Divorce Happens

How do you answer your kids' questions about divorce when you're barely holding yourself together? In this solo "Hey Olivia" episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell answers a letter from a parent whose kids seemed "fine" when they first heard about the divorce — and are now flooding her with questions. Where will I sleep? Will I still see my friends? Do you still love each other? Is it my fault? If you've already told your kids about the divorce and the questions won't stop, this episode is the steadying guide you've been looking for.

Olivia explains why that "fine in the moment" reaction is textbook child psychology, why the wave of questions is actually a sign of trust, and the three things your kids truly need to hear — repeated as often as they need them. She shares a skill that changes how these conversations feel: listening for the question underneath the question, and answering the fear instead of the surface. And she talks honestly about you — how to stay emotionally present for your children while you're grieving too, without having to be perfect or have a script ready for every hard moment.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why kids often seem "too okay" at first — and why the questions come later
• How the flood of questions is a sign of trust and attachment, not a sign you got it wrong
• The three anchors every child needs to hear: this is not your fault, you'll be loved and cared for by both of us, you'll always have a home
• Why "I don't know yet, but we're working on it" is an honest, appropriate answer
• The skill of listening for the question underneath the question — and answering the fear beneath it
• How to directly and completely address "Is this my fault?" — even before they ask it out loud
• Giving yourself permission to say "Let me think about that and come back to you"
• Modeling emotional honesty without oversharing — and why a little realness helps
• Practical anchors for this season: routines, timing, and when a child therapist can help

ABOUT DIVORCE HAPPENS:

Divorce Happens is a podcast supporting people before, during, and after divorce, hosted by Olivia Howell. The show runs on one belief: divorce is not a failure, and it carries no shame. Through honest guest conversations and solo "Hey Olivia" episodes answering listener questions, Olivia offers real tools, real comfort, and the reminder that you're so much further along than you think.

SUPPORT & RESOURCES:

If your kids are working through a lot right now, a few sessions with a child therapist can give them one warm, neutral adult who is entirely in their corner — not because anything is wrong, but because support helps. And give yourself somewhere to put your own grief too: a therapist, a divorce coach, or a trusted friend can hold space for you while you hold space for them.

LISTEN & FOLLOW:

If this episode helped you, follow Divorce Happens on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen, leave a rating or review, and share it with a parent who's fielding the same hard questions right now. You are seen, and you are doing an incredible job. 💙

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

How do you tell your kids you're getting divorced when your co-parent wants to blame you for it? In this solo "Hey Olivia" episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell answers a letter from a mom whose ex plans to tell their five- and seven-year-old that Mommy broke up the family — and who yells every time she tries to talk about doing it differently. If you're terrified of how the other parent might frame your divorce in front of the kids, this one is for you.

Olivia explains why telling young children that one parent "broke up the family" is genuinely harmful, then walks through a calm, doable plan for telling kids about divorce in a high-conflict co-parenting situation: how to ask for a neutral third party in the room, the non-accusatory request to put in writing first, the simple and united words to say to your kids, and what to do if your co-parent says something hurtful anyway. The heart of it: you may not be able to control what your ex says, but you are never powerless — and being the steady, safe parent is more powerful than winning any single moment.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why "breaking up the family" language harms kids — the developmental reason it sticks
• The simple, united story children actually need when parents divorce
• How to ask for a family therapist, co-parenting counselor, or mediator to be present
• The short, non-accusatory message to send in writing before the conversation (and why a record matters)
• Exactly what to say to your kids — clear, age-appropriate language you can use today
• How to respond in the moment if your co-parent assigns blame, without escalating in front of the kids
• When to bring in a co-parenting therapist, divorce child specialist, or divorce coach

ABOUT DIVORCE HAPPENS:

Divorce Happens is a podcast supporting people before, during, and after divorce, hosted by Olivia Howell. The show runs on one belief: divorce is not a failure, and it carries no shame. Through honest guest conversations and solo "Hey Olivia" episodes answering listener questions, Olivia offers real tools, real comfort, and the reminder that you're so much further along than you think.

LISTEN & FOLLOW:

If this episode helped you, follow Divorce Happens on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen, leave a rating or review, and share it with a parent who needs it before they sit their kids down. You are seen, and you are doing an incredible job. 💙

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

What happens when you get married at 22, divorced by 27, and have to figure out who you actually are for the very first time — as a fully formed adult? That’s the question at the heart of this week’s episode of Divorce Happens, and it’s one that Sarah Vacchiano has spent the last decade not just living, but writing. Sarah is a Los Angeles-based entertainment lawyer, a first-time author, and the mother of a four-year-old — and her debut novel, Soft Launch: A Coming of Adulthood Story, is the kind of book the divorce recovery space has been quietly waiting for. Part roman à clef, part fresh start manifesto, Soft Launch follows a young woman navigating her first year after divorce in New York City, and the story is drawn unmistakably from Sarah’s own life. In this conversation with host Olivia Howell, Sarah opens up about why she wrote it, what she learned from her early divorce, and why “coming of adulthood” — not “coming of age” — was the only framework that fit.

This episode is for anyone who has ever felt too young to be divorced, too old to be starting over, or too ashamed of a decision that was actually the bravest thing they ever did. Sarah and Olivia talk about the importance of representation in divorce media, the way childhood experiences shape the relationships we choose, and what it means to “live your way into the answer” — a Rainer Maria Rilke quote that Sarah has carried through her entire post-divorce journey. And for listeners who love a great beach read with emotional depth, Soft Launch is exactly the kind of divorce novel that makes you feel seen and hopeful at the same time. The takeaway isn’t just about surviving divorce in your 20s or starting fresh after marriage — it’s about giving yourself permission to become someone new, even if it’s uncomfortable, even if it’s messy, even if it takes ten years to write the book.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

Nobody warns you, when you're in the thick of a divorce, that the financial fallout doesn't end with the settlement. There are tuition bills on the horizon, FAFSA forms with your ex's name on them, and a whole new layer of negotiation you never saw coming. In this episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell sits down with Vicki Vollweiler — founder of College Financial Prep, divorced mom, and former divorce coach turned college financial strategist — to talk about the conversation no one is having in the mediator's office: how to plan for your child's college education when you're navigating co-parenting, conflict, and completely separate households. Vicki brings a rare combination of personal lived experience and professional expertise to a topic that sits squarely at the intersection of divorce recovery and long-term financial planning for single parents.

What makes this episode so essential is the specificity Vicki brings to a subject that most divorcing parents simply don't know to ask about. She explains why including college planning language in your divorce agreement — even when your kids are toddlers — could save you years of legal headaches and thousands of dollars down the road. She walks through the FAFSA process and why the custody arrangement in your divorce decree can significantly impact how much financial aid your child qualifies for. She shares real client stories: a parent escaping a domestic violence situation whose child ended up attending an Ivy League school for free, and co-parents who couldn't stand to be in the same Zoom room but still managed to save tens of thousands on tuition for their twins. Vicki is also refreshingly honest about the emotional labor involved — sometimes her work is less about spreadsheets and more about helping one parent understand why the other is digging their heels in.

The takeaway listeners will carry out of this episode is both practical and genuinely hopeful: you don't have to figure this out alone, and you don't have to wait until your kids are in high school to start. Whether you're newly separated, mid-mediation, or years into co-parenting and wondering how you're going to handle the college conversation with your ex, Vicki's framework offers a clear path forward. She works with families across the country — from Medicaid households to high-net-worth clients — and her message is consistent: with the right strategy, college financial planning after divorce doesn't have to be a battleground. It can actually be a rare win-win for both parents. And after everything divorce puts families through, that kind of win is worth paying attention to.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

She was lying on the ground in Thailand, her husband having just shoved her in public, not knowing if her neck was broken, her arm was broken — knowing only that her heart was. In that moment, journalist, traveler, and diver Lisa Niver could not have imagined that the next chapter of her life would take her skydiving, mountain biking down a ski run in Lake Tahoe, and scuba diving with bull sharks in Mexico. She could not have imagined that she would turn 50 on the other side of all that pain — freer, braver, and more herself than she had ever been. But that is exactly what happened.

Lisa is the author of Brave-ish: One Breakup, Six Continents, and Feeling Fearless After 50 — a memoir that begins on the worst day of her life and traces the extraordinary journey that followed. After returning to Los Angeles alone from Asia, Lisa threw herself into the unknown: therapy, a gym with pole dancing and burlesque classes, an undiagnosed eye condition finally identified and corrected, and eventually, 50 challenges she set for herself before turning 50. Along the way, she discovered something that quietly changed everything — that bravery isn't a trait you're born with or without. It's not a light switch that's either on or off. It's exposure. It's support. It's showing up to shark school in the morning so you can go into the water in the afternoon. Lisa had spent years believing she was the kind of person who wasn't brave. Divorce, and everything that came after it, proved her wrong.

This episode is for anyone who has ever stood at the wreckage of something they thought would last forever and wondered if they would ever laugh again, travel again, feel like themselves again. Lisa's answer — generous, funny, and hard-won — is yes. It gets better. And sometimes the path through is not the one you planned, but the one that asks you to try something you never thought you could do. You don't have to write the next chapter. You just have to turn the page.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

There is a moment — quiet, uncomfortable, impossible to unhear — when you realize the marriage you’re in isn’t the marriage you thought you were building. For D’Ionna Washington, that moment came just one year into her first marriage. Instead of suppressing it, she eventually did what so few women feel permitted to do: she left. And then she wrote the book about it. In this candid, fire-lit conversation on Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell sits down with D’Ionna — relationship coach, author, and the woman behind the powerfully named brand The Kept Wife Strategist — to talk about her debut book Break Up Now: Releasing the Shame of Divorce and Finding the Peace in Letting Go. D’Ionna brings over a decade of coaching experience, a faith deconstruction journey, and a deeply personal story of divorce and remarriage to a conversation about one of the most taboo questions in relationships: what if you knew early and stayed anyway?

The emotional core of this episode lives in a story D’Ionna shares about her mother — a woman who stayed married for 23 years after knowing, within the first year, that it wasn’t working. That revelation cracked D’Ionna open. Suddenly she saw the pattern everywhere: women who knew, stayed silent, and spent decades managing a life that was slowly wearing them down. Her book is the answer to that pattern — a clear-eyed, shame-free argument that leaving sooner is not a failure but an act of radical self-respect. She and Olivia dig into the real reasons women stay: kids, sunk costs, religious conditioning, the fear of starting over after divorce. And D’Ionna doesn’t just validate those reasons — she dismantles them with the kind of direct, loving honesty that can only come from someone who’s lived it. Her most powerful reframe? Every year you don’t leave, it gets harder. The investment grows. The exit shrinks. If the writing is on the wall, break up now.

But this episode isn’t just about leaving — it’s about what happens after you do. D’Ionna is four years out from her divorce and three years into a remarriage she describes as full of ease, peace, and genuine elevation. Her path there wasn’t through bitterness or blame — it was through radical accountability. Not the kind that absolves the other person of their wrongs, but the kind that asks: how did I get here, what was I ignoring, and what do I need to change about myself before I let someone new into my life? For listeners navigating divorce recovery, healing after a bad marriage, or wondering whether they have what it takes to start over, this episode is both permission and roadmap. D’Ionna’s message is clear: you don’t leave one hard situation to settle for a little relief. You rebuild yourself so completely that the next person has to add to an already beautiful life — not rescue you from a broken one.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

If you’ve ever sat with the thought of leaving an emotionally abusive relationship and felt, instead of relief, a wave of guilt — this episode is for you. Not the guilt of someone who is doing something wrong. The guilt of someone who has been so thoroughly conditioned to put themselves last that the simple act of imagining their own freedom feels like a betrayal. In this deeply compassionate and psychologically grounded solo episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell names that specific, gut-wrenching feeling and does something more valuable than tell you to push past it: she explains exactly where it comes from. Because understanding the source of the guilt — really understanding it — is what begins to loosen its grip.

Olivia walks through two of the most important and most misunderstood psychological realities of emotionally abusive relationships. The first: that the guilt survivors feel when they consider leaving is not their conscience speaking. It is the abuse speaking. Emotional abuse works, in part, by systematically training its target to feel responsible for the abuser’s feelings, reactions, and pain — so that any act of self-prioritization triggers shame. The second: trauma bonding. Olivia explains in clear, accessible terms why the brain forms a powerful attachment to an abusive partner through cycles of tension, cruelty, and relief — and why knowing a relationship is harmful is entirely compatible with feeling an overwhelming pull to stay. Both of these frameworks offer the same thing: not an excuse, but an explanation. And explanations, offered with warmth and without judgment, have the power to change everything.

The episode closes with the section that will hit hardest for parents: the guilt about the children. Olivia speaks directly and without hedging to the mothers who are staying, or hesitating, because of their kids — and offers the clearest possible reframe: children do not need their parents to stay together. They need their parents to be safe and present. And a parent being worn down by emotional abuse cannot be fully present, no matter how hard they try. This is not a comfortable thing to hear. It is a true thing. And the women who need to hear it most are the ones this episode is for. If you are anywhere on the spectrum of considering leaving an emotionally abusive marriage — the questioning stage, the terrified stage, the almost-ready stage — this episode will make you feel less alone, more understood, and a little more certain that what you are feeling is not proof that you are wrong.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

What if the end of your marriage deserved a party? Not in spite of how hard it was — but because of it. In this joyful, irreverent, and unexpectedly moving solo episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell makes the full-throated, unapologetic case for divorce parties — and why throwing one might be one of the most psychologically meaningful things you can do for yourself after divorce. This is the episode that will make you laugh, maybe tear up a little, and then immediately start texting your best friend about a date. It’s fun. It’s real. And it makes a genuinely compelling argument that the way we treat the end of a marriage says everything about how we value the people inside it.

Olivia opens by dismantling the cultural shame that tells us divorce is something to be gotten through quietly — moved past quickly, spoken about in hushed tones, survived rather than celebrated. She reframes divorce as what it actually is: a decision. Often one of the bravest, most self-aware decisions a person will ever make. And she draws a sharp, clarifying parallel: we throw parties for graduations, new jobs, babies, retirements — every major life transition where one chapter closes and another begins. Divorce is all of that. It is frequently the most significant transition of a person’s adult life. So why, she asks, would we not mark it? From there, she gets into the real psychology of ritual — why ceremony matters, what it does for your nervous system and your sense of self, and why skipping the ritual often means skipping the processing. A divorce party, in whatever form it takes, is a way of planting a flag: I made it through that. I’m still here.

The episode closes with something that hits harder than you might expect from a conversation about parties: an invitation to stop waiting until you’ve fully healed, until everything is figured out, until the new life is all lined up perfectly. Olivia’s argument is that you deserve to be celebrated now — in the middle of the rebuilding, on the other side of the hardest part, exactly as you are. From a low-key dinner with the three people who held you together, to a weekend trip somewhere you always wanted to go, to a full-on night out in a dress you feel incredible in — every version counts. Every version is right. This episode is a permission slip, a toast, and a love letter to everyone who made it through.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

There is a particular kind of loneliness that lives inside a marriage that has gone quiet — where you’ve been having the conversation about separating entirely in your own head for weeks or months, but haven’t said a single word of it out loud. Not because you don’t know what you feel. But because you genuinely don’t know how to start — especially when real communication between you and your spouse has all but disappeared. In this solo episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell sits with that exact moment and offers something rare: not a to-do list, but a deeply compassionate and practically useful framework for what it actually takes to crack open that silence.

Olivia begins with the reframe that changes everything: when communication breaks down in a marriage, it isn’t laziness or weakness that keeps the hard conversations from happening. It’s a nervous system doing its job — protecting you from a pattern that has taught you, over and over, that bringing things up leads somewhere painful. Understanding that is the first step toward finding the conditions that make the conversation possible rather than impossible. From there, she walks through how to start small — not with the full weight of the word “divorce,” but with a single honest sentence that opens a door rather than detonates a bomb. She covers when and where to have this conversation, why writing it down first is an act of self-advocacy rather than weakness, and what it means to give yourself permission to need support before you say a single word to your spouse.

What makes this episode so quietly powerful is what it gives listeners permission to feel: that the silence in their marriage is not a personal failure, that they are not obligated to have a conversation they aren’t ready for, and that the beginning of this process doesn’t have to be perfect — it just has to be honest. For anyone sitting in the in-between space of a marriage that feels over but hasn’t been named yet, this episode is a hand reaching through the silence. It’s the step before the step — and it’s exactly where so many people need to start.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/

There is a question that lives in the bodies of thousands of people right now — not just in their minds, but in the tightness of their chests and the sleepless hours of 3 a.m. It’s not “should I get divorced.” It’s the harder, more specific thing: how do I actually say the words? In this intimate solo episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell steps into that question with the steady, grounded warmth of someone who has been there — and who has spent years sitting with women who have been there too. Whether you’ve been rehearsing this conversation in your head for months or you’re just beginning to let yourself admit what you know, this episode meets you exactly where you are.

Olivia walks through four practical, compassionate frameworks for approaching the conversation: how to get grounded in yourself before you say a single word to him; why your safety — physical, emotional, and financial — is the non-negotiable first filter; how to choose the right moment and setting; and what to actually say when you sit down to do it. She offers three real opening scripts — calm, clear, and human — that you can adapt in your own voice. And she makes one of the most important distinctions in the episode plainly clear: you are not asking for his permission. You are communicating a decision. That shift alone can change everything about how you walk into the room.

The episode closes with something equally important: what comes after. Because however he responds — with silence, with rage, with grief, with relief — his reaction is not yours to manage, solve, or take back. Olivia reminds listeners that this conversation doesn’t have to be finished in one sitting, that they are allowed to hold a boundary in how it unfolds, and that the bravery it takes to say these words out loud deserves to be honored — even if the only person honoring it in the moment is you. If you’re not quite ready for this conversation yet, she points you to the episode before this one. And if you are ready — this episode will help you get there.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/