The natural fear we feel when showing vulnerability is tied to our survival instinct. However, this fear can affect intimacy in our relationships. Working through the specific moments in our past which triggered this fear is a painful but rewarding process, and can allow us to grow and foster more intimate relationships.

The causes of our fears account for many factors including cultural and intergenerational trauma. Therefore, the most important elements to foster healing are open communication and creating a safe space to be vulnerable.

Mitchell Smolkin is a certified emotionally-focused couples therapist (EFT), Jungian psychoanalyst, published author, experienced public speaker, and the host of “The Dignity of Suffering Podcast.” He explains what we should expect around vulnerability in relationships & why it matters.

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

In this episode:

• 03:56 Introduction to Mitchell and EFT
• 07:24 Vulnerability in relationship is a particular skill that is practiced over a lifetime.
• 11:11 Cultural and intergenerational history are important contexts in the process of healing. 
• 18:42 Vulnerability as a relational phenomena. Notice your first reactions to disconnection, name them, to track where the upset originates. 
• 25:28 Hiding what you are feeling can't overwrite the nervous system. We have mirror neurons that actually anticipate partner's responses.
• 29:07 Just allowing another person can establish safety. However, being anti-social is tied to survival but this is terrible for intimacy.
• 35:26 How to discern between vulnerability and being afraid. Just talking about it with a professional creates the safety to get out of your cycles of fear.
• 44:01 Meaningful conversations need to happen in the right environments, as well as the right frames of mind. Partners are continuously learning how to make each other safe.
• 48:12 Connect with Mitchell

Mentioned

• Mitchell Smolkin Website

• Mitchell Smolkin Instagram

• The Dignity of Suffering Podcast

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