People with high conflict personalities have strong unconscious fears that are easily triggered: abandonment; humiliation, being dominated; ignored; and other major losses. When triggered, this is a greater concern with high conflict people than with the average person. 

In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss:

• the types of losses that can trigger high risk:
  • divorce
  • new relationship partner
  • job termination
  • eviction
  • neighbor dispute
  • other losses
• whether these are predictable 
• how to be aware
• how to protect yourself and handle:
  • divorce situations when delivering bad news or other big changes
  • workplace situations, especially when disciplining or terminating someone’s employment
  • neighborhood/homeowner’s or condo association meetings 

Links & Other Notes

• BOOKS
  • Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
  • BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns
  • BIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace Communication
  • : Your Guide to Difficult Workplace Communication
  • Calming Upset People with EAR

Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

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Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Stopping yourself in a high-conflict situation doesn’t come naturally for most. We get frustrated when things escalate quickly and wonder why we took the bait once again. Of course, the brain is involved so it comes down to unconscious reactions, but can they be overcome? Can we get emotionally unhooked?

In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss:

• the dilemmas that come from people with high conflict personalities, instead of solutions
• why we get hooked by their dilemmas — the brain interactions
• how to override our defaults when they happen on the spot
• why we need to stop and use a Dilemmas & Decisions list before diving in with our natural defaults when we have time to think
• Doing Instead of Stewing

Links & Other Notes

• BOOKS
  • It’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything (see Chapter 9: Analyze Your Realistic Options)
• COURSE
  • Are You Talking to the Wrong Brain?
  • Who Are High Conflict People?
• ARTICLES
  • HCPs and Violence
  • HCPs, Loss and Violence

Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Did you know if brainwashing of a child is real in divorce and/or co-parenting? In parental alienation (child alienation), families are divided but is brainwashing behind it? A part of it? Or not at all?

In today’s episode, Megan interviews Bill about his latest findings on this topic, which is one of the most challenging and painful life experiences that families go through. They will discuss:

• quick explanation of what parental alienation is 
• why use the strong term of brainwashing
• the role of neurons in a child’s brain
• why parental alienation seems to take hold primarily between the ages of 9 and 14, or does it?
• why alienated children have such strange or frivolous reasons why they resist or refuse contact with one of their parents
• why the child’s rejection or hatred of one parent is so pure and extreme, and not at all ambivalent
• an example of a 15-year-old girl who wrote a letter to her divorced father intending to end all contact with him
  • what happened in that case
  • what can be learned from it
  • what should have happened

Links & Other Notes

• WEBINAR: How Brainwashing Works on a Child’s Brain 
• BOOK:  Don’t Alienate the Kids
• BOOK: Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder 
• ARTICLE:  Does Ridicule Stop Alienation?
• ARTICLE: Child Alienation: “1000 Little Bricks”
• ARTICLE: Handling Alienation in New Ways for Families®

Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

The Second City – where countless actors and comedians got their start. They’ve been bringing the funny for over 60 years. Now the first name in improve and comedy, they’ve expanded well beyond the stage and into business, wellness, education and so much more. 

Kelly Leonard, Executive Director of Learning and Applied Improvisation at The Second City, joins Bill and Megan in this episode to talk about improvisation, creativity, and whether and how it can be used in conflict communication – especially in high conflict interactions. For over twenty years, he oversaw Second City’s live theatrical divisions working with such talent as Tina Fey, Stephen Colbert, Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers, Steve Carrell, and others.

In this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Kelly’s book, Yes, And
• improvisation and creativity beyond the stage
• allowing anything to be on the table
• differences between creativity and innovation
• allowing yourself to be a human being
• the effect of the body on the brain and anxiety (he’ll talk about what can be seen on an MRI when a smile is involved)
• so much more

Links & Other Notes:

• KELLY’S BOOK
  • Yes, And: How Improvisation Reverses "No, But" Thinking and Improves Creativity and Collaboration--Lessons from The Second City
• KELLY’S PODCAST
  • "Getting to Yes, And"
• KELLY’S TEDxBroadwayTalk
  • Embrace Your Failures
• KELLY’S COURSES
  • The Second City

Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Erasing Family. In this age of cancellation, it’s not so rare. In the divorce and child custody (family court) world, cancellation has been a “thing” for a long time. Cancellation of the child’s other parent and even extended family is common. 

In this episode, Bill and Megan are joined by Ginger Gentile, director of the Erasing Family documentary. Erasing Family follows young adults fighting to reunite with their broken families. Part emotional roller coaster, part investigative exposé, the film “follows the money” to expose why loving moms and dads are erased from their kid’s lives by divorce. 

Bill and Megan will talk with Ginger about the documentary and discuss:

• why kids are often unaware they are alienated from a parent
• what should a parent say and do when their child says they never want to see them again
• what to do when a child refuses all contact with a parent, if anything
• top mistakes a parent makes when reuniting with a parent
• how long it can take to reunite - whether it’s a process or can it be resolved in a day
• the patterns that all families who reunite follow
• biggest changes in alienation in the last decade
• self-care in alienation
• listener questions focused on:
  • getting through to the other parent just how damaging their behavior is on the kids; and protecting them from other parents behavior without also engaging in alienation
  • how to handle other family members who have been pulled into the conflict

Links & Other Notes

• GINGER GENTILE’S WEBSITE & DOCUMENTARY
  • ErasingFamily.Org
• BOOKS
  • Don’t Alienate the Kids
  • BIFF for Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails and Social Media Posts
• PROGRAMS/COURSES
  • New Ways for Families for Parents & Children

Our website at High Conflict Institute: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

“Listening People Into Existence.” In this second episode with Doug Noll of the Prison of Peace program, Bill and Megan continue their conversation about this program that leads incarcerated individuals through intensive workshops to become Peacemakers, and eventually Certified Trainers who go out into their communities after their release, using their new peacemaking skills. 

In this episode, Doug continues telling us about:

• success stories
• the skill of affect labeling and the research behind it
• recidivism rates for those who have been through the program
• where it’s been and is being implemented, and preparing for massive growth

Listen in as Doug, Megan and Bill dig deep into why this program works.

Links & Other Notes

• DOUG NOLL’S WEBSITE & BOOKS
  • https://dougnoll.com/podcast/high-conflict-institute/
  • https://www.prisonofpeace.org/

Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

“From Serving Life to a Life of Service.” This is the motto of the Prison of Peace program created by Doug Noll and Laurel Kaufer, two lawyers with big hearts from California. Through Prison of Peace, incarcerated individuals are led through intensive workshops as they progress through the various program levels from Peacemaker to Certified Trainer, mastering the art of communication and conflict resolution, enabling them to create safer, more peaceful lives for themselves and others, in prison and beyond.

In today’s episode, the first of a two-parter, Bill and Megan are joined by Doug Noll who will talk about the transformative Prison of Peace program. They discuss:

• what the program is and how it works
• how it started
• what led inmates to being incarcerated (think trauma background)
• program success
• whether it can work for everyone

Listen in as Doug talks about “Listening people into existence” in this first episode of two.

Links & Other Notes

• DOUG NOLL’S WEBSITE & BOOKS
  • https://dougnoll.com/podcast/high-conflict-institute/
  • https://www.prisonofpeace.org/

Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

In workplace conflict, handling complaints, upset employees and high conflict situations is taxing, leaving many organizations feeling stuck or without options other than termination or throwing hands up in the air and living with it. But there is a method to help employees learn necessary skills — a method called New Ways for Work: Personal Skills for Productive Relationships.

In this episode, Bill and Megan are joined by Cherolyn Knapp, lawyer, mediator, workplace investigator and HCI’s newest speaker/trainer. Together they will discuss:

• high conflict situations in the workplace
• whether conflict increased during covid and if so, why
• observations about how HR, coaches, management and others handle high conflict situations — and whether what they’re doing is working
• New Ways for Work as a skills-building tool for helping calm high conflict situations by teaching skills 
• how New Ways for Work can help anyone who coaches challenging workplace conflict, including high conflict situations
• Cherolyn’s top 3 tips for HR, coaches, anyone working with high conflict situations

Links & Other Notes

• COURSE
  • New Ways for Work® Training Registration
• BOOKS
  • New Ways for Work® Coaching Manual
    or on Amazon 
  • New Ways for Work® Workbookor on Amazon
  • It’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict People
    or on Amazon
  • BIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace Communication
    or on Amazon
• ARTICLES
  • New Ways for Work: A New Coaching Method
  • Why Can't They Get It? - What to do when coworkers and employees have no idea how they behave.
• GUEST BIO
  • https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/about

Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

In high conflict divorce, accusations of parental alienation are common and cause tremendous distress for everyone involved, including the courts. But is it truly alienation? Or is it estrangement? What’s the difference? It’s important to understand the difference.

In this episode, Megan quizzes Bill on the similarities and differences and Bill talks about the theories he’s developed and written about in several books, most specifically in Don’t Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High Conflict Divorce. 

Links & Other Notes

• BOOKS
  • Don’t Alienate the Kids
  • Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
• COURSES
  • New Ways for Families Co-Parenting Playbook (online course)
  • Dealing with High Conflict People in Family Law Cases
• ARTICLES
  • 1,000 Little Bricks Can Build a Wall of Child Alienation
  • Alienation Update

Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Interactions with someone with a high conflict personality often become contentious and you may eventually get upset, storm off, or simply feel inadequate. We’re often left wondering why our best skills don’t work in these interactions. 

A primary reason for this is because we often respond in a way that doesn’t work — our own defaults that work well with most people. 

There are 4 Fuhgedaboudits in high conflict interactions that will revolutionize them. They are necessary but we often forget about the 4 Fuhgedaboudits.

In this episode, Megan and Bill will explain what they are and why they’re so important.

Links & Other Notes

• BOOKS
  • Mediating High Conflict Disputes
  • It’s All Your Fault!
  • 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
• ARTICLES
  • When to let go of insight as a reasonable objective?
  • 4 Mistakes to Avoid When Dealing with Difficult People
  • The 4 “Fugetaboutits” in High Conflict Mediation

Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!