GUEST DR. PETER PEARSON

In preparing for this interview, Dr. Peter Pearson and I had conversation to discuss the topic for today’s show. We also talked about some of his accomplishment, so that I could introduce him to you today.

He gave me his top five professional achievements:

• Having worked with couples, an average of 25 hours a week for over 30 years.
• Writing books with his wife, Ellyn Bader​, one book ​is ​for therapists called In Quest of the Mythical Mate, which describes the developmental approach to working with couples.
• Being on The Today Show, Good Morning America, CBS Morning Show and being written about in The New York Times, Redbook, and 50 other major news media.
• Training therapists around the world in their developmental model.
• “I’m proud most of the fact that Ellyn and I have lived together and worked together building The Couples Institute. Individually, both endeavors are challenging. Being married and working together combining them, means you got to practice what you preach and that’s not easy or simple.”

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

3 STRATEGIES TO CREATING A STRONG MARRIAGE BY DR. PETER PEARSON:

1. Vision: What kind of marriage do you want to be in? What kind of marriage do you want to create? The kind of marriage that makes you glad to see each other at the end of the day.

2. Skills: Marriage requires a higher level of skill to communicate, to negotiate, to connect emotionally, especially to be curious under pressure.

3. Commitment: Commitment requires will. What is your level of commitment to apply what you learn? Instead of just making a commitment to stay together, what would it be like to make a commitment is to grow together?

IMPORTANT POINTS FROM DR. PETER PEARSON:

• In the early stages of relationship, couples have conversations about the things they want to do, places they want to go, and who they aspire to be. Partners love learning about each other. But, over time, that vision begins to fade into the routine and demands of everyday life.
• “Be curious instead of furious.”
• How you handle yourself under stress that is what determines the strength and future of your marriage. AND you can increase your ability to react under pressure and think clearly under pressure if you do it as a team.
• A couple working as a team is “two highly interdependent individuals, who have mutually identified, and agreed upon goals and they hold themselves individually accountable to reach those goals.”
• T.E.A.M. Together. Each. Accomplishes. More.
• Elite teams have a vision bigger then themselves. They have a shared vision and a common purpose for bringing it about.
• A marriage is the only interdependent relationship that is non-hierarchical. It is the most interdependent relationship we will ever be in. We all have to learn to be in a non-hierarchical relationship.
• Every goal that really stretches us into new territory will trigger a different part of us that will feel anxious, nervous, unprepared, unskilled, etc. What is required is faith and courage.
• Courage is the common denominator of all growth.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear. – Franklin D. Roosevelt”

DR. PETER PEARSON SHARES TWO EXERCISES:

• Crafting your vision for your future (download “The Adam & Eve Guide” below).
• Top Ten (download “The Adam & Eve Guide” below).

MENTIONED:

• Return To Eden: The Adam & Eve Guide to Improving Your Relationship(study guide opt-in)
• Couples Institute (website)
• Couples Institute Training (website)
• The First Love Story: Adam, Eve, and Us (Amazon link)

TRANSCRIPT:

Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 117: How To Work Together As A Team In Relationship, With Dr. Peter Pearson [Transcript]

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If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or doing relationship coaching work with me.