Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

By Jen LumanlanEducation Parenting Kids & Family

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Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive episodes

September 23, 2024 224: How to heal your Mom Rage
Understanding & Overcoming Mom Rage
There are several books available on mom rage by now. They tend to follow a predictable formula: a journalist interviews a bunch of parents and makes sweeping pronouncements about how anger-inducing it is to be a Mom, interspersed with anecdotes about terrible things they’ve said and done to their children.

They usually end with a call for free childcare, universal parental leave, and more support for Moms’ mental health. (Yes to all of those things, obviously.)

There are far fewer books that try to make connections between our experiences and why it’s happening, and that actually make practical suggestions for concrete practices we can try to cope with our rage more effectively right now - along with a sense of hope that we could actually make these policy changes happen in our lifetimes.

Minna Dubin’s book Mom Rage (which I found out about because our local Berkeley newspaper covered both of our books when they were published!) does all of those things.

I read it and liked it and started recommending it when relevant topics came up on coaching calls in the Parenting Membership, and parent Katie fell in love with it.

Katie didn’t even think the term ‘mom rage’ applied to her - but when she read the descriptions of raging moms, she found herself (mentally) shouting: “YES! That’s ME!”.

I’m so grateful that both Minna and Katie could join me for this deep conversation on where Mom Rage comes from, and what we can do about it.

We’ll do some shame-busting work together so you can know that you aren’t alone in experiencing rage, and that you don’t have to be alone in addressing it either.

If you experience Mom Rage and know you need help, I’d love to see you in the Taming Your Triggers workshop.

Here’s what previous participants have said about doing this work with me:

Now I have a plan and support structure, and I've learned really helpful tools to change the way I talk with my children in these difficult moments. - M.M.

The workshop gave me very clear steps to take toward being the mother I aspire to be by helping me heal my own hurt. - K.D.

I have seen here some shifts thankfully in the slowing down and welcoming the feelings of all people...and figuring out a way to kind of move through the conflict together instead of this is the way we're going to do it. - Liann

Ready to break free from the cycle of triggered reactions and conflict in your parenting journey?
If you want to:
😟 Be triggered less often by your child’s behavior,
😐 React from a place of compassion and empathy instead of anger and frustration,
😊 Respond to your child from a place that’s aligned with your values rather than reacting in the heat of the moment,

the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help you make this shift.

Join us to transform conflict into connection and reclaim peace in your parenting journey.

Click the banner to learn more!

Minna Dubin's Book (Affiliate Link)
Mom Rage: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood

Jump to highlights
00:52. Introducing today’s episode and featured guests
03:19. The "PR team" represents societal expectations of motherhood, pressuring mothers to meet unrealistic standards alone.
13:59. Society's pressures and high expectations for mothers can lead to feelings of anger and unworthiness.
22:07 Mothers frequently feel isolated and overwhelmed as they prioritize their children's needs over their own, which can result in feelings of anger and frustration.
32:52 Motherhood brings big changes and societal pressures, making support from other moms essential.
39:32 We tend to judge ourselves and other parents, but noticing this can help us be kinder, since everyone is dealing with their own struggles.
44:11 It's important for moms to talk openly about their moments of rage to feel less shame and more support
55:04 It’s important for parents to identify their triggers and communicate openly with partners about differences in parenting decisions while building supportive networks to navigate societal pressures.

References
Bakermans‐Kranenburg, M. J., Lotz, A., Alyousefi‐van Dijk, K., & van IJzendoorn, M. (2019). Birth of a father: Fathering in the first 1,000 days. Child Development Perspectives, 13(4), 247-253.
Burgard, S.A. (2011). The needs of others: Gender and sleep interruptions for caregivers. Social Forces 89(4), 1189-1216.
Chemaly, S. (2018). Rage becomes her: The power of women’s anger. New York: Atria.
Horrell, N. D., Acosta, M. C., & Saltzman, W. (2021). Plasticity of the paternal brain: Effects of fatherhood on neural structure and function. Developmental psychobiology, 63(5), 1499-1520.
Kessler, R.C. et al. (2005). Lifetime prevalence and age-of-onset distributions of DSM-IV disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. Archives of General Psychiatry 62(6), 617-627.
Krizan, Z. & Hisler, G. (2019). Sleepy anger: Restricted sleep amplifies angry feelings. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General 148(7)1239-1250.
Ou, C.H.K, & Hall, W.A. (2017). Anger in the context of postnatal depression: An integrative review. Birth 45, 336-346.
Ou, C.H.K., Hall, W.A., Rodney, P., & Stremler, R. (2022). Correlates of Canadian mothers’ anger during the postpartum period: A cross-sectional survey. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth 22: 163.
Paternina-Die, M., Martínez-García, M., Pretus, C., Hoekzema, E., Barba-Müller, E., Martín de Blas, D., ... & Carmona, S. (2020). The paternal transition entails neuroanatomic adaptations that are associated with the father’s brain response to his infant cues. Cerebral Cortex Communications, 1(1), tgaa082.
Scharrer, E., Warren, S., Grimshaw, E., Kamau, G., Cho, S., Reijven, M., & Zhang, C. (2021). Disparaged Dads? A content analysis of depictions of fathers in U.S. sitcoms over time. Psychology of Popular Media 10(2), 275-287.
Szymanski, D.M. et al. (2009). Internalized misogyny as a moderator of the link between sexist events and women’s psychological distress. Sex Roles 61(102), 101-109.
1 hr 8 min
September 16, 2024Q&A#6: Am I damaging my child?
Today's episode comes from listener who submitted an emotional voicemail on the Ask Jen a Question button on the Your Parenting Mojo homepage, which boils down to:

Am I damaging my child?
The messages you can leave are limited to two minutes in length, so we get just a taste of what the parent is struggling with: a difficult relationship with their neurodivergent son, because he triggers the parent and then the parent feels triggered again by the guilt and shame that some of the challenges the son is facing might be the parent's fault.

In this episode I walk though neuropsychologist R. Douglas Fields' LIFEMORTS framework of rage triggers - because if we understand the kinds of things that trigger us, we can avoid some of those triggers entirely and then see the rest of them coming and resource ourselves before they arrive.

I link these rage triggers with broader social issues that we may be carrying in the backs of our minds without even realizing it, and the energy it takes to constantly manage our thoughts about these issues is energy we don't have to spend meeting our children's needs - or our needs.

I also offer a set of three steps you can use to help you navigate triggering situations with your children more effectively.

Ready to break free from the cycle of triggered reactions and conflict in your parenting journey?
If you want to:
😟 Be triggered less often by your child’s behavior,
😐 React from a place of compassion and empathy instead of anger and frustration,
😊 Respond to your child from a place that’s aligned with your values rather than reacting in the heat of the moment,

the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help you make this shift.

Join us to transform conflict into connection and reclaim peace in your parenting journey.

Click the banner to learn more!

Other episodes mentioned:
207: How to not be a permissive parent
224: How to heal your Mom Rage (coming up)
Jump to highlights
00:58 Introducing today’s topic
01:17 Listener recorded question
02:55 Jen empathizes with the parent's stress and dual triggers of misbehavior and self-judgment, acknowledges potential trauma or neurodivergence, validates their experience.
18:26 Understand your triggers by exploring nine categories (LIFEMORTS): life or limb, insult, family, environment, mate, order in society, resources, tribe, and stopped, as outlined by Dr. R. Douglas Fields.
34:02 Mom rage, deeply intertwined with systemic gender and racial inequalities, reflects broader societal issues and significantly impacts women's health and parenting.
46:06 Intergenerational trauma affects all communities, passing down violence and its impacts through generations.
46:55 Three ways to support parents dealing with their own trauma and its impact on their children.
1 hr 3 min
September 06, 2024223: What, Why, and How to Parent Beyond Power
What to Do When Parenting Tools Don’t Work?
I know that when you start using new parenting tools, things don't always go according to plan. Your kids don't say what you think they will, or maybe you perceive that their behavior is just kind of crappy, or maybe your partner isn't on board with your ideas.
In this episode I address what to do about all of these challenges, as well as how to use the tools I work with to address difficult topics like children wanting ever more snack foods, ever more screen time, and refusing to go to school.
We hear from parents who have managed to address tricky challenges - including a child with a skin condition who must take a bath daily and who was successfully extending the dinner/running around/reading books process until bedtime was delayed as well. Once the child's parents came to see what needs the child was trying to meet, bath time suddenly wasn't a problem anymore.
I share some realizations that parents have had about their place in the world as they've engaged with my work and how I plan to shift the ways I talk about these issues moving forward.
I also invite you to celebrate with my book Parenting Beyond Power's first birthday by baking (or buying) some cupcakes! One of many parents' favorite ideas in the book was the feelings and needs cupcakes, which makes it easy to visualize your most common feelings and needs.
We've made some flags you can print and use with your children to identify your (and their) feelings and needs. Share them on social media and be invited to a group coaching call with me later in September, and stick them to the fridge as a reminder of how to connect with your kids - and yourself!
Finally, a couple of invitations. The Right From The Start course, which I run with Hannah and Kelty of Upbringing, is now available whenever you need it (rather than waiting for the next cohort to begin. If you're expecting a baby or have a child under the age of one, Right From The Start will help you to get clear on your values and goals around raising your child so you can put the systems you need in place before you get to the really tough toddler years.
Parent Annie said: "I am so jealous (but excited for others)... that there is something like this for first time mothers. I wish I had it with my first born as it would have been so helpful for my nerves and anxiety surrounding my new profession of 'child raiser!"
Learn more and sign up - you can also gift the course to to a friend or relative who is expecting or has a baby under the age of one. We have sliding scale pricing and a 100% money back guarantee!
And if you're interested in doing explicitly anti-racist, patriarchy-healing, capitalism-busting work with me (which I know isn't for everyone!), I'd love to invite you to join me for the Parenting Beyond Power book club hosted by Moms Against Racism Canada.
It's a 'book club' in that we'll be working with the ideas in Parenting Beyond Power (we couldn't think of what else to call it...which is also how I ended up with Your Parenting Mojo!), but it's really a set of six 90-minute group coaching calls on Friday evenings where we'll explore how we've been harmed by systems of power, and how we can be in relationship with our children in a way that's aligned with our values.
If you (and maybe the folks in your community as well?) have been wanting to know more about how to take anti-racist action with your kids but weren't sure how to do it, the book club will help you to do it. If you'd like to invite your crew, we can give you a special link and when five people use it to sign up, your own spot will be free.
Other episodes mentioned:
179: I Never Thought of It That Way with Mónica Guzmán and Lulu

207: How to not be a permissive parent

209: How to get on the same page as your parenting partner

217: How to end the video game struggles with Ash Brandin

Jump to highlights
01:37 Introducing today’s episode
05:21 Parenting Beyond Power challenges traditional parenting by connecting social justice issues like White supremacy, patriarchy, and capitalism to parenting methods, advocating for tools that promote equality and understanding.
17:17 The book shows how conscious and compassionate parenting can reshape family interactions and influence broader societal change.
28:49 The book helps readers tackle judgmental parenting habits, fostering more compassionate and understanding relationships with their children.
34:26 Some readers find it harder to change communication patterns with their partners than with their children; they struggle with deep-rooted patterns and differing strategies when handling tough situations.
44:45 Parenting Beyond Power helps parents understand and address their child's resistance by focusing on meeting both the child's and their own needs.
52:04 Wrapping up with two options for further support: on-demand Right From The Start course for new parents and Parenting Beyond Power book club with coaching on social issues in parenting
59 min
August 26, 2024222: How to cultivate Menstrual Cycle Awareness with The Red School
Understanding Menstrual Cycle Awareness
This episode was...unplanned. :-) A couple of months ago I interviewed Dr. Louise Newson on the topic of menopause. Dr. Newson is a medical doctor and focused very heavily on Hormone Replacement Therapy as a treatment that everyone who menstruates should at least consider, and I knew I wanted to do an episode with someone who doesn't hold that belief as well.

I found Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer of The Red School, and really appreciated their book Wise Power. As I usually do before recording an interview I read their other co-authored book Wild Power, and I realized there was a 'missing' episode on the topic of Menstrual Cycle Awareness. We can't really talk about being aware of the changes that are happening to our bodies during menopause if we don't know what has happened to our bodies throughout our menstruating years.

When I read Wild Power I felt a deep sense of sadness that I was just discovering this now, as my own years of menstruation wind down - but also a deep sense of hope that I can help Carys develop a much closer relationship with her own body than I had with mine.

We'll answer questions like:
What phases does my body go through each month?

How can I start becoming more aware of these phases through Menstrual Cycle Awareness?

How can I align my activities with my energy levels, creativity, and arousal - even in the real world, which wants me to go-go-go all the time?

How is my inner critic aligned with my cycle, and how can I use its knowledge to help me?

How can I navigate Menstrual Cycle Awareness if I've had a difficult relationship with my periods and with fertility?

I'd encourage you to listen to this episode if:
You menstruate and want to better understand how menstruation affects your life

You're raising a child who will menstruate and want to prepare them to feel 'at home' in their bodies

You love someone who menstruates and want to be better attuned to them

You're raising a child who will never menstruate, but you want them to appreciate menstruation and know how to effectively support people who menstruate.

In other words, everyone will get something out of this episode!

Learning Membership
The Learning Membership will open again soon! The membership helps you to support your child’s intrinsic love of learning, while also equipping them with the skills they’ll need to succeed in the age of AI.
You’ll learn how to see and follow your child’s interests so you can support them in deep inquiries. You won’t have to drag them through it like you would a workbook or a curriculum (so no need to reward them with screen time!) because they will WANT to learn. They’ll be excited to do it, and they’ll bring you along for the ride.
If you already know you’re in, you can sign up for the Learning Membership. Click the banner to learn more!

Alexandra and Sjanie’s books (Affiliate Links):
Wild power: Discover the magic of your menstrual cycle and awaken the feminine path to power

Wise power: Discover the liberating power of menopause to awaken authority, purpose and belonging

Jump to highlights
00:46 Introducing today’s topic and featured guests
03:39 Menstruation is the monthly process where the body sheds the lining of the uterus, and it also brings emotional, psychological, and even spiritual changes.
17:18 Menstrual cycle awareness is about understanding and respecting our natural rhythms, which can improve our well-being and productivity by honoring the need for rest and reflection in our lives.
31:20 Recognizing and respecting your menstrual cycle can improve your well-being by allowing you to adjust your activities and manage your energy more effectively.
40:10 The inner critic gets stronger during the pre-menstrual phase of the menstrual cycle. Knowing this can help you take better care of yourself and manage parenting challenges.
53:09 Menstrual cycle awareness can help with personal healing and self-care, even for those who face challenges like heavy periods or grief, by fostering connection with one's own body and experiences.
58:52 Wrapping up the discussion

References
Alfonseca, K., & Guilfoil, K. (2022, July 19). Should people of all genders be taught sex education together? Educators weigh in. ABC News. Retrieved from: https://abcnews.go.com/US/people-genders-taught-sex-education-educators-weigh/story?id=87021246
Andrews, S. (n.d.). Should schools separate sex ed classes by gender? NextGenMen. Retrieved from: https://www.nextgenmen.ca/blog/should-schools-separate-sex-ed-classes-by-gender
1 hr 3 min
August 19, 2024221: How to advocate for the schools our children deserve with Allyson Criner Brown & Cassie Gardener Manjikian
How to advocate for the schools our children deserve
How comfortable do you feel speaking up about something your child’s school needs?

Have you noticed that some parents seem to feel more comfortable speaking up than others?

Have you ever noticed that sometimes rules and policies in school don’t seem to be applied evenly to all students, while squeaky wheels who raise issues that concern them and their children tend to get addressed?

If you have, and you’d like to understand more about what you’re seeing and know what to do about it, then this episode is for you.

My guest for this episode is Allyson Criner Brown, an award-winning equity practitioner, trainer, and scholar who has worked at the intersections of pre-K-12 education, family, and community engagement, environmental justice, and local government.

I also have a co-interviewer joining me, parent Cassie Gardener Manjikian, who asked for this episode after she noticed that the everyday actions she was seeing in her school weren’t matching up with the school’s (and district’s) own goals and plans.

In the episode, we answer questions like:
What are the valuable ways that parents contribute to their children’s learning, even if they never volunteer in the classroom?
What kinds of social challenges happen in schools, and how do these affect our kids?
How can I advocate for changes if the Principal doesn’t seem interested?
What kinds of tools can we use with teachers and parents if people are on board with doing things differently but just don’t know what to do or how to do it?
If I’m the kind of parent who is never going to join the PTA, what role can I play?
We all have an important role to play in creating the schools our children deserve - this episode will help you to find yours.

Books mentioned in this episode (affiliate links)
Engagement for Equitable Outcomes,by Allyson Criner Brown
Social Change Now: A Guide for Reflection and Connection, by Deepa Iyer
Ready to Support Your Child's Natural Learning
Whether this episode has you considering unschooling, reinforced your commitment to traditional schooling, or left you somewhere in between, one thing is clear: every child deserves to have their natural curiosity and love of learning nurtured.

Just like Laura discovered, learning happens everywhere - in everyday conversations, through helping with household tasks, during visits to museums, and in those spontaneous moments when your child asks "why?".

The challenge for parents isn't choosing the "right" educational path, but knowing how to support meaningful learning wherever your child is.

The Learning Membership gives you the tools to nurture your child's development whether they're in traditional school, homeschooled, or unschooled.

You'll discover how to:
Turn everyday moments into rich learning opportunities (just like Laura does with her daughter)
Support your child's interests and curiosity without becoming the "teacher" parent
Create a home environment that enhances rather than competes with whatever educational approach you choose
Inside the membership, you'll find research-backed strategies that work alongside any educational setting, helping you become the parent who nurtures learning rather than forcing it.

Your child's curiosity is precious - don't let it get lost in debates about educational methods.

Click the banner to learn more.

Jump to highlights
00:59 Introducing today’s episode and featured guests
05:33 Allyson Criner Brown discusses her work in equity, explaining that equity is about fairness and addressing needs, while advocacy involves pushing for better schools for all children.
12:15 Parents contribute to their child's education in many ways beyond traditional school involvement, from daily routines to building self-esteem.
16:36 Parents might seem less involved in education due to systemic barriers, cultural differences, and personal challenges like work schedules or transportation.
24:37 Key challenges to building school communities include inadequate funding, unclear school systems, and systemic barriers. Effective engagement needs proper resources, clear communication, and active advocacy.
29:28 School funding disparities often arise from reliance on local property taxes, creating inequities based on neighborhood wealth and race.
38:41 To drive school change, start by gathering information, connecting with others, and leveraging your strengths.
43:52 For advancing family engagement in schools, consider using resources like parent-principal chat guides and publications that challenge assumptions.
52:46 When policies aren't matching practice, take strategic, actionable steps. Persist and engage with the community to address gaps and leverage existing strengths.
01:01:43 Allyson suggests practices for supporting educational equity, including building connections, understanding school systems, taking action, and engaging in anti-racist efforts.
01:07:39 Wrapping up the discussion

References
Criner Brown, A. (2019). Engaging and embracing Black parents. In Delpit, L.: Teaching When The World Is On Fire. New York: The New Press.
Dauber, S.L., & Epstein, J.L. (1989). Parent attitudes and practices of parent involvement in inner-city elementary and middle schools. Center for Research on Elementary and Middle Schools. Retrieved from: https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED314152
Egalite, A.J. (2024). What we know about teacher race and student outcomes: A review of the evidence to date. Education Next 24(1), 42-49.
Epstein, J.L. (1986). Parents' reactions to teacher practices of parent involvement. The Elementary School Journal 86(3), 277-294.
Gee, J.P. (1985). The narrativization of experience in the oral style. Journal of Education 167(1), 9-36.
hooks, B. (1994). Teaching to transgress: Education as the practice of freedom. New York: Routledge.
hooks, B. (2003). Teaching community: A pedagogy of hope. New York: Routledge.
Irby, D.J. (2021). Stuck improving: Racial equity and school leadership. Cambridge: Harvard Education Press.
Jazynka, K. (2018, March 19). Parents raise massive amounts of money at some public schools. Should they share it? The Washington Post. Retrieved from: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/parents-raise-massive-amounts-of-money-at-some-public-schools-should-they-share-it/2018/03/16/e3a53eb0-1650-11e8-b681-2d4d462a1921_story.html
Kelty, N.E., & Wakabayashi, T. (2020). Family engagement in schools: Parent, educator, and community perspectives. SAGE Open October-December 2020, 1-13.
KQED News Staff (2014, February 15). Photo essay: Two PTA presidents, two realities. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.kqed.org/news/126468/photo-essay-inequality-in-san-francisco-public-schools
Noddings, N. (2005). The challenge to care in schools: An alternative approach to education (2nd Ed). New York: Teachers College Press.
Sanacore, J. (2004). Genuine caring and literacy learning for African American children. The reading teacher 57(8), 744-753.
Smith, T.E., Reinke, W.M., Herman, K.C., & Huang, F. (2019). Understanding family-school engagement across and within elementary and middle-school contexts. School Psychology 34(4), 363.
Tatum, A. (2000). Breaking down barriers that disenfranchise African American adolescent readers in low-level tracks. Journal of Adolescent & Adult Literacy 44(1), 52-64.
Teaching for Change (2016). Between families and schools: Creating meaningful relationships. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.teachingforchange.org/educator-resources/parent-organizing/between-families
Teaching for Change (2017). Parent organization equity and inclusion tool Dos and Don'ts. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.teachingforchange.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/Equity-and-Inclusion-Tool-1.pdf
Teaching for Change (2019). Parent-principal chats manual. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.teachingforchange.org/educator-resources/parent-organizing/parent-principal-chats
Theoharis, G. (2024). The school leaders our children deserve: Seven keys to equity, social justice, and school reform. New York: Teachers College Press.
Weese, K. (2018, November 26). Parent-led fundraising makes some schools better but leaves others behind. Slate. Retrieved from: https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/11/parent-teacher-organizations-education-inequality.html
1 hr 17 min
August 12, 2024220: Nutritious movement for your child – and you!
Why Movement Matters More Than Exercise for Kids
A few months ago my daughter had a routine checkup at the doctor, who asked how much screen time she gets in a day (which is more than typical recommendations but way less time than children spend sitting in school).

The doctor told her (but really she told me): “You should get more exercise.”

Carys isn’t a team sports kind of person. She doesn’t love hiking, and she only really likes biking when friends are with us.

Something about the ‘get more exercise’ advice didn’t sit quite right with me, but I couldn’t put my finger on why.

Then I found Katy Bowman’s work and suddenly it all made sense.

Katy points out that movement and exercise are not the same thing.

Even if we aren’t getting enough exercise, what we need far more than exercise is movement.

In this episode, we discuss questions like:
What, exactly, is movement?
What does it mean for our children to move…and how about us?
How do we get more of it when our days are already so full? (I knowIthought that, but I’ve found ways to incorporate a daily stretching routine without taking any time away from anything else I do. We discuss how in the episode!)
What children learn through movement
Our children learn through movement.

Yes, they learn how to move.

They also learn what our society thinks about movement, which is likely to set them up for a lifetime of not-moving, unless we support them in doing things differently.

Finally, they come to understand their bodies better when they move. They learn how their body signals ‘this feels great’ and ‘this doesn’t feel right.’ They learn to interact with physical things: Dr. Roger Kneebone (no joke!) at Imperial College London has observed that medical students have seemed less comfortable doing delicate tasks with their hands since smartphones became popular.

In other words, they learn to trust themselves.

We have a whole module on Full-Bodied Learning in the Learning Membership where we come to understand much more deeply what children learn with their bodies, and how to help them do it.

And that’s just one of the 12 topics you’ll cover in your first year, as you become an expert on topics like scaffolding your child’s learning, nurturing critical thinking, and supporting metacognitive learning.

Ready to Support Your Child's Natural Learning
Whether this episode has you considering unschooling, reinforced your commitment to traditional schooling, or left you somewhere in between, one thing is clear: every child deserves to have their natural curiosity and love of learning nurtured.

Just like Laura discovered, learning happens everywhere - in everyday conversations, through helping with household tasks, during visits to museums, and in those spontaneous moments when your child asks "why?".

The challenge for parents isn't choosing the "right" educational path, but knowing how to support meaningful learning wherever your child is.

The Learning Membership gives you the tools to nurture your child's development whether they're in traditional school, homeschooled, or unschooled.

You'll discover how to:
Turn everyday moments into rich learning opportunities (just like Laura does with her daughter)
Support your child's interests and curiosity without becoming the "teacher" parent
Create a home environment that enhances rather than competes with whatever educational approach you choose
Inside the membership, you'll find research-backed strategies that work alongside any educational setting, helping you become the parent who nurtures learning rather than forcing it.

Your child's curiosity is precious - don't let it get lost in debates about educational methods.

Click the banner to learn more.

Katy’s books referenced for this episode (affiliate links)
Dynamic aging: Simple exercises for whole-body mobility
Grow wild: The whole-child, whole-family, nature-rich guide to moving more
Movement Matters: Essays on Movement Science, Movement Ecology, and the Nature of Movement
My perfect movement plan: The move your DNA all day workbook
The Move Your DNA Podcast Downloadable Permission to Move signs
Jump to highlights
00:54 Introducing today’s topic and featured guest
03:07 Movement is like food for our bodies, keeping them healthy, while exercise is a special type of movement that's planned to help us get stronger.
12:14 Kids learn best when they can move around, not just sit still like in school.
16:42 Incorporate movement into your daily routine by making walks a family event or turning everyday tasks into opportunities for activity.
34:50 Children sit because it's expected. To change this, create spaces that promote movement and actively support their natural activity.
41:17 Instead of focusing on "don'ts," use signs that show where movement is allowed, creating spaces that encourage physical activity and support movement.
42:19 Extracurricular activities should complement a child's overall movement diet, ensuring a mix of structured and unstructured play.
47:06 Outdoor movement aligns with our evolutionary needs, offering natural light and varied physical activities that indoor environments can’t provide.
51:59 If walking isn't possible, adapt with alternatives like biking or using a wheelchair to ensure some form of outdoor, human-powered movement.
53:31 When feeling tired, consider gentle, enjoyable movements like walking, dancing, or outdoor chores. Choose activities that you find meaningful, not just for calorie burning.
57:59 Three practices to try to incorporate more movement into your daily life.

References
Caspersen, C.J., Powell, K.E., & Christenson, G.M. (1985). Physical activity, exercise, and physical fitness: Definitions and distinctions for health-related research. Public Health Reports 100(2), 126.
Hidding, L.M., Altenburg, T.M., Van Ekris, E., & Chinapaw, M.J. (2017). Why do children engage in sedentary behavior? Child- and parent-perceived determinants. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 14(7), 671.
Hollander, K., Elsabe de Villiers, J., Sehner, S., Wegscheider, K., Braumann, K-M., Venter, R., & Zech, A. (2017). Growing up (habitually) barefoot influences the development of foot and arch morphology in children and adolescents. Scientific Reports 7, 8079.
Jayanthi, N.A., Post, E.G., Laury, T.C., & Fabricant, P.D. (2019). Health consequences of youth sport specialization. Journal of Athletic Training 54(10), 1040-1049.
Kafer, A. (2013). Feminist, queer, crip. Indianapolis: Indiana University Press.
Maitland, C., Stratton, G., Foster S., Braham, R., & Rosenberg, M. (2014). The dynamic family home: A qualitative exploration of physical environmental influences on children’s sedentary behavior and physical activity within the home space. International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity 11, 1-12.
Scully, J.L. (2004). What is a disease? EMBO Reports 5(7), 650-653.
1 hr 5 min
August 05, 2024219: The skills your child will need in the age of AI
What your child is learning in school isn’t enough
The things your child is learning in school are not the things that are most likely to lead to their success in the future.

Who could have predicted the shifts we’ve seen since Chat GPT-3 was released to the public in November 2022?

While AI still has its bugs, it won’t be long before these bugs are squashed.

We’re going to be using more and more technology in our lives - and our children are going to need different skills to navigate it than we’ve used in our careers.

The 56 foundational skills for future success
A report from consulting firm McKinsey’s research arm described 56 foundational skills that will help people thrive in the future of work.

Eleven of these skills are related to digital fluency and citizenship, software use and development, and understanding digital systems.

The other 44 skills have nothing to do with digital knowledge or capabilities.

These skills (and how to help your child learn them) are the topic of this episode.

There's a key topic that's missing from these skills: content knowledge.

The McKinsey researchers are assuming that we can quickly learn what we need to know - or that we actually don’t need to learn very much content, because our new AI tools will do that for us (as soon as they stop making up legal cases).

But children spend 90+% of their time in school…learning content. How are they going to get the rest of the skills they’ll need? Well, they’re going to get them from you…or not at all.

Not sure how you’re going to make this happen?

Need help?

Ready to Support Your Child's Natural Learning
Whether this episode has you considering unschooling, reinforced your commitment to traditional schooling, or left you somewhere in between, one thing is clear: every child deserves to have their natural curiosity and love of learning nurtured.

The challenge for parents isn't choosing the "right" educational path, but knowing how to support meaningful learning wherever your child is.

The Learning Membership gives you the tools to nurture your child's development whether they're in traditional school, homeschooled, or unschooled.

You'll discover how to:
Turn everyday moments into rich learning opportunities (just like Laura does with her daughter)
Support your child's interests and curiosity without becoming the "teacher" parent
Create a home environment that enhances rather than competes with whatever educational approach you choose
Inside the membership, you'll find research-backed strategies that work alongside any educational setting, helping you become the parent who nurtures learning rather than forcing it.

Your child's curiosity is precious - don't let it get lost in debates about educational methods.

Click the banner to learn more.

Other episodes mentioned:
052: Grit: The unique factor in your child’s success?
061: Can Growth Mindset live up to the hype?
165: How grit helps (and how it doesn’t)
215: Why will no-one play with me?
218: What children learn from video games
Jump to highlights
01:27Introducing today’s topic
03:06According to the McKinsey report, children need cognitive, interpersonal, self-leadership, and digital skills to thrive in a tech-driven future
06:22The first of the four categories of skills, the cognitive category, focuses on skills like communication, critical thinking, mental flexibility, and planning
18:01 The second category, interpersonal skills, focuses on working with others effectively, including inspiring and understanding people, and building strong relationships, and effective teamwork.
27:29 The third category, Self-Leadership, covers self-awareness, self-management, and goal achievement, stressing the importance of integrity and adaptability.
42:48 The final category is Digital, encompassing Digital Fluency and Citizenship, Software Use and Development, and Understanding Digital Systems—key for evaluating and effectively using digital resources.
53:39 McKinsey's AI-age skills focus on tech, missing crucial areas like art, languages, and spatial awareness. A well-rounded education needs both tech and human connection skills.

References
Abdelnour, E., Jansen, M.O., & Gold, J.A. (2022). ADHD diagnostic trends: Increased recognition or overdiagnosis? Missouri Medicine 119(5), 467-473.
Dondi, M., Klier, J., Panier, F., & Schubert, J. (n.d.). Defining the skills citizens will need in the future world of work. McKinsey & Company. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/06/technology/tiktok-fake-teachers-pennsylvania.html?searchResultPosition=1
Interaction Institute for Social Change (2016, January 13). Illustrating equality vs. equity. Author. Retrieved from: https://interactioninstitute.org/illustrating-equality-vs-equity/
Kantor, J. (2014, August 13). Working anything but 9-5: Scheduling technology leaves low-income parents with hours of chaos. The New York Times. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/08/13/us/starbucks-workers-scheduling-hours.html
Paycor (2024, March 12). Predictive work schedule laws: A city-by-city guide. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.paycor.com/resource-center/articles/predictive-work-schedule-laws-a-city-by-city-guide/
Rajah, N., Bamiatzi, V., & Williams, N. (2021). How childhood ADHD-like symptoms predict selection into entrepreneurship and implications on entrepreneurial performance. Journal of Business Venturing 36(3), 106091.
Singer, N. (2024, July 6). Students target teachers in group TikTok attack, shaking their school. The New York Times. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/06/technology/tiktok-fake-teachers-pennsylvania.html
Slater, D. (2023, August 17). The Instagram account that shattered a California high school. The New York Times. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/17/magazine/california-high-school-racist-instagram.html
Skinner, E.B. (2023, April 26). The true cost of a $12 t-shirt. The New York Times. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/24/opinion/fast-fashion-apparel-worker-conditions-rana-plaza.html
TRT World (n.d.). The many times McKinsey has been embroiled in scandals. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.trtworld.com/magazine/the-many-times-mckinsey-has-been-embroiled-in-scandals-43996
White, G.B. (2015, June 3). All your clothes are made with exploited labor. The Atlantic. Retrieved from: https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/06/patagonia-labor-clothing-factory-exploitation/394658/
1 hr 1 min
July 31, 2024 Episode Summary 01: Building a better relationship with screen time
Thanks to those of you who completed the recent survey on how I can serve you better, some changes are coming to the YPM world! While most respondents said they loved the length of the episodes because they appreciate how much detail we can get into in that time, a number of people said they had trouble finding the time to listen to longer episodes, as well as share them with others.

Our long episodes aren’t going anywhere; I love being able to truly understand an issue and have deep conversations with experts. But I hear you that it can be hard to find an hour to listen! That’s why I’m going to start creating summary episodes. This first one summarizes the last two episodes on the topic of video games - both the conversation with @TheGamerEducator Ash Brandin, and my narrated episode on what children learn from video games.

You’ll get my take-home ideas from both episodes in less than 12 minutes! If you’re starting to see the deep learning that children are doing while they’re playing video games and want to support them in having more of these kinds of experiences…but without using screens all the time, the Learning Membership will help you.

The membership helps you to support your child’s intrinsic love of learning, while also equipping them with the skills they’ll need to succeed in the age of AI.

You’ll learn how to see and follow your child’s interests so you can support them in deep inquiries. You won’t have to drag them through it like you would a workbook or a curriculum (so no need to reward them with screen time!) because they will WANT to learn. They’ll be excited to do it, and they’ll bring you along for the ride.

Ready to transform how you support your child's curiosity?
While we're all trying to figure out what's really behind rising teen anxiety and whether phones are the problem, there's something we can do right now that helps nurture our children's natural curiosity and intrinsic motivation to learn.

The You Are Your Child's Best Teacher masterclass shows you how to do exactly that without adding pressure or creating elaborate activities that exhaust you.

When children feel competent and engaged in learning that matters to them, they develop resilience that serves them well, whether they're facing social media pressures, academic stress, or the general challenges of growing up in today's world.

Click the banner to learn more!

Jump to highlights
01:26 Introducing today’s episode
02:06 Balancing kids' screen time is a gradual process of sharing responsibility and making adjustments based on their abilities.
03:35 Children are drawn to video games because they meet needs for competence, autonomy, and relatedness.
03:54 There is no strong evidence that video games cause violence.
05:27 Children can learn about cultural issues like misogyny and violence from video games and other media.
07:19 Video games allow children to actively engage in learning by exploring unique systems and strategies, similar to real scientific thinking.
08:41 Children develop creativity and persistence through video games.
09:18 Invitation to the free You Are Your Child’s Best Teacher workshop
13 min
July 29, 2024218: What children learn from video games
How Video Games Shape Learning and Children’s Development
Last week, parent Nicole and I talked with @TheGamerEducator Ash Brandin about the challenges we can have when our kids love video games.

I had also hoped to ask Ash a lot of questions about what children learn from video games but we completely ran out of time, so I spent a fun day reading 10 books on the topic at the University of New Mexico library (non-students can’t check out books!).

I wanted to know a lot more about:
Why do children find video games so attractive? And can we use that information to make the transitions away from screen time easier - as well as support their off-screen learning?
Even if video games don’t lead children to violence, are they picking up ideas that aren’t aligned with our values?
What useful skills are our children learning from video games, and how is this different from school-based learning?
Ready to transform how you support your child's curiosity?
While we're all trying to figure out what's really behind rising teen anxiety and whether phones are the problem, there's something we can do right now that helps nurture our children's natural curiosity and intrinsic motivation to learn.

The You Are Your Child's Best Teacher masterclass shows you how to do exactly that without adding pressure or creating elaborate activities that exhaust you.

When children feel competent and engaged in learning that matters to them, they develop resilience that serves them well, whether they're facing social media pressures, academic stress, or the general challenges of growing up in today's world.

Click the banner to learn more!

Jump to highlights
00:45 Introduction to today’s episode
04:13 Children are drawn to video games because they fulfill their needs for independence, skill-building, and connection.
13:00 Children learn about gender roles and social behaviors from video games, which reflect societal misogyny and violence.
28:55 Video games foster active learning through problem-solving and experimentation. By connecting gaming identities to real-world learning, children can enhance their educational experiences.
40:00 Children learn best when they are engaged in activities they care about, and the You Are Your Child’s Best Teacher workshop will help parents recognize and support this learning.
50:01Wrapping up

References
Benedetti, W. (2012, July 12). Anti-bigotry gaming site hacked, defaced by bigots. NBC News. Retrieved from: https://www.nbcnews.com/tech/tech-news/anti-bigotry-gaming-site-hacked-defaced-bigots-flna910262
Brown, H.J. (2008). Videogames and education. Armonk, NY: M.E. Sharpe.
Condis, M. (2018). Gaming masculinity: Trolls, fake geeks & the gendered battle for online culture. Iowa City: University of Iowa Press.
Gee, J.P. (2007). What video games have to teach us about learning and literacy. New York: Palgrave
Gee, J.P. (2007). Good video games + good learning: Collected essays on video games, learning and literacy. New York: Peter Lang
Gillin, L.E., & Signorella, M.L. (2023). Attitudes toward sexual orientation and gender identity in online multiplayer gaming spaces. Psychological Reports, 00332941231153798.
O’Leary, A. (2012, August 1). In virtual play, sex harassment is all too real. The New York Times. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/02/us/sexual-harassment-in-online-gaming-stirs-anger.html
Rigby, S., & Ryan, R.M. (2011). Glued to games: How video games draw us in and hold us spellbound. Santa Barbara: Praeger.
Richard, G.T. (2017). “Play it like a girl”: Gender expression, sexual identity, and complex expectations in a female-oriented gaming community. In B. Ruberg & A. Shaw (Eds.), Queer Game Studies (p.163-177). Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press.
Schaffer, D., & Loparo, K.A. (2007). How computer games help children learn. Palgrave Macmillan.
Self-Determination Theory (2024). Theory. Author. Retrieved from: https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/theory/
Sliwinski, A. (2007, February 26). Gay gamer survey results with large hetero inclusion. Engadget. Retrieved from: https://www.engadget.com/2007-02-26-gay-gamer-survey-results-with-large-hetero-inclusion.html
Suellentrop, C. (2013, December 13). In the footsteps of Lara Croft. The New York Times. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/15/arts/video-games/chris-suellentrop-on-the-year-in-video-games.html
Yunkaporta, T. (2021). Sand talk: How indigenous thinking can save the world. New York: HarperCollins.
58 min
July 22, 2024217: How to end the video game struggles
Why Video Games Aren't as Harmful as You Think for Kids
Video games can be tough.

Our kids enjoy them so much…but can’t tear their eyes away from them when time’s up without a meltdown.

Some games, like Fortnite and Roblox, can be really violent, and aren’t our kids learning bad messages when they play?

Plus even if they aren’t playing something violent, they aren’t really learning anything beneficial, right?

In this episode with @TheGamerEducator Ash Brandin and co-interviewer parent Nicole, we talk about common struggles parents have with kids who are playing games, including:
How to address dysregulation at the end of screen time
How to ‘scaffold’ the child’s ability to manage their own screen time
The links between screen time and intrinsic motivation
Why we can feel OK using screen time to give ourselves a break
How to model appropriate screen time use in front of our children
Ready to transform how you support your child's curiosity?
While we're all trying to figure out what's really behind rising teen anxiety and whether phones are the problem, there's something we can do right now that helps nurture our children's natural curiosity and intrinsic motivation to learn.

The You Are Your Child's Best Teacher masterclass shows you how to do exactly that without adding pressure or creating elaborate activities that exhaust you.

When children feel competent and engaged in learning that matters to them, they develop resilience that serves them well, whether they're facing social media pressures, academic stress, or the general challenges of growing up in today's world.

Click the banner to learn more!

Jump to highlights
01:50 Introducing the topic and guests for this episode
03:17 Moderate video game use generally has neutral or positive effects, contrary to earlier studies linking it to aggression.
07:02 Many studies linking video games to aggression overlook confounding factors like socioeconomic status, trauma, and family dynamics.
10:27 Research on violent video games shows mixed results, with any negative effects often being minor and context-specific. It's important to consider individual responses when assessing impact.
27:47 Effective screen time management involves setting limits, encouraging self-regulation, and gradually shifting responsibility to children while providing support.
42:33 Balancing gaming limits requires adjusting based on family needs and the child's ability to self-regulate, with ongoing assessment and adjustment.
47:12Guilt about screen time often stems from concerns about not using time productively. It’s important to recognize that screens can benefit the whole family, allowing parents to manage tasks and take necessary breaks.
54:24Gaming meets psychological needs like competence and autonomy, which doesn’t diminish intrinsic motivation for other activities.
01:01:48Model balanced screen use by explaining your tech use and setting clear limits. Show how screens help with tasks and emotions, and involve your kids in transitions.
01:08:51Wrapping up the discussion

References
Boxer, P., Groves, C.L., & Docherty, M. (2015). Video games do indeed influence children and adolescents’ aggression, prosocial behavior, and academic performance: A clearer reading of Ferguson (2015). Perspectives on Psychological Science 10(5), 671-673.
Ferguson, C.J. (2008). The school shooting/violent video game link: Causal relationship or moral panic? Journal of Investigative Psychology and Offender Profiling 5, 25-37.
Ferguson, C.J. (2015). Do angry birds make for angry children? A meta-analysis of video game influences on children’s and adolescents’ aggression, mental health, prosocial behavior, and academic performance. Perspectives on Psychological Science 10(5), 646-666.
Ferguson, C.J., & Kilburn, J. (2010). Much ado about nothing: The misestimation and overinterpretation of violent video game effects in eastern and western nations: Comment on Anderson et al. (2010). Psychological Bulletin 136(2), 174-178.
He, F., Qi, Y., Zhou, Y., Cao, A., Yue, X., Fang, S., & Zheng, Y. (2023). Meta-analysis of the efficacy of digital therapies in children with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. Frontiers in Psychiatry 14, 1054831.
Johannes, N., Vuorre, M., & Przybylski, A.K. (2021). Video game play is positively correlated with well-being. Royal Society Open Science 8, 202049.
Kollins, S.H., Childress, A., Heusser, A.C., & Lutz, J. (2021). Effectiveness of a digital therapeutic as adjunct to treatment with medication in pediatric ADHD. NPJ Digital Medicine 4(1), 58.
Prensky, M. (2006). Don’t bother me, Mom – I’m learning!. St. Paul, MN: Paragon House.
Zendle, D., Flick, C., Gordon-Petrovskaya, E., Ballou, N., Ziao, L.Y., & Drachen, A. (2023). No evidence that Chinese playtime mandates reduced heavy gaming in one segment of the video games industry. Nature Human Behavior 7, 1753-1766.
1 hr 13 min

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