Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast

High-conflict divorce doesn't end when the papers are signed. It lives on in the next generation, and often in the very patterns adults bring into their own marriages. In this episode, Karen McMahon sits down with Dr. Sharon Martin to unpack how growing up in a dysfunctional or high-conflict home quietly shapes the adults those children become, showing up years later as codependency, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and conflict avoidance.

Karen and Dr. Martin trace how a child's instinct to stay safe around unpredictable or explosive parents can calcify into lifelong habits of self-abandonment, and why so many adults find themselves recreating the very dynamics they swore they'd leave behind. The conversation moves into practical territory, too, exploring what healthy boundaries actually look like, how they differ for a difficult parent versus a difficult boss or friend, and why self-compassion is the starting point for breaking the cycle rather than the reward at the end of it. Karen shares personal stories from her own divorce and parenting journey, and listeners walk away with concrete ways to spot these patterns in themselves and in their children, and real tools to begin interrupting them now.

Dr. Sharon Martin is a licensed psychotherapist with over 25 years of experience helping adult children of dysfunctional families untangle the long-term effects of their upbringing, and the author of several self-help books along with a free re-parenting guide available on her website.

Connect with Dr. Sharon

• Website: https://livewellwithsharonmartin.com/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sharonmartinlcsw/,
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_sharon_martin/
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SharonMartin
• Free Gift: 12 Tips for Overcoming Perfectionism (one of over 30 self-help tools available in my free resource library): https://www.livewellwithsharonmartin.com/free/

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

• Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com
• Free Divorce Support Network Gift: https://divorcesupportnetwork.com/jbdpod

You've made the decision, or maybe it's been made for you. Either way, most people do what feels urgent: call a lawyer in a panic, tell their spouse too soon, move out of the house without thinking it through. Those early moves can follow you through the whole process. In this episode, Karen McMahon shares the five essentials to get right before you file, so you move forward with clarity and a plan instead of fear.

First, investigate your legal rights, talk to a matrimonial attorney in your jurisdiction before you do anything else, so you understand where you stand on finances, assets, and custody. Second, share the decision strategically, using the BIFF approach (brief, informative, firm, friendly) and a real plan for timing and safety. Third, redefine home life, someone moves out of the master bedroom, and new household rules go into place so your actions match your words. Fourth, tell the kids with a simple, age-appropriate message: we love you, it's going to be okay, you'll still see both of us. Fifth, create a temporary parenting plan and trial a shared schedule, which becomes valuable data for negotiating custody later.

Karen also covers whether you actually need a lawyer (almost always, yes) and how to file.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

• Smart Start Pre-Divorce Checklist: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/pre-divorce-checklist
• Explore Divorce Support Network: https://divorcesupportnetwork.com/
• Book a Rapid Relief Call: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/rapid-relief-call

Divorce after 50 looks nothing like divorce in your 30s or 40s. Custody battles and parenting plans give way to a different kind of high-stakes negotiation, one centered almost entirely on money: retirement accounts, pensions, Social Security, and spousal support. And with gray divorce rates doubling since 1990 for people over 50, and tripling for those over 65, Karen McMahon believes this is a conversation more couples urgently need.

In this episode of the Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast, Karen sits down with Andrew Hatherly, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), trained mediator, and founder of Transcend Retirement and Wiser Divorce Solutions. Andrew is also the host of The Gray Divorce Podcast, and after navigating his own midlife divorce, has made it his mission to help others understand exactly what's financially at stake before they sign a settlement.

Karen and Andrew unpack why gray divorce carries a far higher financial risk than divorce earlier in life, since there's simply less runway to rebuild retirement savings after a late-life split. They explore why bringing a financial expert to the table, alongside an attorney and a divorce coach, is essential in any high conflict divorce, and especially critical when a marriage has spanned decades and retirement accounts, pensions, and home equity are all on the table.

The conversation covers what men and women both need to understand about marital property, why "his" retirement account is actually a shared marital asset, and why spousal support calculations vary so widely from state to state. Andrew breaks down a critical but often-overlooked Social Security rule: spouses married 10 years or longer may be entitled to claim benefits based on their former spouse's earnings record, without reducing what their ex-spouse receives, and why couples approaching that 10-year mark should think carefully about timing. They also discuss the tax implications of dividing different types of retirement accounts, why a $500,000 Roth IRA and a $500,000 traditional 401(k) are not actually worth the same in a divorce settlement, and why remarriage can affect spousal support and estate planning decisions down the road.

Karen and Andrew close with a candid discussion about what comes after the financial settlement is finalized, and why gray divorce, despite its financial complexity, can also become a powerful catalyst for reinvention, purpose, and a stronger, more intentional third act of life.

Whether you're facing high conflict divorce, navigating gray divorce later in life, or are a man trying to understand your financial rights and responsibilities in divorce, this episode offers the financial clarity and strategic insight needed to protect your future and negotiate from a place of knowledge rather than fear.

Andrew Hatherly is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), mediator, and founder of Transcend Retirement and Wiser Divorce Solutions. He is the host of The Gray Divorce Podcast and author of The Gray Divorce Phenomenon, a free guide available at transcendretirement.net.

Connect with Andrew:

• Free Gift: The Gray Divorce Phenomenon, a free guide available at transcendretirement.net.

• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrewhatherley/

• Podcast: https://www.transcendretirement.net/podcast

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

• Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com
• Free Divorce Support Network Gift: https://divorcesupportnetwork.com/jbdpod

Most people assume divorce means courtrooms, legal battles, and losing control of the outcome, but Karen McMahon knows that's not always true. In this episode of the Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast, Karen sits down with Cary Jacobson, a collaborative divorce attorney, mediator, and child advocate, to break down every path to divorce outside of litigation and help listeners understand which one actually fits their situation.

Karen and Cary walk through the full spectrum of options, from do-it-yourself kitchen table agreements and settlement negotiation between attorneys, to mediation, to the collaborative divorce process, where both spouses commit to a team-based approach with collaboratively trained attorneys, financial neutrals, and mental health professionals working together toward resolution. They explain how each option works, who it's best suited for, and the real risks of going the DIY route without legal guidance, especially when children, retirement assets, or property division are involved.

The conversation dives deep into what makes collaborative divorce unique, including the participation agreement that requires full transparency and commits both parties to staying out of court, and why Karen believes collaborative divorce can be especially powerful in high-conflict situations, cases involving substance abuse, or divorces involving young children. Karen and Cary also unpack how mediation works, when a consulting attorney should be brought in alongside a mediator, and how power imbalances between spouses can shape which process will actually lead to a fair outcome.

Karen closes the conversation with a reminder central to everything Journey Beyond Divorce stands for: every person going through divorce is the CEO of their own case, with the right and responsibility to understand their options, ask questions, and choose the process, whether that's mediation, collaborative divorce, settlement negotiation, or litigation, that will protect their family's future.

Cary Jacobson is a collaborative divorce attorney, mediator, and child advocate, and the founder of Jacobson Family Law.

Connect with Cary:

• Email:[email protected]
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jacobsonfamilylaw,
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jacobsonfamilylaw/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/caryjacobson
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1vZ9kkhd4LPpB1yEqK7U9w
• Website: https://jacobsonfamilylaw.com/

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

• Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com
• Free Divorce Support Network Gift: https://divorcesupportnetwork.com/jbdpod

Parenting a neurodivergent or special needs child already takes constant coordination and advocacy. When divorce enters the picture, Karen McMahon believes those needs don't get simpler, they become the center of every decision.

In this episode, Karen sits down with Mary Ann Hughes, founder of Special Family Transitions and a certified special needs divorce coach, mediator, and co-parenting specialist. As the mother of sons on the autism spectrum, Mary Ann brings both lived experience and deep expertise to a conversation most divorce professionals aren't equipped to have.

Together they cover five critical considerations for parents of autistic or special needs children going through divorce: managing the emotional overwhelm, understanding the language around autism and neurodiversity, hiring an attorney who truly understands your child's needs, protecting government benefits through first-party and third-party special needs trusts, and navigating high-conflict negotiations without losing sight of what your child actually needs.

Mary Ann also shares how she helped her own kids process her divorce, and how that experience led her to co-author My Parents' Divorce Through My Eyes: Helping Children With Autism Understand Divorce.

If you're parenting a neurodivergent child through divorce, this episode offers the strategy, language, and reassurance to help you protect your child's future, and your own.

• Free Gift: Chapter on Special Needs Divorce in bestselling book, "The Other Side of Divorce" email [email protected] for your copy
• TedTalk: https://youtu.be/BW6RWN-k65s?si=d4GO7rLKzjZKB7GQ
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/specialfamilytransitions
• YouTube: https://youtube.com/@specialfamilytransitions
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@SpecialFamilyTransitions
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mary-ann-hughes-special-family-transitions/

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

• Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com
• Free Divorce Support Network Gift: https://divorcesupportnetwork.com/jbdpod
• Previous Special Needs episode - from the attorney's perspective: Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast: Divorce Roadmap: Children and Divorce: When Special Needs Kids Are Involved on Apple Podcasts

Karen McMahon sits down with Brent Perkins, founder of 3x Bold and director of leadership at Front Row Dads, to unpack a pattern she sees constantly in her work with high-achieving men going through divorce: they know how to control themselves, but they were never taught capacity, the ability to stay present in emotional, messy, or uncertain moments without fixing or shutting down.

Brent built seven and eight-figure companies, led global teams, and did everything right on paper, until his marriage ended and forced him to confront the patterns his success had never solved. In this conversation, he and Karen explore why divorce becomes a mirror that reveals exactly where a man was performing instead of feeling, controlling instead of trusting, and fixing instead of listening.

Together they break down what capacity actually means, energy, attention, and presence, and why building it changes everything from a marriage to a business to a relationship with a teenager. Brent shares the men's work he's done through Front Row Dads, why giving advice almost always makes things worse, and how learning to sit in silence with his own daughter transformed their relationship. He also introduces two practical tools listeners can use immediately: the 60-second timeout and the shift from expectations to agreements, both simple, both surprisingly powerful.

This episode is for any man who has felt the ground shift beneath him during a divorce and sensed there was a deeper pattern at play, and for any woman who wants to understand what that experience looks like from the inside.

Karen McMahon is the founder of Journey Beyond Divorce and a high conflict divorce strategist who has spent years helping men move through high-conflict divorce with clarity, steadiness, and strength.

• Free Gift: Capacity Strategy Session: You couldn't see the pattern that's stealing your capacity while you're still in it. Nobody can. This 20-minute complimentary session shows you what's actually happening, so you have the power to write your next chapter differently. https://www.3xbold.com/strategy
• Website: www.3xBold.com
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brentrperkins/

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

• Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com
• Free Divorce Support Network Gift: https://divorcesupportnetwork.com/jbdpod
• Curated Podcast Playlists: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/

Co-parenting is often held up as the gold standard after divorce. But that advice assumes two emotionally healthy, cooperative parents. In high-conflict divorce, and especially in situations involving coercive control, manipulation, or post-separation abuse, that assumption can do more harm than good.

In this episode, Karen McMahon is joined by AJ Gajjar, Parenting & Trauma Consultant, child development specialist, and creator of Trauma Healing Parenting, for an important conversation about what children truly need when co-parenting isn't possible.

Together, they explore why many parents feel pressured to make co-parenting work, even when ongoing conflict continues to impact both them and their children. They discuss how chronic stress affects a child's developing nervous system, why emotional safety matters more than forced cooperation, and how parents can shift from reacting to conflict toward creating stability and security.

Listeners will learn:

• Why co-parenting isn't always the healthiest option in high-conflict divorce.
• How to recognize signs that a child is being affected by ongoing relational stress.
• The difference between co-parenting and parallel parenting—and when each is appropriate.
• How Trauma Healing Parenting helps parents become the steady, emotionally safe presence their children need.
• Practical strategies for reducing conflict, strengthening boundaries, and parenting with greater confidence.

Whether you're navigating high-conflict divorce, post-separation abuse, or simply questioning whether your current parenting approach is serving your children, this episode offers a compassionate, trauma-informed perspective that replaces guilt with clarity and empowers parents to make decisions rooted in safety rather than obligation.

AJ Gajjar is a Parenting & Trauma Consultant, child development specialist, children's advocate, and creator of Trauma Healing Parenting. With more than 18 years of experience in early childhood development and children's mental health, she helps parents navigating high-conflict divorce and post-separation abuse create emotionally safe, healing environments where children can thrive.

• Free Gift: "Is It Healthy Co-Parenting?" Quiz: https://www.thetraumahealingparent.com/freegift
• Explore AJ's Trauma Healing Parenting resources and programs: https://www.thetraumahealingparent.com/kmcmahon
• Website: www.thetraumahealingparent.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aj.thetraumahealingparent
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aj-gajjar-50b3b3221/

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

• The Steady Circle for Women Navigating High Conflict Divorce: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/hcdsg
• Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com
• Free Divorce Support Network Gift: https://divorcesupportnetwork.com/jbdpod

If your mind won't stop spinning during your divorce, replaying the same conversation, jumping from one fear to the next, waking up at 3am convinced something urgently needs to be handled right now, you're not broken and you're not crazy. You're overwhelmed, and that overwhelm can spiral into decisions you'll regret. Karen from Journey Beyond Divorce breaks down what's actually happening in your nervous system when the spiral takes over, why you can't think your way out of it, and the one simple, science-backed shift that can steady you in real time before you send the email, make the call, or say the thing you can't take back.

Karen explains why spiraling isn't just anxiety, it's your mind trying to solve ten problems at once, none of which are solvable in that moment. She walks through what happens when your nervous system goes into protective mode and you move from your prefrontal cortex, where clear thinking happens, into fight-or-flight, and why that's the reason spiraling in high-conflict divorce so often hands your ex exactly the ammunition they're looking for. She shares the pause-and-regulate technique she used through her own divorce, along with why fewer inputs and one grounded decision at a time will get you further than every blog, podcast, and Facebook group combined.

This episode is for anyone who feels like they're carrying too much at once and needs a clear, practical way back to steady ground. Karen McMahon is the founder of Journey Beyond Divorce and a divorce coach who has spent years helping people move through high-conflict divorce with clarity, steadiness, and strength.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

• Join The Steady Circle: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/hcdsg
• Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com
• Free Divorce Support Network Gift: https://divorcesupportnetwork.com/jbdpod

You've been the good guy. The reasonable husband. The dad who kept the peace. And somewhere along the way... you lost yourself.

If that sentence just hit you somewhere quiet, this episode is for you.

Karen McMahon sits down with Ralph Brewer, founder of Help For Men and creator of Dad Starting Over, for one of the most honest conversations about men, marriage, and divorce that you will ever hear. Ralph has worked with thousands of men navigating struggling marriages, dead bedrooms, and the identity crisis that comes with divorce, and he is bringing all of it to this conversation.

This episode is about what Ralph calls the nice guy trap. The slow, invisible process by which good men lose their power, in marriage, in divorce, and in themselves. If you have been the guy who said yes when you meant no, who kept the peace at the cost of your own needs, who did everything right and still watched your marriage fall apart, Ralph is going to name exactly what happened to you. And more importantly, he is going to show you the way out.

You will learn why being a nice guy is not kindness, it is codependency wearing a good husband costume. Why the women in your life have been telling you what the problem is for years and you have not been hearing it. Why swinging to the opposite extreme after divorce creates a different kind of chaos. And why the moment your marriage ended, as devastating as it is, might actually be the most important invitation of your life.

Ralph and Karen also get into the uncomfortable truth about what staying in an unhealthy marriage is actually teaching your children. The real reason divorced men struggle to build community the way women do. Why men jump into new relationships too fast and what it costs them. And what genuine transformation actually looks like for men who do the work.

If you are a man going through divorce, coming out of a high-conflict marriage, stuck in a dead bedroom, or simply asking yourself why the same thing keeps happening to you in relationship after relationship, this conversation was made for you.

You are not broken. You are not the bad guy. You are a man who was never given the right tools. That changes here.

Free gift for listeners: Ralph's free Dead Bedroom Fix course is available at deadbedroomfixcourse.com

Connect with Ralph:

• Podcast: https://dadstartingover.transistor.fm/
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@realhelpformen
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/realhelpformen/, https://facebook.com/dadstartingover
• Instagram: https://instagram.com/dadstartingover, https://instagram.com/realhelpformen
• TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@dadstartingover

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

• Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com
• Free Divorce Support Network Gift: https://divorcesupportnetwork.com/jbdpod

When a marriage ends, most people think the hard part is letting go of the other person. But for so many, the real work is learning how to let go of who they became inside that relationship.

In this powerful episode, Karen McMahon sits down with Dr. Kristin Davin, licensed psychologist and founder of Reflections From Across the Couch, for one of the most honest and illuminating conversations the Journey Beyond Divorce podcast has ever had about codependency. Not as a label, but as a survival strategy that once kept you safe and is now quietly keeping you stuck.

If you were the fixer, the peacekeeper, the emotional glue, the responsible one, or the one who carried the relationship, this conversation was made for you.

Karen and Kristin trace codependency back to where it actually begins. Not in your marriage, but in the first chapter of your life. In the family where you learned to read the room, make yourself small, and earn your safety by taking care of everyone else. They explore why those patterns feel impossible to break, why the fear of abandonment drives so much of what we do in relationships, and why the person so afraid of being abandoned is often the very person abandoning themselves most deeply.

They also get into the truth about boundaries that nobody says out loud. That setting them is simple in theory and terrifying in practice. That the pushback you get when you finally start enforcing them is not a sign that you are doing it wrong. And that the resentment so many people feel toward their ex is often misplaced anger at themselves for saying yes when every part of them wanted to say no.

If you have ever wondered why the same thing keeps happening to you, why you keep attracting the same kind of person, or why letting go feels so much harder than it should, Kristin offers something rare in this space. Not just insight, but a genuinely compassionate and practical path forward.

You don't need to become someone new. You just need to come home to who you were before you learned to disappear.

Connect with Dr. Kristin:

• Email: [email protected]
• Special gift for JBD listeners: Use code JOURNEY25 for 25% off Dr. Kristin Davin's interactive workbooks on codependency and boundaries at reflectionsfromacrossthecouch.store
• Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/drkdavin/?next=%2F
• https://www.pinterest.com/drkdavin/

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

• Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com
• Free Divorce Support Network Gift: https://divorcesupportnetwork.com/jbdpod