From Betrayal To Breakthrough

462: Why Time Doesn't Heal Betrayal (And What Does)


Listen Later

The Myth of Time Healing: Contrary to popular belief, time alone does not heal betrayal wounds. Assessment responses reveal people still struggling 15, 35, even 40+ years after their betrayal, with statements like "feels like it happened yesterday" and "I'll never trust again."

The Critical Difference: Betrayal recovery requires deliberate, intentional healing—you can't count on time or a new relationship to fix it.

The Problem with Traditional Approaches

Wrong Tools at the Wrong Stage: Even excellent therapeutic tools can backfire when applied at the inappropriate stage of recovery:

  • Stage 2 (Shock & Trauma): Clients need nervous system regulation, not gratitude exercises or trust-building

  • Stage 4 (Rebuilding): Clients may not need the same interventions that worked in earlier stages

Why Coaches Struggle: Practitioners often dread seeing betrayal clients because their proven methods aren't working—but it's not the tools, it's the timing. Someone who's been betrayed isn't starting at the same place as other clients.

The Waitlist Initiative

A new waitlist has been created to connect people struggling with betrayal to properly certified coaches and practitioners. The response has been overwhelming, with heartbreaking stories of:

  • PTSD symptoms 30 years post-betrayal

  • Closed-off relationships due to family betrayals from decades ago

  • Lives that "haven't been the same since"

Understanding the Stages

Stage 2: Shock and trauma—nervous system completely dysregulated

Stage 3: Survival mode—functional but flat, no joy. This is where most people get stuck because:

  • It feels better than the chaos of Stage 2

  • It's the "familiar known"

  • Fear of the shakeup change would create

  • Intentionally ignoring intuition due to lack of bandwidth

The Stage 2-3 Loop: Many people bounce between shock/trauma and survival, like being thrown down a ravine, climbing up, then being thrown down again.

Stage 4 & 5: Hopeful, growth-oriented, forward-moving—but most people don't even know these stages exist.

Why People Stay Stuck

  • Lack of awareness: They don't know Stage 4 and 5 exist

  • Familiar vs. good: We choose the familiar known over the unfamiliar unknown, even when it's not serving us

  • Fear of disruption: New boundaries and standing up for yourself creates a shakeup

  • Bandwidth concerns: Mental, emotional, physical, or financial limitations

  • Comparison trap: Stage 3 seems "good enough" compared to Stage 2

The Cost of Staying Stuck

Post Betrayal Syndrome symptoms persist when you ignore your intuition and stay in Stage 3:

  • Physical illnesses and conditions

  • Mental and emotional symptoms

  • Your body communicates through its weakest link

  • Over 100,000 people tested show consistent symptom patterns

The Reframe

The Weight Loss Analogy: Two friends, both 30 pounds overweight and "fine." One loses the weight and transforms—feels amazing, confident, energized. The other declines help, saying "I'm okay."

The Truth: If you knew for even a minute what Stage 5 felt like, you wouldn't waste another minute in Stage 3.

The Path Forward

Healing requires moving through all five stages with the right support and tools applied at the right time. The goal of the PBT Institute certification program is to get the Five Stages framework into as many qualified hands as possible—because it's not about one person, it's about every certified practitioner reaching everyone in their sphere.

Most Common Betrayal Types

From the waitlist responses:

  1. Family betrayal

  1. Partner betrayal

Note: Early, unhealed betrayals (often in childhood or early relationships) frequently underlie later betrayal experiences—it's often not where you think it started.

Bottom Line: Just because something is familiar doesn't mean it's good. There's something so much better waiting in Stages 4 and 5—but you have to move through the process deliberately and intentionally to get there.

Resources: Join the waitlist: https://thepbtinstitute.com/waitlist/ Grab the book and bonuses: https://thepbtinstitute.com/unstuck/

...more
View all episodesView all episodes
Download on the App Store

From Betrayal To BreakthroughBy Dr. Debi Silber

  • 4.8
  • 4.8
  • 4.8
  • 4.8
  • 4.8

4.8

129 ratings


More shows like From Betrayal To Breakthrough

View all
The Terri Cole Show by Terri Cole

The Terri Cole Show

1,408 Listeners

Betrayal Trauma Recovery by Anne Blythe, M.Ed.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery

1,429 Listeners

From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff & Jody Steurer by Geoff & Jody Steurer

From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff & Jody Steurer

207 Listeners

The Healing Trauma Podcast by Monique Koven

The Healing Trauma Podcast

435 Listeners

Flying Free by Natalie Hoffman

Flying Free

1,069 Listeners

Helping Couples Heal Podcast by Marnie Breecker

Helping Couples Heal Podcast

442 Listeners

The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast by Kate Anthony, CPCC

The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

572 Listeners

Lisa A Romano Breakdown to Breakthroughs by Lisa A. Romano

Lisa A Romano Breakdown to Breakthroughs

777 Listeners

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE by Steve Moore & Mark Kastleman

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

195 Listeners

No Visible Bruises by Caroline Strawson

No Visible Bruises

519 Listeners

The Covert Narcissism Podcast by Renee Swanson, Bleav

The Covert Narcissism Podcast

46 Listeners

Waking Up to Narcissism by Tony Overbay LMFT

Waking Up to Narcissism

692 Listeners

Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse by Kerry McAvoy, Ph.D.

Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse

298 Listeners

You Are Not Crazy by Jessica Knight

You Are Not Crazy

86 Listeners