Dr. Rob and Tami discuss the arousal template and the meaning behind escalation in addiction. Behaviors themselves are rarely as important as the reasons why the behavior is happening in the first place.  What steps does an addict need to take to stop acting out in addictive and harmful ways? How can all involved parties get the support that they need when working through trauma, and where should the intimacy focus be placed in every step of recovery? 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[0:25] My husband’s porn addiction has grown to include trans sex. What does this mean about his arousal template? 

[4:35] What role does escalation play in porn addiction?

[9:12] Why do sex addicts have delusions, and can they be cured?

[11:56] Examples of delusional thinking and the harm it can do.

[13:48] I am the addict. What is the best way to get started with sex recovery? 

[19:15] The one thing Dr. Rob knows is true in every recovery situation is that no one can do it alone. 

[19:45] I’m one month into recovery - is it time for fun and safe games for reconnection with my wife?

[26:45] Consultation options with Dr. Rob for anyone who is seeking hope and validation.

[29:01] Recommendations for formal disclosure for a recovering addict should come from the therapist they are working with.

[32:40] Is a period of abstinence necessary? The simple answer is YES. Now is the time to work through trauma.

[38:10] If your spouse was an alcoholic, 30 days of sobriety would merely be the first step toward recovery. Sex addicts can abstain while focusing on healing. 

[40:02] What is the difference between high libido and sex addiction? 

[44:15] The top 15 activities for creating intimacy does not include sex. 

[44:53] Is a straight man watching gay porn seeking trauma reenactment?

[48:51] What matters most is not what is happening but why it’s happening in the first place. 

[50:15] Gay is a way of living, not just who you are attracted to. 

[53:08] Understanding the why behind betrayal is not going to take away the pain, but doing the work to find peace and stability will. 

 

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: [email protected]

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

 

QUOTES

• “There are many things that we are curious about that we don’t act out in real life.” 

• “Delusional thinking means ‘I lie to myself first, and then I lie to everyone else’.”

• “You can’t do this alone.  You cannot do this alone.” 

• “You do not want to have sex with someone that you don’t trust.” 

• “The issues that you’re dealing with as an addict are so much bigger than sex.”