Dr. Rob answers today’s questions without Tami as she is off making snow angels with her grandkids. He talks about how addicts do what they do, not because of their feelings towards their partners or loved ones but as a way for them to escape their reality and have control over their deep troubles.

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[:25] I’m having a very hard time believing that my sex addict husband can love me and do these things. Can you tell me your view on this?

[1:00] If the person knew how to stop their addiction, they would. Dr. Rob shares how addicts are deeply troubled people.

[5:00] In your experience, when do you find the betrayed spouse’s ambivalence begin to dissipate?

[5:40] Dr. Rob doesn’t think you can make yourself trust somebody and it comes over time. He expands on this further.

[7:15] I was referred to a CSAT but the therapist I spoke to is not a CSAT. Will this therapist be effective or how should I proceed?

[8:00] Dr. Rob explains that everyone that comes on staff with them gets the CSAT certification. He explains what this means and why it’s important.

[8:45] He explains what a partner needs is completely different from what an addict needs.

[11:50] Is OCD a common diagnosis with sex addicts? Is this gonna be handled separately in therapy?

[12:05] OCD vs. addiction. Dr. Rob describes the difference.

[15:00] How much input should my partner have in my circle plan? If there is a disagreement, should I take a stand and completely own it or let her take control?

[15:15] Dr. Rob shares what a circle plan is and what goes in it.

[20:00] I don’t understand spouses and the wives of alcoholics that don’t involve themselves with different partners.

[21:40] If addicts didn’t love you, they wouldn’t try to hide it. Dr. Rob explains further.

[22:05] I’m a betrayed partner with a question and example of compartmentalization. How can my partner be thinking of two people at the same time?

[24:05] Dr. Rob explains what compartmentalization is and how it doesn’t apply to this situation.

[25:15] Discovery vs. disclosure. Dr. Rob explains the difference.

[25:50] My SA husband claims he has no cravings for euphoric recall. How common is this?

[26:30] Dr. Rob thinks it’s impossible for someone to just abruptly stop what they have been doing for so long. He shares what you can do about it.

 

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: [email protected]

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss