Welcome to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab, where high achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs explore relationship fitness, healing from relationship trauma, and creating secure, trusting, and loving partnerships. Designed for those navigating high-stakes careers and relationships, we dive into trauma-informed coaching, relationship wellbeing, and practical strategies to recover from trauma bonding and build meaningful connections. Save your marriage, start building secure relationships and optimizing your relationship wellbeing.

Trauma bonds in men, Part 2

In this episode, I want to delve deeper into the topic of men and the core issue of shame, which is particularly high in those who have experienced trauma or abuse. Men often struggle to express these experiences, especially in heterosexual relationships, due to societal expectations and the belief that their value is based on what they provide.

Shame is a pervasive emotion that can be extremely challenging to navigate because it makes individuals feel fundamentally flawed. This emotion often leads to depression, anxiety, and guilt, creating a vortex of painful feelings. Men face difficulty in dealing with shame because they're unsure of how to navigate it and are bombarded with mixed messages from society.

Society has evolved to focus on equality in relationships, challenging traditional gender roles. Men are often valued based on their roles, what they provide, and their characteristics. While it's important to strive to be the best version of oneself, this emphasis on external factors coupled with shame makes it hard for men to stand up against mistreatment.

Childhood experiences further reinforce this shame, as boys are often punished for pushing boundaries. They learn that expressing themselves may lead to more punishment, so they hide their true selves and conform to others' expectations.

Shame responses can manifest as withdrawal, self-attack, avoidance, or attacking others. Men who have carried shame for extended periods may resort to attacking behaviors to cope with their own feelings of worthlessness.

To address these issues, it's crucial to distinguish between what belongs to you and what belongs to the other person in the relationship. You can't change someone else, but you can work on your own self-worth and boundaries. Tak

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Let’s develop relationship fitness and cultivate fulfilling, secure, and loving relationships.

Specialising in relationships, attachment problems and trauma bonding, Dr Sarah is on a mission to help you end negative cycles, create a secure relationship template, improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional intimacy. Stop self-sabotaging behaviours now and begin to self-actualise.

Working with business leaders, entrepreneurs, high achievers and perfectionists. Whether you are wanting to strengthen your current relationship and save your marriage, or you are healing from heartbreak to start a fresh, set yourself up for relationship success.

Get marriage counselling near you in person or online, sign up to one of Dr Sarah's luxury retreats, and continue your path to success.

www.relationshipsuccesslab.com

Sign up to the exclusive retreat: www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/retreat


Contact: [email protected]

LinkedIn: Dr Sarah (Alsawy) Davies

Instagram handle: @dr.sarahalsawy

Find resources on: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

Subscribe to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab on Spotify or Apple Podcasts

Welcome to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab, where high achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs explore relationship fitness, healing from relationship trauma, and creating secure, trusting, and loving partnerships. Designed for those navigating high-stakes careers and relationships, we dive into trauma-informed coaching, relationship wellbeing, and practical strategies to recover from trauma bonding and build meaningful connections. Save your marriage, start building secure relationships and optimizing your relationship wellbeing.

You will be torn - a part of you will have the ultimate desire for saving the relationship, everything you have invested into it, while the other part of you will want to end it and gain relief.

Support the show

Let’s develop relationship fitness and cultivate fulfilling, secure, and loving relationships.

Specialising in relationships, attachment problems and trauma bonding, Dr Sarah is on a mission to help you end negative cycles, create a secure relationship template, improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional intimacy. Stop self-sabotaging behaviours now and begin to self-actualise.

Working with business leaders, entrepreneurs, high achievers and perfectionists. Whether you are wanting to strengthen your current relationship and save your marriage, or you are healing from heartbreak to start a fresh, set yourself up for relationship success.

Get marriage counselling near you in person or online, sign up to one of Dr Sarah's luxury retreats, and continue your path to success.

www.relationshipsuccesslab.com

Sign up to the exclusive retreat: www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/retreat


Contact: [email protected]

LinkedIn: Dr Sarah (Alsawy) Davies

Instagram handle: @dr.sarahalsawy

Find resources on: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

Subscribe to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab on Spotify or Apple Podcasts

Welcome to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab, where high achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs explore relationship fitness, healing from relationship trauma, and creating secure, trusting, and loving partnerships. Designed for those navigating high-stakes careers and relationships, we dive into trauma-informed coaching, relationship wellbeing, and practical strategies to recover from trauma bonding and build meaningful connections. Save your marriage, start building secure relationships and optimizing your relationship wellbeing.

The more anxiously attached you are, the more of an avoidant attachment type you will attract - there is no exception.

You better be the person taking the steps towards secure attachment, and that's how you'll attract a stable and healthy, loving relationship.

Support the show

Let’s develop relationship fitness and cultivate fulfilling, secure, and loving relationships.

Specialising in relationships, attachment problems and trauma bonding, Dr Sarah is on a mission to help you end negative cycles, create a secure relationship template, improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional intimacy. Stop self-sabotaging behaviours now and begin to self-actualise.

Working with business leaders, entrepreneurs, high achievers and perfectionists. Whether you are wanting to strengthen your current relationship and save your marriage, or you are healing from heartbreak to start a fresh, set yourself up for relationship success.

Get marriage counselling near you in person or online, sign up to one of Dr Sarah's luxury retreats, and continue your path to success.

www.relationshipsuccesslab.com

Sign up to the exclusive retreat: www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/retreat


Contact: [email protected]

LinkedIn: Dr Sarah (Alsawy) Davies

Instagram handle: @dr.sarahalsawy

Find resources on: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

Subscribe to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab on Spotify or Apple Podcasts

Welcome to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab, where high achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs explore relationship fitness, healing from relationship trauma, and creating secure, trusting, and loving partnerships. Designed for those navigating high-stakes careers and relationships, we dive into trauma-informed coaching, relationship wellbeing, and practical strategies to recover from trauma bonding and build meaningful connections. Save your marriage, start building secure relationships and optimizing your relationship wellbeing.

 

Get your FREE downloadable Relationship Health Quiz here: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

If you would like to book in a free consultation call, please click here: https://calendly.com/healtraumabonding-info/30min

For more information, contact [email protected]

Here are the top five risk factors that make you prone to entering a trauma-bonded relationship:

1. Insecure Attachment Style: Many of us, including you and me, might have an insecure attachment style, which can lead to difficult relationship patterns. Feeling unworthy of love, fearing rejection, and oscillating between wanting love and avoiding rejection are common issues. This insecurity can lead us to seek validation from unhealthy sources, reinforcing our feelings of unworthiness.
2. Low Self-Esteem: Low self-worth often manifests in our inability to set boundaries and express needs. Boundaries are crucial for healthy relationships, but if you or I don't feel worthy, we might not enforce them, leading to a cycle of neglect and unmet needs. In toxic relationships, our self-esteem can plummet, causing us to neglect our own needs and boundaries.
3. Achiever or Perfectionistic Traits: High achievers and perfectionists often have a strong inner critic and believe they must continuously prove their worth. This can attract partners with narcissistic tendencies who criticize and devalue us, reinforcing our inner doubts and pushing us into a cycle of trying to earn

Support the show

Let’s develop relationship fitness and cultivate fulfilling, secure, and loving relationships.

Specialising in relationships, attachment problems and trauma bonding, Dr Sarah is on a mission to help you end negative cycles, create a secure relationship template, improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional intimacy. Stop self-sabotaging behaviours now and begin to self-actualise.

Working with business leaders, entrepreneurs, high achievers and perfectionists. Whether you are wanting to strengthen your current relationship and save your marriage, or you are healing from heartbreak to start a fresh, set yourself up for relationship success.

Get marriage counselling near you in person or online, sign up to one of Dr Sarah's luxury retreats, and continue your path to success.

www.relationshipsuccesslab.com

Sign up to the exclusive retreat: www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/retreat


Contact: [email protected]

LinkedIn: Dr Sarah (Alsawy) Davies

Instagram handle: @dr.sarahalsawy

Find resources on: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

Subscribe to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab on Spotify or Apple Podcasts

Welcome to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab, where high achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs explore relationship fitness, healing from relationship trauma, and creating secure, trusting, and loving partnerships. Designed for those navigating high-stakes careers and relationships, we dive into trauma-informed coaching, relationship wellbeing, and practical strategies to recover from trauma bonding and build meaningful connections. Save your marriage, start building secure relationships and optimizing your relationship wellbeing.

Trauma bonded and toxic relationships are painful. Understandably it causes you injury, you're hurt and lost. You become a victim of the relationship and narcissistic partner.

However here's the thing - remaining in the position of victimhood, rather than finding courage to get out and ask for help, maintains your victimhood.

And for some people, remaining a victim is the only way they know how to maintain relationships. Not through wanting to be malicious, but more from fear. Victimhood is beneficial in eliciting care but it also keeps you stuck.

If you're looking for support, get in touch 
www.healtraumabonding.com 
www.relationshipsuccesslab.com 

Support the show

Let’s develop relationship fitness and cultivate fulfilling, secure, and loving relationships.

Specialising in relationships, attachment problems and trauma bonding, Dr Sarah is on a mission to help you end negative cycles, create a secure relationship template, improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional intimacy. Stop self-sabotaging behaviours now and begin to self-actualise.

Working with business leaders, entrepreneurs, high achievers and perfectionists. Whether you are wanting to strengthen your current relationship and save your marriage, or you are healing from heartbreak to start a fresh, set yourself up for relationship success.

Get marriage counselling near you in person or online, sign up to one of Dr Sarah's luxury retreats, and continue your path to success.

www.relationshipsuccesslab.com

Sign up to the exclusive retreat: www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/retreat


Contact: [email protected]

LinkedIn: Dr Sarah (Alsawy) Davies

Instagram handle: @dr.sarahalsawy

Find resources on: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

Subscribe to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab on Spotify or Apple Podcasts

Communication:

• Acknowledging Needs: Many individuals are not even aware of their unmet needs, leading to feelings of resentment and frustration.
• Expectations from Partners: There is a common but unrealistic expectation that partners should magically understand and fulfill needs without explicit communication.
• Self-awareness: Recognizing and understanding one's needs is crucial before expecting a partner to meet them.

Identifying Needs:

• Connection to Emotions: Emotions are indicators of unmet needs. For instance, feelings of confusion might indicate a need for clarity, which can be addressed by initiating conversations.
• Safety in Expression: Creating a sense of safety to explore and express emotions is vital. Trauma can make it difficult for individuals to sit with their emotions, leading to over-productivity as a coping mechanism.

Self-Discovery and Relationship Readiness:

• Balance of Self and Partnership: While self-discovery is important, expecting to be fully healed before entering a relationship is unrealistic. Knowing one's needs, emotions, boundaries, values, and preferences provides a foundation for healthy relationships.
• Dependency in Relationships: It is important to strike a balance between self-reliance and relying on a partner. While partners should not be expected to fulfill all needs, some core relationship needs must be met.

Effective Communication Strategies:

• Expressing Needs Clearly: Articulating needs in a non-accusatory manner, such as "I need this because it makes me feel..." can reduce defensiveness and promote understanding.
• Handling Responses: Accepting that a partner may not always respond positively to expressed needs, and using their response as information for further decision-making.

Conflict and Arguments:

• Healthy Arguing: Learning to argue constructively is crucial. The best time to learn how to handle conflicts is when things are going well.
• Commitment to Well-being: Both partners must commit to preserving each other's well-being and having difficult conversations for mutual growth.

Support the show

Let’s develop relationship fitness and cultivate fulfilling, secure, and loving relationships.

Specialising in relationships, attachment problems and trauma bonding, Dr Sarah is on a mission to help you end negative cycles, create a secure relationship template, improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional intimacy. Stop self-sabotaging behaviours now and begin to self-actualise.

Working with business leaders, entrepreneurs, high achievers and perfectionists. Whether you are wanting to strengthen your current relationship and save your marriage, or you are healing from heartbreak to start a fresh, set yourself up for relationship success.

Get marriage counselling near you in person or online, sign up to one of Dr Sarah's luxury retreats, and continue your path to success.

www.relationshipsuccesslab.com

Sign up to the exclusive retreat: www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/retreat


Contact: [email protected]

LinkedIn: Dr Sarah (Alsawy) Davies

Instagram handle: @dr.sarahalsawy

Find resources on: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

Subscribe to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab on Spotify or Apple Podcasts

5 Top reasons why you may unknowingly enable your toxic relationship

I often hear from clients about the difficulty of taking responsibility, especially when you're stuck in a victim mindset, hoping someone else, like a therapist or partner, will save you. Sometimes, it's easier to wait for rescue than to be your own rescuer. This brings me to the topic of enabling toxic relationships and how you might unknowingly be a part of it.

First, think about whether you're suppressing your own needs. Are you so scared of upsetting your partner that you keep your feelings to yourself? This is a big sign of enabling a toxic relationship because you're not acknowledging your own importance.

Second, consider self-gaslighting. You might start doubting your reality, convincing yourself that your partner's questionable behavior is okay. This happens when your partner invalidates your feelings and you begin to accept their version of events over your own.

Third, convincing your social circle that everything is fine when it's not can also enable toxicity. You might try to paint an idealized picture of your relationship to friends and family, who then unknowingly support you staying in an unhealthy situation.

Fourth, there's what I call the martyr syndrome, where you believe that enduring suffering for the relationship is a form of strength. You might justify your pain with the hope of a better future, but sacrificing yourself for a relationship isn't true happiness.

Finally, being overly empathic can make you a rescuer, forgiving your partner's harmful behavior and ignoring your own suffering. This not only minimizes their responsibility but also perpetuates the toxic dynamics.

Remember, it's about empowering yourself to recognize and address these patterns for your well-being and growth. Let's work towards healthy, fulfilling relationships where both partners are valued and respected.

Support the show

Let’s develop relationship fitness and cultivate fulfilling, secure, and loving relationships.

Specialising in relationships, attachment problems and trauma bonding, Dr Sarah is on a mission to help you end negative cycles, create a secure relationship template, improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional intimacy. Stop self-sabotaging behaviours now and begin to self-actualise.

Working with business leaders, entrepreneurs, high achievers and perfectionists. Whether you are wanting to strengthen your current relationship and save your marriage, or you are healing from heartbreak to start a fresh, set yourself up for relationship success.

Get marriage counselling near you in person or online, sign up to one of Dr Sarah's luxury retreats, and continue your path to success.

www.relationshipsuccesslab.com

Sign up to the exclusive retreat: www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/retreat


Contact: [email protected]

LinkedIn: Dr Sarah (Alsawy) Davies

Instagram handle: @dr.sarahalsawy

Find resources on: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

Subscribe to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab on Spotify or Apple Podcasts

Welcome to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab, where high achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs explore relationship fitness, healing from relationship trauma, and creating secure, trusting, and loving partnerships. Designed for those navigating high-stakes careers and relationships, we dive into trauma-informed coaching, relationship wellbeing, and practical strategies to recover from trauma bonding and build meaningful connections. Save your marriage, start building secure relationships and optimizing your relationship wellbeing.

Learn about the 5 risk factors in communication within your relationship: criticism, defense, dismissive, gaslighting, and stonewalling.


Get your FREE downloadable Relationship Health Quiz here: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

If you would like to book in a free consultation call, please click here: https://calendly.com/healtraumabonding-info/30min

For more information, contact [email protected]

Support the show

Let’s develop relationship fitness and cultivate fulfilling, secure, and loving relationships.

Specialising in relationships, attachment problems and trauma bonding, Dr Sarah is on a mission to help you end negative cycles, create a secure relationship template, improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional intimacy. Stop self-sabotaging behaviours now and begin to self-actualise.

Working with business leaders, entrepreneurs, high achievers and perfectionists. Whether you are wanting to strengthen your current relationship and save your marriage, or you are healing from heartbreak to start a fresh, set yourself up for relationship success.

Get marriage counselling near you in person or online, sign up to one of Dr Sarah's luxury retreats, and continue your path to success.

www.relationshipsuccesslab.com

Sign up to the exclusive retreat: www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/retreat


Contact: [email protected]

LinkedIn: Dr Sarah (Alsawy) Davies

Instagram handle: @dr.sarahalsawy

Find resources on: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

Subscribe to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab on Spotify or Apple Podcasts

Welcome to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab, where high achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs explore relationship fitness, healing from relationship trauma, and creating secure, trusting, and loving partnerships. Designed for those navigating high-stakes careers and relationships, we dive into trauma-informed coaching, relationship wellbeing, and practical strategies to recover from trauma bonding and build meaningful connections. Save your marriage, start building secure relationships and optimizing your relationship wellbeing.

 

Get your FREE downloadable Relationship Health Quiz here: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

If you would like to book in a free consultation call, please click here: https://calendly.com/healtraumabonding-info/30min

For more information, contact [email protected]

In this episode, we're diving into the complex topic of what it means to be a man, especially in 2024. You might think it's straightforward, but with all the mixed messages out there, it's anything but easy. Men often feel lost in a sea of conflicting expectations: be emotional, be strong, be a provider, but also be sensitive. It's like they're searching for an instruction manual in a world filled with contradictory messages.

Historically, men have been taught to suppress their emotions, leading to difficulties in expressing themselves and understanding their own feelings. This limited emotional range often results in either shutting down or resorting to aggression, causing strain in relationships. Women, on the other hand, may feel emotionally neglected or misunderstood, leading to frustration and distance.

This emotional disconnect can have serious consequences, impacting mental health and overall well-being. Men may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse or risky behavior to avoid facing their emotions. But ignoring these emotional needs only exacerbates the problem, leading to deeper rifts in relationships.

However, there's hope for change. Younger generations are

Support the show

Let’s develop relationship fitness and cultivate fulfilling, secure, and loving relationships.

Specialising in relationships, attachment problems and trauma bonding, Dr Sarah is on a mission to help you end negative cycles, create a secure relationship template, improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional intimacy. Stop self-sabotaging behaviours now and begin to self-actualise.

Working with business leaders, entrepreneurs, high achievers and perfectionists. Whether you are wanting to strengthen your current relationship and save your marriage, or you are healing from heartbreak to start a fresh, set yourself up for relationship success.

Get marriage counselling near you in person or online, sign up to one of Dr Sarah's luxury retreats, and continue your path to success.

www.relationshipsuccesslab.com

Sign up to the exclusive retreat: www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/retreat


Contact: [email protected]

LinkedIn: Dr Sarah (Alsawy) Davies

Instagram handle: @dr.sarahalsawy

Find resources on: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

Subscribe to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab on Spotify or Apple Podcasts

If you have been trauma bonded, in a relationship with someone with narcissistic tendencies, or have been in a battle where you feel belittled, controlled, criticised and coerced - this episode is for you.

Support the show

Let’s develop relationship fitness and cultivate fulfilling, secure, and loving relationships.

Specialising in relationships, attachment problems and trauma bonding, Dr Sarah is on a mission to help you end negative cycles, create a secure relationship template, improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional intimacy. Stop self-sabotaging behaviours now and begin to self-actualise.

Working with business leaders, entrepreneurs, high achievers and perfectionists. Whether you are wanting to strengthen your current relationship and save your marriage, or you are healing from heartbreak to start a fresh, set yourself up for relationship success.

Get marriage counselling near you in person or online, sign up to one of Dr Sarah's luxury retreats, and continue your path to success.

www.relationshipsuccesslab.com

Sign up to the exclusive retreat: www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/retreat


Contact: [email protected]

LinkedIn: Dr Sarah (Alsawy) Davies

Instagram handle: @dr.sarahalsawy

Find resources on: https://www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/relationship-quiz

Subscribe to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab on Spotify or Apple Podcasts