Love Over Addiction

One of the core beliefs we have at Love Over Addiction is that addiction is a third party in our relationships. We view addiction as a separate entity from our loved ones. This helps us with forgiveness and to process why we love someone who can be so cruel and self-destructive.

When they start being rude, nasty, or mean, that's the addiction trying to bait us. Addiction craves conflict and control. We don't need to stand there and take it - but we also don't need to take the bait.

Instead, we can remove ourselves from the situation.

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Having good, healthy boundaries in place versus poor, unrealistic boundaries can make all the difference in our personal, spiritual, and physical lives. Having boundaries is important (especially when loving someone suffering from addiction), but boundaries can be confusing. What is a good boundary, some of us might be wondering?

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The word surrender is used a lot in the world of addiction. One of the things that always bothered me was that I was constantly being told that I needed to "let go and surrender," but I never really understood how.

The word surrender to me means letting go of my emotional investment in a certain outcome. Surrender doesn't mean we stop loving or caring.

Another way of looking at how to "let go" is to think about the opposite of surrendering.

What's the opposite of surrendering? Controlling.

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Do you ever wonder: "Why do I keep going back to someone who hurts me so much?" There are many reasons we stay, but today, I'm going to be vulnerable and share with you why I deeply loved a man who clearly didn't love me or himself enough to get sober.

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Your loved one might seem put together on the outside. Most men and women who drink too much or suffer from substance abuse disorder hold good jobs and earn a good living. Most of the time, they can help take care of the kids and household duties.

And because they are so high-functioning, it can leave you feeling nervous about sharing with friends and family just how bad things have become.

In this episode, we explore three of the reasons why we don't talk about addiction and our loved one.

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It's almost time for Valentine's Day and Super Bowl Sunday (in America). One holiday can leave us feeling disappointed and unloved, wondering, "Why don't they love me enough?" We see the commercials for Valentine's Day with loving couples, chocolates, and flowers, but that's usually not our reality. We live in a different world. A world where love is unreliable. Where love hurts. And when they reach for the drinks, drugs, or whatever else is distracting them from getting healthy, we feel rejected over and over.

Because we all might be feeling emotionally exhausted, I've got a quick episode today with a few tips just for you.

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Let's be honest, not many people know what to do with our feelings of deep loneliness or constant anxiety when it comes to our relationships. And very well-intentioned people can give some really hurtful advice.

Find the full show notes and join in the conversation:

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Being codependent can go hand in hand with loving someone suffering from addiction. Like two magnets attracted to one another, we connect with our partner by a force that feels greater than ourselves. Love has something to do with it, but also, there might be some relationship dynamics at play.

Find the full show notes and join in the conversation:

https://michelleanderson.substack.com

And addiction happens to really good people. I truly, truly believe that. I always said my ex-husband is one of the most talented human beings I've ever met. He had it all. He was brilliant, kind, funny, charming and good looking. I mean, the guy had it all. And I hear a lot.

I meet a lot of people struggling with addiction, and they are some of the most talented human beings in the whole wide world. But I also believe that addiction can bring out the worst in the ones we love.

And I'm going to give you an example. When I talk with my ex-husband, I always try to be polite and respectful during our conversation.

Find the full episode and more free resources here: www.loveover.co/podcast/why-its-so-hard-to-love-someone-suffering-from-addiction

Join the Love Over Program here: https://www.loveover.co/love-over

When we love somone suffering from addiction, it can be hard to know if we should throw away their drugs, alcohol, or get rid of their pornography.

We hear this from people in our community all the time. They'll find stashes in the bathroom, bedroom, garage, car, or office.

What should you do when you find it?

We'll get into the details of how to handle each item, because their are legal differences between drugs vs. alcohol or porn.

Find all the details here: https://www.loveover.co/podcast/should-we-throw-away-their-substances