In last week’s episode, I talked about the “kink police” — the people who project their authority onto others and try to dictate how kink “should” be done. This week, I want to explore a different kind of projection: when people put their fears onto your choices.

Agency in kink is usually talked about in terms of safety — boundaries, consent, protecting ourselves. And that’s vital. But agency is more than just the right to say no. It’s also the right to say yes to risks that matter to you.

Here’s what I cover in this episode:

• Why agency isn’t just about safety, but also about the right to risk.
• How society celebrates risk in sports and travel, but shames it in sex.
• My personal story of doing a rope-in-water scene despite warnings.
• What I learned from Cruciator about scenes without safe words.
• Why safe words are tools, not substitutes for attunement and connection.

I’d love for you to reflect: What does agency mean to you? Where’s your line between whats ok and not ok in kink? And do you think we sometimes rely too much on safe words?

🔗 Don’t forget to take part in my listener survey (link in the show notes). Your feedback helps me keep shaping this podcast for your journey.

Further Listening

• #94: Seduced by Fear: Cruciator on the Dark Side of Desire
• #91: The Single Most Important Skill in Kink (episode about attunement)
• #33: Tied up in a Pool - Not What I Expected!
• #32: Extreme Scenes - Understanding Abduction Play with Cruciator

Curious about one-on-one coaching? Book a free Connection Call with Harley at harleyrabbit.com

xx Harley 🐰

Follow me:

• Fetlife
• Instagram

Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Ever met someone in the kink scene who acts like they invented BDSM? Yeah… those are the kink police. 🙄 In this episode, I’m breaking down elitism, rope snobbery, and why anyone telling you there’s a “right” way to do kink is full of it.

We’ll talk about:

• Why your kinky journey is 100% your own
• The difference between confidence and ego
• How to spot predators who isolate newbies (major red flag alert!)
• And why rolling your eyes at gatekeepers is totally valid

Whether you’re brand new or a seasoned kinkster, this episode is here to remind you: you are the authority on your own kink.

🪢 Want to level up your rope skills? I’m hosting a Kazami-Ryu Shibari intensive in Townsville this October! Only 3 tickets left and early bird pricing ends this Sunday. Grab your spot through this link. Or find the Fetlife event here. 

📝 Take my listener survey! I want to know more about you—your interests, your kink journey, and what you love about this podcast. It only takes a few minutes and helps me make even better episodes for you. Click the survey link here. 

Curious about one-on-one coaching? Book a free Connection Call with Harley at harleyrabbit.com

xx Harley 🐰

Follow me:

• Fetlife
• Instagram

Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

This week, I’m taking you behind the scenes of my journey — from being a guitar-obsessed, heavy metal teenager to chasing a music career, and eventually finding my way into sexology. On paper, those two worlds couldn’t be more different… but in this episode, I share why they’re deeply connected for me.

I talk about the moments that made music feel like my safe place, the way eroticism reaches the same deep, hidden parts of us, and how both music and sex have taught me about connection, vulnerability, and being truly seen.

It’s a personal one, and I think it might help you understand a bit more about who I am and why I do what I do.

Plus, I’ve got a special request: 

I want to know more about YOU. We’re coming up to 100 episodes, and your feedback will help shape the next 100. It’s quick, fun, and an it would mean the world to me. 🙏

Here's the survey link!

Curious about one-on-one coaching? Book a free Connection Call with Harley at harleyrabbit.com

xx Harley 🐰

Follow me:

• Fetlife
• Instagram

Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Ever wondered what makes a great flogger—and how to actually use one?

In this episode of Turns Out I’m Into It, I’m joined by local kink maker Chainwire, the man behind Hurty World’s handcrafted floggers, to explore the artistry, technique, and sensation behind one of kink’s most versatile toys.

We dive into:

• The craftsmanship of floggers—from leather selection to balance and weight
• What to look for when buying a flogger
• Techniques for play: thuddy vs stingy, warm-up vs intensity, and creating those delicious “waves” in a scene
• How to read your partner’s cues (both verbal and nonverbal)
• Cleaning, storage, and why you probably need more than one flogger in your kit
• Sensory play, aftercare, and building intimacy through impact

Whether you’re brand new to impact play or looking to refine your technique, this episode is packed with practical advice and hot tips to level up your flogging game.

Where to find Chainwire:

• Hurty World (Fetlife)
• Hurty World at Brisbane’s Four Seasons Markets

Play safe, have fun, and stay curious!

Curious about one-on-one coaching? Book a free Connection Call with Harley at harleyrabbit.com

xx Harley 🐰

Follow me:

• Fetlife
• Instagram

Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Welcome to Turns Out I’m Into It. In this unforgettable episode, I’m joined by special guest Cruciator to explore one of the kink world’s most taboo topics: fear play.

Cruciator has been active in the BDSM community since 1992 and is the owner of Fetlife’s Fear Play group. With decades of experience conducting high-intensity scenes—including multi-day abductions—he brings a grounded, thoughtful approach to a kink that is often misunderstood. He’s also a seasoned educator, offering in-depth online classes on the psychology, technique, and safety of fear play.

We explore:

• Why fear can be intensely erotic—and even healing
• The altered states and flow experiences fear play can evoke
• The arc of a scene: from immersion to cathartic release
• The neuroscience of subspace 
• How to evoke realism in long-term dynamics
• How tops manage responsibility, subtle cues, and emotional safety
• Why cultural fear of dark fantasies causes more harm than the desires themselves

🎓 Want to explore further?
Cruciator is offering an online class on fear play in August—designed for tops, bottoms, and anyone curious to go deeper. You can find the Fetlife event here. Tickets are available through Eventbrite here. I’ll be attending too.

You can also find Cruciator's Extreme Scenes Protocol here, as well as more information on his negotiation word. 

📚 Book Recommendation: The Lover’s Pinch – a fascinating history of BDSM across cultures and eras.

🎧 Whether you’re fear-curious or simply fascinated by the deeper psychological layers of kink, this is one of my favorite conversations on the podcast so far!

Curious about one-on-one coaching? Book a free Connection Call with Harley at harleyrabbit.com

xx Harley 🐰

Follow me:

• Fetlife
• Instagram

Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

In this extra juicy episode, I am joined by sex and intimacy coach Sam Charles for a very hands-on dirty talk masterclass. What starts as a playful lesson turns into a real-life demonstration of navigating boundaries, expressing desire, and negotiating a spicy scene in real time.

I open up about my own edges when it comes to using words during sex, and Sam creates a beautifully safe space to explore those vulnerabilities. Together, we co-create a scene that goes from light flirting to full-blown cock worship—sharing authentic erotic energy along the way! 

You’ll learn:

• Four practical structures to build your dirty talk confidence
• How to use sound, breath, and tone to express desire
• What it looks like to communicate boundaries while staying sexy
• Why asking for what you want can feel vulnerable—and how to do it anyway
• The power of names, roles, and real-time feedback in turning fantasy into reality

Content Warning: This episode includes real-time erotic role play and authentic sexual energy. If you're not in the headspace for sexy content today, feel free to skip or come back later.

Resources Mentioned:

• Follow Sam on Instagram (@sexcoachsam), Fetlife (@SexCoachSam), or visit samcharlescoaching.com
• Workshop co-developed with Lessey  Wentworth, Erotic Liberation & Relationship Coach: body-witch.com

If you loved this episode…
Share it with your partner or bestie and try the exercises together! Want more support navigating your own erotic edges? Book a coaching session with Harley via harleyrabbit.com

Curious about one-on-one coaching? Book a free Connection Call with Harley at harleyrabbit.com

xx Harley 🐰

Follow me:

• Fetlife
• Instagram

Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

In this episode, I’m sharing some honest reflections from my recent trip to Brisbane—where I pushed through some big travel anxiety to have one of my favourite rope scenes yet.

I open up about what it’s like to manage anxiety while trying to do the things you really want to do, and how I’m learning to meet that part of myself with more compassion. I also talk about the rope scene I did with Deadmaxis (who we had on the show on episode #87), and what made it feel so safe and connected—even with power dynamics in play.

This episode is pretty raw. I recorded it while everything was still fresh. But I hope it helps normalise the behind-the-scenes struggles that don’t always get talked about. If you’ve ever felt like you’re too anxious to explore kink, I hope this gives you a bit of encouragement and a reminder that you’re not alone.

Mentioned in this episode:

• #87 The Love Language of Rope - with Deadmaxis and Aura Grey 
• #89 Kink in a Small Town, and Finding my Brave (thoughts leading up to this trip)
• #54 I had a Bad Experience - This is What Happened (episode about my not so great experience last year)
• Body Worlds Exhibit -Brisbane 
• @_deadmaxis on Instagram
• Scene photos on my Fetlife

Curious about one-on-one coaching? Book a free Connection Call with Harley at harleyrabbit.com

xx Harley 🐰

Follow me:

• Fetlife
• Instagram

Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

What if I told you there was one skill that could make you more attractive as a play partner, safer to play with, and help you create hotter, more connected scenes?

In this solo episode, I dive into what I believe is the most important skill in kink: attunement.

We explore:

🔹 What attunement is
 🔹 How to attune to yourself and how to attune to others
 🔹 Why attunement is crucial for both Doms and subs
 🔹 What gets in the way of staying present during play
 🔹 How attunement makes scenes hotter, deeper, and more emotionally fulfilling

🎁 This episode includes TWO free guided exercises you can use to start practising attunement today—either solo or with a partner. These are powerful tools to help you tune in, connect, and get more out of your kink scenes right away.

Whether you’re brand new to kink or have been in the scene for years, this episode is a powerful reminder that technique means nothing without genuine connection.

Mentioned in this Episode

• Episode #89 Kink in a Small Town and Finding My Brave

1) Self Attunement Exercise 

1. Set a timer for 5 minutes.
2. Sit or lie down somewhere comfortable. Close your eyes.
3. Gently scan your body from head to toe.
   • What sensations do you notice?
   • Are there any areas of tension, warmth, pressure, openness, tingling?
4. Pick one sensation that stands out. Stay with it for a minute.
   • Does it shift? Intensify? Fade?
   • What emotion might be connected to it?
5. Ask: What does this part of me need?
   • A breath? Movement? A hand placed there?
   • Respond with a small, compassionate action.

2) Attuning to a Partner Exercise

1. Sit facing each other. Set a timer for 5–10 minutes.
2. Choose one person to be the "noticer" and one to be the "receiver."
3. The noticer silently observes the receiver’s body—posture, breath, expression, energy.
4. Ask internally: What do I notice? 
5. Offer your observations gently (e.g., “I noticed your shoulders softened when I smiled.”)
6. Swap roles. At the end, reflect:
   • What was it like to be seen that way?
   • What did you learn about your partner?

Curious about one-on-one coaching? Book a free Connection Call with Harley at harleyrabbit.com

xx Harley 🐰

Follow me:

• Fetlife
• Instagram

Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

I’ll be honest, I used to think pony play sounded… a little silly. But after discovering Rapidash’s stunning photos and hearing the depth of feeling behind his scenes, I realised there was a whole lot more to this kink I didn’t understand. It's actually incredible! 

In this episode of Turns Out I’m Into It, I’m joined by a very special guest: Desmond—also known in the kink world as Rapidash. Desmond is a passionate pony player who generously opens up about his journey, the beauty of pony play, and what it means to fully embody an alter ego with power, grace, and heart.

We explore:

🔹 What pony play is (and what it isn’t)
 🔹 The difference between cosplay and full pony embodiment
 🔹 Asexual kink and why eroticism isn’t always the goal
 🔹 The psychological state known as “pony headspace”
 🔹 What it feels like to transform into Rapidash
 🔹 Tack, hooves, and creating a beautiful visual aesthetic
 🔹 Types of scenes – from carting and dressage to solo play and bondage
 🔹 Finding community and navigating rare kinks in Australia

Desmond’s description of pony play as a living work of art—and Rapidash as a grander, more majestic version of himself—will stay with me for a long time. Whether you’re totally new to this kink or simply intrigued, this heartfelt, vulnerable conversation is a beautiful window into an often-misunderstood world.

🐴 Follow Rapidash:

• FetLife: -Rapidash-
• Intagram: @-rapidash_1

📚 Book recommendation:
 The Human Pony by Rebecca Wilcox

🔗 Mentions & Resources:

• Cpony.com – A detailed educational site about pony play
• Etsy – For custom hooves and pony gear
• Wild Gas Masks, Bob Basset, Fury Fantasy – Gear creators mentioned
• HorseLand (AU) – Mainstream horse supplies that double as tack
• FetLife Pony Play groups – Great for community, education, and connection

Curious about one-on-one coaching? Book a free Connection Call with Harley at harleyrabbit.com

xx Harley 🐰

Follow me:

• Fetlife
• Instagram

Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

In this solo episode, I share a very personal update from my kinky life. I’m four years into a deeply loving dynamic with my Dom, and while I feel supported and safe, I’ve also been feeling stuck. Living in a regional town means fewer opportunities to explore kink in the ways I crave—and that’s pushed me to make some scary (but exciting) decisions about what comes next.

You’ll hear about:

• The beautiful and frustrating reality of being a regional kinkster
• How my dynamic with Slade is evolving after four years together
• Why craving more doesn’t mean something’s wrong
• What we’ve been experimenting with using bamboo poles
• Reclaiming independence as a submissive—and why it’s complicated

This is a soft, honest look at what happens when your kink journey keeps growing—and you're not quite sure where it's going to take you.

Mentioned in this Episode

• Body Words Exhibition

Curious about one-on-one coaching? Book a free Connection Call with Harley at harleyrabbit.com

xx Harley 🐰

Follow me:

• Fetlife
• Instagram

Visit my website harleyrabbit.com