Love can feel intoxicating. The chemistry, the obsession, the constant thinking about someone, the emotional highs and lows. But just because love feels intense does not mean it is healthy.

In this episode, John Kim explores one of the most important relationship questions you can ask yourself: Is your love acting like a drug, or is it becoming medicine?

He breaks down how love can become something you use to regulate your worth, soothe your anxiety, or escape yourself. He also explains how healthy love, while not always comfortable, can become a powerful place for self-awareness, healing, and growth.

John unpacks the difference between addictive love and healing love, why intensity is not always intimacy, and how attachment wounds can disguise themselves as chemistry. He also shares what needs to happen for love to shift from something that destabilizes you to something that helps you become more grounded, honest, and self-connected.

If you have ever confused passion with pain, chased reassurance, or lost yourself trying to hold onto a relationship, this episode will help you look at love more clearly.

A self-check for your relationship

Your internal state

Do I feel anxious more than I feel grounded in this connection or relationship?

Your behavior
Do I change how I show up based on how they are acting?
Do I overgive, overtext, or overexplain when I feel distance?
Do I ignore things that do not feel right to keep the connection?
Do I try to manage how they see me instead of just being myself?

Your relationship to discomfort
When I feel triggered, do I reach for them instead of sitting with myself?
Do I avoid conflict to keep things good?
Do I stay longer than I should because of potential?
Do I confuse intimacy with intensity?

Your clarity
Do I know where I stand, or am I often guessing?
Am I in love with who they are or who I hope they will become?
Am I choosing them, or am I trying to be chosen?

Your identity
Do I feel more like myself in this relationship or less?
Am I proud of how I show up here?
If this ended today, would I feel broken or grounded in myself?

Final question
In this relationship, am I trying to feel better, or am I trying to become better?

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4

📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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