Dr. Rob and Tami break down the details of honesty – when, why and how you must tell the truth to begin reestablishing trust with your betrayed partner. Recovering addicts often take breaks in their recovery meetings and goals only to discover that they have taken serious steps backward as a result. Prioritizing the 12 Step program is essential to recovery and is also a sign that the addict is prioritizing their partner as well. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[0:44] If sex addiction is so prevalent, why are there so many strip clubs? 

[03:51] Any tips for practicing rigorous honesty? 

[9:00] Slow down and just tell the truth. 

[11:00] Are betrayed spouses perturbed when partners start changing? 

[15:26] Honoring your boundaries when your partner is picking a fight. 

[19:08] Is it okay to focus on my own steps as well as my partner’s at the same time? 

[24:20] Part of recovery is developing interests that are not sex-related. 

[26:00] How can we rebuild trust when the initial disclosure was dishonest? 

[30:45] How can I stop obsessing over whether my partner is being honest? 

[35:08] My affair partner won’t leave me alone, what kind of individual help is available to me? 

[38:49] I’m the former affair partner, now he’s cheating on me. 

[42:43] I’m so hurt. Is righteous victimhood a justified option? 

[49:12] How can more privacy be a good option in recovery when there is no integrity? 

[54:16] Prioritizing the 12 steps is prioritizing your spouse. 

 

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: [email protected]

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

 

QUOTES

• “The problem isn’t in all the stuff that’s out there, the problem is within us.” 

• “Tell the truth and tell it faster.” 

• “We don’t tell the truth for other people. We tell it for ourselves.” 

• “You can’t fix your partner.  You can only work on you and how you show up.” 

• “Disclosure is a tool.  It’s not the end point.” 

• “You don’t want to do the things that have been done to you.  You need support and healing so you can be at peace with what’s happened.”