Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl

Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl

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Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl episodes

  • Saved from Sobriety: How Brett Smith Got Sober but Realized That Wasn't Enough

    “The only thing that had changed was the object of my worship—I went from worshiping alcohol to worshiping sobriety.”

    Those are the words of Brett Smith.

    For years, Brett struggled with alcoholism, eventually finding sobriety through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. He did everything right. He worked the program. He sponsored other guys. He carried the message. He went to meetings religiously. He even became the self-described “poster boy” for AA and a disciple of the Big Book. From the outside, his life looked great.

    But something didn’t sit right.

    As Brett began to pursue Jesus more seriously, he couldn’t shake a growing tension between what he was reading in Scripture and what he was preaching in AA: the language, the framework, the idea of a “higher power”—while it all claimed to be faith-filled, it wasn't really pointing to the true Gospel of Jesus Christ. Eventually, he realized that despite being sober, he hadn’t actually been set free. Instead, he had just swapped addictions and started worshipping sobriety.

    In this honest conversation, Brett brings a warning that many are hesitant to say out loud: “Sobriety is a good gift—but it’s a terrible savior.” And he unpacks how secular recovery programs—even though they may contain some faith elements and language—can lead people away from the true Gospel, giving them just enough to think they are fine while missing the mark where it matters most.

    This episode isn’t an attack. Instead, it’s an invitation to more. To go beyond a program. To shoot for Jesus and get sobriety thrown in. To not miss the main thing for a good thing. To get the most flourishing and fulfilled life both now and in eternity. And it comes from someone who nearly missed out on those things because he had settled for sobriety. 

    Is there a place for AA? For 12 steps? For programs? What is Gospel-centered recovery? Should Christians avoid AA, or can it be helpful? What about Celebrate Recovery? Why is sobriety an insufficient goal? Brett answers those questions and more honestly and compassionately. 

    If you’ve ever felt like something was missing in your sobriety, if AA or the 12 steps haven't resonated, or if you’re curious about Gospel-centered recovery—this conversation is for you.

    We explore:

    — Brett’s journey from early drinking to full-blown alcoholism
    — His experience with Alcoholics Anonymous and becoming the “poster boy” for the program
    — Why sobriety alone didn’t resolve the deeper issues in his life
    — The shift from worshiping alcohol to worshiping recovery itself
    — His growing tension with the idea of a “higher power”
    — A biblical look at the 12 steps and their theological framework
    — Should Christians avoid AA?
    — What about Celebrate Recovery?
    — What Gospel-centered recovery actually looks like
    — Why the ultimate goal is not sobriety but Jesus

    Reach out to Brett: @basmith444
    Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org
    Follow me: @jonseidl
    Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic

    Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

    Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    1 hr 32 min
  • Bonus Episode: Why Sobriety Isn’t the Goal (A Special Interview with Christy Osborne of Love Life Sober)

    Welcome to the first ever bonus episode of the Confessions podcast! I'm trying something new, and I'm excited to hear what you think.

    On this special episode, you’re going to hear me on the other side of the mic—instead of interviewing someone, I'm being interviewed. The interviewer? My good friend Christy Osborne, host of the Love Life Sober podcast. In fact, this is actually taken from an episode of her podcast that we did recently, but I loved it so much that I wanted to share it with you.

    (By the way, go subscribe to her podcast here. You won't regret it!)  

    Christy and I met a couple years ago when we were both invited into a community of sobriety writers. Since then, we’ve met every month for encouragement, advice, accountability, and friendship. Over time, it became clear that Christy and I are very aligned in what we believe about recovery, sobriety, and ultimately, Jesus. 

    In the end, we are both passionate that the goal of recovery can't just be sobriety. Instead, the goal has to be Jesus. When that happens, you get both sobriety and the most flourishing and fulfilled life—both now and in eternity. 

    In this conversation, you’ll hear us wrestle through that idea together. You’ll also hear me tell my story, but in a slightly different way and context. Finally, you'll get a peek into Christy’s heart, her ministry, and the work she’s doing through her online community. So while this may feel a little different, I think it’s going to be incredibly valuable.

    Oh, and you'll hear us both talk about something called the Aligned Conference. We are really excited about it! This September, you can join both of us on the Eastern shores of Like Michigan as we do a deep dive into Gospel-centered recovery with some of our closest friends. It's going to be a great time! Just go to alignedconference.org and get your tickets before they sell out.

    See you there!

    Help keep this podcast going: Make a tax-deductible donation here

    Join Christy's Love Life Sober community
    Order Christy’s book, Love Life Sober
    Connect on Instagram: @lovelifesoberwithchristy
    Get addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org
    Follow me: @jonseidl
    Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic

    Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

    Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    40 min
  • From Pro Soccer Player to four DUIs and Nearly Losing Everything: Ian Faulkner's Incredible Journey of Restoration

    “I didn’t want to be sober. I wanted to be free. True freedom is only found in Jesus Christ.”

    Ian Faulkner looked like he had everything going for him. He grew up in the Church, became one of the top-ranked soccer players in his area, and even played professionally for the Los Angeles Lazers. From the outside, it was the kind of story many people chase: fame, recognition, success, and the promise of more.

    But underneath it all, something was off.

    See, soccer wasn’t just something Ian loved, it had become his identity. And when that identity was eventually taken from him through injury, everything underneath it started to surface. The drinking. The drugs. The isolation. The questions he couldn’t answer.

    “Why am I alone in a hotel room corner weeping? God, why?”

    In this conversation, Ian walks through the unraveling that followed—from chasing the highs of the world to spiraling into addiction, multiple DUIs, and moments where his life nearly ended. He even opens up about childhood trauma he worked so hard to suppress. But what makes his story so powerful isn’t just how far he fell, it’s what God did in the midst of it.

    What resulted wasn't sobriety. In fact, Ian came to realize that sobriety was actually quite empty by itself. He wanted more. He needed more. He needed Jesus.

    And that changed everything.

    Today, Ian is a pastor leading a growing, Gospel-centered recovery ministry in California called Restoration Recovery. He helps others find the same freedom he was once so desperate for, and lives by a powerful mantra: "When we recover loudly in Christ, we contribute to keeping others from dying quietly without him." His story is a reminder that addiction doesn't follow a neat path, and that recovery is about more than just quitting something. It’s about what—or who—you’re ultimately living for.

    Help keep this podcast going: Make a tax-deductible donation here

    We explore:

    — How success, discipline, and even good things like sports and church can become false identities
    — Ian’s journey from professional soccer and chasing recognition to addiction and isolation
    — The role injury played in exposing deeper heart issues and accelerating his downward spiral
    — Why addiction isn’t about the substance—but about what we’re trying to escape
    — The moment everything collapsed, including multiple DUIs and near-death experiences
    — How unresolved trauma, including childhood abuse, shaped his patterns of behavior
    — The difference between sobriety and true freedom—and why that distinction matters
    — What full surrender to Jesus actually looked like in Ian’s life
    — How God used recovery, jail, and brokenness to prepare him for ministry
    — The origin and meaning behind “recovering loudly” and why it challenges traditional recovery models
    — How Gospel-centered recovery leads to deeper transformation than behavior modification alone
    — Why finding your “why” is essential to lasting change and healing

    Follow Restoration Recovery: @restoratioinrecovery.mhc
    Watch Restoration Recovery messages here
    Get addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org
    Follow me: @jonseidl
    Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic

    Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

    Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    1 hr 18 min
  • Theologian Brenna Blain Gets Radically Vulnerable About Her Addictions and Faith: “I Knew I Wasn’t Supposed to Do It”

    “I knew I wasn’t supposed to do it but I didn’t understand why, because it felt like it was helping and I wasn’t hurting anyone.”

    That’s how modern-day theologian, author, and speaker Brenna Blain describes her addiction. Addictions, really. Because she didn't just develop one. Even after addressing her disordered relationship with alcohol, she went on to develop a similar pattern with cough medicine and stimulants. How? Because like so many of us, she fell into the trap of justifying what she knew wasn't right.

    During all of that, Brenna wasn’t running from God. She loved Jesus, she was serving in ministry, she was doing the things Christians are supposed to do. And at the same time, she was building patterns and believing lies that didn’t line up with what she believed or who she was called to be.

    In this episode, Brenna shares her full story with thoughtful and radical vulnerability. From childhood trauma and an ongoing battle with depression and mental health, to a real encounter with God that changed the direction of her life, to the ways addiction and dependency still took root. She also talks openly about her experience with same-sex attraction, how she surrenders that to God, and how that has shaped her reliance on Christ.

    She also doesn't hold back about how evangelical culture too often encourages silence while struggling, leaving people to navigate their sin on their own, as well as how the Church can become a place where those struggles are brought into the light and met with both truth and grace.

    This is a conversation about honesty, about sanctification, and about what it really looks like to follow Jesus when things aren’t clean or simple.

    Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here.

    We explore:

    — The subtle ways addiction can form even in the life of a committed Christian
    — How self-justification keeps people stuck longer than they realize
    — Why addressing one addiction doesn’t mean the root issue is gone
    — How Brenna’s struggle shifted from alcohol to other substances
    — The role childhood trauma and mental health play in shaping patterns
    — What it looked like for Brenna to encounter God personally
    — How depression and ongoing mental health struggles intersect with faith
    — Brenna’s experience with same-sex attraction and surrendering it to Christ
    — Why evangelical culture often leaves people to struggle in silence
    — What it looks like for the Church to hold both truth and grace
    — The difference between behavior change and real transformation
    — How sanctification actually plays out in everyday life

    Get Brenna's book: Can I Say That? How Unsafe Questions Lead Us to the Real God
    Follow Brenna: @bunonmyhead
    Invite Brenna to speak here
    Get addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org
    Follow me: @jonseidl
    Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
    Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0

    Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

    Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    1 hr 20 min
  • A Pastor's Confession: Andy Reveals His Secret Addiction, Affair, and How God Met Him in His Mess

    “I knew all the right things to say about Jesus, but I was living a completely different life when no one was looking.”

    That’s how Andy describes the reality of leading in the Church while quietly unraveling behind the scenes.

    Andy wasn’t just a Christian struggling in private—he was a pastor. He was preaching, leading, and helping others follow Jesus, all while hiding a life that didn’t match what people saw. Alcohol had a grip on him, but it didn’t stop there. What began as hidden drinking eventually gave way to deeper compromise, including an affair that would force everything into the light.

    In this episode, Andy walks through what it’s like to carry that kind of double life—not just the behaviors, but the weight of knowing the truth, teaching the truth, and still living in contradiction to it. There’s the pressure to maintain an image, the isolation that comes with secrecy, and the slow erosion of self that builds until there’s nowhere left to hide.

    He also brings us through the moment everything came to the light. The moment he thought would destroy him that actually became his door to freedom: his confession.

    He details what it was like to sit down with his wife and tell her everything—not just the drinking, but the affair. And he’s honest about the fear, the exposure, and the sense that everything he had built was about to collapse.

    And yet, he's also open about what happened after. The consequences, yes, but also the reality of how God met him and the freedom he experienced as a result of radical vulnerability. 

    Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here.

    We explore:

    — How you can know the truth about Jesus and still live a completely different life in secret
    — Why hidden addiction thrives in environments where image matters most
    — The quiet tension of leading spiritually while falling apart privately
    — How secrecy and isolation don’t just hide addiction—they feed it
    — Why behavior change alone never touches what’s really driving it
    — The deeper desires underneath addiction that rarely get addressed
    — What actually happens when everything finally comes into the light
    — Why confession feels like the end—but becomes the turning point
    — The difference between managing sin and being transformed at the root
    — How the Gospel confronts both what you do and what you love

    Follow Andy's Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple
    Get addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org
    Follow me: @jonseidl
    Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
    Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0

    Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

    Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    1 hr 39 min
  • Drunk Poets Society: Poet Amy Leigh Wicks on How Alcohol Stole More Than It Ever Delivered

    “Alcohol is not a kind or fair lover.”

    That’s how Amy Leigh Wicks describes the relationship that quietly shaped her life for years—one that didn’t always look chaotic from the outside, but was slowly taking more than it ever gave.

    Amy is a poet, professor, actor, and mom. But long before the PhD, the published poetry books, and the life she has now, there was a different story unfolding beneath the surface. One marked not by obvious addiction, but by a growing pattern she couldn’t fully explain—blackouts that “just happened,” nights that blurred together, and a relationship with alcohol that felt normal… until it wasn’t.

    In this conversation, Amy shares how alcohol crept into her life—not as rebellion, but as something that promised more. More life. More experience. More feeling. And for a while, it seemed to deliver. But over time, that “more” began to cost her clarity, presence, and ultimately, herself.

    That realization didn't come after a rock bottom. Instead, it came after a long period of sobriety. Years of it, in fact, where she gave up drinking to prove something—only to find that even while not imbibing alcohol still held a powerful place in her thoughts. That’s when the deeper question surfaced: not “how long can I go without drinking?” but “what kind of relationship is this, really?”

    What follows is a story not just about sobriety, but about identity. About learning to sit in discomfort instead of numbing it. About discovering that what feels like loss at first can actually be the doorway to a fuller, more integrated life. And ultimately, about a God who meets us not just in our sin, but in our pain, our confusion, and the places we don’t yet understand.

    If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship with something—alcohol or otherwise—is quietly shaping more of your life than you realize, this episode will resonate with you.

    Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here.

    We explore:

    — What it actually looks like when alcohol slowly becomes an “abusive relationship”
    — How blackouts and overdrinking can feel accidental—but reveal a deeper pattern
    — Why Amy never set out to numb pain, but simply wanted “more life”
    — The subtle ways alcohol can take more than it gives, even without a dramatic rock bottom
    — How a three-year “fast” exposed how much control alcohol still had on her mind
    — The difference between taking a break from drinking and actually changing your relationship with it
    — Why feeling pain again was uncomfortable—but ultimately necessary for healing
    — How early church experiences and disillusionment shaped her choices
    — The role of compassion in looking back on your story without excusing it
    — What it means to grow up emotionally and spiritually instead of escaping discomfort
    — Why true recovery is about integration, not just behavior change
    — How the Gospel speaks not only to sin, but to suffering, trauma, and healing

    Amy's books: Orange Juice and Rooftops and The Dangerous Country of Love and Marriage
    Amy's website
    Follow Amy: @amyleighwicks
    Get addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org
    Follow me: @jonseidl
    Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
    Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0

    Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

    Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    1 hr 13 min
  • The Identity Crisis We're All Facing: Jamie Winship on Fear, Finding our Identity, and His Own Alcohol Addiction

    “Most people don’t actually know who they are. And when you don’t know who you are, you will always live in fear.”

    What if your struggles with alcohol, food, or whatever else is tripping you up wasn't about the substance as much as it was about something below the surface you never would have put your finger on?

    Today's guest, Jamie Winship, has a pulse on what that "thing" is better than anyone I know. It's your identity, and Jamie is going to unpack today why our identity is so important not just for uncovering why we struggle, but just as important for figuring out where we go from here.

    And it all starts with a question: What are you most afraid of? 

    That question helps uncover your false identity, which is a sneaky lie that too many of us embrace.

    Jamie is a former police officer, conflict resolution expert, and the author of the book Living Fearless: Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God. And while that may not seem like a book about recovery, the truth is it was one of the most important books in my recovery. Because when I started unpacking the core of my issues, I found a lot of fear and identity issues. 

    That makes sense because, as Jamie surprisingly shares today, he actually struggled with his own alcohol addiction—something I never heard or realized until we started talking, and something he doesn't talk about often. 

    In this episode, we talk about why identity, how fear becomes the default motivator when identity is unclear, and why so many of us, even as Christians, end up living out of that fear without realizing it. He also walks through the difference between information and revelation, and why hearing truth about God isn’t the same thing as actually believing it at the level where change happens.

    I worked for almost a year to get Jamie on the podcast, and I can tell you this is one of the most important episodes we've ever recorded.

    If you’ve ever felt stuck in patterns you can’t explain, or frustrated that knowing the right things hasn’t led to lasting change, this episode will help you see why—and also give you a practical path to true and lasting freedom.

    Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here.

    We explore:

    — What it actually means to not know who you are and how that leads to fear-driven living
    — How identity confusion sits beneath struggles with alcohol, food, and other addictive patterns
    — Why fear becomes the default motivator when identity is unclear
    — The connection between fear, shame, and the behaviors we can’t seem to stop
    — The one question that exposes what’s really driving you
    — Why behavior change alone doesn’t lead to lasting transformation
    — The critical difference between information and revelation in the Christian life
    — Why hearing truth about God isn’t the same as believing it at a level that changes you
    — How lies about your identity quietly shape your decisions, relationships, and habits
    — What it looks like to begin living from truth instead of fear
    — How Jamie’s framework applies directly to addiction recovery and spiritual growth
    — Jamie’s personal story of alcohol addiction and how he was confronted about it
    — Why uncovering your true identity in Christ changes not just what you do, but how you live

    Jamie's book: Living Fearless: Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God
    Jamie's resources and courses: Identity Exchange
    Follow Jamie: @thejamiewinship
    Get addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org
    Follow me: @jonseidl
    Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
    Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0

    Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

    Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    1 hr 37 min
  • He Loved Jesus but Couldn’t Stop Drinking: How JP Graves Went from Hidden Addiction to True Freedom

    “You think you’re losing your best friend, but you’re gaining the ultimate friend in Jesus.”

    That’s how JP Graves describes what it felt like to walk away from alcohol. I felt that, too. Alcohol was always there for me no matter what. It told me I was right, it comforted me when I was wrong, and it always made it better—even if “better” was fleeting. When I gave it up, I had to grieve it. So did JP.

    On the outside, JP looked good. He loved Jesus. He was active in church. He had a career, a family, and a life that seemed normal and intact. But behind the scenes, alcohol had quietly become a constant. What started as freedom slowly turned into dependence.

    And then it got worse.

    By the end, JP wasn’t just drinking heavily—he was drinking all day. Vodka replaced beer. Ten drinks became twenty. His throat was so damaged he could barely swallow. He was hiding alcohol, living in deception, and drifting further from his wife and kids. And yet, he was still showing up to church.

    This episode doesn’t just explore addiction—it exposes the world that I and so many others have come to know: addiction that exists despite knowing and loving Jesus.

    We talk about the subtle ways church culture can blur the lines, how stress and isolation accelerated his drinking during COVID, and the moment everything finally broke—a heartbreaking story involving JP and his daughter’s baptism.

    That’s when the truth became unavoidable.

    What follows is not a story about behavior modification or quick fixes. It’s a story about surrender, confession, community, and what it actually looks like to find freedom—not just from alcohol, but from the deeper need to escape.

    If you’ve ever felt the tension of loving Jesus while still hiding something, this conversation will hit closer than you expect.

    Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here.

    We explore:

    — How a Christian can love Jesus and still quietly fall into addiction
    — The impact of church drinking culture and the misuse of Christian freedom
    — Why some people can’t “just have one” and what that reveals about the heart
    — How stress, career pressure, and COVID accelerated hidden addiction
    — The progression from casual drinking to full dependence and physical breakdown
    — The role of secrecy, deception, and compartmentalization in addiction
    — What rock bottom actually looked like for JP and the moment everything shifted
    — Why confession and community are essential to real recovery
    — The difference between behavior change and true Gospel-centered transformation
    — What it means to replace alcohol with something better—not just remove it

    Get resources and help: veritasrecovery.org
    Follow me: @jonseidl
    Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
    Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0

    Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

    Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    1 hr 23 min
  • When the Drinking Problem Doesn't Look Like a Problem: Heidi Mills on the Signs Alcohol Might Be an Issue

    “It was taking so much more of me than it was giving.”

    That’s how Heidi Mills describes her relationship with alcohol—and not in a dramatic, rock-bottom kind of way. In fact, that’s what makes her story so relatable. There wasn’t a single moment where everything fell apart. Instead, there was a long, quiet, up-and-down relationship with alcohol that looked normal on the outside but felt increasingly out of alignment on the inside.

    Heidi is a certified life and relationship coach and the founder of Reclaim and Soul Care 75, where she helps women pursue personal renewal. But for years, she found herself stuck in a cycle that many of us know too well—drifting in and out of drinking, convincing herself it was under control, and silencing the internal whisper that something wasn’t right.

    In this episode, Heidi shares how alcohol first entered her life as a teenager, how it faded during seasons of early motherhood and a faith awakening, and how it quietly re-entered in her 30s—this time dressed up as “normal” and even reinforced by church culture. In environments where drinking was accepted (sometimes even encouraged behind closed doors) it became easier to justify patterns that were slowly becoming more ingrained.

    Eventually, though, she began to see clearly that she was in an abusive relationship, not with a person but with a thing called alcohol. And it wasn't adding to her life but quietly taking from it.

    Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here.

    We explore:

    — How Heidi’s relationship with alcohol developed in cycles rather than a single breaking point
    — The role church drinking culture played in normalizing and reinforcing her habits
    — How alcohol became a coping mechanism for stress, anxiety, and relational pain
    — What cognitive dissonance looks like in everyday drinking patterns
    — How cultural messaging and marketing shape our beliefs about alcohol
    — Why “it’s under control” is often a warning sign, not reassurance
    — The moment Heidi began to recognize alcohol as a toxic relationship
    — What it looks like to slowly unravel the stories we believe about what alcohol does for us
    — The fear of losing community and connection when stepping away from drinking
    — How awareness—not willpower—is often the first step toward change
    — What it means to live in alignment with your convictions instead of numbing them

    Heidi's article: A Glass Half Empty: Leaving My Most Abusive Relationship
    Work with Heidi here.
    Heidi's Soul Care 75.
    Heidi's Substack newsletter: In the Waiting Room
    Follow me: @jonseidl
    Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
    Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0

    Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

    Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    57 min
  • Chronic Illness, Suffering, and the Idols We Don’t Recognize: Kimberly Phinney's Story of Perseverance

    “Suffering brings you to the end of yourself and you have to decide—do I love the Giver or do I love the gifts the most?”

    That realization didn’t come easily for Kimberly Phinney.

    It came after years of chasing the kinds of addictions people rarely call addictions at all—perfectionism, workaholism, people-pleasing, and the relentless drive to prove your worth. And it came after chronic illness stripped away the very things she once used to define herself and led to an unraveling.

    For Kimberly, that unraveling eventually led to a nervous breakdown in her twenties. But the story didn’t stop there.

    Years later she was diagnosed with severe stage-four endometriosis. What followed were multiple surgeries, catastrophic complications, sepsis, months of being bedridden, and the long process of learning how to walk again.

    In a short span of time, the things that once shaped her identity—productivity, professional success, physical strength, reputation—were stripped away. What remained forced her to confront a deeper question: when suffering removes the gifts we’ve relied on, do we still love the Giver?

    In this episode, Kimberly shares how perfectionism, anxiety, and eating disorders quietly shaped her early life, how chronic illness dismantled the idols she didn’t know she had built, and how suffering became the place where her faith was both tested and deepened.

    If you’ve ever wrestled with perfectionism, self-reliance, the "shiny" addictions as Kimberly calls them, chronic illness, shame, or the tension between faith and suffering, this conversation is an honest look at what it means to keep trusting God when he's all you have to hold on to.

    Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here.

    We explore:

    — The “shiny addictions” that often hide behind success, including perfectionism, workaholism, people-pleasing, and control
    — How trauma, anxiety, and identity wounds can quietly build toward a mental health crisis
    — Why socially acceptable addictions can be just as destructive as substance addictions
    — The devastating physical toll of severe stage-four endometriosis and chronic illness
    — What happens when suffering strips away productivity, independence, and reputation
    — The connection between shame, secrecy, and healing
    — How chronic illness exposed the idols Kimberly did not realize she had built
    — Why suffering can deepen faith instead of destroying it
    — What it means to love the Giver more than the gifts

    Get Kimberley's books: Of Wings and Dirt and Exalted Ground
    The website: The Way Back to Ourselves
    Kimberly's Substack newsletter: My Way Back
    Follow her on Instagram
    Follow me: @jonseidl
    Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
    Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0

    Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/

    Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

    1 hr 11 min

About Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl

From the publisher's feed

Jon Seidl is the bestselling Christian author who became an alcoholic, not the other way around. It's usually the other way around. Or is it? "Confessions of a Christian alcoholic" (based on the…

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