Loving BDSM

Kayla Lords hosts episode 33 and discusses a personal problem that probably affects other kinksters – she’s not able to do some of her favorite kinky things because she’s out of shape.

In this episode:

* Kayla’s new book, Kinky Love Notes, is now out and available for purchase!

* A few disclaimers about body weight, physical fitness, and being fat: Fat bodies are beautiful. You can be healthy and still be overweight. Few of us will ever have the perfect body we imagine, and that’s okay.

* Sometimes kinky fun can’t happen because of physical limitations. You either modify what you’re doing, suffer through the discomfort or pain, and stop doing it completely.

* Kayla and John Brownstone modify kneeling positions and sexual positions all the time. There’s nothing wrong with modifications.

* After a bit weight gain over the past few years, Kayla’s issues are less about her appearance and more about what she can’t do anymore: certain rope bondage, sexual positions, even getting rough is more difficult.

* Once the motivation changed from losing weight or looking good to being stronger and more fit for kinky fuckery, Kayla made changes: eating healthier, starting new exercise programs.

* Kayla believes she’s not the only one who wants to get into shape for kinky fuckery. Frankly, vanilla or kinky, lots of people want to lose weight for all kinds of reasons.

* She went looking for an online group that was kink-friendly and would help with motivation. Not finding one that was a good fit, she created her own on Google+.

* Fit for Kink: a place for motivation, advice, to share successes, and to ask questions. Kinky and kink-friendly fitness/weight loss professionals are encouraged to join.

* Ultimately, it would be nice to have a resource for people to reach out with specific questions about how to become fitter or more flexible in order to get into kinky positions or try new things.

* This group is not a place to pick up your next hook up. It’s safe place for the kinky or kink-friendly among us to find support and motivation.

Links from the show:

Kinky Love Notes: Bookshop ♥ Amazon ♥ Smashwords ♥ iBooks ♥ Barnes & Noble

Make Fat Cry Challenge

Discussing Kayla’s weight in What Negotiations Can Sound Like

Become a patron on Patreon

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Message or friend us on Fetlife

John Brownstone and Kayla Lords team up again in episode 32. This week’s episode takes on a question from a listener: what is the difference between a Daddy and a Sir?

In this episode:

* Kayla announces her next book release: Kinky Love Notes is now available for pre-order and releases on April 14!

* John Brownstone discusses the early beginnings of Dominance and submission: Victorian era, Old Guard, and Gorean.

* Old Guard is known for being hierarchical. Leather families may be what most people are familiar with. Old Guard stems from WWII era.

* Victorian is known for being formal and “proper.” High protocol events and dinners are based on this time frame.

* Gorean is based on The Gor series by John Normal, a science-fiction/fantasy series of novels published in the 1960s. Many Master/slave relationships are built around the Gorean principles.

* Some people may think Marquis de Sade and his writings were a precursor to D/s but de Sade is best known for sadism and masochism, which doesn’t have to be a part of D/s.

* The Daddy Dom is a gentler, more nurturing type of Dominant.

* The more “typical” Sir is often stricter than a Daddy.

* Both want their submissive to grow and achieve their goals and dreams. The methods these types of Dominants use may differ.

* It is possible to acknowledge a nurturing side of your Dominance without using the term “Daddy.”

* It is also possible to acknowledge a giggly, silly side of your submission without calling yourself “babygirl” or a “little.”

* Kayla recounts the first time she called John Brownstone “Daddy.”

* John Brownstone has a clear Daddy side and a clear Dominant side. Often, the two sides co-mingle.

* The decision of whether to be a Daddy or not is personal. There is no right answer.

* Ultimately, forget the labels and formulate the relationship that is right for you and your partner.

Links from the show:

Kinky Love Notes: Amazon ♥ Smashwords

The Gor series by John Norman

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Subscribe on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us Twitter

Message or friend us on Fetlife

Contact us!

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

Listen on YouTube

John Brownstone and Kayla Lords team up again in episode 32. This week’s episode takes on a question from a listener: what is the difference between a Daddy and a Sir?

In this episode:

* Kayla announces her next book release: Kinky Love Notes is now available for pre-order and releases on April 14!

* John Brownstone discusses the early beginnings of Dominance and submission: Victorian era, Old Guard, and Gorean.

* Old Guard is known for being hierarchical. Leather families may be what most people are familiar with. Old Guard stems from WWII era.

* Victorian is known for being formal and “proper.” High protocol events and dinners are based on this time frame.

* Gorean is based on The Gor series by John Normal, a science-fiction/fantasy series of novels published in the 1960s. Many Master/slave relationships are built around the Gorean principles.

* Some people may think Marquis de Sade and his writings were a precursor to D/s but de Sade is best known for sadism and masochism, which doesn’t have to be a part of D/s.

* The Daddy Dom is a gentler, more nurturing type of Dominant.

* The more “typical” Sir is often stricter than a Daddy.

* Both want their submissive to grow and achieve their goals and dreams. The methods these types of Dominants use may differ.

* It is possible to acknowledge a nurturing side of your Dominance without using the term “Daddy.”

* It is also possible to acknowledge a giggly, silly side of your submission without calling yourself “babygirl” or a “little.”

* Kayla recounts the first time she called John Brownstone “Daddy.”

* John Brownstone has a clear Daddy side and a clear Dominant side. Often, the two sides co-mingle.

* The decision of whether to be a Daddy or not is personal. There is no right answer.

* Ultimately, forget the labels and formulate the relationship that is right for you and your partner.

Links from the show:

Kinky Love Notes: Bookshop.org ♥ Amazon ♥ Smashwords

The Gor series by John Norman

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Subscribe on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us Twitter

Message or friend us on Fetlife

Contact us!

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

Listen on YouTube

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone are back again for another long, winding conversation. Episode 31 focuses on trust – building it and maintaining it – in a D/s relationship.

From the show:

* Trust issues will rear their ugly head at the strangest times.

* Consistency plays a large part in building trust between two people.

* Trust is important whether your D/s relationship is loving or just for play.

* Do what you say you’ll do.

* Developing a sense of trust in a long distance relationship takes constant communication and a willingness to be open about the details.

* Anyone who’s had at least one bad break-up has to overcome the memories that play in their head (John Brownstone calls these “bad tapes”) in order to commit, trust, and move on to something better.

* Once in a relationship, trust issues can still be a factor – blame the “bad tapes.” The fix is consistency, honesty, and integrity.

* When trust is broken, what you choose to do about it is unique to you: repair the relationship or move one – but it must be dealt with in some way or you’ll never move on.

Links from the show:

With Trust, Anything is Possible

Trust in Dominance and Submission

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Subscribe on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us Twitter

Message or friend us on Fetlife

Contact us!

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

Listen on YouTube

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone are back again for another long, winding conversation. Episode 31 focuses on trust – building it and maintaining it – in a D/s relationship.

From the show:

* Trust issues will rear their ugly head at the strangest times.

* Consistency plays a large part in building trust between two people.

* Trust is important whether your D/s relationship is loving or just for play.

* Do what you say you’ll do.

* Developing a sense of trust in a long distance relationship takes constant communication and a willingness to be open about the details.

* Anyone who’s had at least one bad break-up has to overcome the memories that play in their head (John Brownstone calls these “bad tapes”) in order to commit, trust, and move on to something better.

* Once in a relationship, trust issues can still be a factor – blame the “bad tapes.” The fix is consistency, honesty, and integrity.

* When trust is broken, what you choose to do about it is unique to you: repair the relationship or move one – but it must be dealt with in some way or you’ll never move on.

Links from the show:

With Trust, Anything is Possible

Trust in Dominance and Submission

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Subscribe on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us Twitter

Message or friend us on Fetlife

Contact us!

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

Listen on YouTube

John Brownstone joins Kayla Lords for episode 30 and this week’s topic is a big one: consent. Join them in a long and winding conversation about what consent means and look like in a D/s relationship.

In this episode:

* Special shout-out to Tumblr follower, Ruth Kay, for inspiring the episode.

* Kayla says one word that is a favorite of some listeners.

* John Brownstone discusses consent when a submissive is drunk.

* Consent is more than yes or no.

* Informed consent means understanding what is will happen, communicating what won’t happen, and understanding how toys or implements will feel before they are used.

* What does implied consent mean?

* In a 24/7 power exchange relationship, Dominants may have permission to take what they want, but it doesn’t mean they always should.

* Dominants have a responsibility to their submissives well-being and health – mental, emotional, and physical.

* Submissives have a responsibility to communicate how they feel, if they’re upset or sick, and anything else that may affect a Dominant’s decision.

* Consent requires a certain amount of trust.

* Communication and consent go hand-in-hand.

* Dominants are able to withdraw their consent by ending a scene or refusing to engage in certain activities.

* Basically, there’s much more to consent than yes or no.

Links from the show:

Shout out Ruth Kay on Tumblr for inspiring this week’s episode!

Do You Understand Informed Consent?

Silent Safewords (DomGuide.com)

Subscribe on YouTube

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact us!

Follow Kayla on Twitter

Stalk John Brownstone

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

Listen on YouTube

John Brownstone joins Kayla Lords for episode 30 and this week’s topic is a big one: consent. Join them in a long and winding conversation about what consent means and look like in a D/s relationship.

In this episode:

* Special shout-out to Tumblr follower, Ruth Kay, for inspiring the episode.

* Kayla says one word that is a favorite of some listeners.

* John Brownstone discusses consent when a submissive is drunk.

* Consent is more than yes or no.

* Informed consent means understanding what is will happen, communicating what won’t happen, and understanding how toys or implements will feel before they are used.

* What does implied consent mean?

* In a 24/7 power exchange relationship, Dominants may have permission to take what they want, but it doesn’t mean they always should.

* Dominants have a responsibility to their submissives well-being and health – mental, emotional, and physical.

* Submissives have a responsibility to communicate how they feel, if they’re upset or sick, and anything else that may affect a Dominant’s decision.

* Consent requires a certain amount of trust.

* Communication and consent go hand-in-hand.

* Dominants are able to withdraw their consent by ending a scene or refusing to engage in certain activities.

* Basically, there’s much more to consent than yes or no.

Links from the show:

Shout out Ruth Kay on Tumblr for inspiring this week’s episode!

Do You Understand Informed Consent?

Silent Safewords (DomGuide.com)

Subscribe on YouTube

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact us!

Follow Kayla on Twitter

Stalk John Brownstone

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

Listen on YouTube

This week, in episode 29, Kayla Lords hosts with a question: Why do subs have such a hard time accepting help from our Dominants? The question comes straight from a listener, and for once, Kayla doesn’t have a firm answer, but plenty of theories.

In this episode:

* A listener asks: why is so hard to accept help and care from our Dominants when that’s what we say we want?

* Kayla has experienced the same issue many times.

* The first time was in the kitchen.

* There are plenty of reasons it might happen.

* Do submissives feel like a burden?

* Is it because we don’t think we’re worthy of the help?

* Is it leftover from years of being taught to be independent and not rely on anyone?

* Are we dealing something else?

* To move past an unwillingness to accept help takes time and a willingness to let our Dominant lead.

* Kayla asks for feedback and opinions of listeners about why they think submissives do this.

Links from the show:

Follow Kayla on Twitter

Stalk John Brownstone

Subscribe on YouTube

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact us!

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

Listen on Youtube:

Full Transcript:

You’re listening to Loving BDSM podcast: episode 29. Hey, everybody. Kayla Lords here. Today’s topic comes straight from a listener and it’s a question that I think affects most submissives: why do we have such a hard time accepting help from our Dominants? Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you! If you’re back for another week, welcome back! Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure and education and show notes are found at kaylalords.com. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite RSS feed or iTunes. If you love what you hear, we’d love a good review on iTunes to help other kinksters find us! You can follow me on Twitter @KaylaLords or stalk John Brownstone at southernsirsplace.com. All links are in the show notes.

Just a reminder that I’m on Patreon, looking for kinky patrons to help me keep the podcast and my writing going. Anyone who can and wants to show their love can make a monthly pledge for as little as $1 a month. Go a little higher and you get perks – including monthly videos of me talking about kink, sex, writing, you name it. Your support will help me upgrade the equipment I use, have more time to create more episodes, and even make the podcast ad-free. You can stop at any time, and no worries, if you just can’t afford to do it or it’s not your thing, I still love you for listening to me each week.

Okay, on to the show.

This week, in episode 29, Kayla Lords hosts with a question: Why do subs have such a hard time accepting help from our Dominants? The question comes straight from a listener, and for once, Kayla doesn’t have a firm answer, but plenty of theories.

In this episode:

* A listener asks: why is so hard to accept help and care from our Dominants when that’s what we say we want?

* Kayla has experienced the same issue many times.

* The first time was in the kitchen.

* There are plenty of reasons it might happen.

* Do submissives feel like a burden?

* Is it because we don’t think we’re worthy of the help?

* Is it leftover from years of being taught to be independent and not rely on anyone?

* Are we dealing something else?

* To move past an unwillingness to accept help takes time and a willingness to let our Dominant lead.

* Kayla asks for feedback and opinions of listeners about why they think submissives do this.

Links from the show:

Follow Kayla on Twitter

Stalk John Brownstone

Subscribe on YouTube

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact us!

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

Listen on Youtube:

Full Transcript:

You’re listening to Loving BDSM podcast: episode 29. Hey, everybody. Kayla Lords here. Today’s topic comes straight from a listener and it’s a question that I think affects most submissives: why do we have such a hard time accepting help from our Dominants? Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you! If you’re back for another week, welcome back! Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure and education and show notes are found at kaylalords.com. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite RSS feed or iTunes. If you love what you hear, we’d love a good review on iTunes to help other kinksters find us! You can follow me on Twitter @KaylaLords or stalk John Brownstone at southernsirsplace.com. All links are in the show notes.

Just a reminder that I’m on Patreon, looking for kinky patrons to help me keep the podcast and my writing going. Anyone who can and wants to show their love can make a monthly pledge for as little as $1 a month. Go a little higher and you get perks – including monthly videos of me talking about kink, sex, writing, you name it. Your support will help me upgrade the equipment I use, have more time to create more episodes, and even make the podcast ad-free. You can stop at any time, and no worries, if you just can’t afford to do it or it’s not your thing, I still love you for listening to me each week.

Okay, on to the show.

Kayla Lords hosts episode 28 and discusses the big and small ways you can reconnect in your D/s relationship whether you’ve been apart for a while or your routine has been thrown off for any reason.

In this episode:

* Kayla is looking for kinky patrons!

* You may need to reconnect with your kinky partner for a variety of reasons: being apart, recovering from illness, working different shifts, or just falling into a routine and rut.

* There are small and big ways John Brownstone and Kayla Lords use to reconnect.

* Getting back to assigned tasks and expectations

* Get naked together – but not always in a sexual way

* Mutual orgasms

* A show of Dominance

* Deep communication

* Making time for kinky fuckery

* Finding what helps you reconnect and stay connected isn’t something you do once and forget about. It’s a daily thing and will help keep a D/s relationship centered when life gets stressful.

Links from the show:

Follow Kayla on Twitter

Stalk John Brownstone

Getting Into a Rut…and Getting Out of It

Keeping It Kinky While We’re Apart

Using Our D/s Relationship to Get Through Stress

Subscribe on YouTube

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact us!

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

Listen on YouTube

Full Transcript:

You’re listening to Loving BDSM podcast: episode 28. Hey, everybody. Kayla Lords here. Today let’s talk about small and big ways to reconnect in your D/s relationship. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you! If you’re back for another week, welcome back! Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure and education and show notes are found at kaylalords.com. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite RSS feed or iTunes. If you love what you hear, we’d love a good review on iTunes to help other kinksters find us! You can follow me on Twitter @KaylaLords or stalk John Brownstone at southernsirsplace.com. All links are in the show notes.

Don’t forget that I’m now on Patreon, looking for kinky patrons to help me keep the podcast and my writing going. Anyone who can and wants to show their love can make a monthly pledge for as little as $1 a month.