Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami answer participant questions about the challenges of rebuilding trust in a betrayed relationship and the importance of focusing on what you can do as a betrayed partner instead of focusing on what your addict partner can't or shouldn't do.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:40] My reluctant, betrayed spouse has been gone for a year. How can I approach them about my behavior?

[6:43] I feel like I'm seeing the world through a different lens in recovery. Is this typical?

[10:33] How can I better understand my partner's damage and betrayal trauma?

[14:04] I think my spouse is lying about his recovery and he failed his porn addiction test. Now what?

[22:45] What resources are available to learn more about addiction so I can better understand my loved one?

[27:02] I don't trust my partner's CSAT because of my history with unhelpful counselors. What can I do to improve our dynamic all around?

[33:25] What are some actionable ways I can rebuild trust with my betrayed partner?

[39:25] What is the best 12-Step recovery program for me?

[44:05] I can't stop lying to my betrayed spouse. Is this a slippery slope back into addiction?

[51:16] My partner has multiple addictions and is compartmentalizing recovery. Is this the best approach?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: [email protected]

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• "If you choose to leave your partner, you don't do it to make them do something differently."

• "While in recovery, we have to look at the world through a different lens."

• "Getting sober is not about not doing things."

• "If we're not in recovery, we are not living in integrity. But if we're willing to change, we can have an amazing life."

• "You cannot fix a problem with intimacy and connection and loneliness while the person is still acting out."

• "A spouses job is to take care of themselves, their self-care and their boundaries, not to focus on you."

• "Being honest takes practice if you've been lying forever."