

These roles of persecutor, victim, and rescuer can shift, leading to messy and complicated situations. To navigate this, we explore three steps.

Step one is awareness. Recognize the urges and tendencies that pull you into one of these roles. Step two involves understanding the deeper desires behind those urges. For instance, a rescuer may fear rejection and seeks acceptance, while a victim may crave care and support. A persecutor may believe that criticism is necessary for progress. Step three is finding healthier ways to fulfill these desires without falling into the unhealthy roles. This requires reflection and considering alternative approaches.

For instance, accepting your inherent worthiness instead of seeking constant validation, seeking support through open communication, or finding constructive solutions instead of resorting to criticism. By implementing these steps, relationships can shift towards a healthier dynamic, reducing dramatic arguments and creating space for growth and understanding.

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

In this podcast episode, we explore the experience of being unable to move on from a past relationship. The lingering feelings of love and constant thoughts about the person indicate a level of relational trauma. Our attraction to people is often based on what they bring out in us, tapping into deep emotions and patterns. These patterns are often formed during childhood based on our experiences with caregivers and shape our beliefs about adult relationships.

For example, if our parents constantly fought and criticized each other, we may have internalized the belief that acceptance in a relationship requires constant effort to avoid criticism. As adults, we may find ourselves in similar toxic patterns where there are extreme highs and lows. We may be attracted to individuals who evoke this criticism and approval cycle within us, as we seek resolution for our unresolved childhood needs.

Similarly, if we had emotionally or physically absent parents, we may be drawn to emotionally unavailable partners who replicate that familiar dynamic. The attraction lies in fulfilling our subconscious expectations of emotional unavailability or the need to constantly seek attention.

It's important to recognize that the attachment is not necessarily to the person we miss, but to the unresolved needs and patterns they evoke within us. To move forward, we must reflect on the reasons the relationship ended and the challenging aspects we experienced. By examining the emotions triggered by those experiences, we can identify earlier memories and the origins of our programming.

Taking the perspective of our younger selves, we can determine what we truly needed in those moments—for instance, to feel safe, accepted, loved, or important. Finally, we can offer ourselves the compassion and care we needed back then, acknowledging our worthiness and providing the love we sought.

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

In this podcast episode, I discuss the issue of outsourcing emotional regulation to a partner and provide three key points to address this problem. Firstly, it is important for you to be aware of your emotions. Take a moment to pause, identify, and label the emotions you are experiencing. This self-awareness empowers you to understand what is happening and take appropriate action.

The second point focuses on exploring the intention behind your emotions. Emotions serve as signals, conveying your desires and fears. By delving deeper into their purpose, you can gain a better understanding of what you want and what you are afraid of. This insight helps you navigate your emotions more effectively.

Finally, it is crucial for you to find ways to serve the emotional intention in the best possible manner. Consider how you can fulfill your emotional needs while managing associated risks. It could involve reaching out to a friend for support or practicing self-compassion and nurturing your inner child.

I encourage you to engage with these ideas and I'm here to assist with any challenges you may be facing. By developing self-awareness, exploring intentions, and finding healthy ways to meet your emotional needs, you can become more adept at managing and navigating your emotions, leading to personal growth and independence.

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

In this podcast episode, I address the issue of low self-worth and offer you a four-step process to overcome it. Simply telling yourself to be more confident doesn't work and that the belief of not being good enough can be deeply ingrained due to past traumas, whether big or small. I challenge the common advice of loving yourself without needing the love of others, as it can feel frustrating and dismissive.

The first step is for you to trace back to your earliest memory of feeling inadequate and view your younger self in that situation with compassion and a sense of safety.

In the second step, I encourage you to allow your younger version to speak unedited and express their truth, which may include anger, sadness, or frustration.

In the third step, I invite you to ask your younger self what they need to hear from your adult self, potentially offering acceptance and reassurance. 

The final step is for you as your wise self to hold space for your vulnerable younger self and provide compassion and love. By acknowledging and caring for your inner child, your self-worth as an adult can gradually increase.

I emphasize that this process helps you truly love yourself without relying solely on the validation of others. I invite you to try the exercise and provide feedback. If you ever need anything, please feel free to reach out. I look forward to speaking with you in the next episode.

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

In this podcast episode, I discuss the common fear of believing that nobody else would want to be in a relationship with oneself. I emphasize that this fear stems from feeling inadequate and unworthy, often due to experiences of criticism, rejection, or trauma in past relationships. We talk about the difference between mature love and immature love. Mature love is based on appreciating a partner's tangible qualities and loving them for who they are, while immature love stems from a need to fill a void within ourselves and relies on your partner for validation and self-worth.

To overcome the fear of being alone, I offer three questions to ask yourself. First, question the certainty of the belief that nobody else would want to be with you. Second, explore the positive intention behind this fear, such as desiring connection and love. Lastly, assess whether the current relationship truly serves that intention or if there might be alternative ways to find fulfillment. By examining these aspects, you can regain your power, consider your needs, and make informed decisions about your relationships.

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

In this episode, we talk about what it is like when your partner all of a sudden seems less interested, distant, and withdrawn and you might be left questioning: is my partner less interested in me or are they dealing with their own issues? My response is: does it matter? You get the same level of contact from them - less affection, care, and communication in the relationship

Uncertainty you feel leads to overanalyzing and walking on eggshells. The focus should shift to what is needed in the relationship. Three areas are suggested for consideration: 1) Can open dialogue and understanding be achieved with the partner? 2) Identifying personal needs and values in a relationship. 3) Prioritizing self-care and addressing emotional baggage. It is important to communicate openly, assess personal needs, and prioritize self-care for a healthy relationship.

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

In this podcast episode, I explore the concept of cognitive dissonance in relationships. Cognitive dissonance arises when we hold opposing beliefs about a situation, causing a struggle to find resolution. Using the example of Jane, who justified her partner's infidelity and hurtful comments, I illustrate how trauma bonded relationships often lead us to rationalize harmful behavior.

I delve into the biological aspect of cognitive dissonance, where the bonding hormone oxytocin becomes associated with stress instead of affection. This cycle perpetuates justifying our partner's actions while experiencing heightened stress levels.

I emphasize the importance of self-awareness in recognizing cognitive dissonance and its impact on decision-making. It is crucial to take a step back, evaluate conflicting beliefs, and prioritize our long-term well-being. Setting boundaries is an act of self-love and self-respect, not rejection.

Furthermore, I urge listeners to reflect on how tolerating disrespect sabotages personal growth and self-worth. It is essential to prioritize our own development and seek healthier relationships.

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.