A University of Auckland led study has investigated how parents discuss setbacks with their children - and the correlation with a child's fear of making mistakes.

A University of Auckland led study has investigated how parents discuss setbacks with their children - and the correlation with a child's fear of making mistakes.

Associate Professor of Psychology Elizabeth Peterson is with us to discuss the findings and explore ways to talk to your children about disappointment and making mistakes.

Is the language used crucial? And what else makes it easier for kids to cope with disappointment?

The study been published in the British Journal of Educational Psychology.

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Tips and tricks for keeping your cool with your children.

Tips and tricks for keeping your cool with your children. Many parents will have had moments with their kids they're not proud of, and they've yelled at their children in the moment. Jackie Riach is a psychologist and manager of parenting organisation Triple P New Zealand. She shares strategies for not "losing it".

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Clinical and health psychologist Dr Toni Lindsay says anxiety is a bit like chocolate: a little bit is ok, but too much can make you spin out.

"Anxiety is going to show up anyway and us fighting with it or trying to get rid of it actually just makes us really exhausted."

While it can be "really, really uncomfortable" anxiety is a natural experience we can learn to work with, says clinical psychologist Dr Toni Lindsay.

Her new book Everything Anxiety Told You Is a Lie is a therapeutic guide for 14 to 25-year-olds.

Listen to the full interview with Dr Toni Lindsay

With pandemic-and-device stunted social skills and a deep sensitivity to existential threats, today's young people have it tough when it comes to anxiety, Dr Lindsay tells Kathryn Ryan.

When it hits, she says simple breathing exercises are a great way to soothe the part of our brain that is panicking.

Simply focus on counting your breathing or breathe in for three seconds and then breathe out for three seconds as many times as you need to.

Even when panic seems to catch you unaware, it probably relates to some anxiety bubbling away in the back of your mind, Dr Lindsay says.

Once you identify what you're anxious about, ask whether or not it's something that's fixable by you - for example, is it fear of the climate crisis or repeatedly showing up late to your job?

Writing down everything that comes into your brain for two minutes can also be revealing.

'You'll kind of notice really quickly the bits that you can do something with... 'that's just my brain coming out with rubbish' because it looks really different when it's on paper."

Making friends with difficult feelings like anxiety - rather than trying to keep them at arm's length - is central to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, the framework Dr Lindsay works with.

One therapeutic strategy she uses a lot with young people is encouraging them to view the different parts of their minds - ie Anxiety Guy or Procrastination Guy - as characters who pop in at different times.

"Then what happens is when anxiety shows up you might have someone saying 'Oh, Anxiety Guy's showed up. He's yabbering away today, isn't he.

"Being able to say 'Oh, anxiety showed up but that's okay. I know what to do with that. Nothing bad happens when anxiety comes, it's just uncomfortable,' that's a really, really powerful thing ... because the thing showing up isn't the problem."

When it comes to the social anxiety that afflicts so many young people, showing up is actually part of the remedy, Dr Lindsay says. …

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Wellington speech and language therapist Christian Wright discusses the different spoken language stages preschoolers go through as they learn to talk.

Wellington speech and language therapist Christian Wright discusses the different spoken language stages preschoolers go through as they learn to talk.

He shares language stimulation strategies for parents to help children's language development.

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Psychologist Jacqui Maguire discusses tips and advice for parents struggling to carry the mental load of parenting, family life and work.

Psychologist Jacqui Maguire discusses tips and advice for parents struggling to carry the mental load of parenting, family life and work.

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How young is too young to watch Stranger Things (M with a content warning)? What do you tell a 16-year-old who wants to watch Euphoria (R18 so actually illegal for those 17 and under)? To make informed decisions about safe family viewing, parents should take into account not only ratings and content warnings but also their child's individual sensitivities, says Kate Whitaker from New Zealand's Classification Office.

How young is too young to watch Stranger Things (M with a content warning)?

What do you tell a 16-year-old who wants to watch Euphoria? (R18 so actually illegal for those 17 and under)?

To make informed decisions about safe family viewing, parents should take into account not only ratings and content warnings but also their child's individual sensitivities, says Kate Whitaker from New Zealand's Classification Office.

Listen to the interview

The Classification Office website has information about how ratings are assigned, how parents can decide whether the content is right for their child and how to use parental controls. Their Find a Rating tool has information about thousands of movies, TV shows and video games.

In New Zealand, the content classifications are G (for general audiences), PG (parental guidance recommended, M (recommended for mature audiences 16 years and over), R16 and R18 (legal only for viewing by people these ages and over) and also a unique rating RP13, RP16 and RP18 (not recommended for those under these ages unless accompanied by an adult).

Different children can have very different reactions to the same content, Whitaker says, and the breadth of content given a PG rating in particular makes this classification "a very tricky one" for parents to navigate, Whitaker says.

Recently, her office heard from a 12-year-old boy who went to see the PG-rated Kung Fu Panda 2 with his grandparents and the trailer for another PG-rated film (Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire) gave him and his younger brother nightmares.

To support a child faced with something that they find disturbing, Whitaker recommends using practical strategies. Hitting the 'mute' button on behalf of her "highly sensitive" four-year-old is her own first move.

"Or she blocks her ears when something scary happens because once you take away that sound, it takes away that 'scare factor'. We then tell her she can close her eyes. She could leave the room and or we could fast-forward."

As teenagers sometimes love to scare their younger siblings with sensitive content, it's important families have frequent conversations about appropriate viewing together, she says…

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When Rob and Zareen Cope's four children began wanting phones and screens, the pair decided to dive into the research. They travelled overseas talking with experts and made a documentary. Today, the Cope's company - Our Kids Online - educates parents about the dangers of handheld devices and the internet-age, and how best to mitigate them. They spoke to around 500 parents in Wellington last night.

Parents need to take more control over their children's online activity, a Kiwi couple who run an online education, company say.

When Rob and Zareen Cope's four children began wanting phones and screens, the pair decided to dive into the research.

They travelled overseas talking with experts and made a documentary Our Kids Online: Porn, Predators & How to Keep Them Safe about it.

Their company, Our Kids Online, educates parents about the dangers of handheld devices and social media.

Wherever children gather online, so too potentially will predators, Rob Cope told Nine to Noon.

"We need to create a safe place in our homes so that if something has gone down with our kids, they feel like they can come and talk to us about it," he said.

If a child has, for example, sent a nude there will be a lot of shame attached to it, he said.

"They're very unlikely to tell their parents, but we need to create a space in our homes where we say to our kids, hey, if you're ever exposed to something online that either scares you, or it's sexual in nature, you just need to talk about it, come and have a chat to me, I want to walk you through this. And then it's just a matter of without shame, having the conversation with the kid."

He doesn't believe children should be on social media before the age of 16.

"We need to do the research and look at how it's affecting the mental health of our kids. Last year the state of Utah made social media 18 plus, it's now illegal to sign up in Utah unless you're over 18 years old. The mayor of New York City in February this year, filed lawsuits against all the major social media companies for the destruction of the mental health of the youth because they're paying out over $100 million a year trying to help these kids.

"Australia's looking at the moment and making it a 16 plus. A lot of experts in New Zealand are saying social media should be a 16, if not an 18 plus for kids, because they're just not ready for it."

The pressure from children and their friends to be on social media does not trump parental responsibility, he said…

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Starting baby on solids can be a daunting prospect, no matter how many kids you have - since every child's food journey is different. Baby led weaning or spoon feeding? How to introduce potential allergens into their diet? How much is enough? Australian-based duo Julia Tellidis and Lauren Skora are a clinical nutritionist and baby nutrition consultant who have have teamed up to create what they've called 'Baby Food Bible'. In addition to extensive information about the whens and hows of introducing solids to a baby's diet, it's also chock-full of recipes designed to appeal to the fussiest little eaters.

Starting baby on solids can be a daunting prospect, no matter how many kids you have - since every child's food journey is different. Baby led weaning or spoon feeding? How to introduce potential allergens into their diet? How much is enough?

Australian-based duo Julia Tellidis and Lauren Skora are a clinical nutritionist and baby nutrition consultant who have have teamed up to create what they've called 'Baby Food Bible'. In addition to extensive information about the whens and hows of introducing solids to a baby's diet, it's also chock-full of recipes designed to appeal to the fussiest little eaters.

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How do you encourage children to start making their own decisions? And at what age should they be able to do this with confidence? First off, it's all about helping them build "decision-making scaffolding", education specialist Mark Osborne tells Nine to Noon.

How do you encourage children to start making their own decisions? And at what age should they be able to do this with confidence?

First off, it's all about helping them build "decision-making scaffolding", education specialist Mark Osborne tells Nine to Noon.

Listen to the full conversation

Mark Osborne is the founder of Leading Learning and has worked with schools throughout Australasia, North and South America, Europe and Asia.

The skills needed for decision-making are goal setting, planning, organising and managing time and resources, monitoring progress and reflection, Osborne says.

To foster these in your children, he recommends the following:

Don't be a "snowplough parent"

The 'snowplough parent' tries to clear all obstructions and the blockages from a child's path to make their life go smoothly, Osborne says.

"We know that that just delays the inevitable as when they eventually leave home, they're going to need these skills."

Build a skills scaffold

Imagine you're thinking about taking the dog for a walk and talk through your decision-making process, Osborne suggests.

"We might start with saying 'Well, okay, let's take the dog for a walk. What do we need to get done? We need to make sure that we've got all the things that we need in order to go for the dog walk."

Many considerations will be going through your head almost automatically, but making a checklist to verbalise will be the initial "scaffold" for modelling the process.

"We need to have a look out the window and see what the weather's doing.

"We'll need the lead, won't we? And we'll probably need, if the weather's looking a bit dark, we'll need to need a raincoat."

As time goes on, you might then invite a young person into the decision-making process, Osborne says.

Eventually the scaffold won't be needed and the child will have formed their own routine.

FAIL - First Attempt At Learning

The most important thing is not necessarily whether the child succeeds in their decision-making, he says, but what they learn along the way.

We need to create a "pro-learning" culture in schools and also in our families…

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Gratitude journals have been embraced by some adults in recent years - but what about children? An electrician turned writer, and an Auckland teacher have now created a wellbeing journal for tamariki - Piki te Ora. Hira Nathan trained as an electrician, it is still his day job, but has always had a passion for writing. He has already written a bilingual gratitude journal for adults- Whakawhetai. And now Hira has teamed with Pike te Ora co author, Jessie Eyre who is a teacher at Western Heights School in Henderson.

Gratitude journals have been embraced by some adults in recent years - but what about children?

An electrician turned writer, and an Auckland teacher have now created a wellbeing journal for tamariki - Piki te Ora.

Hira Nathan trained as an electrician, it is still his day job, but he has always had a passion for writing.

He has already written a bilingual gratitude journal for adults- Whakawhetai.

And now Hira has teamed with Pike te Ora co author, Jessie Eyre who is a teacher at Western Heights School in Henderson.

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details