For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever gone to bed replaying an argument over and over in your mind, wishing you’d said things differently, wishing you’d stayed calmer or wishing the damage hadn’t been done?

If so, you’re not alone. And more importantly, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad partner or a bad person. It means something inside you is trying to tell you something, and learning how to listen to that signal can change everything.

In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, host Alastair Duhs shares four practical, grounded strategies to help you handle anger in your relationship before it causes regret, distance or lasting damage. Rather than suppressing anger or blaming yourself, you’ll learn how to understand what’s really driving it, and how to respond in a calmer, more constructive way.

Anger isn’t the real problem. Losing control of it is. And that’s something you can learn to change.

What you’ll learn in this episode

1. Why understanding your anger triggers is the first step to lasting change
2. How poor communication quietly fuels resentment and emotional explosions
3. The powerful link between stress and anger, and how to break it
4. A simple mindset shift that helps couples stop fighting each other and start working together
5. Why anger is a signal, not a flaw — and how to respond to it differently

Why this matters

Unmanaged anger doesn’t just disappear on its own. Over time, it erodes trust, creates emotional distance and can turn even small disagreements into painful conflicts.

The good news? When you understand what triggers your anger, learn how to communicate openly, manage stress and remember that you and your partner are on the same team, arguments lose their intensity and connection becomes possible again.

These aren’t complicated techniques. They’re practical skills you can start using immediately.

Key ideas from the episode

1. Anger often comes from feeling unheard, disrespected, or overwhelmed — not from the situation itself
2. Regular, safe conversations (like a Weekly Relationship Check-In) prevent resentment from building
3. High stress lowers your ability to stay calm — managing stress is essential to controlling anger
4. When couples stop trying to “win” arguments and start seeking understanding, everything changes

Ready to take the next step?

If you want help applying these ideas to your own relationship, you have a few options:

-Watch the free training on how to break the anger cycle

-Book a free 30-minute Anger Assessment Call to talk through your situation

-Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

You’ll find all of these at angersecrets.com.

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

You're in the middle of an argument and you know where it's headed. But what if you could change the outcome before things spiral out of control?

In this essential episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals how to recognise the signs of escalating conflict and use simple, proven repair techniques to stop fights before they start and strengthen your relationship instead.

Key Takeaways:

-Every argument offers a choice: escalate the fight or repair the connection.

-The first step to de-escalating conflict is recognising your own signs of rising anger.

-Reminding yourself that the relationship matters more than “being right” helps calm tension.

-Repair attempts, like a kind tone, humor, a break or physical affection can powerfully shift the dynamic.

-Noticing and accepting your partner’s repair attempts builds trust and prevents emotional damage.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

It’s often not the big things that make you angry. It’s the small stuff that hijacks your day.

In this thoughtful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores why seemingly minor annoyances can trigger such big reactions, and how learning to let go of them can radically improve your relationships, your mood and your life.

Key Takeaways:

-Small events like a comment or forgotten chore often trigger anger because of deeper emotional patterns.

-Reacting in the heat of the moment usually leads to regret. Pausing first gives you power.

-Asking, “Will this matter in a week or a year?” helps you gain perspective and avoid overreacting.

-Practicing gratitude can rewire your brain to focus on what really matters, not petty irritations.

-Recognising life’s fragility can shift your focus from frustration to compassion and connection.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Most relationships don’t fall apart in one explosive moment. They unravel quietly through patterns we barely notice.

In this eye-opening episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals the four hidden killers that silently destroy relationships from the inside out. If your connection with your partner feels colder, more distant or just off, this episode might explain why, and what you can do about it.

Key Takeaways:

-Criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling are four of the most destructive behaviors in relationships.

-These patterns often feel normal, but over time they erode trust, love and emotional safety.

-Each “killer” has an antidote, like appreciation, responsibility or effective communication that can rebuild connection.

-Anger often fuels these behaviors, making anger management a crucial step toward healthier relationships.

-By learning to recognise and replace these patterns, you can stop the slow drift apart and bring warmth and closeness back into your relationship.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Ever feel like you and your partner are speaking different languages, even when you're in the same room? In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals why active listening is the missing link in most relationships, and how mastering it can bring you closer than ever before.

If you’re tired of arguments that go nowhere, this episode offers a better way forward.

Key Takeaways:

-Active listening means being fully present, not planning your reply while your partner is still talking.

-It’s not about winning the conversation; it’s about making your partner feel truly heard and understood.

-Four core skills: Minimal encouragers, open-ended questions, reflecting and positive feedback can transform the way you communicate.

-Simple changes in how you listen can open up emotional connection and reduce defensiveness.

-Practicing these skills builds trust, de-escalates conflict and strengthens your relationship at its core.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

After an anger outburst, the silence can feel unbearable. In this heartfelt episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals the one essential ingredient most people overlook when trying to change: a powerful personal “why.”

Through real stories from men and women just like you, this episode will help you uncover the deeper reason you want to control your anger, and help you finally break free from the cycle for good.

Key Takeaways:

-Change only lasts when it’s driven by a deeper purpose, not just guilt or willpower.

-Real-life stories show that many people want to control their anger for their families, their children, or their sense of self-respect.

-Identifying your personal “why” gives you strength in tough moments and keeps you committed to growth.

-Anger can destroy relationships. But with a clear reason to change, you can rebuild connection and trust.

-Your “why” must be stronger than your anger to truly transform your life.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever found yourself in an argument before you even realise what triggered it? In this powerful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores how defensiveness quietly damages relationships, and how you can stop it.

Learn why your instinct to defend yourself often masks deeper fears, and how choosing connection over combat can transform your relationship.

Key Takeaways:

-Defensiveness often stems from the fear that we're to blame, even when we don’t want to admit it.

-The key to change is awareness: notice your emotional triggers before reacting.

-Taking even partial responsibility can immediately diffuse tension and build trust.

-Empathy transforms conflict: put yourself in your partner’s shoes to respond with care, not combat.

-Honest, calm communication breaks the cycle of blame and opens the door to healing.

-Change won’t happen overnight, but with intention and practice, defensiveness can be replaced by understanding.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever said, “You made me so mad”? In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs unpacks the hidden cost of blaming others for your anger—and the freedom that comes when you take full responsibility for your actions.

If you’re ready to step out of blame, stop the cycle of conflict and take back control of your emotions, this episode offers the insights and tools you need to begin.

Key Takeaways:

-Blaming others for your anger gives away your power and keeps you stuck in reactive, unhealthy patterns.

-Taking responsibility for your actions means owning your choices, not justifying or excusing hurtful behavior.

-Four common reasons people avoid responsibility include fear of consequences, family conditioning, entitlement and shame.

-Real change begins with acknowledging your actions, accepting the consequences, and committing to a plan for change.

-Anger management programs provide essential skills for managing emotions in real time—something therapy often doesn’t cover.

-Taking ownership of your anger is a courageous step that leads to more respectful, loving, and empowered relationships.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

When therapy didn’t work, Katie feared she’d never get control of her anger. Her relationship was falling apart, her parenting was suffering and she was terrified of repeating the cycle of anger she grew up with.

In this inspiring episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs interviews Katie about her powerful journey—how she broke free from past patterns, what finally helped and how her family life has transformed as a result.

Key Takeaways:

-Therapy often focuses on the past, but anger needs to be managed in the present with clear, practical tools.

-Katie’s turning point came through the Complete Anger Management System, where she learned how to recognise her early warning signs of anger and take real-time action.

-Using the Tension Scale, Positive Self-Talk and the Anger Diary, Katie was able to reflect, grow and change how she responds to stress.

-Change is not always linear, but with commitment and support, progress is absolutely possible—even in a few short weeks.

-Healing generational anger is possible and Katie’s story shows that with the right tools, you can create a better future for yourself and your children.

-Supportive, relationship-focused anger management can lead to real breakthroughs for both individuals and couples.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever felt the urge to prove you're right—especially in the heat of an argument? In this powerful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares a personal story and a lesson from a truck-driving client that will change the way you think about conflict.

Discover why letting go of the need to be right isn’t weakness—it’s one of the most powerful things you can do to protect your relationships and your peace of mind.

-The need to “be right” often fuels conflict, putting your relationships and emotional health at risk.

-Trying to prove someone else wrong rarely creates connection—it usually leads to resentment and defensiveness.

-Seeking to understand instead of arguing your point helps de-escalate tension and fosters mutual respect.

-Letting go of being right doesn’t mean giving in—it means valuing the relationship over the need to win.

-Even small changes in behavior, like giving others space, can have a big impact on your calmness and safety, both emotionally and physically.

-When you release the urge to control others, you gain true control over yourself.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System