Coaching for Leaders

Tom Burbage: F-35

Tom Burbage retired from the Lockheed Martin Corporation in 2013. He was the President of the Lockheed Martin Aeronautical Systems Company and the Executive VP/GM for both the USAF F-22 Raptor and the multi-service, allied next generation fighter, the F-35. Prior to joining Lockheed, Tom was a Naval Aviator, completing the U.S. Navy Test Pilot School in 1975. He has accumulated more than 3,000 hours in 38 different types of military aircraft. As a reservist he retired as a Navy Captain in 1994.

Tom has received numerous industry awards, including the U.S. Naval Academy/Harvard Business Review Award for Ethical Leadership; the Aerospace Industry Personality of the Year; the Society of Automotive Engineers Leadership in Aerospace Award; and many others. He is also a Fellow of the Royal Aeronautical Society in the United Kingdom. He is co-author along with Betsy Clark and Adrian Pitman of the book F-35: The Inside Story of the Lightning II.

Sometimes we find ourselves leading a very large team that isn’t used to working together. That happened to Tom who was the general manager of the F-35 fighter jet. In this conversation, we explore how to bring together many stakeholders in order to do something bigger than any one of them could do alone.

Key Points

Solicit and listen to feedback on what didn’t work in past situations.

Establish behavior norms and expectations and continue coming back to them. When disagreements happen, resolve them in the context of these norms.

Consider including customers in major meetings, so struggles are shared transparently with all stakeholders.

Behavior norms and expectations were established globally and referenced in most formal interactions. When flare ups happened, they were often settled quickly in the spirit of the norms.

A “one team” concept was used to unify people from formerly competing organizations to align them to the nobler motive.

Resources Mentioned

F-35: The Inside Story of the Lightning II* by Tom Burbage, Betsy Clark, and Adrian Pitman

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

How to Create Team Guidelines, with Susan Gerke (episode 192)

How to Build a Coaching Culture, with Andrea Wanerstrand (episode 501)

How Top Leaders Influence Great Teamwork, with Scott Keller (episode 585)

How to Lead Better Through Complexity, with Jennifer Garvey Berger (episode 613)

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Danna Greenberg: Maternal Optimism

Danna Greenberg is the Walter H. Carpenter Professor of Organizational Behavior at Babson College. Her main area of research focuses on understanding the intersection between individuals' work and non-work lives as they move through their career. Her scholarship is guided by the belief that individuals can and should be able to live full lives at work and at home and that by challenging current assumptions regarding work we can find better ways for businesses, families, and communities to thrive.

Her other research stream centers on the scholarship of teaching and learning. Here she is focused on the continued changing landscape of higher education as it pertains to how we teach, what we teach, and how to define the lives of academics. Danna has published more than 30 articles and book chapters in leading journals including Academy of Management Journal, Human Resource Management, and Academy of Management Learning and Education. She is the co-author with Jamie Ladge of Maternal Optimism: Forging Positive Paths Through Work and Motherhood*.

When women return to work after a baby, there’s a lot our society implies about how that’s supposed to look. Danna’s research finds that this can look very different for every family. On this episode, a few things that women, their partners, and their managers can do to support a better transition in returning to work.

Key Points

Over 70% of mothers in the United States return to work after having children.

There tends to be a “guilt and anguish” script in the popular media about women returning to work after a maternity leave. That’s absolutely true for some women (especially those with fewer resources) but other women have very different experiences.

Managers can help by opening dialogue about what’s ideal to support a woman and her family during and after maternity leave.

Comments like “I am so impressed by how you are going to do it all!” are often well-intended but can reinforce views that might not be true for a woman or her family. Focus praise at work on work, not parenting.

Men may be more likely to listen to the challenges working mother face when other men surface them. Male managers can take the lead on this.

During leave, mothers can help create a foundation of shared parenting (if that’s their choice) by engaging their partners in substantial ways in childcare and limit gatekeeping.

Resources Mentioned

Maternal Optimism: Forging Positive Paths Through Work and Motherhood* by Jamie Ladge and Danna Greenberg

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

How to Reduce Drama With Kids, with Tina Payne Bryson (episode 310)

Finding Joy Through Intentional Choices, with Bonni Stachowiak (episode 417)

How to Create Inclusive Hiring Practices, with Ruchika Tulshyan (episode 589)

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Bonni Stachowiak: Teaching in Higher Ed

Bonni is the host of the Teaching in Higher Ed podcast, Dean of Teaching and Learning and Professor of Business and Management at Vanguard University, and my life partner. Prior to her academic career, she was a human resources consultant and executive officer for a publicly traded company. Bonni is the author of The Productive Online and Offline Professor: A Practical Guide*.

Listener Questions

Jose asked about how to balance professional and personal responsibilities and get it all done.

Jordan mentioned getting passed up for a promotion twice and wondering what suggestions we have on the feedback they have received.

Ahmad asked us about resources for supporting high performances and team members who are struggling.

Jenna shared a distinction between tuition reimbursement and tuition assistance that Dave expanded on.

Resources Mentioned

Getting Things Done* by David Allen

Leadership Story Deck* by David Hutchens

Start With Why* by Simon Sinek

Hope for the Flowers* by Trina Paulus

The Empowered Manager* by Peter Block

Kim Scott’s distinction on Superstars vs. Rock Stars

CliftonStrengths by Gallup

Related Episodes

How to Get Way Better at Accepting Feedback, with Sheila Heen (episode 143)

Getting Things Done, with David Allen (episode 184)

Five Steps to Hold People Accountable, with Jonathan Raymond (episode 306)

The Way to Stop Spinning Your Wheels on Planning (episode 319)

Finding Joy Through Intentional Choices, with Bonni Stachowiak (episode 417)

The Way to Make Sense to Others, with Tom Henschel (episode 518)

The Four Storytelling Mistakes Leaders Make, with David Hutchens (episode 553)

How to Lead and Retain High Performers, with Ruth Gotian (episode 567)

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Vanessa Patrick: The Power of Saying No

Vanessa Patrick is the Associate Dean for Research, Executive Director of Doctoral Programs, a Bauer Professor of Marketing and lead faculty of the Executive Women in Leadership Program at the Bauer School of Business at the University of Houston. She has been recognized with a number of awards for both scholarship and teaching and was named one of the top 50 most productive marketing scholars worldwide by the DocSig of the American Marketing Association.

Vanessa was appointed as a Fulbright Specialist (2019-24) by the U.S. Department of State, Bureau of Educational and Cultural Affairs. She is a prominent scholar in her field and serves on editorial and policy boards of leading academic journals. She is currently an Associate Editor for the Journal of Marketing Research and the Journal of Marketing and she's the author of The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No That Puts You in Charge of Your Life*.

Most leaders know that it’s important to say no to requests that aren’t the right use of time and resources. But how do you navigate this when the other party is likely to respond in a difficult way? In this conversation, Vanessa and I explore the patterns of difficult askers and how we can do a better job of responding when we’re interacting with them.

Key Points

We all have both marigolds and walnut trees in our lives. Marigold protect and strengthen us - walnut trees crowd out our time and interfere.

Difficult askers often confront us with face-to-face requests, use their home court advantage, and insist on an immediate response.

Pushback is normal and expected. It’s helpful to view it as a hurdle to overcome vs. something to avoid. Either way, we will spend the energy.

Resentment is a helpful indicator that difficult askers are taking too much power. Establish personal policies that provide guidelines so you can proactively come back to values when considering requests.

It’s helpful to consider advance requests in the context of fulfilling the commitment immediately, otherwise we’ll continue to feel the pressure of resentment and

Resources Mentioned

The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No That Puts You in Charge of Your Life* by Vanessa Patrick

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

How to Say No Without Saying No, with Lois Frankel (episode 471)

How to Speak Up, with Connson Locke (episode 546)

How to Help People Speak Truth to Power, with Megan Reitz (episode 597)

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Liz Anderson: The PreSales Path

Liz Anderson has extensive experience as a solutions engineering leader and is the founder of the PreSales Path. She's also an alum of the Coaching for Leaders Academy.

In this SaturdayCast, Liz and I discuss the inflection points she’s experienced in the past year, how intentional focus on her vision and identity helped move her forward, and the value of consistency through it all.

Key Points

Professional development is about finding the starting points and then adapting as you go.

Once you decide on a new identity and direction, the indicators start to emerge on where to go next.

When your heart and intention are in the right place, the tactical path is still not easy, but it is clearer.

Resources Mentioned

Liz Anderson

Related Episodes

How to Become the Person You Want to Be, with James Clear (episode 376)

How to Nail a Job Transition, with Sukhinder Singh Cassidy (episode 555)

How to Get Moving, with Gladys McGarey (episode 631)

How to Get Traction With a New Habit (audio course)

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Michael Bungay Stanier: How to Work with (Almost) Anyone

Michael Bungay Stanier is the author of eight books, including The Coaching Habit, which has sold more than a million copies and is the best-selling book on coaching this century. Most recently he wrote How to Begin, and back in 2011 he created and edited End Malaria, a book written in partnership with Seth Godin that raised more than $400k for Malaria No More.

Michael is the founder Box of Crayons, a learning and development company that’s trained thousands of people around the world to be more coach-like. He has been featured in many publications including Harvard Business Review, Forbes, and Fast Company. His TEDx Talk on Taming Your Advice Monster has been viewed more than a million times. Michael's newest book is How to Work with (Almost) Anyone: Building the Best Possible Relationship*.

Most leaders recognize the critical nature of healthy, peer relationships. Yet, few leaders lay an intentional foundation for success as those relationships start. In this episode, Michael and I discuss how to start with peers using the five questions in a Keystone Conversation.

Key Points

Nobody really like to say hello but everyone likes to be greeted. Make a decision to be the person that begins.

Preparing thoughtful responses to the five questions in a Keystone Conversation will help you come to a dialogue in an authentic and vulnerable way.

The responses themselves aren’t as critical as the process itself. By entering into a keystone conversation, you are laying the foundation for future dialogue and the best possible relationship.

The five questions of a Keystone Conversation:

The Amplify Question: What’s your best?

The Steady Question: What are your practices and preferences?

The Good Date Question: What can you learn from successful past relationships?

The Bad Date Question: What can you learn from frustrating past relationships?

The Repair Question: How will you fix it when things go wrong?

Resources Mentioned

Preorder Michael’s book at bestpossiblerelationship.com

Bonus audio: Michael’s process for writing this book (12 minutes)

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

How to Deal with Opponents and Adversaries, with Peter Block (episode 328)

How to Involve Stakeholders in Decisions, with Eric Pliner (episode 586)

How to Start a Big Leadership Role, with Carol Kauffman (episode 617)

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Susan Cain: Bittersweet

Susan Cain is the author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, which spent seven years on The New York Times bestseller list and has been translated into 40 languages. It was named the #1 best book of the year by Fast Company, which also named Susan one of its Most Creative People in Business. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Wall Street Journal, and many other publications. Her record-smashing TED Talk has been viewed over 30 million times and was named by Bill Gates one of his all-time favorite talks.

Susan has also spoken at Microsoft, Google, the U.S. Treasury, the S.E.C., Harvard, Yale, West Point, and the US Naval Academy. She received Harvard Law School’s Celebration Award for Thought Leadership, the Toastmasters International Golden Gavel Award for Communication and Leadership, and was named one of the world’s top 50 Leadership and Management Experts by Inc. She is now also the author of the bestselling book Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole*.

We’ve all heard the value of positive thinking and aiming for happiness, but we don’t often think about the value of sorrow — and rarely in the context of leadership. In this conversation, Susan returns to the podcast to explore how the full spectrum of who we are can help us live — and lead - just a bit better.

Key Points

We espouse the value of happiness and positive thinking but don’t often recognize the value of appreciating sorrow and pain.

Words like “pain” and “suffering” tend to not show up in our workplaces, even when that’s clearly what’s being experienced. Instead, these realities are often substituted with words like “anger” or “frustration.”

Yes we should focus on our strengths, but beware of confusing a bittersweet temperament or sadness, with weakness.

Having power or feeling superior may prevent us from seeing others sadness — or even our own. Leaders who can embrace humility often find that results follow too.

The physical act of bowing can help with humility, as does capturing in writing moments of compassion (either from others or for others), as well as a focus on self-compassion.

Resources Mentioned

Preorder Bittersweet for a free book plate from Susan

Empathy: The Human Connection to Patient Care by The Cleveland Clinic

The Kindred Letters by Susan Cain

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, with Susan Cain (episode 44)

Use Power for Good and Not Evil, with Dacher Keltner (episode 254)

Four Steps to Get Unstuck and Embrace Change, with Susan David (episode 297)

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Tiffani Bova: The Experience Mindset

Tiffani Bova is the global customer growth and innovation evangelist at Salesforce, and The Wall Street Journal bestselling author of Growth IQ. Over the past two decades, she has led large revenue-producing divisions at businesses ranging from start-ups to the Fortune 500.

As a Research Fellow at Gartner, her cutting-edge insights helped Microsoft, Cisco, Salesforce, Hewlett-Packard, IBM, Oracle, and many other prominent companies expand their market share and grow their revenues. She has been named one of the Top 50 business thinkers in the world by Thinkers50 twice and she's the host of the podcast What’s Next! with Tiffani Bova. She is the author of The Experience Mindset: Changing the Way You Think About Growth*.

While many organizations espouse that employees are their greatest asset, most senior leaders prioritize customer needs above all else. Data clearly shows that balancing great employee experience along with a quality customer experience drives better results. In this conversation, Tiffani and I discuss the mindset and initial steps that leaders can take to improve the experience for both employees and customers.

Key Points

In recent decades, we’ve been in the mindset of customer-first. Today, the biggest threat to organizations is worker unhappiness.

While almost every organization espouses the importance of employees, few executive leaders can identify who “owns” the employee experience in their organization. In contrast, almost every organization has a clearly defined customer experience owner.

Proper investments in technology are often an obstacle to an ideal employee experience. Getting better at this means that senior leaders in human resources, information technology, and customer experience must work together to help impact line up with intention.

Three starting points for better employee experience are: reviewing data for customer experience and compare it to the trends for employee experience, utilizing employee advisory boards for a voice in emerging strategy, and reviewing employee survey results to determine what findings have been addressed.

Getting better at balancing customer experience and employee experience means moving away from an expert’s mindset and towards a beginner’s mindset.

Resources Mentioned

The Experience Mindset: Changing the Way You Think About Growth* by Tiffani Bova

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

How to Discover What People Want, with Tiziana Casciaro (episode 565)

Gallup’s Insights on Addressing Unhappiness, with Jon Clifton (episode 601)

How to Solve the Toughest Problems, with Wendy Smith (episode 612)

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Seth Godin: The Song of Significance

Seth Godin is the author of 21 international bestsellers that have changed the way people think about work. His books have been translated into 38 languages. Seth writes one of the most popular marketing blogs in the world, and two of his TED talks are among the most popular of all time.

He is the founder of the altMBA, the social media pioneer Squidoo, and Yoyodyne, one of the first internet companies. His blog is at seths.blog and his newest book is The Song of Significance: A New Manifesto for Teams*.

Seth says that the foundation of all real skills is the confidence and permission to talk to each another. No place is that more apparent than in our meetings. On this episode, Seth returns to help us move towards meetings of significance.

Key Points

The song of significance is about work that matters, being part of something bigger than each one of us, and doing things we’re proud of.

Many organizations and leaders hold meetings, but they are often reports and lectures. Meetings of significance are conversations.

Despite knowing the critical important of conversations, we tend to resist them in our roles. Our work is to begin those conversations.

Start with agreement on what a meeting is how we do work that matters through it. The problem is rarely with Zoom. The problem is how you show up to facilitate the meeting.

Create the culture you need to serve people well by setting the tone for it. You have more power than you think.

Resources Mentioned

The Song of Significance: A New Manifesto for Teams* by Seth Godin

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

Five Steps to Hold People Accountable, with Jonathan Raymond (episode 306)

The Way to Have Conversations That Matter, with Celeste Headlee (episode 344)

How to Lead Meetings That Get Results, with Mamie Kanfer Stewart (episode 358)

How to Use Power Responsibly, with Vanessa Bohns (episode 551)

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Gladys McGarey: The Well-Lived Life

Gladys McGarey is 102 years old and a still-practicing doctor. Recognized as a pioneer of the allopathic and holistic medical movements, she is also a founding diplomat of the American Board of Holistic Medicine. She is the cofounder and past president of the American Holistic Medical Association, as well as the cofounder of the Academy of Parapsychology and Medicine and the founder of The International Academy of Clinical Hypnosis.

Gladys lives and works in Scottsdale, Arizona, where for many years she shared a medical practice with her daughter. She currently has a medical consulting practice, maintains a healthy diet, and enjoys a good piece of cake every now and then. She has spoken at TEDx and is the author of The Well-Lived Life: A 102-Year Old Doctor's Six Secrets to Health and Happiness at Any Age*.

Our efforts in leadership development, personal growth, or getting better at anything, are all about starting. In this conversation, Gladys and I discuss the critical nature of movement in our lives and work. We also explore how to identify where to start and why it’s more about beginning that finishing.

Key Points

All life needs to move. If we're not moving, we can't function.

Stuckness is an illusion. If we know what to look for, movement is all around us and within us.

A flashlight in the dark can only see a few steps ahead — but that’s enough to move in the right direction and begin seeing more.

Look for the trickle around the dam. Noticing where movement already is will often be the starting point to go further.

Doctors don’t heal patients, only patients can heal themselves. Pay attention to beginning instead of finishing.

Resources Mentioned

The Well-Lived Life: A 102-Year Old Doctor's Six Secrets to Health and Happiness at Any Age* by Gladys McGarey

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

How to Tame Your Inner Critic, with Tara Mohr (episode 232)

Leadership Means You Go First, with Keith Ferrazzi (episode 488)

How to Make Progress When Starting Something New, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 562)

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Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.