Grow the Good

What does it actually mean to matter?

In this solo episode, I’m diving into a topic that has been occupying my mind for years and has become a central part of my research, workshops, and the book I’m writing: mattering.

Mattering is more than belonging. It’s more than self-esteem. It’s the lived experience of both adding value and feeling valued — to yourself, in your relationships, at work, and in your broader community. And when one of those pieces is missing, achievement can start to feel hollow.

This episode is an invitation to look at your own goals, your own striving, and your own relationships with more curiosity. Where do you genuinely feel like you matter? Where does your mattering feel conditional? And where might you be trying to earn recognition from people or places that may never be able to give it?

I’m with you on this journey of personal growth, adventure, and our mission to be better every day.

Learn more and follow my work:
Substack: sonyalooney.substack.com
Newsletter: sonyalooney.com/newsletter

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co. 

What if the real value of achievement isn’t what it proves about us, but how it contributes to others? In this episode, I sit down with bestselling author, researcher, and publisher Tom Rath. Tom is known for books like How Full Is Your Bucket?, StrengthsFinder 2.0, Strengths-Based Leadership, and Eat, Move, Sleep. His work has shaped how millions of people think about strengths, well-being, purpose, and the way we spend our days.

We talk about the difference between purpose and passion, why strengths only matter when they are used in service of others, how to think about career fit, and why retirement may not be the goal we’ve been taught it is. We also explore the role of AI in the future of work, and how it might free us to spend more time on the creative, relational, and meaningful parts of our lives.

This episode is for anyone who wants to keep striving, but in a way that feels more grounded, sustainable, and connected to what really matters.

Top 5 Takeaways

• Achievement feels different when it is connected to contribution
• Purpose is not the same as passion
• Strengths need direction
• Well-being and performance are connected
• AI may change how we work, but it can also create opportunity

LINKS

- Learn more about Tom
- Read Tom's new book Life's Great Question: Discover How You Contribute To The World
- Finding Meaningful Work with Tamara Myles and Wes Adams
- Meaning and Mattering at Work with Andrew Soren

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co. 

This Mindfulness in Action episode is a real-time practice in mental agility: the ability to notice what’s happening in your thoughts, emotions, and body, and make small adjustments that help you stay aligned with what matters.

In the previous solo episode, I talked about mental agility from a more practical and educational lens: emotional agility, attentional agility, mindfulness, and the internal and external shifters that help us regulate and adapt. In this episode, we take those ideas out of the theoretical space and into real life.

I recorded this while moving outside, because movement often helps me feel more embodied and aware of what’s happening in my inner world. I talk about resilience, adaptability, psychological flexibility, and the constant adjustments we make as athletes, parents, partners, professionals, and humans trying to do hard things.

This episode includes a short mindfulness practice to help you notice where you might feel rigid mentally, emotionally, or behaviorally, and then gently practice shifting. 

Here's what you'll learn:

- Mental agility is resilience in motion
- Hard things happen on many scales
- Flexibility takes practice
- Emotions need space
- Small actions build capacity

LINKS

- Recently solo episode on mental agility
- MIA: What It Means to Get Better
- MIA: How to Build Human Connection

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co. 

What does it really mean to be mentally agile?

In this solo episode, I’m talking about the emotional and attentional skills that help us notice what’s happening inside of us, create space, and choose our next move with more intention. Mental agility is the ability to shift, adapt, and stay connected to what matters, especially when things don’t go the way we planned.

Today, I’lm talking about emotional agility, mindfulness, emotional granularity, and the internal and external “shifters” that can help us adjust in real time. I also walk you through two practical tools: my REAL framework for emotional agility and the 3R tool for attention: recognize, regroup, and refocus.

This episode leads us to the next Mindfulness in Action practice, where we’ll take these ideas out of the theoretical space and into real life. Next week, we’ll practice mental agility on the move, using mindfulness as a way to notice shifting in real time.

Top 5 Takeaways

1. Mental agility is different from resilience: Resilience often shows up after hard things happen, but mental agility is something we can practice every day.
2. Emotions are data, not directives: Your emotions can tell you what you care about, but they don’t have to decide how you behave.
3. Mindfulness creates space: When you can notice your thoughts, emotions, and body sensations without immediately reacting, you have more choice.
4. Attention is trainable: The 3R tool (recognize, regroup, refocus) can help you come back to the task, the moment, or the next right action.

Small shifts matter: Sensation, attention, perspective, physical space, trusted people, and culture can all help us regulate and shift in real time.

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co. 

What if so much of our suffering comes from trying to become who we think we’re supposed to be? In this episode, I sit down with meditation teachers Jeff Warren and Tasha Schumann for a wide-ranging, deeply practical conversation about mindfulness, creativity, neurodiversity, and how to let go of the societal “shoulds” that keep us disconnected from ourselves.

This conversation felt especially personal to me because so much of it mirrors what I’ve been exploring in my own life as an athlete, a mom, a coach, and now as a writer. We talk about identity transitions, performance-based striving, how endurance sport became a doorway into self-inquiry for me, and why mindfulness has to move beyond the meditation cushion if it’s actually going to change your life.

Jeff and Tasha bring warmth, honesty, and a refreshing lack of dogma to this conversation. We explore the tension between external pressure and internal truth, the role of creativity and joy in a meaningful life, and the practical skills of mindfulness: concentration, clarity, and equanimity.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing all the “right” things but still feel disconnected, if meditation apps feel shallow, or if you’re trying to find a more authentic way to strive, this conversation is for you.

Top 5 Takeaways

1. A lot of suffering comes from “shoulds”: External expectations can disconnect us from our actual nature and values.
2. Mindfulness has to move into real life: It’s not just about sitting on a cushion, it’s about how you return to the present in parenting, work, conflict, and creativity.
3. Neurodiversity can be a doorway, not a deficit: Different ways of thinking can challenge conformity and open new paths to self-acceptance.
4. Meditation builds trainable skills: Jeff and Tasha emphasize three core capacities: concentration, clarity, and equanimity.
5. Thriving is not about becoming perfect: It’s about becoming more authentic, more connected, and more able to stay with your experience as it is.

LINKS

Solo about the problem with should
Mindfulness in Action: Letting Go of Should
Check out Jeff and Tasha’s podcast Mind Bod Pod
Follow Tasha’s Substack Bodhi Savage

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co. 

In this Mindfulness in Action episode, I’m talking about one of the sneakiest forms of distorted thinking: shoulds.

You know the ones: I should be doing more. I should have this figured out by now. I should be more disciplined, more patient, more productive. These thoughts can sound helpful on the surface, but often they leave us feeling ashamed, guilty, disconnected, and never quite enough.

In this episode, I break down three common types of “shoulds”:

•  the outward-facing shoulds tied to habits and expectations, 
•  the shoulds that come from a lack of self-acceptance, 
•  and the shoulds rooted in unrealistic standards for ourselves or other people. 

I also share practical mindfulness tools you can use in real time to work with these thoughts instead of getting hooked by them. We explore practices like labeling, cognitive diffusion, acceptance, self-compassion, psychological distancing, and grounding in the present moment.

This is not about getting rid of every self-critical thought forever. It’s about learning how to notice them, soften their grip, and come back to what’s actually here.

If you’ve been feeling pressured by your own inner voice lately, this episode is a reminder that you are not alone. There are skillful, compassionate ways to meet yourself in those moments.

Other meditations:

- Slowing Down the Rush
- How to Regulate Your Emotions for Resilience and Performance
- How to Combat Self-Criticism

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co. 

Ever catch yourself thinking, “I should be better than this. I should be doing more. I should have started earlier” and then spiraling? In this solo episode, I’m diving into the world of "should" and how it quietly drives guilt, shame, and burnout, especially for high performers and ambitious, growth-oriented people.

Recently, I injured my rib at my son’s ninja gym birthday party and being forced to pull back on training actually gave me surprising mental relief. So today, I explore why having more ways to train, work, parent, or “optimize” yourself can actually make you feel worse about whatever you choose.

Drawing from my background in applied positive psychology and the science of cognitive behavioral therapy, I break down:

- The three main categories of “shoulds”
- How thinking traps like catastrophizing, personalizing, and overgeneralizing feed the “should” spiral
- The difference between neurotic obligations and values-based aspirations
- Practical ways to notice your “shoulds,” question the beliefs underneath them
- How to decide when to either turn them into concrete, values-aligned plans, or consciously let them go.

If you’ve ever felt haunted by the feeling that you’re not doing enough or not far enough along, this episode will help you build awareness, create kinder inner language, and reclaim your energy from unhelpful “shoulds” so you can focus on what truly matters to you.

LINKS
Episode with Ethan Kross on Chatter
James Clear's Atomic Habits
Episode with Katy Milkman on How to Change
Is self care stressing you out? Solo reflection

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co. 

Flow is one of those words that gets used all the time, but what does it actually mean? And more importantly, how do we create more of it in real life, not just in elite sport or peak performance moments?

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Sue Jackson, one of the world’s leading experts on flow, to talk about what flow really is, how challenge-skill balance works, and why mindfulness, self-efficacy, and trust in your own abilities matter so much in creating these deeply absorbing and meaningful states. We also get into how risk perception shapes flow, why self-consciousness can pull us out of it, and whether neurodivergent hyperfocus is the same thing as flow, or something different.

This conversation felt especially relevant to me because I’ve been exploring the overlap between flow, self-transcendent experiences, mindfulness in action, and those moments when you’re fully immersed in something challenging and alive. We talk about sport, yes—but also parenting, presentations, reading research, fatigue, difficult days, and how to work with your attention when life is messy and real.

Top 5 Takeaways

1. Flow is not just “being in the zone” 
2. Mindfulness supports flow
3. Self-efficacy matters
4. Risk is partly about perception
5. Hyperfocus and flow are not the same thing

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co. 

In this Mindfulness in Action episode, I’m recording on a trail run and thinking out loud about something I’ve been re-examining in my own life: the pressure to constantly optimize and get better.

We hear it everywhere: be more productive, improve every day, maximize your time. And while growth and striving for excellence matter, I’ve been noticing how easily that mindset turns into pressure, guilt, and a constant feeling of not doing enough.

In this episode, I share how I’ve been unlearning that pattern, what it actually means to “strive well,” and why doing less can sometimes lead to better performance, creativity, and well-being.

I also guide you through a simple mindfulness practice you can do while moving to help you notice:

• Where you’re putting pressure on yourself
• The inner voice telling you to do more
• How to reconnect with contentment in the middle of effort

The goal isn’t to stop growing, it’s to redefine what getting better actually looks like. If you’ve been feeling stuck in the cycle of always needing to do more, this one’s for you.

Other meditations:

- Slowing Down the Rush
- How to Regulate Your Emotions for Resilience and Performance
- How to Combat Self-Criticism

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co. 

Sometimes it's hard to say what you mean. Oren Jay Sofer says, "Communication is a learnable skill and it’s one of the most powerful levers for making change in your life and the world." Non-violent communication is about taking responsibility for what we are experiencing using empathy, deep listening, know how to make requests.

// This episode is a replay from the Sonya Looney Show. It originally aired October 22, 2020. //

Author and renowned meditation instructor Oren Jay Sofer regularly teaches a mindful approach to non-violent communication. spent two and a half years of living as an Anagarika (renunciate) at branch monasteries in the Ajahn Chah Thai Forest lineage. Today, his teaching combines classical Buddhist training with the accessible language of secular mindfulness.  Since the early 2000s, Oren has had a deep interest in the relationship between contemplative practice and communication. A graduate of the BayNVC North American Leadership Training, he has taught classes and workshops in Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC) nationally since 2006. His innovative retreats and online programs in Mindful Communication offer one of the only opportunities in the U.S today to explore the intersection between formal meditation practice, Right Speech and NVC.  Oren  is the founder and Guiding Teacher of Next Step Dharma, an innovative online course focused on bringing the tools of meditation to daily life, and co-founder of Mindful Healthcare.  Oren has created mindfulness programs for organizations, companies, and apps including Apple, Kaiser Permanente, Lumosity, Calm, 10% Happier, Simple Habit and others.

I loved his book, Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication.  In the book, a main theme is that every thought or feeling is there to try to meet a need.  If you can try to figure out what need your thoughts are tied to, it's easier to articulate what you need to those around you.  It's also useful when listening to someone in a disucssion or conflict to tease out what need they are trying to have met.  I also enjoyed learning about conflict and viewing it as a way to deepen relationships. I also learned that non-violent communication and conflict resolution isn't necessarily to try to get someone to do things your way, it's about deepening understanding of one another because sometimes we simply can't agree to have the same viewpoint.   Non-violent communication has a framework of observation, the feeling, the needs and values to be met, and the request.

Three questions you can ask yourself are what happened, how do I feel about it, and why?

I also loved learning about how to use mindfulness in listening and communication as well as how to ground yourself in your own body when tensions rise.

Topics Discussed in the Podcast 

• from childhood actor to meditation instructor
• 4 types of conflict avoidance
• self-empathy
• tools for internal pressure
• No mud, no lotus
• addressing the voiceless and gender constructs
• how to make requests of others

Resources

• Oren Jay Sofer's website
• Get Oren's book: Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.