Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationship

 Welcome to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab, where high achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs explore relationship fitness, healing from relationship trauma, and creating secure, trusting, and loving partnerships. Designed for those navigating high-stakes careers and relationships, we dive into trauma-informed coaching, relationship wellbeing, and practical strategies to recover from trauma bonding and build meaningful connections. Save your marriage, start building secure relationships and optimizing your relationship wellbeing.

Get your FREE downloadable Relationship Health Quiz here: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

If you would like to book in a free consultation call, please click here: https://calendly.com/healtraumabonding-info/30min

For more information, contact [email protected]

Why you can't love yourself after a trauma bond?

Don't get me wrong, I think self-love is crucial.

But I get irritated with social media quick quotes or whatever saying "just love yourself". Here's my issue - it's not as easy if you've been trauma bonded. If anything it feels near impossible and it is super deflating for people hearing this message, trying to self love, but not having it in them.

There are 4 main issues that are intertwined as to why it's hard to self-love following a trauma bond:

1. Deep rooted attachment issues. People who are attracted into trauma bonds tend to have anxious or avoidant attachment styles which involve: I can only be loved if I please the other person. Therefore my ability to be loveable is reliant on external validation, and "being good enough"

2. Identity. Through a trauma bond you lose your identity due to being gaslit and you resign having control. You were love bombed at the start when there were the "good" parts of you on show, and so you work hard to "create the perfect / good enough identity" to be loved. But this also means you move further away from your true self.

3. Subconscious template. Subconsciously we create a level of worth - what I am worthy of and what you are worthy of - and in a trauma bond, you view your partner's worth as being higher than yours.

4. Brain wiring. You become hypersensitive to any signs that could be interpreted as you being inadequate.

What to do?

Speak to your younger and innocent se

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Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

Welcome to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab, where high achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs explore relationship fitness, healing from relationship trauma, and creating secure, trusting, and loving partnerships. Designed for those navigating high-stakes careers and relationships, we dive into trauma-informed coaching, relationship wellbeing, and practical strategies to recover from trauma bonding and build meaningful connections. Save your marriage, start building secure relationships and optimizing your relationship wellbeing.

Get your FREE downloadable Relationship Health Quiz here: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

If you would like to book in a free consultation call, please click here: https://calendly.com/healtraumabonding-info/30min

For more information, contact [email protected]

In this podcast episode, I talk about the differences between being in love and being in a trauma-bonded relationship. I highlight five key factors to help you distinguish between the two:

1. Extreme Highs and Lows: In a trauma-bonded relationship, there are massive highs followed by sudden plummeting lows. These extreme fluctuations indicate a trauma bond. Healthy love, on the other hand, involves a narrower range of emotions and a more balanced middle ground.
2. Mature vs. Immature Love: Immature love focuses on needing the other person for validation and completeness, while mature love centers around genuinely wanting the person because of who they are. The former leads to a trauma bond, whereas the latter signifies genuine love.
3. Attachment vs. Connection: Attachment entails integrating the partner into one's own identity, causing constant anxiety and fear of abandonment. Connection involves acknowledging the partner's qualities and choosing to connect without a fear-driven attachment.
4. Acceptance of Flaws: In a trauma-bonded relationship, flaws are hidden or ignored to preserve the relationship's potential. True love acknowledges flaws and accepts them as part of the person's entirety.
5. Physiological State: A trauma-bonded relationship creates a constant state of heightened anxiety, exhaustion, and stress. In healthy love, there's a sense of security and stability even during disagreements or challenges.

Let me know how you get on with these an

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

In this podcast episode, we delve into the intriguing question: Do narcissists truly experience trauma bonds? Let's explore the intricate dynamics of trauma-bonded relationships, where you, as the vulnerable party, become entangled with a narcissistic abuser. Your deep desire to salvage the relationship, to avoid abandonment, leads to perpetual anxiety.

Conversely, the narcissist employs a façade of grandiosity to shield their fragile self-esteem. Their quest for validation and adulation compels them to overstate their brilliance, attempting to prove their own worthiness. During the initial stages, you're showered with affection in a process known as "love bombing," aimed at capturing your devotion. Subsequently, a push-pull pattern emerges, preventing true emotional intimacy.

Consider this: While both you and the narcissist grapple with self-doubt, their motivation to perpetuate the cycle lies in validating their own identity. As you work tirelessly to please, striving to feel adequate, the narcissist manipulates the relationship to quell their inner insecurities.

This episode emphasizes the detrimental nature of such connections, urging introspection into your self-perception and the impact of the relationship. As you ponder these patterns, the recognition of this toxic cycle can propel you towards healing and empowerment. By understanding the dynamics at play, you can liberate yourself from the clutches of a trauma-bonded relationship and embark on a journey of self-discovery.

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

This podcast episode, I talk about the most dangerous person you can fall in love with and be in a relationship with. Chances are if you've been in a relationship with such an individual, you may have experienced a trauma bond (whether or not you know it).

 This involves the concept of the "dark triad" personality traits. The dark triad comprises narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. Narcissism involves a self-inflated sense of superiority and vulnerability beneath the surface. Machiavellianism revolves around manipulation using empathy to their advantage. Psychopathy entails a lack of emotional empathy, often masked by cognitive empathy. 

In such relationships, you are initially love-bombed, receiving excessive attention and affection. However, as the dark triad traits manifest, the abuser becomes avoidant, confrontational, or critical, leaving you confused and anxious. You might then internalize blame, hoping to regain the initial love-bombing phase. 

The dark triad creates a cycle of highs and lows, eroding your self-worth. Leaving becomes difficult due to the manipulation and emotional turmoil. Healing involves understanding your own vulnerabilities and trauma, which empowers you to identify toxic patterns and make healthier relationship choices.

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

In this podcast episode, I delve into the intricate process of healing from the enduring pain inflicted by trauma-bonded relationships. The discussion revolves around the lingering emotional turmoil and deep-seated negative beliefs that often persist long after such relationships end. The episode underscores the profound impact of these beliefs on your sense of self-worth and identity.

I emphasize the significance of self-compassion in navigating this journey of healing. I shed light on the subconscious nature of these beliefs, which tend to take root due to their repeated reinforcement. The episode offers a transformative approach to healing, focusing on self-awareness and introspection.

You are encouraged to engage in self-reflection by asking pivotal questions: How do you truly feel about yourself? How has the trauma-bonded relationship shaped your self-perception? The episode guides you in recognizing the origins of your emotional pain and negative self-talk, thereby enabling a profound shift in perspective.

A fundamental step towards healing involves expressing pent-up emotions without judgment, allowing the vulnerable aspects of yourself to come forth. I propose crafting self-affirming mantras that counteract the damaging narratives, promoting healing and self-acceptance. The podcast accentuates the paramount importance of fostering a healthy relationship with yourself, comparing it to the upkeep of a physical living space

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

On the contrary to what people believe, you do not stay in a trauma bonded relationship because you're "stupid" or "don't deserve better". You stay because your subconscious mind is activated and creates all of the reasons why you should stay. Here are 3 big reasons that your mind is telling you why it is better for you to stay, than to leave.

Firstly, people stay in these relationships because of a misguided sense of safety. Although the relationship itself feels threatening and anxiety-inducing, cognitive dissonance kicks in, making you believe it's safer to stay than face the unknown aftermath of leaving. Additionally, physiological responses to chronic stress leads to a reliance on the familiarity of the relationship, misinterpreting it as safety.

Secondly, codependency plays a significant role. Subconsciously, we are attracted to people who validate beliefs we hold about ourselves = e.g. if we believe we are not good enough, we end up being attracted to others who mirror this to us. This unhealthy dependency reinforces the toxic cycle, leaving them unable to break free.

Lastly, staying in such relationships is driven by the fear of loss and grief. The longer you invest in the relationship, the harder it becomes to detach, as you have given so much of yourself, hoping for validation and affection in return. Leaving would mean acknowledging the immense loss and accepting the hollow version of yourself created during the relationship.

By becoming aware of these patterns and the impact, you can make empowered choices for your wellbeing. Step out of the relationship, gain awareness, and re-evaluating what truly serves your inner being. Breaking free from the trauma-bonded cycle opens the door to a healthier, fulfilling life.

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

Welcome to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab, where high achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs explore relationship fitness, healing from relationship trauma, and creating secure, trusting, and loving partnerships. Designed for those navigating high-stakes careers and relationships, we dive into trauma-informed coaching, relationship wellbeing, and practical strategies to recover from trauma bonding and build meaningful connections. Save your marriage, start building secure relationships and optimizing your relationship wellbeing.

Get your FREE downloadable Relationship Health Quiz here: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

If you would like to book in a free consultation call, please click here: https://calendly.com/healtraumabonding-info/30min

For more information, contact [email protected]

In this podcast episode, Sarah is joined by David Jurasek, founder of Powerful and Loving Community of Men, Growing in Relational Leadership. They discuss the big question of why men stay in abusive relationships and explore the underlying reasons behind it. David, a psychotherapist, highlights the shame and stigma surrounding men in abusive relationships, making it difficult for them to seek help or talk about their experiences. He emphasizes the need for compassion and empathy from other men and society as a whole.

They delve into the impact of early childhood experiences on men's relationships, with David noting that many men develop patterns of behavior based on their early interactions with their caregivers. He stresses the importance of healing past wounds and understanding how these patterns affect present relationships.

The conversation also touches on the influence of social media and online communities on men seeking support. David points out the dangers of misguided advice and urges men to be cautious in choosing their sources of support.

The hosts discuss the difference in reasons why men and women stay in abusive relationships. For men, shame and fear of losing financial stability or custody of children can play a significant role. They acknowledge that women also face anxiety and uncertainty when contemplating leaving an abusive relationship.

David advises men to gather a supportive network of allies, including friends, therapists, and mentors. He highlights the power of hav

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

Today I talk about 10 red flags  you better watch out for that are signs of a trauma bonded relationship:

1. Pace of the relationship - trauma bonded relationship tends to move super fast particularly due to the love bombing stage; while a stable relationship that is healthy in love moves at a slower and consistent pace.
2. Communication is difficult - the person who is an empath mutes themselves and is quieter, not sharing their needs and wants; while the person who is critical and abusive (and holds narcissistic traits) is more attacking in communication.
3. You start doubting your reality - this is caused due to being gaslit by your partner.
4. Your partner is criticising and attacking you.
5. You justify and defend their behaviours especially when they are harmful and hurtful for you. You justify their behaviours by accepting blame or by minimising how hurtful they were.
6. You always think about your partner and you fantasise about what life is like with them, only seeing it through rose-tinted glasses 
7. You want to help them, and because you're the empath you want to care for the vulnerable side of your partner (even when they're attacking you).
8. You do not want to leave the relationship - you feel that this relationship is the be all and end all.
9. You cover up their bad behaviour and pretend it is not happening due to fears that your friends and family will try to tell you to leave the relationship.
10. You do not share parts of yourself, how you feel or your true experiences for fear you will be rejected or criticised.

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

Welcome to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab, where high achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs explore relationship fitness, healing from relationship trauma, and creating secure, trusting, and loving partnerships. Designed for those navigating high-stakes careers and relationships, we dive into trauma-informed coaching, relationship wellbeing, and practical strategies to recover from trauma bonding and build meaningful connections. Save your marriage, start building secure relationships and optimizing your relationship wellbeing.

Get your FREE downloadable Relationship Health Quiz here: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

If you would like to book in a free consultation call, please click here: https://calendly.com/healtraumabonding-info/30min

For more information, contact [email protected]

In this podcast episode, I discuss the strength of trauma bonds in toxic relationships. I emphasize that trauma bonding can feel stronger than love, making it difficult for individuals to leave despite recognizing the relationship' being extremely unhealthy. There are 3 key reasons as to why a trauma bond feels stronger than love:

1) Trauma bonds create addiction and dependency, similar to drug addiction, as individuals chase highs and become hypersensitive to stress. On a physiological level, chronic stress disrupts hormonal balance and impairs problem-solving abilities. You are also addicted and dependent on the relationship on a psychological level where you are constantly searching for a sense of 'safety' within the relationship by 'keeping the peace' and making your partner happy.

2) Trauma bonds also impact one's self-worth, particularly for empaths and anxiously attached individuals seeking validation from narcissistic partners. Your self-worth (as an empath) ends up lying in the narcissist's ability to 'validate you' or not. Sadly they end up with the power, leaving you feeling helpless. You remain in the relationship in the hope that they give you that validation and you can feel worthy again.

3) The power imbalance in these relationships places the empath in a subordinate position, leading to self-doubt and fear of leaving. The unconscious mind learns to expect being in a low position, causing individuals to doubt their worth and fear future relationships. The familiarity of the trauma bond o

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.

Part 2 of how to heal from a trauma bond: 5 key exercises you can try out to begin your healing journey.

Exercise 1: is all about somatic awareness. It's important to recognize that our unconscious and subconscious processes, which shape 95% of our behavior, are held in our bodies. When you feel triggered, pay attention to the physical sensations, like anxiety, in your stomach, chest, or throat. Take a moment to breathe deeply into those areas, get curious, and let your body naturally process those emotions tied to the trauma bond.

Exercise 2: focus on the lesson your emotions are trying to teach you. Often, we disconnect from our emotions within trauma bonds. So get curious about the emotions that arise when you feel not good enough. Remember, emotions are messengers. Explore the underlying messages and reach out for support if needed.

Exercise 3: examining your thoughts and beliefs. Gaslighting and cognitive dissonance in trauma bonds can make us doubt ourselves. Here's the challenge: look for evidence that contradicts the belief of not being good enough. Recall moments in your life where you felt valued, accepted, and absolutely good enough.

Exercise 4: testing out behavioral patterns. In trauma bonds, we tend to overcompensate or suppress our needs to please our partners. But what if we experimented with doing less - NB this may only feel safe to do outside the trauma bond depending on your circumstances, so please don't hesitate to reach out for support. 

Exercise 5: invites us to explore our unconscious mind. Find a calm state through meditation or deep relaxation. Recall your earliest memory of feeling not good enough. Question the accuracy of that perception and forgive yourself for any misunderstandings. Create a new truth by writing down daily affirmations to reprogram your subconscious mind and diminish the core fear of inadequacy.

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.