Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

ERP 042: What Is The One Thing You Can Do To Move From Relationship Competition To Creativity?


Listen Later

COMPETING IN A RELATIONSHIP

Competition is wonderful in many ways. However, when we get stuck in habitual patterns of a competitive mindset, it can bring stress and strain to our lives and romantic relationships.

A competitive mindset assumes limited resources and opportunities, resulting in an “I have to get mine” attitude.

Being in a competitive mindset can lead to a survival mentality. You begin to think that in order to win, you have to beat others – survival of the fittest. This is also a fear based mindset. When fear sets in, we start to view the world differently.

NEGATIVE BASIS

From an evolutionary standpoint, humans are prone to having a negative basis. Having a negative basis helps us pay attention to negative and painful events so that we will learn and be more prepared to handle threats. In doing so, we may be able to better protect ourselves.

The downside to this negative basis is that it’s easy to overlook our strengths, assets, resources, and opportunities because all of our attention is focused on the negative. When we focus on the negative, it is easy to become reactive and more fearful, responding to situations from a protective and competitive approach.

When we emphasize the negative, we miss the whole picture.

HOW DO YOU MOVE FROM COMPETITION TO CREATIVITY IN A RELATIONSHIP?

How do you begin to shift your mindset? The most personal and profound way that I know is through Gratitude. As we shift our attention to what we are grateful for, we will recognize more positivity for that we have been previously overlooking or ignoring. We will acknowledge more resources and opportunities in our partnership. We will begin to feel more relaxed and more regulated. We feel empowered and less threatened, and we start believing in a more generative outcome.

“Abilities wither under faultfinding, blossom under encouragement.” ~ Donald A. Laird

EXERCISE FOR WAYS TO BE CREATIVE IN A RELATIONSHIP

Start with your own inner universe.

  • Can you think of an area in your love life where you are feeling constricted, competitive, or fearful?
  • Notice how you feel.
  • Now, shift your attention to something you are grateful for.
  • Take a moment to stay with the gratitude.
  • Do you notice a shift?
WHAT STOPS US FROM BEING CREATIVE IN A RELATIONSHIP?

Cultivating an environment of appreciation often doesn’t come naturally and easily. Many of us do not express appreciation to our partner because:

  • We think it is childish.
  • It feels awkward and unfamiliar.
  • We assume we are stating the obvious.
  • We forget.
  • We think it is cliché.

 

HOW TO SHOW GRATITUDE IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP

When we share our appreciation in a romantic relationship, it has a powerful impact on others. Appreciation is the expression of gratitude.

5 to 1

John Gottman, a psychologist and researcher, offers a formula for happy relationships. He claims that for every negative expression in a relationship (a complaint, frown, put-down, expression of anger) there needs to be about five positive expressions (smiles, compliments, laughter, expressions of appreciation and gratitude) to counter balance the mindset.

Ideas to Express Gratitude in a Relationship:

  • Ask your partner to share one thing they are grateful for and then give one appreciation to them.
  • Get out some paper and pens. Set a timer for 3 mins. Ask your partner to try and come up with 100 things they are grateful for. Then, invite her/him to share one or as many they are comfortable with sharing.
MENTIONED
  • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, by John Gottman (book)

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss or a situation you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving the quality of your romantic relationship! I believe in your success!

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please post one by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome your relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or getting some relationship coaching.

...more
View all episodesView all episodes
Download on the App Store

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And GuideBy Dr. Jessica Higgins

  • 4.8
  • 4.8
  • 4.8
  • 4.8
  • 4.8

4.8

137 ratings


More shows like Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

View all
Relationship Advice by Thrive Therapy - Colter Bloxom, Lauren Mokarry, and Cayla Bozovich

Relationship Advice

1,675 Listeners

The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair by Michelle Chalfant

The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

1,535 Listeners

What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't by Rhoda Sommer on Relationships

What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't

273 Listeners

Relationship Coaching School Podcast by Jayson Gaddis

Relationship Coaching School Podcast

959 Listeners

The Terri Cole Show by Terri Cole

The Terri Cole Show

1,363 Listeners

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson by Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Forrest Hanson

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

2,439 Listeners

The Couples Therapist Couch by Shane Birkel

The Couples Therapist Couch

269 Listeners

The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast by Kate Anthony, CPCC

The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

569 Listeners

Relationship Renovation | Couples | Love | Advice | Intimacy | Communication | Marriage by EJ and Tarah Kerwin

Relationship Renovation | Couples | Love | Advice | Intimacy | Communication | Marriage

160 Listeners

The Thais Gibson Podcast by Thais Gibson

The Thais Gibson Podcast

272 Listeners

Let’s Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice by Dr. Morgan Anderson

Let’s Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice

1,124 Listeners

Reimagining Love by Dr. Alexandra Solomon

Reimagining Love

287 Listeners

On Attachment by Stephanie Rigg

On Attachment

973 Listeners

Jillian on Love by Jillian Turecki | QCODE

Jillian on Love

1,356 Listeners

The Crappy Childhood Fairy Podcast with Anna Runkle by Anna Runkle

The Crappy Childhood Fairy Podcast with Anna Runkle

304 Listeners