Why do relationships hurt so much for me?

If you are asking this question as a childhood trauma survivor who ended up with CPTSD, this episode will help you feel seen and understood. I share how, at both the micro and macro level, complex trauma shapes the way we interpret other peoples behavior, how we respond during interactions, and how repeated stressors and betrayals in our early attachment context alter our development in ways that follow us into adulthood.

I Choose Me: Creating the Capacity for my Two-Year "Had CPTSD" Plan My brand new free, five-week readiness experience for survivors who want to heal but do not yet have the identity, capacity, or internal permission to begin a structured CPTSD Resolution journey. This is the first step for anyone who feels the desire to heal but cannot yet step into a long-term plan. DM me on IG @cptsdmedicine or email me [email protected]

CPTSD Resolution 101 Workshop A premium workshop for survivors who are ready to heal but do not yet know what to do or how to structure their two-year healing plan. You will leave with a clear, personalized map for your CPTSD Resolution Era. cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop

Happily Ever After A high-touch, six-month coaching container for survivors ready to begin their Resolution Era with structure, partnership, and the full CPTSD Medicine Healing Protocol. This is for those who know they are ready for guided transformation and consistent support. https://cptsdmedicine.com/services

About Dr. Tanner Wallace

Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and IFS Level 3 Practitioner, is the creator of CPTSD Medicine, a research-grounded and spiritually integrated framework that helps high-achieving professionals resolve CPTSD at the root. Her non-pharmaceutical method unburdens trauma energies, amplifies Self Energy, and teaches Self Leadership so humans can move from survival to sovereignty.

Thank you for being here. Your Resolution Era begins the moment you decide it does.

Unresolved CPTSD creates internal pressure that often shows up as pushing people away, even when you desperately want closeness. When your nervous system is running trauma energies, it interprets connection as danger. You flip between caretaking and harsh judgment because your original attachment loop was never closed. The result is confusion, shame, and a sense that you are "too much" or "not enough" in your relationships.

This episode breaks down exactly why this happens and how to interrupt the pattern in real time. You will understand the developmental gap that anxious attachment creates, why you react so intensely to other people's emotions, and what it looks like to regulate before you relate.

Questions you may be asking yourself that are answered in this episode:

Why do I push people away when I want closeness?

Why do I flip between caretaking and resentment?

Why do other people's emotions overwhelm me so quickly?

How can I stay grounded instead of running or attacking?

How do I break the pattern of anxious attachment?

🗓 Join the CPTSD Resolution 101 Weekend Workshop Live on Zoom.

If you have the time and the money for your healing but no real plan, this workshop is for you. Over four live sessions, I teach "The Map" for a two-year "had CPTSD" journey so you can stop improvising and start following a diagnosis-based plan that actually makes sense. You will leave with clear direction, practical next steps, and the confidence to move forward with purpose.

→ Save your seat at cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop

Unresolved CPTSD shapes what you might believe is your personality. When you are running trauma energies, your nervous system does not yet believe you are safe. That present sense of constant danger drives continued action, but those patterns are not fixed. What appears as a rigid personality is actually survival programming that can be unlearned and reorganized through CPTSD Resolution.

Questions you may be asking yourself that are answered in this episode:

• How can I change my personality?

• Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes in relationships?

• Why do I always attract the same people?

• How can I reprogram my subconscious mind?

🗓 Join the CPTSD Resolution 101 Weekend Workshop December 19–21, live on Zoom. Step out of the waiting room and into the classroom to learn the exact framework Dr. Wallace uses to help students resolve CPTSD at the root. You'll leave with a personalized plan for your CPTSD Resolution, new insight into how to leverage your existing supports more effectively, and renewed clarity about your healing path. → Save your seat at cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop

HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD

Can't stop fighting in your relationship? → Follow the Fight Smarter Field Guide — a self-guided learning experience to understand your conflict patterns and practice responses that lead to repair, not regret. https://cptsdmedicine.com/the-fight-smarter-field-guide

In a relationship, but wondering if you should leave? → Begin the Red Flag Learning Path to recognize trauma-driven patterns and rebuild your inner compass toward love that doesn't hurt. https://cptsdmedicine.com/red-flag-checklist

Just been broken up with and need answers to feel sane again? → Explore the "Why Is This Happening to Me?" Study for clarity, validation, and grounded relief after heartbreak. https://cptsdmedicine.com/why-is-this-happening

Thinking your career is hurting your love life? → Start the Overachiever's Audit Study — a 10-minute self-reflection to see where achievement has become protection and how it may be blocking intimacy. https://cptsdmedicine.com/overachievers-audit Work With Tanner 1:1 - https://cptsdmedicine.com/services

If this episode resonates and you're ready to heal your CPTSD at the root, learn more about Happily Ever After.

About Dr. Tanner Wallace

Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and IFS Level 3 Practitioner, is the creator of CPTSD Medicine, a research-grounded and spiritually integrated framework that helps high-achieving professionals resolve CPTSD at the root. Her non-pharmaceutical method unburdens trauma energies, amplifies Self Energy, and teaches Self Leadership so humans can move from survival to sovereignty. About the CPTSD Medicine Podcast

Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, the CPTSD Medicine Podcast explores CPTSD healing and trauma recovery without medication. Learn why unresolved CPTSD impacts love, work, and self-trust, and study a structured path toward secure attachment, emotional safety, and lasting love. Designed for successful professionals ready for real CPTSD resolution at the root.

Many complex trauma survivors find themselves in relationships that feel consuming, confusing, and hard to let go of. Create the kind of love that feels safe, steady, and real.

• How can I start to learn that I am worthy of the kind of love I want?
• How can I do better recognizing red flags in relationships before I give my heart?
• When should I leave a relationship?

🗓 Join the CPTSD Resolution 101 Weekend Workshop December 19–21, live on Zoom. Step out of the waiting room and into the classroom to learn the exact framework Dr. Wallace uses to help students resolve CPTSD at the root. You'll leave with a personalized plan for your CPTSD Resolution, new insight into how to leverage your existing supports more effectively, and renewed clarity about your healing path. → Save your seat at cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop

HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD

Can't stop fighting in your relationship? → Follow the Fight Smarter Field Guide — a self-guided learning experience to understand your conflict patterns and practice responses that lead to repair, not regret. https://cptsdmedicine.com/the-fight-smarter-field-guide

In a relationship, but wondering if you should leave? → Begin the Red Flag Learning Path to recognize trauma-driven patterns and rebuild your inner compass toward love that doesn't hurt. https://cptsdmedicine.com/red-flag-checklist

Just been broken up with and need answers to feel sane again? → Explore the "Why Is This Happening to Me?" Study for clarity, validation, and grounded relief after heartbreak. https://cptsdmedicine.com/why-is-this-happening

Thinking your career is hurting your love life? → Start the Overachiever's Audit Study — a 10-minute self-reflection to see where achievement has become protection and how it may be blocking intimacy. https://cptsdmedicine.com/overachievers-audit Work With Tanner 1:1 - https://cptsdmedicine.com/services

If this episode resonates and you're ready to heal your CPTSD at the root, learn more about Happily Ever After.

About Dr. Tanner Wallace

Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and IFS Level 3 Practitioner, is the creator of CPTSD Medicine, a research-grounded and spiritually integrated framework that helps high-achieving professionals resolve CPTSD at the root. Her non-pharmaceutical method unburdens trauma energies, amplifies Self Energy, and teaches Self Leadership so humans can move from survival to sovereignty. About the CPTSD Medicine Podcast

Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, the CPTSD Medicine Podcast explores CPTSD healing and trauma recovery without medication. Learn why unresolved CPTSD impacts love, work, and self-trust, and study a structured path toward secure attachment, emotional safety, and lasting love. Designed for successful professionals ready for real CPTSD resolution at the root.

When we experience overwhelming fears that we will be left, or are being left, by another human, this kind of attachment threat can feel as if we might not survive the pain. It is a very common, deeply uncomfortable, and frightening experience.

• What are the signs of abandonment issues?
• How do I heal my fear of abandonment?

HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD

Can't stop fighting in your relationship? → Follow the Fight Smarter Field Guide — a self-guided learning experience to understand your conflict patterns and practice responses that lead to repair, not regret. https://cptsdmedicine.com/the-fight-smarter-field-guide

In a relationship, but wondering if you should leave? → Begin the Red Flag Learning Path to recognize trauma-driven patterns and rebuild your inner compass toward love that doesn't hurt. https://cptsdmedicine.com/red-flag-checklist

Just been broken up with and need answers to feel sane again? → Explore the "Why Is This Happening to Me?" Study for clarity, validation, and grounded relief after heartbreak. https://cptsdmedicine.com/why-is-this-happening

Thinking your career is hurting your love life? → Start the Overachiever's Audit Study — a 10-minute self-reflection to see where achievement has become protection and how it may be blocking intimacy. https://cptsdmedicine.com/overachievers-audit Work With Tanner 1:1 - https://cptsdmedicine.com/services

If this episode resonates and you're ready to heal your CPTSD at the root, learn more about Happily Ever After.

About Dr. Tanner Wallace

Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and IFS Level 3 Practitioner, is the creator of CPTSD Medicine, a research-grounded and spiritually integrated framework that helps high-achieving professionals resolve CPTSD at the root. Her non-pharmaceutical method unburdens trauma energies, amplifies Self Energy, and teaches Self Leadership so humans can move from survival to sovereignty. About the CPTSD Medicine Podcast

Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, the CPTSD Medicine Podcast explores CPTSD healing and trauma recovery without medication. Learn why unresolved CPTSD impacts love, work, and self-trust, and study a structured path toward secure attachment, emotional safety, and lasting love. Designed for successful professionals ready for real CPTSD resolution at the root.

Am I recreating my trauma in my work life? Trauma can shape our professional success through fear, shame, and survival patterns driving impressive achievements. Reclaim your work as a reflection of your True Self instead of your trauma.

• Is my productivity a coping response to unresolved CPTSD?
• Is my entire personality a trauma response?
• Have I used achievement to feel safe?

HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD

Can't stop fighting in your relationship? → Follow the Fight Smarter Field Guide — a self-guided learning experience to understand your conflict patterns and practice responses that lead to repair, not regret. https://cptsdmedicine.com/the-fight-smarter-field-guide

In a relationship, but wondering if you should leave? → Begin the Red Flag Learning Path to recognize trauma-driven patterns and rebuild your inner compass toward love that doesn't hurt. https://cptsdmedicine.com/red-flag-checklist

Just been broken up with and need answers to feel sane again? → Explore the "Why Is This Happening to Me?" Study for clarity, validation, and grounded relief after heartbreak. https://cptsdmedicine.com/why-is-this-happening

Thinking your career is hurting your love life? → Start the Overachiever's Audit Study — a 10-minute self-reflection to see where achievement has become protection and how it may be blocking intimacy. https://cptsdmedicine.com/overachievers-audit Work With Tanner 1:1 - https://cptsdmedicine.com/services

If this episode resonates and you're ready to heal your CPTSD at the root, learn more about Happily Ever After.

About Dr. Tanner Wallace

Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and IFS Level 3 Practitioner, is the creator of CPTSD Medicine, a research-grounded and spiritually integrated framework that helps high-achieving professionals resolve CPTSD at the root. Her non-pharmaceutical method unburdens trauma energies, amplifies Self Energy, and teaches Self Leadership so humans can move from survival to sovereignty. About the CPTSD Medicine Podcast

Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, the CPTSD Medicine Podcast explores CPTSD healing and trauma recovery without medication. Learn why unresolved CPTSD impacts love, work, and self-trust, and study a structured path toward secure attachment, emotional safety, and lasting love. Designed for successful professionals ready for real CPTSD resolution at the root.

Out of every 213 people, only one is ready for this level of work, in this way, at the ideal time in their life.  Are you one of them?  Take the "1 out of 213" Quiz here to find out. 

Here's the step-by-step narrowing from a starting pool of 100 people:

1. Have CPTSD: 10
2. "I MUST" response (50% of 10): 5
3. Successful in career (75% of 5): 3.75
4. Not currently married (50% of 3.75): 1.875
5. Willing and safe to be sober and non-medicated (25% of 1.875): 0.46875

Final expected number out of 100: = 0.47 people

That's about 1 in 213 people.

CPTSD Medicine Self Study

In a relationship, but wondering if you should leave? → Begin the Red Flag Learning Path to recognize trauma-driven patterns and rebuild your inner compass toward love that doesn’t hurt.

Just been broken up with and need answers to feel sane again? → Explore the “Why Is This Happening to Me?” Study for clarity, validation, and grounded relief after heartbreak.

Thinking your career is hurting your love life? → Start the Overachiever’s Audit Study — a 10-minute self-reflection to see where achievement has become protection and how it may be blocking intimacy. Can’t stop fighting in your relationship? → Follow the Fight Smarter Field Guide — a self-guided learning experience to understand your conflict patterns and practice responses that lead to repair, not regret.

Continue your Self Study at cptsdmedicine.com/selfstudy

Each Learning Path begins with the questions that keep you up at night and reveals the truths most therapies never name.

Move from possession by trauma energies to life led by Self Energy. Work With Tanner

Enrollment is open for Happily Ever After, the six-month CPTSD Resolution and trauma recovery experience for high-functioning professionals. If this episode resonates and you’re ready to heal your CPTSD at the root, learn more about Happily Ever After. About Dr. Tanner Wallace

Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and IFS Level 3 Practitioner, is the creator of CPTSD Medicine, a research-grounded and spiritually integrated framework that helps high-achieving professionals resolve CPTSD at the root. Her non-pharmaceutical method unburdens trauma energies, amplifies Self Energy, and teaches Self Leadership so humans can move from survival to sovereignty. About the CPTSD Medicine Podcast

Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, the CPTSD Medicine Podcast explores CPTSD healing and trauma recovery without medication. Learn why unresolved CPTSD impacts love, work, and self-trust, and study a structured path toward secure attachment, emotional safety, and lasting love. Designed for successful professionals ready for real CPTSD resolution at the root.

How do I become more confident? Learn what confidence feels like in the body, how to recognize the trauma patterns that disguise themselves as humility or caution, and how to rebuild trust in your own strength and perspective.

• How to deal with low confidence?
• What steps can I take to be more confident in myself?

Confidence Self Energy MasterClass

In this class you will study and practice:

• Hold intense emotion without losing yourself
• Identify the ways you abandon yourself when you feel like you are too much
• Notice who in your life undermines your access to Confidence Self Energy

This is for you if:

• You want to come off medication with your prescriber's guidance, and you want training first in holding intensity
• You know you need to leave a relationship, and fear is stopping you
• You accept poor treatment at home or work, and you are ready to change that pattern
• You are not setting adequate boundaries with your children, and that scares you
• You want to be more visible online, and you are afraid to be seen

Join the 3-Day Confidence MasterClass ($100) →

HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD

Can't stop fighting in your relationship? → Follow the Fight Smarter Field Guide — a self-guided learning experience to understand your conflict patterns and practice responses that lead to repair, not regret. https://cptsdmedicine.com/the-fight-smarter-field-guide

In a relationship, but wondering if you should leave? → Begin the Red Flag Learning Path to recognize trauma-driven patterns and rebuild your inner compass toward love that doesn't hurt. https://cptsdmedicine.com/red-flag-checklist

Just been broken up with and need answers to feel sane again? → Explore the "Why Is This Happening to Me?" Study for clarity, validation, and grounded relief after heartbreak. https://cptsdmedicine.com/why-is-this-happening

Thinking your career is hurting your love life? → Start the Overachiever's Audit Study — a 10-minute self-reflection to see where achievement has become protection and how it may be blocking intimacy. https://cptsdmedicine.com/overachievers-audit Work With Tanner 1:1 - https://cptsdmedicine.com/services

If this episode resonates and you're ready to heal your CPTSD at the root, learn more about Happily Ever After.

About Dr. Tanner Wallace

Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and IFS Level 3 Practitioner, is the creator of CPTSD Medicine, a research-grounded and spiritually integrated framework that helps high-achieving professionals resolve CPTSD at the root. Her non-pharmaceutical method unburdens trauma energies, amplifies Self Energy, and teaches Self Leadership so humans can move from survival to sovereignty. About the CPTSD Medicine Podcast

Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, the CPTSD Medicine Podcast explores CPTSD healing and trauma recovery without medication. Learn why unresolved CPTSD impacts love, work, and self-trust, and study a structured path toward secure attachment, emotional safety, and lasting love. Designed for successful professionals ready for real CPTSD resolution at the root.

Three ways to begin rebuilding that trust today. These practices will help you move from confusion and self-doubt into clarity and confidence.

• Do people with C-PTSD self-sabotage?
• How to trust myself?
• How do you overcome trust issues?

HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD

Can't stop fighting in your relationship? → Follow the Fight Smarter Field Guide — a self-guided learning experience to understand your conflict patterns and practice responses that lead to repair, not regret. https://cptsdmedicine.com/the-fight-smarter-field-guide

In a relationship, but wondering if you should leave? → Begin the Red Flag Learning Path to recognize trauma-driven patterns and rebuild your inner compass toward love that doesn't hurt. https://cptsdmedicine.com/red-flag-checklist

Just been broken up with and need answers to feel sane again? → Explore the "Why Is This Happening to Me?" Study for clarity, validation, and grounded relief after heartbreak. https://cptsdmedicine.com/why-is-this-happening

Thinking your career is hurting your love life? → Start the Overachiever's Audit Study — a 10-minute self-reflection to see where achievement has become protection and how it may be blocking intimacy. https://cptsdmedicine.com/overachievers-audit Work With Tanner 1:1 - https://cptsdmedicine.com/services

If this episode resonates and you're ready to heal your CPTSD at the root, learn more about Happily Ever After.

About Dr. Tanner Wallace

Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and IFS Level 3 Practitioner, is the creator of CPTSD Medicine, a research-grounded and spiritually integrated framework that helps high-achieving professionals resolve CPTSD at the root. Her non-pharmaceutical method unburdens trauma energies, amplifies Self Energy, and teaches Self Leadership so humans can move from survival to sovereignty. About the CPTSD Medicine Podcast

Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, the CPTSD Medicine Podcast explores CPTSD healing and trauma recovery without medication. Learn why unresolved CPTSD impacts love, work, and self-trust, and study a structured path toward secure attachment, emotional safety, and lasting love. Designed for successful professionals ready for real CPTSD resolution at the root.

How do I know when it is time to call it quits in a relationship? Five powerful inquiries to explore before you make the choice to stay or go. These practices will help you pause, contain the intensity of your emotions, and bring discernment into a decision that could shape the rest of your life.

• How to know whether to stay or go in a relationship?
• What are the signs a relationship is failing?

A protocol for tapering long-term antidepressant use https://www.releasetoolkit.com.au/release-toolkit-for-consumers#antidepressant-tapering-plans

NOTE: I recommend that you share and discuss the RELEASE resources with your doctor. The information in the RELEASE resources is not medical advice. The RELEASE resources have been designed to help your doctor to help you.

HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD

Can't stop fighting in your relationship? → Follow the Fight Smarter Field Guide — a self-guided learning experience to understand your conflict patterns and practice responses that lead to repair, not regret. https://cptsdmedicine.com/the-fight-smarter-field-guide

In a relationship, but wondering if you should leave? → Begin the Red Flag Learning Path to recognize trauma-driven patterns and rebuild your inner compass toward love that doesn't hurt. https://cptsdmedicine.com/red-flag-checklist

Just been broken up with and need answers to feel sane again? → Explore the "Why Is This Happening to Me?" Study for clarity, validation, and grounded relief after heartbreak. https://cptsdmedicine.com/why-is-this-happening

Thinking your career is hurting your love life? → Start the Overachiever's Audit Study — a 10-minute self-reflection to see where achievement has become protection and how it may be blocking intimacy. https://cptsdmedicine.com/overachievers-audit Work With Tanner 1:1 - https://cptsdmedicine.com/services

If this episode resonates and you're ready to heal your CPTSD at the root, learn more about Happily Ever After.

About Dr. Tanner Wallace

Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and IFS Level 3 Practitioner, is the creator of CPTSD Medicine, a research-grounded and spiritually integrated framework that helps high-achieving professionals resolve CPTSD at the root. Her non-pharmaceutical method unburdens trauma energies, amplifies Self Energy, and teaches Self Leadership so humans can move from survival to sovereignty. About the CPTSD Medicine Podcast

Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, the CPTSD Medicine Podcast explores CPTSD healing and trauma recovery without medication. Learn why unresolved CPTSD impacts love, work, and self-trust, and study a structured path toward secure attachment, emotional safety, and lasting love. Designed for successful professionals ready for real CPTSD resolution at the root.