Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions about co-regulating, couples healing, betraying partners who continue to minimize and resources to help betrayed partners move forward. They also address maladaptive behaviors and coping mechanisms, the power of curiosity in diffusing defensiveness, and the importance of honoring the grief and anger that comes with betrayal.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:50] How can I tell if my partner is becoming regulated again?

[6:27] Physical signs that your partner is getting upset.

[9:20] What is defined as a crisis, and when do you talk about it?

[18:20] What is the practical difference between addiction and problematic porn?

[21:45] Why is your spouse not your priority?

[27:43] The power of curiosity in diffusing defensiveness.

[31:30] Three follow-up questions about recovery resources.

[33:10] Is there any hope for a future that is not dominated by betrayal?

[38:10] Honoring the grief and anger that comes with betrayal.

[45:46] How can I get past the egregious images of his betrayal?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: [email protected]

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• "It is the addict's responsibility to set aside their own crisis until the partner feels heard and supported."

• "The more you grow in your recovery, the more capacity you will have."

• "How are you supporting yourself?" And if he's not listening to you, do you have people in your life who are?"

• "Your relationship may never improve, but you don't have to feel damaged."

• "Even if your partner chooses not to do the work, that does not have to define who you are."