Divorce Happens

No one hands you a roadmap when your marriage ends. You're expected to make some of the biggest legal, financial, and emotional decisions of your life at the exact moment you have the least capacity to make them — and most of us walk in completely unprepared. That's the gap Ron Platt set out to close. In this practical, reassuring episode of Divorce Happens, we hear from Ron Platt, co-founder and CEO of NASDF — the National Association for Single and Divorced Families — for five fresh, foundational tips to help you prepare for divorce and walk out the other side standing on steadier ground. With more than 35 years across insurance, real estate, and social advocacy, and lived experience as a foster parent who later adopted his son, Ron built NASDF to be the resource he wished every divorcing family had: an umbrella of vetted support, services, and community for people before, during, and long after the paperwork is signed.

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🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

You already know. You just aren't ready to say it out loud yet. If you're living in that quiet, heavy, terrifying place — the one where the knowledge sits in your chest and doesn't go away — this solo episode of Divorce Happens was made for you. Olivia Howell names one of the most common and least talked-about experiences in the entire divorce process: the in-between space before anything is official, before anyone else knows, before you've even fully admitted it to yourself. It's Googling at midnight and clearing your history. It's crying in the car and then walking inside to make dinner like nothing happened. It's knowing and not-knowing at the same time, because fully knowing would mean having to do something — and you're not there yet. Olivia says the thing so many people carry in silence out loud: that space is real, and it deserves to be taken seriously.

From there, the episode does the gentle, necessary work of separating two things we tend to confuse — knowing your marriage is over, and being ready to leave. So many people walking through divorce say they knew long before they spoke, sometimes for months, sometimes for years, and they carry deep shame about that gap, as if staying after they knew makes them weak, dishonest, or complicit in their own unhappiness. Olivia pushes back on that hard. Knowing is not the same as being ready, and being ready takes time for reasons that are completely legitimate: waiting until the kids are older, until the finances are steadier, until enough therapy has helped you trust what you feel. The reframe at the heart of this episode is that the waiting is not wasted. In that in-between place your nervous system is preparing and your mind is quietly building the architecture of a different life. The gap between knowing and saying isn't a failure — for most people, it's a necessary part of the process.

The episode also names something tender but important: there's a version of “not ready” that is a season, and a version that becomes a cage — and only you know which one you're in. If the weight is starting to crush you, if you're disappearing inside your own life, that's worth paying attention to, not because you have to act today, but because you deserve support in that place, not just solitude. The actionable takeaway is freeing: telling one trusted person, a therapist, or a divorce coach doesn't commit you to anything. It simply means you're not carrying it completely alone anymore — and there is real relief in that, even before anything changes. If you're contemplating divorce, deciding whether to leave, or just beginning to imagine starting over after divorce, this is your reminder that you are not behind, not broken, and not failing your family. You are moving at the pace that feels survivable to you. And when you're ready — tomorrow or two years from now — the words will come.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

There’s a strange, in-between place that almost no one warns you about when your marriage ends. You’re no longer who you were — but you’re not yet who you’re becoming. As one therapist put it to this week’s guest during her own divorce, you’re “somewhere in between.” In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell sits down with Fresh Starts expert Bridget Borel, CFP®, CDFA® — a Certified Financial Planner, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, and founder of Clairwell Financial Planning — to talk about the identity shift at the heart of divorce, and how to rebuild not just your bank account, but your sense of self. Bridget brings a rare double lens to the conversation: she has lived this transition personally and now guides clients through it professionally, which means she speaks about the rattling, disorienting middle of divorce with both clinical clarity and genuine warmth.

What makes this conversation land is Bridget’s refusal to sugarcoat paired with her stubborn hope. She tells new clients the truth — it’s going to hurt, and it’s going to take longer than you think it should — and then she holds the other half just as firmly: it won’t last forever, you will get through this, and you don’t have to do it alone. She describes the “arc of the divorce experience,” watching clients move from the raw, emotional early days to suddenly booking an adventure trip or launching a business once the dust settles. The takeaway for listeners is both a mindset and a method: you are allowed to become a new person, and you can get there in baby steps — one new skill, one small financial win, one healthier conversation at a time. Whether you’re considering divorce, in the thick of it, or rebuilding on the other side, this is a grounding, hopeful listen about financial confidence, rediscovering your identity, and truly starting over after divorce.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

The divorce process is one of the most life-changing things a person can go through — and somehow it’s still one of the most chaotic, confusing, and expensive. That’s exactly the problem that pulled tech founder Ryan Carson off the sidelines. A serial entrepreneur with 25 years in the tech world and three companies behind him, Ryan watched two of his three sisters — the people he calls his best friends — walk into brutal, costly divorces with almost no guidance except an attorney and a stack of baffling forms. Having grown up a child of divorce himself, he found it shocking how old-fashioned and disorganized the whole process still was. So he did what builders do: he started reading every divorce book in the library and asked a simple question — could technology and AI make this more humane and far more affordable without taking the humans out of it? The answer became Untangle, the AI divorce assistant, and the wisdom he’s gathered building it is the heart of this episode.

What makes this conversation genuinely useful is how practical Ryan gets. He’s candid that Untangle pivoted — it started as a low-cost guide for people representing themselves and now powers the discovery process for law firms through its AI agent, “Grace” — but he hasn’t stopped caring about the person sitting at the kitchen table at midnight, terrified and overwhelmed. His advice for anyone navigating divorce is refreshingly concrete: treat AI as a new tool in your divorce toolbox. “This is like the internet in 1999,” he tells Olivia — something everyone is going to learn to use. Pick an assistant you’re comfortable with, pay the modest monthly fee for the smarter models, and start using it to prepare: ask what financial documents you should be gathering, get plain-English definitions for the confusing legal and Latin terms in your paperwork, and surface the questions you didn’t even know to ask. The crucial caveat he repeats is one every listener should hear: you can’t trust AI out of the box for the correct forms or numbers — it’s a guide that helps you walk into your attorney or divorce coach better prepared, not a replacement for professional advice.

Underneath the tech talk, this episode is really a love letter from a brother. When Olivia asks for his words of encouragement, Ryan doesn’t reach for a product pitch — he thinks about his sisters. He watched them go through the hardest seasons of their lives, and he’s watched them come out the other side happier, healthier, more successful, and, in his words, even more alive. “They made it,” he says, “and you will get there.” That’s the mindset shift this episode offers: you don’t have to walk into divorce unarmed or alone, and the version of your life waiting on the other side can be brighter than the one you’re leaving. The takeaways are simple and immediately usable — lean on AI to prepare and ask better questions, gather your financial picture before you need it, and remember that knowledge and the right tools turn an overwhelming process into something survivable. For listeners in Connecticut (and the attorneys who serve them), Untangle is at untangle.us. For everyone else, the encouragement travels just fine: turn the lemon into lemonade, one tool at a time.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

If you’re standing at the edge of a divorce right now, convinced the life waiting on the other side looks bleak and empty — this is the episode that turns the lights back on. Olivia Howell welcomes back author Betsy Cornwell, a New York Times bestselling novelist, memoirist, and divorced single mom who left an abusive marriage and rebuilt her entire life on the wild western coast of Ireland. Betsy has written six novels and the luminous new memoir Ring of Salt, which traces her journey from fleeing home with her infant son to crowdfunding and restoring a derelict knitting factory in Connemara into a sanctuary for herself and other single parents. But the line that stops you cold comes early in the conversation: “Divorce can be a portal to joy.” For a woman raised to believe divorce was a mortal sin, that sentence took years of unlearning — and now she offers it to anyone in the thick of the decision as both a lifeline and a promise that there is magic on the other side you simply cannot imagine from where you’re standing.

The heart of this episode is a story of radical reinvention. After leaving her marriage, Betsy was briefly homeless, navigating a housing crisis as a low-income, self-employed immigrant single mother who had all but given up the dream of owning a home. It was a survivors’ support group that lit the way — and out of that fragile hope, she crowdfunded a historic knitting factory and turned it into both a home for her and her son and a fully funded arts-and-rest residency for fellow single parents. Her advice for anyone navigating divorce is refreshingly concrete: find your people. Seek out others walking the same road, and reach out to a domestic abuse center even — especially — if you’ve never been physically hurt but sense that something in your relationship is off. You will be listened to, believed, and supported. Whether you’re newly separated, deep in the loneliness of starting over, or quietly wondering if you’re allowed to want more, this conversation is living proof that life after divorce can hold more joy than the life you’re leaving behind. Find your coven. Face the sun together.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

There is a particular kind of gaslighting that is almost impossible to name while you’re inside it — the kind where someone spends years convincing you that you can’t survive without them, and you believe it so completely that leaving feels less like freedom and more like stepping off a ledge. That was Kelly Sundberg’s reality before her divorce. Her ex-husband had her convinced she was incompetent — that she couldn’t parent alone, that she couldn’t care for herself, that without him, she would fall apart. What happened instead was that she left, earned a PhD, raised her son to 80% custody with extraordinary closeness, wrote two celebrated books about surviving domestic violence and healing after trauma, got remarried to someone who met her as a whole person and loved her that way, and became one of the most important voices in the conversation about why women stay in abusive marriages. In this warm, luminous episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell sits down with Kelly for a conversation that is equal parts literary and deeply, disarmingly human.

Kelly’s first book, Goodbye, Sweet Girl, told the story of her marriage and why she stayed as long as she did. Her second, The Answer Is in the Wound — published through Roxane Gay Books — is a hybrid essay collection and memoir about what comes after: surviving PTSD, reclaiming identity after coercive control, learning to be alone, single parenting, and slowly, improbably, learning to love again. She talks in this episode about what surprised her most after leaving: not how hard it was to be a single mother, but how much easier it was than being married to someone whose presence was itself a burden. She had been carrying his emotional weight, managing his moods, parenting him alongside their son — and she hadn’t even known it. The relief of her own home, her own decisions, her own mess, her own peace, was something she genuinely hadn’t anticipated. Her time as a single parent, she says, was her favorite season of motherhood.

But the moment that might stop listeners in their tracks comes when Kelly talks about codependency — and offers one of the most quietly stunning reframes in recent Divorce Happens memory. She describes how those old codependent impulses surfaced when she started dating the man she would eventually marry. And then she says this: they had nowhere to go. Her partner, eight years younger and emotionally grounded, had no interest in being managed, fixed, or rescued. Her need to caretake had no foothold. And so it faded. For anyone who has ever feared that their patterns will follow them into their next relationship, Kelly’s story is both a warning and a profound piece of hope: the right person isn’t someone who accommodates your old wounds. They’re someone whose presence simply doesn’t feed them. This episode is a gift for anyone surviving domestic violence, healing after an abusive relationship, or trying to believe that a full, joyful, loving life is still waiting on the other side of the hardest thing they’ve ever done.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

What questions should you actually ask at your first divorce attorney consultation? In this solo episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia answers a listener letter from someone terrified she'll sit through her first consult, nod along, and walk out without asking a single thing that mattered — then spend three days replaying everything she wishes she'd said.

If that fear sounds familiar, you're not failing. That blank-brain overwhelm is what shock does to all of us in that room. So Olivia hands you the cheat sheet: the exact questions to ask a divorce lawyer, the ones too many people only think of afterward, and the single most important thing to pay attention to that has nothing to do with the law. This is the divorce consultation prep you wish someone had handed you before you walked in, so you leave with real information instead of regret.

THE QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR DIVORCE ATTORNEY (COVERED IN THIS EPISODE):

What's your experience with cases like mine, specifically? How to tell whether an attorney has handled your kind of divorce, whether that's high-conflict custody, hidden or controlled finances, business and self-employment assets, or interstate situations.

What is your communication style, and who will actually work on my case? How to avoid hiring an attorney and then hearing only from a paralegal for six months.

How exactly do you charge, and what burns through a retainer faster than people expect? Understanding divorce attorney fees, retainers, and hourly rates before you're emotionally deep in the process.

What's your approach, and does it match what I need? How to tell whether an attorney is litigation-minded, negotiation-first, or mediation-focused, and which is right for your situation.

What are the biggest mistakes people make early in a divorce? The proactive warnings a good attorney gives you up front, about money, documentation, and social media.

What does a good outcome actually look like for someone in my situation? Why their answer reveals whether they truly listened, and whether your expectations are aligned.

The gut-check that matters most: how does this attorney make you feel in the room? Why trusting your instinct about a divorce lawyer is data, not emotion.

Plus: why shopping around for two or three attorneys before you commit isn't indecisive, it's smart.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

What do you do in the first 24 hours after your spouse says they're leaving? In this solo "Hey Olivia" episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell answers a letter from a woman who was standing at the stove making dinner when her husband walked in, told her he wants "a new life," and said she could keep the kids and the house. She hasn't cried yet. She thinks she's in shock. And she just needs someone to tell her what to do first. If you've been blindsided by divorce and can't think straight, this episode is for you.

Olivia walks through exactly what matters in the first 24 to 48 hours after being blindsided — starting with the most important truth: nothing your spouse said in that moment is legally decided, final, or binding. She covers why shock is your nervous system protecting you (not weakness), why tonight's only job is getting through tonight, and the concrete first steps that protect you: tell one safe person, don't agree to or sign anything, start documenting what was said, and keep things simple and loving with the kids. And she offers a reframe for the hardest part — the words "a new life" — reminding you that a spouse's choice to leave is information about him, not a verdict on your worth.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why that strange, blank "calm" after a blindside is shock — and exactly what your nervous system is doing
• Why nothing your spouse said in the moment ("you can have the kids and the house") is a legal agreement or final decision
• The single most important rule tonight: make no decisions and sign nothing
• Telling one safe person and why you need a witness right now
• How to start documenting what was said — simply, in a notes app, dated
• What to say to your kids in hour one when you don't have answers yet
• The reframe for "he wants a new life": his restlessness lives with him, not with you
• Why the 2am spiral isn't the full truth — and who to lean on (a divorce coach, therapist, and attorney) instead

ABOUT DIVORCE HAPPENS:

Divorce Happens is a podcast supporting people before, during, and after divorce, hosted by Olivia Howell. The show runs on one belief: divorce is not a failure, and it carries no shame. Through honest guest conversations and solo "Hey Olivia" episodes answering listener questions, Olivia offers real tools, real comfort, and the reminder that you're so much further along than you think.

SUPPORT & RESOURCES:

In the first days after a blindside, you don't have to sort anything out alone. A trusted friend or family member can be a witness while you find your footing. When you're ready for the practical pieces, a divorce coach can help you prepare and stay steady, a therapist can hold space for the grief and shock, and a family law attorney can tell you where you actually stand legally — so the big decisions get made with good information, not in the middle of hour one.

LISTEN & FOLLOW:

If this episode helped you, follow Divorce Happens on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone who's in the very first hours of this right now. You are seen, and you are doing an incredible job. 💙

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

How do you heal from a divorce when there's no villain — when you both still love each other and simply grew apart? In this solo "Hey Olivia" episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell answers a letter from a listener ending a marriage with no betrayal, no blowup, and real care still between them. They share a child, they can still show up for each other, and she wants to know: how do you stay connected as co-parents while creating enough distance to actually heal? If you're grieving an amicable divorce that looks "good" on paper but still aches, this episode is for you.

Olivia names what so few people say out loud: an amicable divorce can be one of the hardest versions there is, because the grief is quieter and lonelier when there's no anger to propel you forward. She offers a reframe that changes everything — you're not ending the relationship, you're changing its form — and walks through what healthy distance really means: not coldness, but structure. From "business-warm" co-parenting communication to protecting breathing room around the parts of life that aren't about your child, this is a tender, practical guide to mourning the marriage while building the new relationship that comes next.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why an amicable divorce with love still in it can be harder, not easier, to grieve
• Giving yourself permission to mourn a "good" divorce no one else fully understands
• What's happening in your nervous system when closeness feels natural and also keeps the wound open
• The central reframe: you're not ending the relationship, you're changing its form
• Why grief and rightness can coexist — it's allowed to be sad even when it's the right call
• What healing distance actually means: structure, not coldness
• "Business-warm" co-parenting and using a shared calendar or co-parenting app so every message isn't an emotional doorway
• The question to ask on the hard nights instead of "did we make a mistake?"

ABOUT DIVORCE HAPPENS:

Divorce Happens is a podcast supporting people before, during, and after divorce, hosted by Olivia Howell. The show runs on one belief: divorce is not a failure, and it carries no shame. Through honest guest conversations and solo "Hey Olivia" episodes answering listener questions, Olivia offers real tools, real comfort, and the reminder that you're so much further along than you think.

SUPPORT & RESOURCES:

Grieving a relationship you still care about is its own kind of work, and you don't have to do it alone. A therapist can hold space for the quieter grief that comes with an amicable split, and a divorce coach can help you build "business-warm" co-parenting structures and the healthy distance you need to move forward. A shared calendar or co-parenting app can keep logistics in one place, so day-to-day messages stay focused and don't reopen the wound.

LISTEN & FOLLOW:

If this episode helped you, follow Divorce Happens on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone navigating a loving, amicable split right now. You are seen, and you are doing an incredible job. 💙

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

Nobody warns you that the divorce itself might be the easy part. For Courtney Gilmartin, a New Jersey mom who started her divorce journey nearly a decade ago, the 13-month dissolution of her marriage was just the opening chapter of a much longer, harder story — one that wound through post-judgment litigation, forensic custody evaluations, parenting coordinators, and years of fighting a family court system that moves nothing like the urgent, life-disrupting pace of the people trapped inside it. In this raw and remarkably practical episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell sits down with Courtney to talk about what high-conflict divorce really looks like from the inside: the emotional toll, the strategic survival, and the hard-won wisdom that comes from living it. Courtney is now the founder of NJ Protective Moms, a grassroots nonprofit focused on family court advocacy and coercive control legislation, and runs Monarch Consulting Group, where she helps women prepare for custody evaluations and complex litigation. She is living proof that the mess can become a mission.

What makes this conversation so valuable is the way Courtney refuses to let the emotional and the strategic stay separate — because in high-conflict divorce, they can't be. She talks honestly about how she survived years of post-settlement chaos: the near fifty-fifty custody schedule that left her with empty weekends that felt more like exile than freedom, the way exercise — walking, Pilates, lifting weights, hot yoga — became less a wellness habit and more a lifeline. She shares one of the most useful reframes in the episode: that every professional in your case, even the ones who seem unhelpful or frustrating, can serve a strategic purpose if you approach them with the right lens. A co-parenting therapist who can’t move the needle with your ex isn’t a failure — they’re evidence. A parenting coordinator whose recommendations aren’t being followed isn’t useless — they’re documentation. In high-conflict co-parenting situations, Courtney argues, the question is never just “is this helping me emotionally?” but “how does this build my case?”

The episode closes on something that feels both practical and deeply human: the power of documentation in family court proceedings. Courtney is emphatic — your case is only as strong as your evidence. Keep records. Organize everything. Not because someone will necessarily look at it tomorrow, but because when they do, you want to walk in with credibility rather than chaos. And then she offers something softer: a reminder that you are not on anyone’s timeline but your own. Whether you’re just beginning to consider leaving, waiting until the kids are older, or trying to find your footing after years of post-divorce litigation, the pressure to move faster than you’re ready to is one more thing you don’t owe anyone. Courtney’s story is a testament to what women can build out of their hardest seasons — not in spite of them, but because of them.