When Our Adult Children Walk Away

What the H@!! are they talking about? Reproductive Memory vs Reconstructive Memory (Definitions and Differences) Short


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Memory distortion is common in our human experience. It can be particularly relevant in crumbling relationships between parents and their adult children. Too often, what were once happy or benign memories morph - seemingly - suddenly into abusive and traumatic events. Parents are often caught off guard and sent reeling into a cycle of disbelief, anger, helplessness and pain.

To complicate matters further, outsiders can influence or drive the reconstructive process. Have you heard the terms Gaslighting and Cult of One? Check out those specific episodes for more information.

So, what is the difference between what we organically recall (reproductive memory) and the changed or revised version (reconstructive memory)? 

The metamorphosis of memory can and does affect us all. If you think it doesn't happen to you, read things you wrote years ago. Consider a diary or your child's baby book. You will likely find discrepancies between what you wrote and when you recall. You might wonder if you mistakenly wrote things in the original document or if your memories have changed.

Revision of memory is a usual and natural human process. However, in the face of estrangement, transforming memory can and often does lead to disastrous outcomes.

Listen in to learn more about the differences and processes that take place. When you want more information and to explore this topic more deeply, look for the extended version.

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For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

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When Our Adult Children Walk AwayBy Dr. Janet Steinkamp, EdD

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