Join host Dr. Debi as she sits down with Gretta Perlmutter, a certified PBT® coach who specializes in helping people heal from ghosting. Gretta shares her personal journey from being ghosted multiple times to becoming an expert in understanding this painful form of betrayal and helping others move forward with confidence.

Key Topics Covered

Gretta's Personal Story

• Being ghosted multiple times in business, friendships, and dating

• The shocking experience of being ghosted after a multi-day trip invitation

• The mental health toll and unhealthy coping mechanisms

• The journey from self-blame to self-empowerment

• Turning pain into purpose through coaching and content creation

Understanding Ghosting

Why People Ghost:

1. Avoidance - Unwilling to experience the emotional labor of difficult conversations

1. Malicious Intent - Using silence to hurt and control others

1. Accidental - Truly unable to reach out (medical emergencies, lost contact info, tech glitches)

Warning Signs Someone Might Ghost You:

• History of ghosting others

• Regular use of the silent treatment

• Consistent avoidance of conflict and emotional conversations

• The "slow ghost" - gradually fading from your life

• Actions that don't align with their words

The Emotional Impact

• Feelings of unworthiness and invisibility

• Grief over the loss of the relationship and imagined future

• Anxiety, sadness, and confusion

• Physical symptoms like inability to eat or sleep

• The shock of going from feeling seen and heard to feeling deleted

The Healing Journey

Key Realizations:

• Ghosting says nothing about you and everything about the ghost

• You're not responsible for other people's behaviors

• Your worth doesn't depend on anyone else's approval or actions

• Not everyone shows up in the world with the same level of kindness and respect

Practical Steps to Heal:

• Take care of your mind, body, and heart

• Honor your emotions without judgment

• Focus on people who are actively choosing you

• Reach out to understanding friends, family, or specialized coaches

• Stop analyzing the ghost and focus on your own healing

• Give yourself what you wanted from them

If You Think You're Being Ghosted:

• Reach out casually 2-3 times maximum

• Give them the benefit of the doubt initially

• Don't keep messaging into an echo chamber

• End the relationship on your terms with a clear, dignified message

• Example: "I haven't heard from you in a while, and I'm not sure why. I'm disappointed that you haven't communicated with me. This dynamic isn't working for me, so I'm ending this relationship. Take care of yourself."

If the Ghost Returns:

• Take your time deciding how to proceed

• Remember: You don't owe them anything

• People can change, but they often don't

• If you choose to reconnect, do it slowly after investing in your recovery

• They need to show they've changed and are trustworthy

• Build an entirely new relationship with clear boundaries

The Power of PBT® Coaching

• How the five stages of betrayal recovery framework applies to ghosting

• The importance of not ghosting yourself during the healing process

• Moving from analyzing the betrayer to focusing on personal healing

• The transformation from stage three (learning about the betrayal) to stage four (focusing on self)

Memorable Quotes

"Ghosting says nothing about you, and it speaks volumes about the ghost. This is their behavior issue."

"Your worth doesn't depend on anyone else's approval, feelings or actions. Never put your worth in a ghost's hands."

"Not everyone is showing up in the world like I am, not everyone has the same level of kindness and dignity and respect."

"Stop analyzing the people who have ghosted me, and start focusing on myself. How can I heal? What do I need? How can I not ghost myself?"

"When you take that healing seriously, you become a version of you you didn't have access to."

Resources

Connect with Gretta Perlmutter:

• Website: https://www.copingwithghosting.com/

• Podcast: Coping with Ghosting

• Social Media: @copingwithghosting (TikTok, Instagram)

• Facebook Group: Coping with Ghosting (free and private)

• Upcoming Book: "Coping with Ghosting in Love and Dating"

Connect with Dr. Debi

• The PBT Institute

• The PBT Coach Certification Program

Recommended Episode:

• "What to Do When the Person Who Ghosted You Returns" (Coping with Ghosting podcast)