Love Life And Lose Weight

A common recurring theme I see with my clients is a struggle to break free from diet mentality. Restrictive diet mentality is the belief that there are "right" and "wrong" foods you 'should' eat in order to lose weight or maintain your weight. 

When use restrictive diet mentality to lose/maintain weight, what happens is you prioritize choosing those virtuous foods above your own internal tastes and preferences. When we ask ourselves to consistently eat virtuous foods over what we prefer to eat, we experience scarcity thinking. There is manager you telling you all of the things you should be eating and then there is the part of you wants what she wants. This pits inner and outer selves against each other; and what we see is the dynamic of 'being good' for a while, which is always followed by 'being bad, overeating, feeling out of control, and self judging. We can participate in restrictive deit mentality for decades, even though we all know this approach is flawed, as evidenced by people we know who eat "unvirtuous" foods yet maintain a healthy weight.

How do I know when my clients are grappling with diet mentality? One sign is that they make a food plan, but then don't end up following it consistently. Another sign is a resistance/fear of putting the bad/unvirtuous foods on their plan; even though they might be eating those foods daily without permission. A third sign is using shaming/judging self talk to increase compliance with virtuous choices. This disconnect between planned and actual eating is a key indicator you might be  stuck in restrictive diet mentality.

Your coach homework for this week is to take a look at your food planning from the previous seven days and identify any foods they overate. Plan for those foods intentionally this week, by practicing enjoying them with permission and following your hunger and fullness cues. The goal is to create emotional satisfaction in the experience of eating those foods with permission and safety; which tells the brain the way to lose weight sustainably, for life, is to tune into your own choices internal cues for answering the questions of what, when, and how much to eat.

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Audio engineering by Young Cub Audio.

Success in changing habits around food relies on having tools ready to respond when you have an urge to eat outside of being hungry or already having eaten enough food. In today's episode, I give you fifteen good responses to practice and have at the ready when you find yourself having an urge to overeat. 

Using these will help you redirect how you think in those moments to help you respond differently AND help it feel easier to choose to not overeat. 

Here is the list of fifteen good responses for when you have an urge to overeat. 

1. This will taste even better when I'm hungry again.
2. It tastes so good AND overeating won't allow me to enjoy this any more than I already have. 
3. If I stop at enough, I'll be able to have it again the next time I'm hungry, which will be sooner than if I overeat now...PLUS I'll be proud of myself. 
4. I’ve already decided on this issue. 
5. If I say yes to eating more right now what am I saying no to? 
6. This is my chance to practice a new habit. 
7. I want it, but I also want to (lose weight this week). 
8. I will meet the discomfort of stopping now, or I will meet the discomfort of my overeat when I fill out a discovery sheet tomorrow. Either way, it’s uncomfortable. 
9. Of course, it tastes good. If I put it away now I get to enjoy it again tomorrow.
10. Yes, it tastes good, but so does going to bed knowing I've had my own back today. 
11. Food can’t make me feel better, only my thoughts can do that. 
12. What do I really need right now to feel better? Am I tired, stressed, overworked, or need to give myself a break? 
13. Can I acknowledge my needs beyond what food can give me right now? 
14. The price of learning how to change habits is my willingness to be uncomfortable for a while. 
15. I won’t always feel this way about stopping the more I practice this skill. 

Your Coach homework this week is to PRACTICE and REHEARSE thinking these so they are fresh in your mind when the urge to overeat happens. Then, practice using them, and see how your typical responses to urges to overeat might change. 

For a downloadable PDF copy of these responses, comment 'LIST' this episode 60 instagram post and I'll DM you the link. 

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Audio engineering by Young Cub Audio.

In this episode I introduce a strategy that you can use to help you be more intentional AND feel better during times whenvoyu notice you tend to overeat. 

Emotional time blocking is deciding how you WANT to feel ahead of time instead of reacting to or resisting to how you feel when you are in automatic mode. 

Time blocking your day can encompass more than just identifying when you focus on what tasks you want to accomplish that day. Time blocking can also take into comsideration how you want to feel intentionally during each segment or section of your day. When you both plan for how you spend your time AND how you want to feel during that time, you are practicing emotional time blocking. 

Emotional time blocking can be used to be more intentional any time you notice you tend to overeat. Successful emotional time blocking will depend on your ability to identify the core need underlying the problematic desire or want, and I give you examples of how to do that inside the episode. 

Your coach homework this week is to try emotional time blocking, not just for overeating patterns, but also as a way to level up your overall experience in any challenging times where you'd like to feel better and get different results. Doing so will allow you to feel more in control and with a plan for how you want to show up and feel in the process rather than feeling like you are always reacting to emotions you typically eat over like feeling tired, overwhelmed, or stressed. 

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Want to work with me? CLICK HERE to find out how.

Audio engineering by Young Cub Audio.

Today I answer three questions from the VIPs on my email list: 

1. Allison has recently lost 40 lbs over 15 months with the help of Wegovy.  Her question is what happens when the meds go away? How does a person deal with the brain chatter they've had for 30 plus years when the meds are gone? 

2. Kay Ann is very judgmental of her body shape. She needs to loose 30lbs, does strength training, and core. She says she has nice arms, not bad shaped legs, but her middle torments her. 

 3. Julie has lost 123 pounds and is thrilled to now be at 135 pounds. She has been taking Ozempic and is now stretching out the number of days between shots and prioritizing movement and weight-bearing exercise.  She is asking for any advice that I think would be beneficial for her at this part in her journey.

Thank you everyone for submitting your questions I hope my feedback was helpful. To get your question answered; join the VIP email list by visiting https://hbeardsley.com/subscibe. 

Support the show

Visit me @thriveinmidlife on Instagram and comment SUBSCRIBE to get your FREE gift and join the VIP list. Or, let me know your ah-ha's, takeaways, homework, and/or questions from this episode, and let’s keep the conversation going.

Want to work with me? CLICK HERE to find out how.

Audio engineering by Young Cub Audio.

Anti-fragility means that a system becomes stronger when faced with disruptions, variations, or outlier events. 

Variability in a system like weight loss are often things like holidays or vacations, which are are often viewed 'hard' for weight loss and as such we tend to respond by resisting these stressors which makes everything harder, or more 'fragile.' 

Making your weight loss or weight maintenance system 'anti-fragile' means embracing the variability of life that put stressors of your system in order to learn how to make the entire system stronger. This way we can view stressors event as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than viewing them as failures. 

Overcontrolling the weight loss system sytem can make it more fragile; for example virtuous eating, all-or-nothing thinking, indulging in 'I'm off track' thinking, and obsessing over 'streaks', can introduce fragility into your weight loss system. Instead, focus on understanding the underlying reasons for your actions and results and use those as a way to build a more robust and anti-frgaile weight loss system. 

Weight loss does not occur in a vacuum, and fragility in weight loss may be indicative of fragility in other areas of life, such as finances, relationships, or past trauma. Addressing these broader issues can help build the tensile strength into your habits around food needed for sustainable weight loss. 

Coach Homework:  
1. Identify what are the fragile components of your weight loss approach. List as many as you can think of. 
 2. Explore ways to think and approach these variations and how you can make your weight loss system anti-fragile or stronger as a result of when these things happen.

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Visit me @thriveinmidlife on Instagram and comment SUBSCRIBE to get your FREE gift and join the VIP list. Or, let me know your ah-ha's, takeaways, homework, and/or questions from this episode, and let’s keep the conversation going.

Want to work with me? CLICK HERE to find out how.

Audio engineering by Young Cub Audio.

Human beings have the unique ability to think, feel, take action, and listen intentionally by using the prefrontal cortex part of our brain rather than do all of those things automatically or reactively. 

Being curious and aware of 'how' you listen to and then interpret what you hear can completely change how you see yourself and how you view and understand others. 

Without intentional listening, our past experiences and expectations will always be filtering and shaping the way we interpret what we hear in our self talk and what we hear from others. This can be a significant obstacle in weight loss, as our automatic, habitual thoughts and beliefs about food and our behaviors can prevent us from making meaningful changes. [00:15:17]

By actively listening and questioning our beliefs, we can gain a deeper understanding of the underlying issues driving our behaviors, such as overeating. [00:19:51]

Intentional listening means developing the habit of not believing everything our brain tells us. Considering alternative perspectives, separating facts from our automatic interpretations and then choosing the meaning we want to give to our experiences is a powerful tool for breaking free from unhelpful patterns and creating lasting change. [00:19:59]

If we want to work on active listening, it's important to balance those efforts with regular periods of mental rest like meditation daily or even serveral times a day.  [00:30:51]

Intentional listening is a great way to reclaim your life, your beliefs, and your perspective of yourself and others as your own. To be truly free requires listening actively, using discernment, and then choosing what to think in response in a way that that serves you and the person you want to be. [00:34:12]

Coach Homework assignment: 

1. Has there ever been a time in your life when you thought what you heard was a wrong interpretation and that had big consequences? 

2. Has there ever been a time in your life when someone misunderstood what you were trying to say and that had consequences? [00:34:46]

Deeply listening to other people without your own agenda or old beliefs filtering what you hear can give you a deeper. truer understanding of yourself and why you do what you do. Once you are aware of your behaviors, you have a shot at being able to change them. Active or intentional  listening can give you that, and it's something you can work at every day in little ways with your self-talk and how you communicate with the important people in your life.  [00:36:18]

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Audio engineering by Young Cub Audio.

In this episode, I teach you some techniques for how to eat less and feel satisfied with less. For most of us, this means changing your habit of how you determine what is enough food that still allows you to lose weight without feeling restricted. 

Our old habits of determining what is enough food is usually using visual estimations of what is enough like preportioning or using a certain sized plate or bowl. Or, we are waiting to feel physical fullness (stretching in the stomach) as a cue for when to stop eating. These methods not a reliable or effective ways to determine how much food is enough to lose weight AND also represents enough to feel emotionally satisfied.  

Listen in and take notes on the full 6 step protocol for how to eat less and feel satisfied or visit me on the Instagram reel to grab the steps. The link is below. 

Homework: 

1. What exactly does it feel like when you’ve eaten to completely full, 10 out 10 parts full? 
2. What does it feel like when you are done eating a meal that will maintain your weight?
3. What does it feel like when you are done eating a meal that is physically enough food, but a number of bites less than you would typically eat to maintain? 
4. What does it feel like when you are done eating a meal that isn’t enough food physically? 
5. Why do you suppose you might have resistance to eating a little bit less? What is you worried about if you have in fact, eaten enough food physically to 7/10ths full?
6. For your answer to number five, what can you do to anticipate this need and meet it ahead of time knowing you will feel this way when you practice eating to 7/10th full?

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Visit me @thriveinmidlife on Instagram and comment SUBSCRIBE to get your FREE gift and join the VIP list. Or, let me know your ah-ha's, takeaways, homework, and/or questions from this episode, and let’s keep the conversation going.

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Audio engineering by Young Cub Audio.

Welcome to the first Bonus Q&A episode where I answer questions from listeners who are on my email list.

Today I answer three questions, tune in to listen to the coaching feedback I offer on these questions, and then see how you might be able to apply the concepts to what YOU are working on in your own life. 

#1 from Cindy :

I have Chronic Pain Syndrome and wake up several times a night. I have been eating up to 50% of my calories at night and while my stomach does growl sometimes, it has definitely become a horrible habit. I was planning all the snacks! Not good.
What can I do? How can I stop this. I have had a lot Of regain at this point and don’t want to regain all my weight.

#2 from Joyce:

Any tips on how to get back in the healthy habit routines?

#3 from Mary Ann:

A question or topic popping to my mind would be something along the lines of getting past the diet mentality of doing all the things NOW. Lately, I’ve been focusing on Basically stopping (at half my portion). I still struggle with hunger and enough. (Stopping at half) has helped a lot - especially if I’ve planned ice cream and really want it after dinner! So, curious what insights you might offer about letting go the speed trap diet mentality told us was possible and effective. (No shade to the people who have been able to do all the things, I’m just not one of them).

A big thank you to Cindy, Joyce, and Mary Ann for submitting questions. I have not yet gotten to them all, so stay tuned for the next Q&A episode in a few weeks. 

If this podcast was helpful, please take a moment now to open up your podcast player and rate the podcast! I strive to earn your 5 STAR review. 5 star reviews help the podcast get found by so many more people just like you. THANK YOU. 

To bed able to submit YOUR question join my email list by visiting www.hbearsley.com/subscribe.  

Support the show

Visit me @thriveinmidlife on Instagram and comment SUBSCRIBE to get your FREE gift and join the VIP list. Or, let me know your ah-ha's, takeaways, homework, and/or questions from this episode, and let’s keep the conversation going.

Want to work with me? CLICK HERE to find out how.

Audio engineering by Young Cub Audio.

Why is changing reactive and automatic eating habits important if you want to get to goal weight and keep it off? 

Reactive and automatic eating are two adpative habits that respresent habitual overeating. If we always look to food to resist, react to, or escape from how we feel OR we use eating as a form of escapism then you are chronically overeating; which is in the way of weight loss. 

I offer three approaches to work with decreasing reactive and automatic eating; working ahead of the build up of negative emotions, directly processing how you feel and cultivating a relationship with your emotional/thinking patterns, and practicing acceptance to what is and tell the truth about what is happening in your life. Finally, you can increase your awareness of how your thinking and feelings affect your nervous system and whether you are in a stressed state or not. 

Questions to ask regarding reactive and automatic eating: 

1. If you are not hungry for the food then what am I thinking eating is going to give me?  
2. My need in this situation is for _____________________________. 
3. How else could I meet this need more directly? List as many as possible.
4. What is this situation trying to tell me is needed and or needs to be accepted? 
5. How can I give time and space to process my day and the emotions I am feeling before I eat?

Homework: 

Challenge yourself to practice a different response (other than eating) when you want to reactive eat or automatic eat up to FIFTY times. At the end of fifty times responding differently, you will start to fundamentally change your habit of reactive and/or automatic eating. 

Support the show

Visit me @thriveinmidlife on Instagram and comment SUBSCRIBE to get your FREE gift and join the VIP list. Or, let me know your ah-ha's, takeaways, homework, and/or questions from this episode, and let’s keep the conversation going.

Want to work with me? CLICK HERE to find out how.

Audio engineering by Young Cub Audio.

In this episode, I go over the main tenets of weight loss without restriction, and I give you the exact data-driven steps I use with my clients for how to get the scale to start moving consistently (or remain consistent if you are in maintenance.) If you feel like you are tired of f*cking around with your weight loss goals, this is the episode for you.

Previous episodes mentioned:

Making Peace with Hunger

How To Break The Habit of Overeating 

Support the show

Visit me @thriveinmidlife on Instagram and comment SUBSCRIBE to get your FREE gift and join the VIP list. Or, let me know your ah-ha's, takeaways, homework, and/or questions from this episode, and let’s keep the conversation going.

Want to work with me? CLICK HERE to find out how.

Audio engineering by Young Cub Audio.