We Should Talk About That

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Herrin Hopper and Holly Harper met in 2015 when their kids were in the same preschool program on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C. Through normal socializing with other parents, somehow six moms - all married and all living in the same 10-block radius - became friends. Sometime in 2016, Holly disclosed to Herrin that her marriage was in BIG trouble. Infidelity. Anxiety. Depression. At the same time, Herrin was working through her own marriage troubles, but from a different perspective and approach. They began to grow closer together as they navigated this time, offering one another advice and just friendship. When Holly's marriage finally ended in 2018 - Herrin was there for her through the worst of it. Six months later, she and her husband decided to separate as well.  By the fall of 2019, both were living in fancy schmancy high-rise apartments on H Street NE in the Capitol Hill neighborhood, trying to get used to the "new normal." By early 2020, both were starting to consider their next home buying journey. Over a game of Bogle, they  decided to look for a duplex. Less than 10 days later, they had a realtor and went out property hunting. They saw four properties that first day, and the fourth one was "The Siren House." They closed in June 2020 and have been continuing to build community since they moved in.

In this episode Jess and Jess talk with the Siren House owners about what it means to build intentional community, the opportunity to become homeowners, and support other women in that journey, and what it means to parent each others children, setting boundaries, sharing the housing load and living in a mindset of service.

To learn more about The Siren House and their intentional community, visit their website https://www.sirenfoundry.com/

Thanks so much to our sponsors:
Lyssa Seward: https://www.ttrsir.com/eng/associate/279-a-3012-4043609/lyssa-seward
ART International: https://artherapyinternational.org/

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We, along with millions of women in America, are feeling the depths of despair, panic and grief. We are heartbroken. 💔

The law, as it stands now, has overturned women’s rights to make decisions about their own bodies, their futures regarding motherhood and economy- in one fell swoop, futures have been stolen, autonomy has been smashed and the patriarchy has once again re-traumatized us, and our sisters of all colors, backgrounds, ages and experiences. 

This most f*cking certainly is a #humanrights issue. And for those who think this is a solitary human rights issue- here’s breaking news for you: This is only just the beginning. 

We want to utter words of hope right now. We WANT to find a silver lining- or a sliver of positivity. But in true WeSTAT fashion- we can authentically say with utmost certainty that today, we are mourning a loss of our rights, our perceived equality, our daughter’s futures, and our sons.

We’ll show up because we always show up. But for you in our WeSTAT community who are hurting and are being re-traumatized right now- know we are sobbing and holding space with you. 
This episode is our attempt at trying to hold space for each other and all of you. 

music courtesy of Jarrett Nicolay at Mixtape Studios

#womensupportingwomen #womensrightsarehumanrights #makeabortionlegal #bodyautonomy #reproductiverights #supremecourt #wesupportabortion

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Growing up a Queer Bangladeshi Muslim in Australia, Róisín struggled to fit in. In attempts to assimilate, Róisín distanced herself from her South Asian heritage and identity. Years later, living in the United States, she realized that the customs, practices, and even food of her native culture that had once made her different—everything from ashwagandha to prayer—were now being homogenized and marketed for good health, often at a premium by white people to white people.
In this episode, Jess and Jess discuss how wellness has been co-opted by the privileged few, which is paradoxical to what wellness actually means. Fariha shares her wisdom, hard earned through her life experiences of surviving abuse, and a life long journey of finding who she is within her own wellness, and how we can attune more closely to ourselves and allowing ultimate self-care, which IS available to us all- which is the ultimate goal of wellness.

To learn more about Fariha Roison and her work go to: https://www.fariharoisin.com/

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Jess and Jess realized that one of the most popular points of conversation with their friends (40 and over!) has been what to do about their aging faces. Botox? Age gracefully? Sunscreen? Serums? Facials? What's good, what's bad, what's somewhere in between?
So they decided to bring this conversation to a wider audience, and invited their WeSTAT community to join in!
Along with resident skincare expert and owner of The Med Spa  (http://www.themedsparaleigh.com/)  Jennifer Daniels, TTJ(es) assembled dozens of women at one of their most favorite local Virginia venues, Revel (https://revelava.com/) to talk about All.The.Things. 
Lots of fun in this episode! Tips,, information rich and questions from the audience! If you are wondering what approach is right for you and the largest organ of your body- then you will learn something with this one- for sure!

Special thanks to:
https://www.unwinedva.com/
http://www.studiokalexandria.com/

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Who else thinks living in a 30 foot converted school bus and traveling around the country taking empowering photos of women in nature sounds like THE DREAM? Incredibly talented photographer, Sarah Marcella spent 2.5 months traveling the US in her Subaru a few years ago in order to really learn how to be alone, with herself in all her many layers. And what she decided was that life on the road was what she needed in order to be fully figure out who she was created to be. After being married to a man for five years, Sarah came to terms with her own sexuality and came out at the age of 27,  and realized it was time to move fully into her truest self.
Cue forward to The Big Boudie Bus- a concept that has become not just a lifestyle, but a mission- to empower women through the lens of Pay What You Can adventure boudoir photography. Sarah travels from city to city in her Big Boudie Bus and photographs women in natural settings, as naked as they want to get, as a form of ceremony, therapy, spiritual practice and a way to love themselves from the inside out.
Sarah believes EVERY woman should have this experience made available to them- so she operates on a pay what you can basis. She believes she can hold space with each woman she photographs as they fall in love with themselves again, and offer them proof through a photograph, of how exquisite and beautiful they are.

If you would like Sarah to come to your city- DM her at Bigboudiebus or email her through her website at https://www.theboudiebus.com/.

Thanks to our sponsors for this week's episode:
1. Lyssa Seward: https://www.ttrsir.com/eng/associate/279-a-3012-4043609/lyssa-seward
2. ART International: https://artherapyinternational.org/

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Jess and Jess have felt lost, forlorn, broken-hearted and out of words this last week. Shocked and encompassed soul crushing grief, along with many other Americans, TTJ(es) had to sit in the muck of shock until they came to the same conclusion: We HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

One of the best things about building this WeSTAT community is so many are willing to sit in the space of uncomfortable conversations, and so, this past Saturday morning, Jess and Jess sat down at Kidwell's kitchen table, turned on a microphone, and invited their friend, Kellie in to share the heart-wrenching story of her own brother's homicide by gun violence in 1990. Her brother was on the way to living the rest of a beautiful life when he was shot point blank, in an Arbey's parking lot while grabbing a late night sandwich with friends. He bled out before the ambulance could even get to him. Kellie recounts her grief is not of just losing her brother, but also that four lives were lost that night- all three of the assailants were apprehended and put in prison- they were also high school dropouts and had fathered children in their teens.
As a reaction to her grief, Kellie has dedicated her life to drug and gun violence prevention with staggering success, and is now serving as a special education teacher at a Title I public school.

This is out of the ordinary for Jess and Jess- it is raw, and you will notice background noise as their lives are moving in the background of the recording (dogs and kids!) but it is a conversation that feels necessary in a time when we have nothing left to say. Because we have a lot of work ahead of us- and we have to do it together.

Meet Kellie:
Kellie lost her brother to gun violence in September 29, 1990. She left her career in advertising to start a nonprofit organization called The Boston Coalition Against Youth Drug Use and Violence. Using her contacts from the advertising agency she was able to bring together the leadership in the private and public sectors to develop a multi-tiered plan for the city. She was lured to Washington, DC in 1995 to help communities across the country build coalitions to address drug use and violence. Working with the Dependent of Justice she helped develop a safe gun storage public service announcement with The Ad Council that was nominated for an Emmy. She raised $1M to create a one-hour TV special produced by ABC News called “The Power of One” which featured five people across the country who were making a difference in their communities to reduce drug use and violence. Since 2012, Kellie has been working in the public schools. Her bother’s killers, who were all 17, had easily accessed a gun but had also all dropped out of school. Kellie is currently working as a Special Education Teacher with at-risk kids at a Title 1 school because she wants to help kids, no matter their challenges, to stay in school. She is an active member of Moms Demand Action and an outspoken advocate for sensible gun laws.

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There is no redeeming value in harshness- nothing good can come from this, that loving firmness can't do better. This is foundational to the work that internationally recognized family therapist, Terry Real, presents to so many of his clients. Whether it is to your partner, or yourself, practicing loving firmness is what can bring us to a place of US, moving us past individualism that separates us from each other, ourselves, the world.

In US Terry, reveals how  individualism and patriarchy poisons our most intimate relationships. but offers this excellent news: warmer, closer, more passionate relationships are possible if you have the right tools.

In this episode, Terry shows people how to stop working on themselves as individuals and start working on their relationship as a couple, brining opportunity for relationship saving vulnerability and a deepening intimacy that is worth fighting for.

Meet Terry!
Terry Real knows how to help people create the connection they desire in relationships. An internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author, and the founder of the Relational Life Institute (RLI), Real has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and fellow therapists. His groundbreaking, bestselling book, I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, established him as one of the most respected voices in the treatment of men and male depression. His expertise on men’s mental health and relationship issues have been featured on Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20/20, The Oprah Winfrey Show and in The New York Times, among many others.Real is passionate about showing how the toxic cultures of individualism and patriarchy have seriously damaged our interpersonal relationships. Despite living in a world interconnected by globalization and technology, we are all more disconnected and isolated from each other than ever before. In his practice, Real works with couples on the brink of disaster; he sees how individualism and patriarchy poisons our most intimate relationships. The excellent news: warmer, closer, more passionate relationships are possible if you have the right tools. In US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (Goop Press), Real shows people how to stop working on themselves as individuals and start working on their relationship as a couple. Neurobiology shows that the mind exists in a social context, and couples co-regulate one another’s nervous systems. But it’s hard to get that delicate dance right if you, like so many people, grew up without adequate emotional support. The techniques you developed to survive a dysfunctional family as a kid—the very skills that probably bring you success in your career—will torch your relationships. US—the culmination of four decades of Real’s clinical practice as well as teaching and writing about relationships, trauma, gender, and healing—is a groundbreaking guide to a new science-backed skillset. One that will allow you to get past your knee-jerk reactions and tap into your wiser, more collaborative self. Real shares the stories of couples whose relationships have been saved by these skills and pans out to the cultural landscape that reinforce our dysfunction. Using psychology, history, and stories of couples who have entered his office, Real helps readers move beyond their traumas and stressors and shift from thinking in terms of me and you to a different consciousness. The consciousness of us. If you and your partner are backed into separate corners of “you” and “me,” this book will show the way back to “us.” 

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John O' Sullivan is the founder of Changing the Game Project (https://changingthegameproject.com/) an organization that was created to ensure that we return youth sports to our children, and put the ‘play’ back in ‘play ball.’  In this episode, John talks with Jess and Jess about the real need to provide the most influential adults in our children’s lives – their parents and coaches – with the information and resources they need to make sports a healthy, positive, and rewarding experience for their children, and their whole family.  John explains that parenting and coaching young athletes is an art, not a science, and how we need to look at sports as something that should be child led and fun, not an extension of our own self worth and accomplishments.
At a time when recreational sports have reached a competition level that is unprecedented. John implores parents to allow space for actual enjoyment, not accomplishment, for our kids.

Meet John!
John O'Sullivan is the Founder of the Changing the Game project and host of the Way of Champions Podcast. He is the author of 2 #1 bestselling books, Changing the Game: The Parents Guide to Raising Happy, High Performing Athletes and Giving Youth Sports back to our Kids, and Every Moment Matters: How the World's Best Coaches Inspire Their Athletes and Build Championship Teams. John consults with organizations across the globe, including the US Olympic Committee, USA Swimming, US Soccer, Ireland Rugby, Australian Rugby League, and many others, and his work has appeared in TedX Talks, CNN, ESPN,
Outside Magazine, The Boston Globe, Huffington Post, and many other outlets across the world.

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• \https://artherapyinternational.org/
• https://www.ttrsir.com/eng/associate/279-a-3012-4043609/lyssa-seward
• https://www.jessbuchanan.com/copy-of-coaching

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Angela Garbes is the author of the now-classic Like a Mother and her new book, which grew out of her New York Magazine cover story (about how the pandemic was disrupting women’s lives) went viral and was shared by everyone from Melinda Gates to Elizabeth Warren. Angela didn’t want to write another book about motherhood. But during the pandemic, when school and child care center shutdowns left her with nothing to do but mother, she witnessed all her frustrations and racing thoughts about the state of caregiving in America show up in newspapers, on the radio, and in Zoom conversations. During this time, many people came to understand—for the first time or with renewed urgency—that American life is not working for families.
Angela's next book, Essential Labor, maintains that mothering is not limited to the people who give birth to children; it is not defined by gender. While “mother” is an important identity for many women who still provide the majority of care to children in America, no one cares for children entirely on their own. The pandemic revealed that mothering is some of the only truly essential work humans do. Without people to care for our children, we are lost. Garbes explores our history of care and how we got to where we are today: a wealthy country with an invaluable work force of women, most of them brown and black, performing our most important work for free or at poverty wages.
Jess and Jess have so many questions for Angela- and she has answers....but in typical WeSTAT fashion, there are some incredibly vulnerable moments in this conversation as the three women explore what work is, what mothering is, and how we marry the two.

**Angela's book, Essential Labor, goes on sale May 10, 2022.
https://www.amazon.com/Essential-Labor-Mothering-Social-Change-ebook/dp/B09C64HQWW

Thanks to our sponsors and check them out for more information:

• ART International: https://artherapyinternational.org/
• Seward Group: https://www.sewardrealtygroup.com/
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Marisa and Jake are a perfect couple. And Kate, their new lodger, is the perfect roommate—and not just because her rent payments will give them the income they need to start trying for the baby of their dreams. But no one is truly perfect. Kate doesn’t seem to care much about personal boundaries and can occasionally seem overly-familiar with Jake. But Marisa doesn’t let it concern her, knowing that soon Kate will be gone, and it will just be her, Jake, and their future baby.

Conceiving a baby is easier said than done, though, and Jake and Marisa’s relationship is put to the test through months of fertility treatments and false starts. To make matters worse, Kate’s boundary-pushing turns into an all-out obsession—with Jake, with Marisa, and with their future child. In her quest to find out who Kate really is, Marisa might destroy everything she’s worked so hard to create—her perfect romance, her perfect family, and her perfect self.

When Elizabeth Day set out to write MAGPIE after her own experiences with IVF and miscarriages, she noticed that stories of fertility and the struggles women go through to become mothers weren’t represented in accessible literary fiction. With this novel, Day discusses topics of IVF and motherhood, all through a fast-paced, page turning summer read.

Jess and Jess get the chance to talk to this ever talented author about what it means to navigate the tumultuous and unpredictable world of fertility and what it means to create something lasting, bringing forth into it's existence when there might have only been absence.

Meet Elizabeth!
Elizabeth Day is an award-winning author and broadcaster based in the UK. Her chart-topping podcast, How to Fail, is a celebration of the things that haven’t gone right. Guests have included Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Gloria Steinem, Andrew Scott, Lily Allen, Mabel, Kazuo Ishiguro, and Malcolm Gladwell. It won the Rising Star Award at the 2019 British Podcast Awards. Elizabeth is the author of the novel The Party, which was published in the US in 2017.

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