Loving BDSM

The second episode of Loving BDSM focuses on communicating with your Dominant partner. Another week with host Kayla Lords, but John Brownstone promises to make an appearance soon.

From this episode…

* John Brownstone isn’t a figment of Kayla’s imagination. He must be real, he even has a website (http://southernsirsplace.com).

* Submissives often ask “how to talk to my Dominant” which is confusing. Don’t you already know how to talk to them? How else did you become their submissive?

* Signs of a bad relationship versus signs your fears are getting in the way of communicating.

* Real steps Kayla uses to discuss important topics with John Brownstone – from adding kinky fuckery to their relationship to a full renegotiation. You can use them, too!

* Keep communicating! Even the small conversations are important.

Prefer YouTube? Listen here!

Full Transcript:

You’re listening to Loving BDSM podcast: episode 2. Today we’re discussing communication as a submissive and how to talk to your Dominant. Hey, everybody. Kayla Lords here. John Brownstone isn’t a figment of my imagination, and you will hear his voice – just not today. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, then thanks for coming. Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure and show notes are found at kaylalords.com. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite RSS feed or iTunes (as soon as we’re approved). You can also follow me on Twitter @KaylaLords. And John Browstone is real, too. Go visit him at southernsirsplace.com. All links are in the show notes. Now, let’s get into the show.

So I was writing an article for Submissive Guide with steps and hints to help submissives talk to their Dominants when they want to renegotiate some aspect of their relationship, and I was struck by how often we (submissives, I mean) think we can’t talk to our Dominant partner.

Too many submissives ask for advice on “how to talk to my Dominant” and none of it makes sense to me. If that person is your Dominant, I’m going to assume you had a conversation at some point, right? I’m hoping it was a healthy, lively, open debate between you at the time. Now that you’re their submissive, you still have the freedom to communicate with your Dominant when you need to.

Okay, there’s a caveat there. Every relationship is different, and you might have a protocol about when, where, and how communication can take place. The one thing that should never be limited, though, is the freedom to express your thoughts during that conversation.

So if you’re scared to talk to your Dominant, my first question is Why?

Do they make it difficult to speak to?

Does your Dominant refuse to hear you? Do they belittle you or say you’re not allowed to ask for changes? Basically, do they think you should shut up, sit down, and let them run the show?

Well then, we might have a problem. It’s one thing to set a protocol, say for a Master/slave relationship where you mutually agree that your Master will tell you when to speak, what to wear, when to go to the bathroom, and when to sleep, among other things. It’s completely different to be told that you’re not allowed to express your own desires and that you don’t get to ask for changes to your dynamic just because you’re submissive.

I’m calling bullshit on that one. That’s not a good situation to be in, and you may have much bigger problems than a fear of communicating with your Dominant.

So if those aren’t your reasons for being scared, what else could it be?

Are you afraid of rejection?

Are you afraid your Dominant won’t agree with what you ...

 
The second episode of Loving BDSM focuses on communicating with your Dominant partner. Another week with host Kayla Lords, but John Brownstone promises to make an appearance soon.
From this episode…

* John Brownstone isn’t a figment of Kayla’s imagination. He must be real, he even has a website (http://southernsirsplace.com).
* Submissives often ask “how to talk to my Dominant” which is confusing. Don’t you already know how to talk to them? How else did you become their submissive?
* Signs of a bad relationship versus signs your fears are getting in the way of communicating.
* Real steps Kayla uses to discuss important topics with John Brownstone – from adding kinky fuckery to their relationship to a full renegotiation. You can use them, too!
* Keep communicating! Even the small conversations are important.

 
 
Full Transcript:
You’re listening to Loving BDSM podcast: episode 2. Today we’re discussing communication as a submissive and how to talk to your Dominant. Hey, everybody. Kayla Lords here. John Brownstone isn’t a figment of my imagination, and you will hear his voice – just not today. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, then thanks for coming. Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure and show notes are found at kaylalords.com. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite RSS feed or iTunes (as soon as we’re approved). You can also follow me on Twitter @KaylaLords. And John Browstone is real, too. Go visit him at southernsirsplace.com. All links are in the show notes. Now, let’s get into the show.
So I was writing an article for Submissive Guide with steps and hints to help submissives talk to their Dominants when they want to renegotiate some aspect of their relationship, and I was struck by how often we (submissives, I mean) think we can’t talk to our Dominant partner.
Too many submissives ask for advice on “how to talk to my Dominant” and none of it makes sense to me. If that person is your Dominant, I’m going to assume you had a conversation at some point, right? I’m hoping it was a healthy, lively, open debate between you at the time. Now that you’re their submissive, you still have the freedom to communicate with your Dominant when you need to.
Okay, there’s a caveat there. Every relationship is different, and you might have a protocol about when, where, and how communication can take place. The one thing that should never be limited, though, is the freedom to express your thoughts during that conversation.
So if you’re scared to talk to your Dominant, my first question is Why?
Do they make it difficult to speak to?
Does your Dominant refuse to hear you? Do they belittle you or say you’re not allowed to ask for changes? Basically, do they think you should shut up, sit down, and let them run the show?
Well then, we might have a problem. It’s one thing to set a protocol, say for a Master/slave relationship where you mutually agree that your Master will tell you when to speak, what to wear, when to go to the bathroom, and when to sleep, among other things. It’s completely different to be told that you’re not allowed to express your own desires and that you don’t get to ask for changes to your dynamic just because you’re submissive.
I’m calling bullshit on that one. That’s not a good situation to be in, and you may have much bigger problems than a fear of communicating with your Dominant.
So if those aren’t your reasons for being scared, what else could it be?
Are you afraid of rejection?
Are you afraid your Dominant won’t agree with what you want?
Hell,

We called our podcast Loving BDSM because we’re a loving D/s couple who love the BDSM lifestyle, and we want other curious kinksters to love it, too! For the first episode, listeners get a much needed reminder that BDSM doesn’t require a lot of rules and anyone can participate.

From this episode:

* Why we’re podcasting

* We want your questions and topic suggestions: Contact me or contact John Brownstone

* Two rules in BDSM: Play safe and gain consent. Always.

* Dominants, submissives, tops, and bottoms – oh my!

* Anyone can be kinky – all genders, all sexual preferences, all races, all sizes. Everyone.

* Science says BDSM is good for us: BDSM Correlated With Better Mental Health

* If you want to be kinky, go for it!

I will point out (before someone else does) that I make an unspoken assumption in this episode that all kinksters practicing BDSM are of legal age. Consent cannot be gained from a minor. When I tell you to get consent, I mean legal consent. (Maybe I’ll make that a topic for another episode. Hmmm…thinking…)

Not too bad, right?

Prefer YouTube? Listen here:

Full Transcript:

Hi there!

Welcome to the very first episode of Loving BDSM, a podcast from Kayla Lords (that’s me!) and John Brownstone (eventually – when I can get him to sit down and record with me).

We’re still a little baby podcast so as we go along things might change and, I hope, get better and better. By the way, the show is called Loving BDSM because we’re a loving D/s couple in a long-term relationship who love BDSM.

Apparently, and I never know these things until someone sends me a link online or mentions it in a comment somewhere, there’s a myth out there that BDSM and love don’t mix. Oh, and that BDSM and sex don’t happen.

For some people that’s completely true. In my world – and that of many of my kinky friends, BDSM, love, and sex definitely mix.

As we publish more episodes over time, you’ll hear one or both of us talking about our own relationship and what we’re learning and experiencing in BDSM and as a D/s couple. (He’s the Dominant and I’m the submissive, in case you wondered.) We’ll also share tips, tricks, and things we’ve learned in the BDSM lifestyle. We figure that we’re not the only ones who could use the information and since there’s so much bad information out there, we’ll do our part in sharing the good stuff – and hopefully help out our fellow kinksters.

If you ever have a question or something you want us to discuss, you can always contact us through our websites – the links are in the episode notes or you can go to kaylalords.com or southernsirsplace.com. We have a place for you to contact us right from the front page. Yes, we love hearing from people and yes, we respond back. Unless you’re creepy – I’m looking at you random submissive guy who wanted me to be your mistress.

So who the hell am I and why am I talking about BDSM?

My name is Kayla Lords and I’m a submissive, a babygirl, and a masochist. He’s John Brownstone and he’s a primal sadist and a Daddy Dom. Yes, I call him Daddy. No, I don’t have Daddy issues.

I’ve been in the lifestyle since 2012 – not a long time but long enough to have learned a few things. I’m also a sex blogger and an erotic author and a contributor to Kinkly and Submissive Guide. Most of what I write about centers around BDSM in some form.

We called our podcast Loving BDSM because we’re a loving D/s couple who love the BDSM lifestyle, and we want other curious kinksters to love it, too! For the first episode, listeners get a much needed reminder that BDSM doesn’t require a lot of rules and anyone can participate.
From this episode:

* Why we’re podcasting
* We want your questions and topic suggestions: Contact me or contact John Brownstone
* Two rules in BDSM: Play safe and gain consent. Always.
* Dominants, submissives, tops, and bottoms – oh my!
* Anyone can be kinky – all genders, all sexual preferences, all races, all sizes. Everyone.
* Science says BDSM is good for us: BDSM Correlated With Better Mental Health
* If you want to be kinky, go for it!

I will point out (before someone else does) that I make an unspoken assumption in this episode that all kinksters practicing BDSM are of legal age. Consent cannot be gained from a minor. When I tell you to get consent, I mean legal consent. (Maybe I’ll make that a topic for another episode. Hmmm…thinking…)
Not too bad, right?
 
Full Transcript:
Hi there!
Welcome to the very first episode of Loving BDSM, a podcast from Kayla Lords (that’s me!) and John Brownstone (eventually – when I can get him to sit down and record with me).
We’re still a little baby podcast so as we go along things might change and, I hope, get better and better. By the way, the show is called Loving BDSM because we’re a loving D/s couple in a long-term relationship who love BDSM.
Apparently, and I never know these things until someone sends me a link online or mentions it in a comment somewhere, there’s a myth out there that BDSM and love don’t mix. Oh, and that BDSM and sex don’t happen.
For some people that’s completely true. In my world – and that of many of my kinky friends, BDSM, love, and sex definitely mix.
As we publish more episodes over time, you’ll hear one or both of us talking about our own relationship and what we’re learning and experiencing in BDSM and as a D/s couple. (He’s the Dominant and I’m the submissive, in case you wondered.) We’ll also share tips, tricks, and things we’ve learned in the BDSM lifestyle. We figure that we’re not the only ones who could use the information and since there’s so much bad information out there, we’ll do our part in sharing the good stuff – and hopefully help out our fellow kinksters.
If you ever have a question or something you want us to discuss, you can always contact us through our websites – the links are in the episode notes or you can go to kaylalords.com or southernsirsplace.com. We have a place for you to contact us right from the front page. Yes, we love hearing from people and yes, we respond back. Unless you’re creepy – I’m looking at you random submissive guy who wanted me to be your mistress.
So who the hell am I and why am I talking about BDSM?
My name is Kayla Lords and I’m a submissive, a babygirl, and a masochist. He’s John Brownstone and he’s a primal sadist and a Daddy Dom. Yes, I call him Daddy. No, I don’t have Daddy issues.
I’ve been in the lifestyle since 2012 – not a long time but long enough to have learned a few things. I’m also a sex blogger and an erotic author and a contributor to Kinkly and Submissive Guide. Most of what I write about centers around BDSM in some form. Of course that’s not all of who I am or what I do, but I guess you could call those my credentials.